Y&H has understood for more than two years now what kind of animosity tipping can bring out in diners. For those who don't remember, or missed it altogether, check out this July 2007 edition of Ask Tim, which generated 70 comments, many of them quite nasty toward the idea of a required 20 percent tip.

It was clear then, and it's clear now: The whole process of compensating waiters and waitresses is totally messed up. It creates resentment on both sides of the table.

But what's the solution? Raise the price of a meal? I doubt that, in this economy, many restaurateurs would be inclined toward that idea. Automatically put the tip on every check? I doubt diners would cotton to the notion of stripping them of their right to tip according to the level of service.

Maybe we should try to professionalize the whole wait service industry and make it more like the French model? I think part of the problem is that Americans still view waiters and waitresses as second-class citizens, as artsy-fartsy actors and actresses (or writers or painters or just no-talent bums who think they're artsy) who're waiting tables while waiting on their big break.

I think professionalizing the trade would go a long way toward creating sympathy for one very difficult job. And believe me, I know exactly how difficult it is from direct experience.

Image by indip.dj via Flickr Creative Commons, Attribution License

1. more Americans can agree that waiters suck than can agree who should be President, whether abortion should be legal, and whether Night at the Museum 2: Escape from the Smithsonian is a good movie. Which means...sorry waiters, I guess you must really, in general, suck! I suppose more Americans can agree that God exists, but I'm not sure why.

2. my longstanding perception that the employees of Soul Vegetarian on Georgia Avenue don't like me because I'm white (though I suppose, they may not like me because they perceive I am an asshole, though, in general, I must take the position that I am not an asshole) is not influenced by the (in my opinion) mediocre quality of their food. In fact, I may find Soul Veg's food mediocre simply because I perceive that its staff does not like me! In addition, I may find Harmony Cafe's food mediocre not because it is mediocre, but because I always feel bad for the one woman who has waited tables there every day, alone, for as long as I can remember, which is at least 10 years, and probably longer. Maybe if Harmony Cafe had a larger staff and this poor woman had some goddamned help for once, I might, in fact, perceive that Harmony is the best Chinese restaurant on the East Coast! Though I doubt it, as Harmony is mediocre (at best).

3. If 70% of the waaa-waaa-waaa about this-or-that restaurant isn't food related, but service related, that means that presentation isn't 50% of the meal (as a boss of mine once told me), but 70% of the meal, aka the majority. In other words, our senses are easily influenced or, as Ebenezer Scrooge explained in Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol, "a little thing affects them." In other, other words, the whole concept of a palate is a sham perpetrated by the sensuality industry, aka the Food Network, Food and Wine Magazine, The New York Times, The New York Times Magazine, the food sections of all surviving American newspaper, the producers of the 2000 film Chocolat, my favorite big grrl Paula Dean, New Yorkers generally, high end grocers (aka Whole Foods), the "foodie" contigent of our society, all of our mothers, and this blog.

As you may have noticed, I've changed the title of this weekly feature, which is usually published under the name of Greatest Hits. I have done so out of respect for the top item about the passing of pastry chef Jérôme Girardot. There was nothing great about his untimely death, even if, in life, Girardot repeatedly displayed greatness in his chosen field.

This week's most-read posts:

1. Ritz Pastry Chef Jérôme Girardot Found Dead in Cameron Station Park
2. A Day in a Life of a Writer for a Newspaper No One Knows About
3. If Carla Hall Becomes the Next 'Top Chef,' She Doesn't Want Her Own Restaurant
4. Former Brasserie Beck Beer Man Bill Catron Now at De Vinos
5. Two Unsolicited Tips for Hostesses and Wait Staffers

But sometimes the front of the house staff is just clueless. I mean, utterly, painfully clueless, and their cluelessness can hurt a diner's experience. Let me give you two examples from the weekend:

• Our waiter at Dr. Granville Moore's started off great. He was funny. He knew his Belgian beers. He didn't press us. But as his section began to fill, and his nerves began to fray, his charm wore thin, which was fine. We don't need to be charmed. What we don't need, however, are insults. My two oldest friends were visiting D.C. this weekend. One of them decided as a New Year's resolution to forsake drinking. At one point in the dinner, my friend stopped the waiter and said, "This may be a stupid question, but do you have any non-alcoholic beers?" The waiter's response? "No, we don't," he said, then paused, as if for emphasis, "and yes, it was." Y&H tip: When a customer is showing obvious deference to your precious Belgian beer concept by beginning an inquiry with, "This may be a stupid question," you don't insult them in return, even if you think you're making a joke. Overworked waiters, their stress showing with every tense and terse sentence, should not try to crack jokes or tease diners whom they just met 30 minutes ago.

• Before we dropped our friends at the airport on Sunday, we stopped by Leopold's Kafe & Konditorei in Georgetown for brunch. We called five minutes before we arrived to see if they had a table. They said they did, and Carrie and I dropped off our friends at the entrance to Cady's Alley so that we could search for parking. Our friends met up with a hostess who told them that, in no certain terms, a table wouldn't be ready for 20 minutes and that they didn't know about the call we had made just five minutes earlier. Fortunately a table mysteriously appeared, but the hostess staff's rudeness continued. Behind our table, four elderly diners were crammed into a table at the end of the banquette. Next to the quartet was a two-top bar table. There literally was no way to access the chair on the farthest side of the two-top without forcing the elderly group to stand up and move their table six inches to the left. Which they couldn't do even if they wanted; there was no room to move their table six inches to the left. So what did the hostess do after escorting the young women to their inaccessible two-top? Nothing. She walked away, only to briefly turn around and point at the perplexed patrons and, essentially, tell them to go ahead and squeeze into the table. One of the women was forced to walk under the table to reach her chair. Y&H tip: A hostess' job is not to be a princess who merely greets customers upon entry. You're the first impression every diner will have of the restaurant, which means that you must be more than a pretty face. You must use your brain, too. Don't force customers to work out their own problems.  Fix them yourself. Or notice the problems before they become problems.

Image by Flickr user b r e n t