Rounding up the roundups:

5. WaPo's "Best and Worst Dishes of 2011." I totally agree with Yonan on El Centro D.F. Worst. Tacos. Ever.

4. Washingtonian's "Top 10 Dining-World Dramas of 2011," complete with a gracious nod to Y&H. Hey, thanks for the plug!

3. HuffPo's top 6 suburban Chinese spots (and two in D.C.) to spend Christmas if you're Jewish (or just hungry)

2. Burger Days' "2011 Burgers of the Year," complete with several glossy, virtually pornographic close-ups of all the juicy beefy glory.

1. Bitches Who Brunch's "2011 Brunches: The Best, The Worst." I simply can't say enough about the bitching.

Was Tamesha played by Angelo?

I'm sorry, but I had to take a break from Top Chef D.C. for awhile. I can only take so much "reality" TV beofre my head feels like it's shrinking to the size of a jelly bean, ready to be eaten by the first self-starving former runway model hosting one of these stupid programs.

But others have plenty to say and report on the subject of Top Chef D.C. Let's check the current record.

• If you haven't read it yet, Time magazine is starting to think the program is played out. Sample line: "The setting this season, Washington, D.C., has all the excitement of a school field trip."

• The Los Angeles Times thought the most recent episode finally captured the essence of D.C., thanks to its partisan backstabbing.
• Slashfood says "we felt the first true hurt of the season so far" when Tamesha was given the boot.
• Ugh. WaPo reports that next week's judges will include U.S. Sen. Mark Warner, whose qualifications include part ownership in The Majestic. His fellow judges will include "television commentators Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski, Center for American Progress president John Podesta." Mmmm, political wonks judging food. Hold. Me. Back.
• The Stir thinks Angelo, the "slimeball," had a hand in Tamesha's downfall.
• Eater wishes chefs' heads would start to explode like in Scanners. Hard to explain. Read it yourself.
• The Washingtonian's guest blogger Carol Blymire was "waiting for Reagan to rise from the dead and make them cook jellybeans sous vide"
  when the Cold War elimination challenge started.
• CNN's Marquee blog is ready to choke Kelly: "The Quickfire win went to Kelly, who seems to be the breakout star of the “Top Chef” ladies this season. Albeit annoying, Kelly seems to be the only female chef this season with the confidence and skill to pull off a good dish. Though, did I mention she is annoying? Come on Andrea, step it up."

Photo courtesy of Bravo

Meshelle Armstrong has been on the warpath about Todd Kliman's recent opinion column for The Daily Beast on the "locavore wine hypocrisy." It's a provocative piece, full of writerly angst about how, for many restaurants, the "buy local" philosophy stops at the local vineyard's front door.

Kliman singles out Restaurant Eve, where Armstrong and her husband/chef, Cathal Armstrong, are the co-owners. Writes Kliman, author of the recently released, The Wild Vine, which tells the story about a local varietal, the Norton grape:

Restaurant Eve in Alexandria, Virginia, is so devoted to the local movement that chef/owner Cathal Armstrong calls farmer David Lankford his "biggest inspiration" and likens him to "Santa Claus." Some 150 area purveyors have a relationship with the restaurant. You might expect that a menu long on the bounties of the Shenandoah Valley would feature prominently the wines of Virginia, too. Yet only two locally produced bottles make the cut.

In sending me the same (and then an updated) letter she has posted elsewhere, Meshelle Armstrong noted that she doesn't have a problem with the subject matter, or Kliman's writing, but with the simple fact that the author never contacted Restaurant Eve before writing the article.  Her full letter is below, but here are two highlights:

But know this about “Restaurant Eve’s idealism” — We don’t and won’t showcase items JUST because they are local. We showcase and promote products that are exceptional. Purchasing Local is our preference because it sustains our economy. Purchasing Local is superior because the product is FRESH — off the vine to the plate — not off the vine, to the bottle, then to the distributor, then to the glass.

For the sake of accuracy and for those who feel “left out of the feel good foodie fad” — between Restaurant Eve and The Majestic we carry eleven, gorgeous, Virginia Wines. The Cabernet and Merlot from Gadino Cellars happen to be personal favorites. Todd Thrasher our sommelier was born and bred in Virginia — which explains why the bounties of the Shenandoah Valley don’t stop at our food and wine choices — we also carry eleven Spirits (whisky, bourbon and vodka) harvested and distilled in Virginia.

