Don’t worry,  Y&H didn’t know that the Fast Foodie had left, either. I just stumbled upon these videos this morning and fell for the character played by Hannes Phinney when he said, “I got to get back to basics. I got to get back to my reality. My reality is burgers and fries, tacos, extreme burritos and french fries and burritos and overstuffed nachos and occasional breakfast sandwiches.”

You can watch more Fast Foodie videos here.

The Wall Street Journal published a smart, counter-intuitive piece today that suggests fast-food giants, in an effort to stay ahead of the recession, are squeezing the hell out of their franchisees, leaving them with little to show for their efforts.

So much for the idea that McDonald’s is making a killing in this bad economy.

The gist of the story is this: Fast-food companies are trying to lure customers back by demanding that franchisees add new, sometimes “gourmet” items, which then require new machines and new overhead costs.  These same franchise operators also got hit with a minimum wage hike in July. There apparently just isn’t that much margin in franchise operations to make those numbers work.

Reports the Journal:

To boost sales, franchisors are taking a scattershot approach. “Franchisors are trying to be everything to everyone right now,” Riggs says. Given that penny-pinching consumers are eating more meals at home, franchisors are pulling out all the stops to reel them back in. They are asking franchisees to pitch cut-rate sandwiches and burgers and dreaming up premium, often exotic menu items to lure consumers back.

Just ask Mike Wright, a McDonald’s Corp. franchisee in Shalimar, Fla. To make way for McDonald’s new McCafé espresso-based coffee drinks, which launched nationally in May, he was looking at paying upwards of $125,000 to remodel the interiors of each of his seven stores. The company eventually changed its tune – after substantial pushback from franchisees – but Wright and his fellow franchisees were still strongly encouraged to purchase the necessary coffee and frappucino-style drink equipment. “At $14,000 a pop, you’ve got to sell a lot of coffee to make it up,” Wright says.

In Southern markets, selling hot coffee isn’t easy, Wright says. “When you start selling Bubba a cappuccino, it’s like trying to sell grits to a New Yorker,” he says. “They forced everyone to put this in their stores regardless of profitability.”

Image courtesy of The Consumerist via Flickr Creative Commons, Attribution License

Hey, look, a celebrity chef!

We’re all slaves to celebrity — or at least celebrity chefs. This week’s top item is devoted to a freakish coincidence: I happened to be at G Street Food right when Rick Bayless popped in for a sandwich to go, to take with him for his flight out of town.

How powerful is Bayless’ draw? Powerful enough to knock Select 55 out of the top spot. Here are your faves from the blog this week:

1. Rick Bayless Drops by G Street Food This Morning
2. Budweiser Launches Select 55, Light Beer Arms Race Gets Absurd
3. Terrible Restaurant Names: We Can’t Live Without (Mocking) Them
4. Secret Fast-Food Menus: Truth or Myth?
5. Barton Seaver to Be Named Esquire’s Chef of the Year, Controversy Ensues
   

A press release just came to Y&H’s attention, although it really seems aimed at Five Guys‘ soft flabby underbelly: Boardwalk Fresh Burgers and Fries plans to compete with the famous local burger chain on its home turf.

BFB&F thinks it has the formula to squash Five Guys — sell ground beef and buns to the same Five Guys’ specs, then supplement these greasy offerings with healthier options like salads and chicken sammies. What’s more, the budding burger chain knows it has an ace up its sleeve with the Boardwalk name, which is tied to the more famous Boardwalk Fries brand. They’re sister companies.

Boardwalk Fresh Burger stores will come fast and furious: Kert Gennings, former COO for Jersey Mikes and Chesapeake Bagel Bakery, bought the franchise rights for D.C., Virginia, and North Carolina. Over the next five to seven years, he plans to open 50 of these joints.

The press release is after the jump.

INDUSTRY VET BUYS 3-STATE BURGER MASTER FRANCHISE

Boardwalk Fresh Burgers and Fries sells 50-Unit Deal in DC, VA and NC

Kert Gennings, former COO for Jersey Mikes and Chesapeake Bagel Bakery, with investor, Sharon Heaton, purchased the master franchise rights for Boardwalk Fresh Burgers and Fries for Washington, DC, Virginia and North Carolina and plan to open over 50 restaurants in the next 5-7 years.

Gennings and Heaton were specifically interested in the ‘Better Burger Segment’ and see a great opportunity to compete with Five Guys in their hometown market with better locations, a more varied menu, improved restaurant atmosphere and better unit economics than Five Guys. Five Guys has always served “Boardwalk Style Fries” and Boardwalk serves the same beef specifications and buns as Five Guys so the menus are fairly similar except that Boardwalk offers signature burgers, chicken sandwiches, salads and a few other items not found at Five Guys. Gennings has been interested in this segment for a few years and watched Boardwalk struggle with their first few locations before Boardwalk hired Fransmart, the same firm that helped launch Five Guys franchise program, to help with concept design, positioning, menu development and most of all real estate. The first new post-Fransmart Boardwalk Fresh Burger and Fries location opened a few months ago in Alexandria and is enjoying higher unit sales than the average Five Guys in the region.

