The dining space, located on the ground floor near the kitchen, will accommodate small parties for a multi-course tasting menu not available anywhere else at H Street Country Club, says owner Joe Englert. Cardoso, who has worked previously at Cashion's Eat Place and Jackie's, will offer an ever-changing menu of Mexican and Latin American small plates, which the diners can pair with either wine or tequila.

And in keeping with H Street's concept, these private diners will also have access to their own Wii games of golf and tennis.

So when will the Maxi Bar open?

"June 2013," jokes Englert, a reference to H Street's endless delays.

Englert actually hopes to have the Maxi Bar open by September.

Because Y&H has developed a warm, personal relationship with Joe Englert, Mr. Fatlas, I mean Mr. Atlas, District invited me to a sneak-preview of the long, long, long-awaited H Street Country Club on Sunday night, and I have just one thing to say: You'll never get a tee time.

This place is going to have longer lines than Ben's Chili Bowl during the inauguration. Everyone will want to putt-putt their ball between the bloated legs of a D.C. parking meter-reader who's exposing just a little too much butt crack. Or across the Reflecting Pool and up the stairs of the Lincoln Memorial. Or between the decomposing bodies of several dead presidents. Or around a multi-car pileup on the Beltway. Or....oh, hell, you get the point. This is miniature golf as imagined by the Coen Brothers.

Come to think of it, some people might even visit H Street just to sample the Tex-Mex menu designed by Ann Cashion, founder of Taqueria Nacional. Well, maybe.

Despite my utter delight at the playfulness of H Street Country Club — and its willingness to tweak D.C. and its institutions, including the never-say-die Marion Barry — I still think the place is going to have issues. Congestion being one of them. I can foresee several spots on the upstairs playground where customers will be bumping into each other with regularity — or even poking plate runners in the face with their putters. I also think Englert better have a budget to fix those K Street lawyers on Hole No. 3 and those dead presidents on Hole No. 5 who are bound to take a severe beating from indoor duffers.

I relayed some of my thoughts to Englert during a phone call today. He was touched by my concern. He also dismissed them all out of hand, including the notion that anyone could destroy the statuary designed by artist Lee T. Wheeler, who apparently built his sculptures out of the same substance that the auto industry uses to make cars.

That subject put to rest — at least for Englert — I raised the issue of a certain gargoyle hovering over Wheeler's links-oriented version of the Washington National Cathedral. It resembles a certain nightlife mogul, but with devil horns protruding from his noggin.

"It's a recurring joke," Englert tells Y&H. Wheeler "puts some [demonic] caricature of me in all the bars I own."

So there you have it. It seems that you can now play the Joe Englert version of Where's Waldo? in every watering hole that the mogul owns. Let's begin compiling the list of demonic Englerts now, starting with this one:

More pics from H Street Country Club:

It's hard to read in the picture above, which I snapped yesterday, but underneath the H Street Country Club logo, there's a small oval sign that reads: established 2008.

I have just one response: Ha!

More than two months into 2009, the H Street CC is still more of a construction site than the Atlas District's latest adult playground. What gives?

According to owner Joe Englert, it's more of the same bureaucratic red tape. It seems that the District has toughened its sprinkler system requirements, which will force Englert to rip up the street and install a wider pipe to carry water to his establishment. He also needs to build a special utility closet and install a new drain at H Street CC.

All he needs now are the permits, which apparently haven't been easy to secure. "It's just endless reams of bullshit," says a clearly frustrated Englert.

But once he does have all the permits in hand, Englert says the work will move quickly. He expects to start and finish within a few days.

So when will the place actually open for miniature golf and Mexican bites?

"Before your 60th birthday, Carman, I'm banking on it," Englert howls.

Seriously, dude, when?

Unless there are more bureaucratic delays, Englert expects to finish all the necessary work in a couple of weeks. The invites are already printed and ready to ship, he says. All he needs to do is add a date. Englert is hoping that date will be a day near the end of March.

So what about the sign? Will you change it?

"No," Englert says, then reconsiders. He has a better idea for an established date:

"First [had] idea in 2004."