Meshelle Armstrong goes on to hint that Restaurant Eve may even get into the local wine business itself. You can read the most recent version of letter after the jump.

Dear Todd Kliman,

Your recent article , The Locavore Wine Hypocrisy was sent to me with a wagging finger by a Virginia wine salesperson and distributor. As we were not contacted in reference to this article, we feel we should illustrate our position.

Coincidentally, last week Cathal and I were in Virginia Wine Country visiting our friend, Claude Thibaut, whose gorgeous Sparking Brut rivals any in the country. An interesting conversation about Virginia Wines developed while sipping bubbles from his upcoming release. The question: Who are Virginia’s leading vintners and where is the wine headed?

This called to mind one of Virginia's trailblazing wineries — Barboursville. I happen to keep a 1992 Monticillo, Malvasia. ‘Nothing fantastic,’ some could say, but to me — a young restaurant manager who ordered it for a wine dinner at Cities Restaurant — it was special because it was handcrafted and local. I kept it not because it would age or be worth more; I kept it as a result of pure admiration — a respect of what Virginia visionaries were creating and what those little gems would one day be — outstanding.

The term ‘Old World Wine’ is used for good reason: the time span of several millennia and the combination of climate, geology, patience and human skill — these are key, contributing factors. There’s Old World, There’s New World, and then there’s Virginia — unarguably "young," yet patriotically on the rise due to American ingenuity — that’s just what we Americans do: invent, produce, and reinvent better than any other country in the world. And one day many Virginia wines will prove it on the world stage.

But know this about “Restaurant Eve’s idealism” — we don’t and won’t showcase items JUST because they are local. We showcase and promote products that are exceptional. Purchasing Local is our preference because it sustains our economy. Purchasing Local is superior because the product is FRESH — off the vine to the plate — not off the vine, to the bottle, then to the distributor, then to the glass.

Generally, hand-crafted products from regions establishing themselves are more expensive — as the demand increases, so does the supply. It’s a matter of restaurant economics — an inventory that does not move quickly and ties up valuable space costs money. Issue two: If a guest does not like the wine who pays for it? If we leave to the guest to assume responsibility for the experiment, then larger costs incur. It is blogged about, or a letters are written to critics, or worse — we've lost valued guests (which also means losing future revenue). Fine dining Restaurant margins are slim. A huge snow storm, a few letters and being called a hypocrite greatly affect our livelihood.

For the sake of accuracy and for those who feel “left out of the feel good foodie fad” — between Restaurant Eve and The Majestic we carry eleven, gorgeous, Virginia Wines. The Cabernet and Merlot from Gadino Cellars happen to be personal favorites. Todd Thrasher our sommelier was born and bred in Virginia — which explains why the bounties of the Shenandoah Valley don’t stop at our food and wine choices — we also carry eleven Spirits (whisky, bourbon and vodka) harvested and distilled in Virginia.

Just as you have your personal favorites, those who create beverage and wine lists do too. Experienced oenophiles often pride themselves in deciphering the author’s assemblage. I know my husband and Todd Thrasher do. It’s a game we play — unravel the story. A pattern may appear (or not) but the author is surely influenced by a magical mixture of possibilities. Maybe he met his first love in a particular wine region. Maybe his 'ah-ha' moment took place in a bodega. Maybe the price point suits his owners budget, or maybe there’s a special relationship with the vintner. Sometimes, it’s as simple as that...and, if a wine is not on the list, quite possibly it could be — we just don’t like it.

How about we all share in the promotion. Writers continue to sing Virginia wine praises, restaurants continue to serve what they think is best and the public... ‘Go visit the wineries.’

The drive is beautiful and so close. The way to DIRECTLY support them — is for you to support them by purchasing from them too.

And who knows, Restaurant Eve and company just may be toying with the idea of purchasing a local, vineyard plot. The real question (and had you called us to research your article, you would have known this) is: “If we were to produce our own wine, would we add it to our list even if we believed it wasn’t good enough?" — Chances are “no” but then again (“idealistic mission statement," notwithstanding) — it’s our restaurant, and we have to live up to our own standards too.

Photo by taberandrew via Flickr Creative Commons, Attribution License

The mood over this season's Top Chef is turning dark. The critics are claiming the cheftestants (still can't stomach that word) are inferior to previous seasons. Hell, they can't even make a pie.

