But as I supped, I got the sense that there were certain tastes I was sampling more frequently than others. A lot more frequently. Food, they say, is fashion. And just as the runways of 2011 teemed with feather hair extensions and platform pumps, our restaurant tables were laden with short ribs and duck fat fries. I dug in with enthusiasm.

But like skinny jeans and ironic tees, some restaurant fashions have lingered far too long—persisting, right there on the plate in front of you, past the point of self-parody, if not the grocer’s sell-by date. Some got tired. Others were simply bad ideas to begin with. Either way, it’s time to start 2012 right: by foreswearing the most annoying of culinary holdovers from the old year.

To that end, I’ve polled the various pet peeves of my City Paper newsletter subscribers and my own personal dining companions in order to compile a hit list of the most puzzling, most distasteful and most overdone dining trends that need to be euthanized, for their own good, hopefully within the next 12 months.

Herewith, my New Year’s dissolutions:

10. Skid marks!

You know what I’m talking about. Those streaks of dark glop wiped across white plates like the work of some abstract expressionist saucier, probably intending to evoke brush strokes. Too often, it looks like shit stains on Hanes. Not appetizing, not even at Adour.

9. Truffle oil on everything

Adding the highfalutin’ fungus oil is an easy device for making any simple dish (French fries, mac ‘n’ cheese) instantly seem fancy—and worth the added surcharge. It’s also overused to the point of abuse. Popcorn tastes good on its own, so why must it now smell funky and cost upwards of $7 per serving? I’m looking at you, The Reef.

8. Foams, gels, and anything else that sounds like a hair product

The chef-as-mad-scientist genre has gotten absurd. Yes, the rise of molecular gastronomy has enlightened us to the technical and creative prowess of our kitchen professionals. Why, look at that—olives in liquefied and crumbly frozen form. Fascinating. Now, chef R.J. Cooper, how ’bout you just make me a sandwich or something? I’m starving over here.

7. Chef reality shows

It’s not that the TV cooking is so bad. It’s the whole whiny drama of it all. The inevitable back-stabbings and emotional breakdowns make televised cooking contests appear just as trashy as The Apprentice or even The Hills. Hey, Top Chef: Want to make your show worthy of its name? Then put our hometown cooks back to work for us.

6. Locavores gone loco

Of the top 10 “hottest restaurant menu trends” compiled for 2012 by the National Restaurant Association, four included the buzzword “local.” No big surprise there. From “locally sourced meats and grains” to “locally grown produce” to “locally produced booze” to other “hyper-local items,” urban restaurants now pimp their rural farmer neighbors like never before. I’m all for eco-consciousness in the kitchen. I’m just tired of reading menu descriptions that seem as long as a Victorian novel. Honestly, I don’t need to know the origin of every animal, mineral and vegetable on the plate. And I don’t need you, Restaurant Nora, name-dropping every honest Farmer Joe on your roster to try to justify your pricing schemes.

5. Cutesy stuff on a stick

I’ve tried the lobster corn dog at Liberty Tree. It’s precious and stylishly presented. But it’s not really a corn dog—more like a stringy-centered hush puppy. And there are better uses for lobster than suffocating it with cornmeal.

4. Steely interiors

What’s that? I can’t seem to make out what you’re saying in this modish echo chamber of metallic fixtures. It’s so loud! My unsolicited interior-design advice to prolific restaurateurs Eric and Ian Hilton, among others: Invest in some velvety curtains.

3. No-photo policies

I’m sorry if my split-second flash ruins the whole carefully orchestrated vibe of your chi-chi eatery, or briefly disrupts the awkwardly silent dinner for two at the next table. Or, worse still, presents an unprofessional portrait of your immaculate cuisine on Facebook. But, if I’m paying for the meal (and, at Rogue 24, I’m paying a lot), it’s mine, and I’m entitled to a few snapshots as souvenirs.