“It’s a perfect time to be a tenant looking for locations here in the DC area. We are finding dozens of available A+ locations and the rents and landlord deals are much, much better nowadays. We are also getting opportunities to convert existing restaurant spaces which mean those restaurants can be built for a fraction of a typical new restaurant”, says Gennings.

“I’ve been in the region for 20+ years and have always enjoyed Boardwalk Fries at the beach and local stadiums and amusement parks. Having this brand, especially in this region, was a big factor for us deciding to invest with Boardwalk”, Heaton said.

“Kert and Sharon are perfect master franchisees. Kert would be an ideal president or COO and to have him as personally motivated as he will be in his region will make our entire chain stronger. It’s a win-win-win for everyone”, Dave DiFerdinando, co-founder of Boardwalk.

About Boardwalk Fresh Burgers & Fries

As the sister company of Boardwalk Fries – the only national French fry brand in the United States – Boardwalk Fresh Burgers & Fries has nearly 30 years of corporate brand recognition. Brothers, Dave and Fran DiFerdinando created the fast casual concept Boardwalk Fresh Burgers & Fries in 2007. Inspired by the boardwalk in Ocean City, Maryland, the concept provides customers with a fresh, made to order burger and fries experience in a family-friendly, beach-themed environment. For more information about

Boardwalk please visit www.boardwalkfreshburgersandfries.com.

Not that your friendly Y&H is a cynic, but when I saw this article on Mental Floss, I immediately thought, “I bet you can’t get half of these ’secret’ menu items at your local _____ (fill in the fast-food outlet).” So I went to my nearby Starbucks in Adams Morgan and asked the barista for the smallest cup of coffee I could get.

I was expecting one of those thimble-sized sample cups.

He wasn’t quite sure what I wanted, so he started showing me all the various cups available — the Tall, the Grande, the Venti, the Ubermassenhaft. (OK, I joke about the last one, but only because Starbucks deserves it for corrupting the language.) Among the cups he showed me was this petite white cone that holds a reasonable eight-ounce pour.

“That’s what I want,” I told the barista. “I’ve never seen those before.”

“We use them for espresso,” he said, noting that I could also use it for coffee.

“Why don’t you include those sizes on the menu?” I asked.

“They’re too small.”

I ignored what I considered an illogical response — too small? why? because they need to get everyone hooked on 20-ounces of pure, caffeine-injected java? — and went to the cashier. She didn’t bat an eye over my mini-coffee, either, and promptly rang it up. It was around $1.60 (they rarely give me a damn receipt!) or about 20-some cents cheaper than the “Tall.”

Frankly, I’m not interested in the savings. I’m interested in the smaller serving. Most afternoons I crave coffee. What I don’t crave is 12 ounces of coffee. Sure, I could order the Tall and just not drink it all — but I always do.  Then I live to regret it, usually through a jitteriness that manifests itself in ADD Web-surfing and the inability to concentrate longer than, oh, 10 seconds at a stretch.

Is this good for the nation’s crumbling economy, I ask?

But today, Y&H has hope, not only for his future afternoon coffee fixes but also for the rest of Mental Floss’ secret menu roundup. Next up on Y&H’s research agenda: See if I can really get green sauce at Taco Bell.

Photo by jerine via Flickr Creative Commons, Attribution License.

Food Network Humor revels in its self-imposed role to bring the foodie cable channel to its knees — or at least “back down to Earth.” This posting on ugly tattoos is a little off-target for the site, but hilarious nonetheless.

By Y&H’s unofficial count, the breakdown of tats goes like this:

Processed foods: 3

Fast food chains: 4

Raw meats: 3 (if you include the cuts of pork chart)

Fruits and vegetables: 2 (but only if you include the thing that looks like an animated potato)

Composed plates: 2

Cliched dangerous chef culture: 1

Smart-ass ignoramus: 1, the D.L.T sandwich (dolphin-lettuce-tomato)

And the winning category…

Generic junk foods: 9

The most disturbing image has to be the Silence of the Lambs dude with the McDonaldland characters inked across his chest. Makes me shiver just looking at it.

Any other tats out there you’d care to share with Y&H?

Photo courtesy of Food Network Humor

The recession has brought back home-cooked meals in a big way, Wolf says.

“It will mean an increase in cooking classes, because people will have to learn how to cook since we haven’t been cooking at home for many years,” she says.

Home cooking means more mashed potatoes, meat loaf and spaghetti and meatballs.

“But it won’t be exactly like your grandma’s,” says Wolf. “There will be slightly more sophisticated twists — artisan cheese mixed in with your mashed potatoes. And things will probably be healthier — less butter, more vegetables.”

I don’t know if I buy that—for one simple reason: People fortunate enough to keep their jobs this year will be working longer and harder than ever. They won’t have the time or energy to cook. I think fast-food sales will soar this year. They already are at McDonald’s.