The media have their say:

• Joe Yonan and Bonnie Benwick over at WaPo, ahem, knead-le the chefs over their pies: "If you don't know how to make a basic pie crust, I think it's pretty sad," Yonan says. "They weren't even pies, most of them."
• Carol Blymire at the Washingtonian thought the producers teased us about the judges' favorite pies: "[T]hey love Kelly’s tart/pie and Stephen’s curried-apple pie. Johnny gets to reveal the winner, and I’m thinking either Kelly or Stephen, but instead he says, 'Kenny!' What? How can you win when you’re not featured in the Pies We Loved montage" (Also: Blymire gets the Y&H Bronze Medal for bravery for sneaking "dickwad" into the Washingtonian.)

• Eater national mocks Jean Georges pastry chef Johnny Iuzzini for channeling The Fonz: "Enough, Johnny. We get it. Even though you are a dessert chef and have a slight lisp, you call yourself "Johnny" and dress like a greaser. You're tough! No one is arguing! You probably gave yourself a tattoo in prison with a Bic and a lighter that says "Petit Four" across your knuckles! (One of his hands has six fingers.) Let's all just relax. I promise I won't try and steal your wallet."
• Serious Eats got fed up with all the complainin' about the pie challenge: "This week's quickfire didn't go so well for the chefs. You'd think Padma asked them to disarm a bomb with all the bitching and moaning they were doing: "Wahhh, I've never made a pie before! Wahhh, I don't cook desserts!" Suck it up, guys. The show is called Top Chef, not Top Incompetent Whiny Bitch."
• Gawker minces no words: "I suppose baking a pie is difficult for a chef. Pastry arts and culinary arts taught as two separate degrees at most culinary colleges, but man, these chefs suck balls!"
• Entertainment Weekly mocks a few of the contestants' approach to pie: "It took me seven hours to cook my first from-scratch blueberry pie last Thanksgiving (go ahead, ridicule), but in TC land, they had just two. And in those two hours, Ed ripped on Alex’s talent (Oh Ed, you know what that means for you, right?), Tracey dubbed her pie “top secret” because she actually didn’t know what she was making, and Angelo, out of convenience for his pie-less résumé, tricked his mind into thinking this was a curry challenge. That makes sense."
• DCist could see trouble coming from a mile away:  "It was pretty easy to spot some of the cheftestants who would not be in contention for immunity early on in the Quickfire. First, Alex was working on some sort of almond crust that looked like it had the consistency of Play-Doh that had its cap left off overnight. Also, he threw some sort of filling together with eggs and tapioca and goat cheese — I'm sorry, were you supposed to be making pies for Johnny Iuzzini to taste or pies that would ruin the afternoon of nursing home residents? Tapioca pie? With goat cheese? Pass."

If there was any theme to Wednesday night's episode of Top Chef D.C., it had to be this: Assistant White House chef Sam Kass is a total, to-die-for hunk, more than deserving of his spot on People magazine's list of the 100 most beautiful people.

Serious Eats found Kass good enough to eat: "This week on Top Chef DC, a bunch of people whose names I still don't know cooked a bunch of delicious looking food for a delicious looking man named Sam Kass (who just happens to be the assistant chef at the White House)."

Side Dish, the "daily destination for Dallas foodies," writes, "Before we get into the Quick Fire Challenge, let’s talk about our guest judge, Sam Kass, and why my new life goal is to date/marry him. First of all, he cooks for the president. No big deal. Secondly, he’s hot."

Eater thinks Kass is hot enough to make a straight man reconsider: "Our chefs file in for the Quickfire and see this week's guest judge, Assistant White House Chef Sam Kass. Woah! Was Michelle in charge of this hire? I am a straight man, I am just saying I don't think there is a place on that guy where you couldn't crack a walnut, am I right? (No locavoro.)"

We Love DC was "busy staring at [Kass] wondering if it would be possible to get trapped in an elevator with both him and Tom."

Entertainment Weekly is ready to make Kass a regular: "Side note: Does anyone else think Kass would make a rather handsome and astute regular judge? There’s something about his shaved head and him telling Kenny that a tomato is actually a fruit… it was working for me."

OpenTable's Dining Check can see the cracks in the handsome veneer: "Tonight’s guest judge is Sam Kass, who is the assistant White House chef. He’s nice to look at, but he’s not all that nice to the contestants, as you’ll see."

BrightestYoungThings tones down the Kass commentary just a touch: "Also, Eric Rippert is too French to deal with American cafeterias so he is nowhere to be found and we're stuck looking at Sam Kass' pursed lips and shiny shaven head and classic cheekbones that make him resemble a younger, handsomer Yul Brinner for the rest of the episode."

