But as I supped, I got the sense that there were certain tastes I was sampling more frequently than others. A lot more frequently. Food, they say, is fashion. And just as the runways of 2011 teemed with feather hair extensions and platform pumps, our restaurant tables were laden with short ribs and duck fat fries. I dug in with enthusiasm.

But like skinny jeans and ironic tees, some restaurant fashions have lingered far too long—persisting, right there on the plate in front of you, past the point of self-parody, if not the grocer’s sell-by date. Some got tired. Others were simply bad ideas to begin with. Either way, it’s time to start 2012 right: by foreswearing the most annoying of culinary holdovers from the old year.

To that end, I’ve polled the various pet peeves of my City Paper newsletter subscribers and my own personal dining companions in order to compile a hit list of the most puzzling, most distasteful and most overdone dining trends that need to be euthanized, for their own good, hopefully within the next 12 months.

Herewith, my New Year’s dissolutions:

10. Skid marks!

You know what I’m talking about. Those streaks of dark glop wiped across white plates like the work of some abstract expressionist saucier, probably intending to evoke brush strokes. Too often, it looks like shit stains on Hanes. Not appetizing, not even at Adour.

9. Truffle oil on everything

Adding the highfalutin’ fungus oil is an easy device for making any simple dish (French fries, mac ‘n’ cheese) instantly seem fancy—and worth the added surcharge. It’s also overused to the point of abuse. Popcorn tastes good on its own, so why must it now smell funky and cost upwards of $7 per serving? I’m looking at you, The Reef.

8. Foams, gels, and anything else that sounds like a hair product

The chef-as-mad-scientist genre has gotten absurd. Yes, the rise of molecular gastronomy has enlightened us to the technical and creative prowess of our kitchen professionals. Why, look at that—olives in liquefied and crumbly frozen form. Fascinating. Now, chef R.J. Cooper, how ’bout you just make me a sandwich or something? I’m starving over here.

7. Chef reality shows

It’s not that the TV cooking is so bad. It’s the whole whiny drama of it all. The inevitable back-stabbings and emotional breakdowns make televised cooking contests appear just as trashy as The Apprentice or even The Hills. Hey, Top Chef: Want to make your show worthy of its name? Then put our hometown cooks back to work for us.

6. Locavores gone loco

Of the top 10 “hottest restaurant menu trends” compiled for 2012 by the National Restaurant Association, four included the buzzword “local.” No big surprise there. From “locally sourced meats and grains” to “locally grown produce” to “locally produced booze” to other “hyper-local items,” urban restaurants now pimp their rural farmer neighbors like never before. I’m all for eco-consciousness in the kitchen. I’m just tired of reading menu descriptions that seem as long as a Victorian novel. Honestly, I don’t need to know the origin of every animal, mineral and vegetable on the plate. And I don’t need you, Restaurant Nora, name-dropping every honest Farmer Joe on your roster to try to justify your pricing schemes.

5. Cutesy stuff on a stick

I’ve tried the lobster corn dog at Liberty Tree. It’s precious and stylishly presented. But it’s not really a corn dog—more like a stringy-centered hush puppy. And there are better uses for lobster than suffocating it with cornmeal.

4. Steely interiors

What’s that? I can’t seem to make out what you’re saying in this modish echo chamber of metallic fixtures. It’s so loud! My unsolicited interior-design advice to prolific restaurateurs Eric and Ian Hilton, among others: Invest in some velvety curtains.

3. No-photo policies

I’m sorry if my split-second flash ruins the whole carefully orchestrated vibe of your chi-chi eatery, or briefly disrupts the awkwardly silent dinner for two at the next table. Or, worse still, presents an unprofessional portrait of your immaculate cuisine on Facebook. But, if I’m paying for the meal (and, at Rogue 24, I’m paying a lot), it’s mine, and I’m entitled to a few snapshots as souvenirs.

