That’s the question floated recently over at the Atlantic Food Channel, where Corby Kummer suggested that America’s tipping culture is broken and needs to be fixed.

Y&H has understood for more than two years now what kind of animosity tipping can bring out in diners. For those who don’t remember, or missed it altogether, check out this July 2007 edition of Ask Tim, which generated 70 comments, many of them quite nasty toward the idea of a required 20 percent tip.

It was clear then, and it’s clear now: The whole process of compensating waiters and waitresses is totally messed up. It creates resentment on both sides of the table.

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The Atlantic reports that 70% of complaints about restaurants relate not to food, but service. 70%! This number astounds because:

1. more Americans can agree that waiters suck than can agree who should be President, whether abortion should be legal, and whether Night at the Museum 2: Escape from the Smithsonian is a good movie. Which means…sorry waiters, I guess you must really, in general, suck! I suppose more Americans can agree that God exists, but I’m not sure why.

2. my longstanding perception that the employees of Soul Vegetarian on Georgia Avenue don’t like me because I’m white (though I suppose, they may not like me because they perceive I am an asshole, though, in general, I must take the position that I am not an asshole) is not influenced by the (in my opinion) mediocre quality of their food. In fact, I may find Soul Veg’s food mediocre simply because I perceive that its staff does not like me! In addition, I may find Harmony Cafe’s food mediocre not because it is mediocre, but because I always feel bad for the one woman who has waited tables there every day, alone, for as long as I can remember, which is at least 10 years, and probably longer. Maybe if Harmony Cafe had a larger staff and this poor woman had some goddamned help for once, I might, in fact, perceive that Harmony is the best Chinese restaurant on the East Coast! Though I doubt it, as Harmony is mediocre (at best).

3. If 70% of the waaa-waaa-waaa about this-or-that restaurant isn’t food related, but service related, that means that presentation isn’t 50% of the meal (as a boss of mine once told me), but 70% of the meal, aka the majority. In other words, our senses are easily influenced or, as Ebenezer Scrooge explained in Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, “a little thing affects them.” In other, other words, the whole concept of a palate is a sham perpetrated by the sensuality industry, aka the Food Network, Food and Wine Magazine, The New York Times, The New York Times Magazine, the food sections of all surviving American newspaper, the producers of the 2000 film Chocolat, my favorite big grrl Paula Dean, New Yorkers generally, high end grocers (aka Whole Foods), the “foodie” contigent of our society, all of our mothers, and this blog.

As you may have noticed, I’ve changed the title of this weekly feature, which is usually published under the name of Greatest Hits. I have done so out of respect for the top item about the passing of pastry chef Jérôme Girardot. There was nothing great about his untimely death, even if, in life, Girardot repeatedly displayed greatness in his chosen field.

This week’s most-read posts:

1. Ritz Pastry Chef Jérôme Girardot Found Dead in Cameron Station Park
2. A Day in a Life of a Writer for a Newspaper No One Knows About
3. If Carla Hall Becomes the Next ‘Top Chef,’ She Doesn’t Want Her Own Restaurant
4. Former Brasserie Beck Beer Man Bill Catron Now at De Vinos
5. Two Unsolicited Tips for Hostesses and Wait Staffers

Caring for the needs of the dining public is a pain in the ass. I know. I tried my hand at waiting tables in late 2007 at PS 7’s. I’m sympathetic to Wait Staff Nation—the long hours they spend on their feet, the copious amounts of information they have to synthesize and deliver quickly to diners, and the endless shit they get from the kitchen and customers alike.

But sometimes the front of the house staff is just clueless. I mean, utterly, painfully clueless, and their cluelessness can hurt a diner’s experience. Let me give you two examples from the weekend:

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