2. Cupcakes

Need I even explain this one? Dainty shops specializing in the miniature frosted desserts now seem more common than the corner Chinese-chicken-pizza-subs carry-outs that have dominated D.C. for decades. In one notable case, a cupcakery has even adopted the traditional carry-out’s signature design feature: bulletproof glass protecting the register. Who are we fooling? The cupcake will never die. It’s the cockroach of the culinary scene. Still, Sprinkles, Crumbs, Red Velvet, and your ilk, it would be nice to find an actual full-size slice of cake every once in a while.

1. Small plates

I get it. D.C. is the birthplace of America’s tapas craze. And there are plenty of reasons for its proliferation. Diners like it because it’s good for sharing. Chefs like it because they can crank ’em in any order. Owners like it because they can charge double digits for what is essentially an appetizer. But now, every other place in town seems to think it’s Zaytinya, and it just ain’t so. The tipping point came this summer, when Toledo Lounge, of all places, emboldened by new ownership, got rid of its go-to burger and replaced it with tiny portions of goat cheese-stuffed peppers. Toledo Lounge! Thankfully, the little red-lit dive has since reneged on its small-plate strategy. Here’s to hoping that other entrée-averse operators heed the lesson.

Illustrations by Jandos Rothstein

Eatery tips? Food pursuits? Send suggestions to hungry@washingtoncitypaper.com.

Food trucks flooded our streets and Twitter feeds. Connecticut Avenue welcomed a whole lot of ground-meat options (and then kicked one out.) In an age of comfort food, family-style Italian filled our carb-deprived bellies. But will mobile food, burgers and comfort food dominate 2011? Will small plates finally die? Here's our break down on what we'll eat in 2011.

OUT     →     IN

Burgers     →      Hot Dogs

Mansion-Sized Bars     →     Apartment-Sized Bars

Anthony Bourdain     →     Ruth Bourdain

Vegetarian     →     Vegivore

Where the Obamas Eat     →     Where Sam Kass Eats

Bacon     →     Offal

4 Loko     →     Spiked Hot Chocolate

Gulf Seafood     →     Gulf Sweets

Traditional Tacos     →    Korean Tacos

Jose Andrés in D.C.     →     Jose Andrés Everywhere

Brickskeller     →     American Tap Rooms

H Street's Food Identity     →     Wheaton's Food Identity

Small Plates     →     No Small Plates (at least here!)

Michael Landrum Doing Meat     →     Michael Landrum Doing Salads

Food Trucks     →     Food Trucks Buy Store Fronts

Andrew George and Scott Reitz contributed to this article
Photo by Darrow Montgomery

While grocery shopping for this year's Thanksgiving meal, I spotted these shrink-wrapped wonders at my local Whole Foods. My first thought was what kind of over-privileged priss-ball can't chop his own friggin' vegetables?

My second thought was to conduct a quick price comparison. The package of chopped celery and brunoise carrots sells for $3.07. I suspect that, maybe, there are a total of two diced carrots in that package. An entire bag of organic carrots at Whole Foods sells for $1.29.

Which makes said over-privileged priss-ball who buys this package not only lazy but a spendthrift. Unless...unless said over-privileged priss-ball understands the value of his or her time. Perhaps it takes this priss-ball 10 minutes to chop and dice carrots and celery, and this priss-ball is actually a lawyer who earns $250 a hour.  That 10 minutes translates into, roughly, about $42. So paying a couple of dollars more to make $42 would be a good use of time.

Why do I feel like I'm overthinking this?

This morning I had a third thought on these pre-cut veggies: Why wouldn't Whole Foods offer such a product? Grocery stores already butcher our meats, bake our breads, brew our coffees, bake our cakes, prepare our salads, build our sandwiches, clean and slice our fish, peel our shrimp, slice our deli meats, and god knows what else. Isn't chopping our vegetables just the next logical step?

Maybe one day they can eat our food for us, too, and tell us how it tastes?