God bless Carol Blymire over at the Washingtonian for going against the grain on Kass: "As the judges saunter in, it hits me: no Eric Ripert in this episode? We’re stuck with Sam Kass the whole time? Boooooooo, Bravo. Booooooooooo *pause to take a breath* ooooooooooooooooooo."

File this under: There's no accounting for taste.

Some view the "pickleback," a shot of Jameson chased by a shot of pickle juice, as the end of Western civilization. Or at least the end of their pickle juice supply at the bar.

Respected 8407 chef/owner Pedro Matamoros views the one-two punch to the gut as a cleansing accompaniment to a basket of tots. So he told the Washingtonian, which wanted to know where toques with refined palates go for cheap eats.

Said Matamoros to the Washingtonian:

“I go to the Quarry House Tavern and get tater tots and a drink called a Pickleback—cheap Jameson Irish whiskey and pickle juice. I love it—the pickle juice cleans your palate. And the tater tots, there’s just something comforting about them.”

Photo courtesy of A Continuous Lean via Flickr Creative Commons, Attribution License

Last week was not one that Y&H will reflect upon fondly. No, it has nothing to do with the lackluster debut of Top Chef D.C. It had everything to do with item No. 2 below. The subject of item No. 2 was always No. 1 on our list.

Here were your favorite five reads from last week:

1. The 'Top Chef' D.C. Premiere: As Fascinating As Peeling Potatoes (*)
2. RIP: Coltrane "Meatsack" Carman, the Best Eater I Ever Knew
3. Yvette Alexander Takes Exception to the Washingtonian's Review of Ray's the Steaks at East River
4. D.C. Finally Getting a German Beer Garden? The Lagerheads Share Their Outdoor Picks in the Meantime.
5. Fire Station 1 Restaurant and Brewing Co. Could Open on Friday

* A certain light-drinking Budweiser beer was, once again, a popular item among readers, but we’ve stopped counting it.

You've already seen my thoughts on the debut episode of Top Chef D.C. Let's find out what others had to say about Tom and Padma's trip to the District.

• Joe Yonan at WaPo notes that the reality TV program has an unusual sense of "reality."
• TV Guide loved the debut and called the D.C. episode "capital entertainment." Of course it did.
• Time's James Poniewozik submits that "there is no such thing as 'deconstructed borscht': that, my friend, is just a freaking beet."

• Washingtonian guest blogger (and Y&H's dear friend) Carol Blymire likes Toby Young's replacement at the judges' table: "He’s not some food critic searching for soundbites. He’s Eric Freakin’ Ripert."
• Slashfood piles up the cliches in describing D.C. A "three-martini lobbyist lunch?" What is this, the Kennedy Administration? And I keep looking for those Ripert restaurants aside from the Westend Bistro.
• Gawker points out that the "first episode of Top Chef is always difficult to relate to emotionally."  Joshua David Stein serves up the absolute best line on the debut when he writes, "In the Quickfire, Tom Colicchio showed a complete mastery of the way things work in our nation's capital by offering the contestants 20K in cash on a silver platter, a trick he learned from Jack Abramoff."
• Eater has hired comedian Max Silvestri who mocks D.C.'s ideas of cool: "There was a New York Times Magazine article recently about the Obama White House's young staffers and how they were playing by their own rules and making D.C. cool again. No longer Hollywood for Ugly People! But then the article went on to describe what their "cool" was and frankly it sounded pretty embarrassing. Lots of beer pong and sweatpants and awkward white people trying to dance to Jay-Z."
• WaPo's Lisa de Moraes writes that "America didn't have much of an appetite for the debut," noting that the program pulled in only 1.8 million viewers, the smallest opening audience since the first edition.

Photo courtesy of Top Chef

In 2008, a year in which she was fighting for her Ward 7 seat, D.C. Council member Yvette Alexander took a heaping amount of credit for bringing Ray's the Steaks at East River to her district, even though it's not exactly clear what she did directly to help a restaurateur who may be losing money on the project. Alexander naturally turned up at the ribbon cutting ceremony in April, too. And now that the soul-food steakhouse is open, I've even heard stories of the council member showing up and demanding alterations to the interior.