2. Cupcakes

Need I even explain this one? Dainty shops specializing in the miniature frosted desserts now seem more common than the corner Chinese-chicken-pizza-subs carry-outs that have dominated D.C. for decades. In one notable case, a cupcakery has even adopted the traditional carry-out’s signature design feature: bulletproof glass protecting the register. Who are we fooling? The cupcake will never die. It’s the cockroach of the culinary scene. Still, Sprinkles, Crumbs, Red Velvet, and your ilk, it would be nice to find an actual full-size slice of cake every once in a while.

1. Small plates

I get it. D.C. is the birthplace of America’s tapas craze. And there are plenty of reasons for its proliferation. Diners like it because it’s good for sharing. Chefs like it because they can crank ’em in any order. Owners like it because they can charge double digits for what is essentially an appetizer. But now, every other place in town seems to think it’s Zaytinya, and it just ain’t so. The tipping point came this summer, when Toledo Lounge, of all places, emboldened by new ownership, got rid of its go-to burger and replaced it with tiny portions of goat cheese-stuffed peppers. Toledo Lounge! Thankfully, the little red-lit dive has since reneged on its small-plate strategy. Here’s to hoping that other entrée-averse operators heed the lesson.

Illustrations by Jandos Rothstein

Eatery tips? Food pursuits? Send suggestions to hungry@washingtoncitypaper.com.

Photo by Darrow Montgomery

Cooking With Herbs: Here are some directions for more festive 4/20 revelry. Grease pan, stir brownie mix, add in a wink and a nod. "I chose to celebrate with a handful of basil from my local grocery store, but you on the other hand can go all out and throw in whatever you have lying around in your window box, refrigerator or sock drawer." [EndlessSimmer]

Bringing Home the Bacon: Restaurant financier Hilda Staples, backer of R.J. Cooper's Rogue 24 and the ventures of various local Top Chef alums, on where she gets her dough: “The big cash comes from my husband, who believes that if anyone is going to show a return on his investment, it’s me, so he supports my restaurant habit.” [Washingtonian]

William & Kate Plus Cake: Dare we even mention the royal wedding-themed items for sale at Georgetown Cupcake? [WaPo]

Vacancy Watch: Will anything ever become of the former Zucchabar restaurant-bar  in Adams Morgan? [PoP]

Photo by Flickr user jeffreyw using a Creative Commons Attribution License

Cupcake Craze Hits New High: Frederick High School in Maryland is banning shared snacks after a 16-year-old student got sick from a friend's cupcake that authorities suspect was laced with something, possibly marijuana. (WAMU via DCist)

Bad Apple Martini: How ChurchKey became a revered beer mecca by doing things the opposite way that they were done at the former Brickskeller, according to ex-Brick suds-slinger Nahem Simon: “One of the things we learned was what you don’t do when running a business. You don’t sit on your laurels, you don’t cast aside your clientele, you don’t tell them, ‘Oh, we’re a beer bar, we’re not going to get you this and that.’ Why can’t you make a martini, why can’t you instruct your staff to be able to be as knowledgeable about the beer as they would about the wine, as they would about the spirits?” (We Love DC)

Chew On This: A local Top Chef alum is returning to TV. Bravo? No. ABC. (WBJ)

Destination Building: Taverns and cafes haven't detracted from other retailers along Barracks Row. Quite the opposite. Synergy! (Greater Greater Washington)

Photo by Quatrostein, Creative Commons Attribution License

To those annoyed by the state of Maryland's regulations that prohibit out-of-state wineries from shipping directly to Old Line State residents, there's promising news in Annapolis. As the Baltimore Business Journal reported late last week, reform legislation was filed in the House and Senate on Friday.

The Washington Post's Ann E. Marimow reported on Monday:

But a key component of the bill will likely face stiff opposition from the powerful alcohol industry. As written, the measure would allow consumers to buy wine directly from out-of-state retailers.

Anticipating such opposition, [Maryland Del. Del. Dereck] Davis said last week, "I'm going to do what I can to forge a consensus." A compromise bill, for instance, could allow direct shipment from wineries – but not from out-of-state retailers.