Yesterday, Y&H shared a small, informal survey about what food will be the next "pork belly." Today, we have a larger, slightly more scientific survey from the National Restaurant Association, which polled more than 1,800 chefs for their thoughts on future restaurant trends.

While there are few surprises, I find it interesting that the chefs toe the line on two seemingly unstoppable movements: the local/seasonal and the sustainable movements. I have to wonder whether this is because customers are demanding these changes or because the chefs themselves understand the importance of the issues that underpin these movements.

In other words, will these views trickle down to the public? Or are they trickling up? Your thoughts, Y&H Nation?

The top 10 trends after the jump.

1. locally grown produce
2. locally sourced meats and seafood
3. sustainability
4. mini-desserts
5. locally produced wine and beer.
6. nutritionally balanced children’s dishes
7. half-portions/smaller portions for a smaller price
8. farm/estate-branded ingredients
9. gluten-free/food-allergy conscious meals
10. sustainable seafood

You can read the full list here.

OK, I tease, but, man, could this dude from the UK-based the food people use some coffee or a package of Zoloft. When not in danger of lapsing into a coma, the narrator does lay out a rather interesting list of things to look for in 2010: Peruvian food moving into fine dining, the rise of underground and illegal restaurants, "food cocooning," and other future trends.

Take a listen now. Or wait til you need something to put you to sleep tonight.

Baum + Whiteman, the self-described "world's pre-eminent food + restaurant consulting company," has predicted the top 13 trends we can expect to see next year in the increasingly fragile hospitality industry. B+W warms up to its list with this caveat: "The global economic meltdown is forcing profound changes in the hotel and restaurant world. Costly frills are out. Wanton indulgence is now bad manners."

So guess what's in? Comfort foods, bistros, and, in an apparent nod to Ren-Fen geeks everywhere, turkey legs. Below are the highlights of Baum + Whiteman's list.

• Bistros: "So all those new restaurants that recently were hell-bent for opulence and dripping with luxury will now be part of the cyclical 'bistro-ization of America.' And if not bistros, look for "osterias", which are the Italian equivalent."
• Fewer Celebrity Chefs at Hotels: "We look for fewer hotels turning their restaurants over to star chefs. The cost of building these things often outstrips potential profits, and when times get tight, hotels can do without. Besides, we’re running out of star chefs."
• Comfort Food: "Exotic seafood topped with micro-greens and frou-frou is out of bounds in the face of 401(k) deprivation, so the old standbys are coming back," including mac 'n' cheese and spaghetti and meatballs.
• Turkey Legs and Other Meats: "We’d be surprised if TURKEY LEGS don’t pop up on menus around the country, as well as lots of BRAISED AND FRIED CHICKEN—this time in various ethnic flavorings, particularly from twice-fried Korean chicken chains that are growing in popularity wherever you find concentrations of Korean expats."
• Even More Offal: "Last year we predicted a great upswing in innards and odd parts, and this year we’ll see even more. Guanciale (pigs’ cheeks), pigs’ feet, tripe, lardo (cured pork fat), artisan salami, beef cheeks, tongue, neck meat, oxtails … and chicken livers taking the place of costly foie gras."
• Fewer High-End Tasting Menus: "LUXURY RESTAURANTS that got away with $75-and-up price-fixed dinners will be unbundling their menus, allowing cash-strapped patrons to control their checks by ordering a la carte."
• More Underground Restaurants: "There’ll be big growth in 'black market' restaurants this year … one-night-only unlicensed dinner ventures staged by skilled home cooks (and occasional professionals) in warehouses, garages, cellars, vacant nightclubs and personal dining rooms. With ambitious menus, these dinners are by invitation only … word spreads via blogs, text messages, notices on Craigslist."

I'm sorry, but I'm not buying the turkey leg trend. As Jack Nicholson's character says in As Good As It Gets: "Sell crazy someplace else, we're all stocked up here."

Image by Flickr user corsi photo.