To say that Yvette Alexander is invested in Ray's the Steaks at East River would be an understatement, which may, in part, explain her quick umbrage to Todd Kliman's brief, very positive review of the new steakhouse in the Washingtonian's Cheap Eats issue. (The review doesn't appear to be online yet, but I've pasted it below.) Wrote Alexander in an announcement:

We are proud to have an extremely diverse mix of residents, which include professionals, seniors, and college students like any other part of the city, so to imply that this is a sociological experiment is an insult. Furthermore, I welcome anyone to experience life east of the Anacostia without apprehension It is unwarranted to imply that you can eat good food at your own risk. We should embrace our entire city without bias or preconceived skepticism.

Alexander wasn't the only one to balk at the Washingtonian's words. Blogger "Miss V" took at few shots at the magazine, too, in her Life in the Village blog:

What do you mean by 'those unaccustomed to life East of the River'? Do you mean unaccustomed to seeing so many Black people? Black people don't have the cooties. As a matter of fact I got my cootie shot in 2nd grade (circle-circle-dot-dot, Baby). The whole Insider Tip reads as 'Don't worry, White people. There's security to make sure the scary Black people won't bother you.'

I talked to Kliman about the Ward 7 outrage, and I have to say, he's been extremely gracious in listening to his critics over the issue. He even sat down with Miss V to iron things out.

Frankly, I'm not so convinced he should grovel that much. Yes, the phrasing isn't the best or as precise as it could be; it has an unfortunate anthropological tone to it, which naturally doesn't play in Ward 7, particularly coming from a magazine called the Washingtonian that doesn't consider Anacostia part of its coverage area.

But I've spoken to enough restaurateurs over the years to know that almost none of them want to gamble their investment money in a neighborhood that may not pay off. To a certain degree, Landrum's restaurant in Ward 7 is an experiment. It's a business experiment to try to prove that you can make a go of it in Ward 7. No other restaurateur I've spoken to has had the balls to do what Landrum has. I think Kliman was trying to acknowledge that.

I asked Kliman for a response over the whole brouhaha, and here's what he sent via e-mail:

What I would say — and what I’ve said on my chats — is that it’s a terrific place. And an important place. A potentially landscape-altering place. It is an experiment, but that’s not to take anything away from it — just the opposite. Landrum has budgeted losing five thou a month for three years. That’s not nothing. Most restaurateurs are after sure things, and flatter themselves for their vision in opening in places like Slater’s Lane, in Alexandria. The prices at the new Ray’s are so low and the portions so gargantuan that it’s hard not to see an overt and very earnest, very determined gesture. Finally: It needs to be said that Landrum is doing this as much for the white world west of the river as he is for the black world east of the river — to open eyes, to force change, to rewrite the rules.

Here's the original review from the Cheap Eats issue. Decide for yourself if this merits a rebuke from a council member:

Ray's the Steaks at East River

3905 Dix St., NE

Why Go: This break-the-model enterprise — a sit down restaurant on the neglected eastern side of the Anacostia River from restaurateur Michael Landrum — is a fascinating study in contrasts, not to mention a bold sociological experiment. And guess what — the food's good, too. From gratis salads of iceberg lettuce, tomatoes, and cucumbers to trencherman-style selections of meat to wedges of great pie, a meal here harks back to a no-fuss kind of dining that has all but vanished. You can even find a $5 glass of wine.

What to get: Beer-battered jumbo shrimp, ten to an order; a neat twist on skillet-fried chicken, the bird cold-smoked before hitting the oil; the Presidential burger, the same on served at Ray's Hell-Burger and the lounge at Ray's the Classics; crab royale, a ten-ounce mound of lightly bound jumbo lump that's thrust under the broiler until golden; stellar Key-lime pie; silken mild-chocolate mousse.

Best for: Simply prepared American cooking at a great price.

Insider tip: Landrum fans unaccustomed to life east of Anacostia — and apprehensive about making the trip out there — might be reassured to know that the owner had hired greeters to man the door and watch over the block.

Inox in Tysons will be closing tomorrow, according to a trusted source.

Kliman floated a similar rumor back in February, which Inox chef/owner Jon Mathieson quickly shot down. It didn't stop the rumor mill from continuing to churn, however. Y&H received his share of e-mails on the subject, one of whom outright claimed that I was duped and Inox would be closing.

I don't know the full story, but I do know this: I called over there today and the woman who answered the phone said, the rumor "is completely false." Inox would be open today and tomorrow. It will, however, be closed on Memorial Day. The woman also noted that Tom Sietsema's recent re-evaluation has been good for business at Inox.

I have a call in to Mathieson again. More as I know it.