The Restaurant Association of Maryland is opposed to reform, which is being pushed by some big names in the business, including Top Chef/Volt's Bryan Voltaggio.

Stay tuned ...

Photo by Flickr user Theo Geo using a Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license

D.C. diners were shocked when he decamped for Frederick to open Volt. Location-wise, he remained within arm’s reach of the nation’s capital, but from his perch in Maryland, broadened his regional appeal. And his profile. (A Top Chef appearance doesn’t hurt either.)

Some of the hardest-to-score reservations in the area are in Frederick!

Now, Voltaggio is scouting for a second location. Missy Frederick of the Washington Business Journal confirms the chatter about Voltaggio’s plans, though “the second concept will not necessarily be another version of Volt.”

Let's see if his real estate acumen is still sharp ... The Frederick County Chamber of Commerce must be salivating right now. (But what if Voltaggio is looking farther afield?)

Vienna Inn: releasing thousands of dogs a month.

As if reading a blog for local information weren't enough, here's more evidence that we live in a new media world: Old news never dies and gets turned into fish wrap. It just gets picked up by some "discovery" bot and becomes "news" all over again. Case in point: Two previously published nuggets sneaked into the Top 5 last week.

I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact that Y&H broke virtually no news last week on the blog.

1. GQ Drinks in D.C. (*)
2. R.J. Cooper to Open an Alleyway, All Tasting Menu Restaurant in Mount Vernon Square
3. Lobster Truck Has 'Em Hooked Already
4. The Vienna Inn: Defining the Bar Food Genre
5. 'Top Chef' All Stars: Washing the Bad Taste of D.C. Out of Its Mouth?

* A certain light-drinking Budweiser beer was, once again, a popular item among readers, but we’ve stopped counting it.

It's official. As predicted by the National Enquirer of food journalism, next season's Top Chef will be a reunion show of contestants not good enough to win previous seasons, including three locally based cooks. Bravo producers are bravely calling this alumni gathering an "All Star" season.

The cable channel announced the full list of returning toques yesterday on its website, and it includes Carla Hall, Mike Isabella, and Spike Mendelsohn. The new season will launch on Dec. 1, but you get the feeling that Bravo can't move this baby through production fast enough.

Given the general dismissive attitude toward Season 7 of Top Chef — you know, the D.C. season in which producers actually forced the best chef to compete while sick in bed — I get the feeling Bravo is desperately trying to steer its flagship show back on course. Or at least back to ratings respectability.

But, really, an all-star/greatest hits package? Isn't that what dinosaur rock bands release when they've completely run out of ideas? I'm sure the next season will be a ratings monster, but isn't the bigger picture here something more ominous: that the format of Top Chef has become so moribund that the producers feel the need to inject a dose of its own colorful past to bring it back to life?

Discuss.

Eater continues to doggedly pursue the details of next season's apparent "all-star" edition of Top Chef to the detriment of the current season. The website's latest posting features some undercover work at the Bowery  Whole Foods, where Eater spies snap some pictures of what appear to be cheftestants scrambling for ingredients.

All of this is fine and good. It doesn't hurt to know, generally speaking, what to expect about next season. But through some assumptions and deductive reasoning, Eater goes one step further and predicts who wins this season of Top Chef.

Frankly,  I don't care. I'm ready to skip to the last page of this boring book. But you might still care. If you do care, do not click on this link! You've been warned.

Among the returnees are three D.C. chefs, including Carla Hall, Spike Mendelsohn, and Mike Isabella.  (This no doubt helps to explain why Isabella had to leave Zaytinya so early to launch his own restaurant.)

The bummer about all this breaking "news" about next season's Top Chef is that it spoils whatever fun is left in the current season of Top Chef. According to Eater, all the returning chefs (excuse me, all the returning all stars) are those who lost on previous seasons. I wouldn't click on that Eater link if you want to remain innocent about the final four contestants on this season's Top Chef.

Good luck not clicking on that link.