Shallal was pretty adamant:

"God forbid. That's not – no. I don't have any real political aspirations in that sense. I'm not looking to run for office. I think what I do is much more effective, much more in line with, certainly, my values and the way that I like to do things. I think, running for office, you have to, sort of, give up so many things that you otherwise don't have to do when you're running your own business."

Photo by AgnosticPreachersKid/Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported license

Photo courtesy of Busboys & Poets

Now comes word that Shallal's eventual replacement in Artisphere's restaurant space, Casa Oaxaca operator Karen Barroso's Here Cafe Bar, is not renewing its contract after just seven months in business.

In a statement, Barroso tries to put a positive spin on the closure: “Although this particular restaurant concept didn’t translate for the Rosslyn business crowd, the catering arm of our business saw great results from our partnership with Artisphere."

Looking West: As Andy Shallal, who describes himself as an "activist with food," works on a possible Busboys & Poets location in Harlem, he also has Busboys projects cooking out west, including a location that's in the works in Denver, and "expects to open a San Francisco Busboys within the next two years." [Publishers Weekly]

Currently Out West: "Washington's bad-boy barista" Nick Cho, formerly of the now-shuttered Murky Coffee, admits to Tim Carman that he can't escape his tax troubles with the District and Arlington as gets his new coffee roasting business in the Bay Area off the ground. "I’m trying to get back on my feet. I’m trying to hopefully start a healthy business..." [WaPo]

Grocery Identity Politics: Apparently, no non-Safeway grocery stores have nicknames. (For fear of being accused of ageism by proud residents of North Cleveland Park, Y&H supposes that it would be insensitive to call the Giant supermarket near the Van Ness-UDC Metrorail station the "Geriatric Giant." [TBD, DCist]

Innovative! How about some bacon-scented cologne mixed with "11 essential oils...to trigger pleasant memories." [Eater Nat'l]

Construction Continues: At Cuba Libre, "architects are beginning to draw up plans for a new double-sided bar and potentially a private dining area." Nifty. [The Feast]

Photo by Flickr user Daquella manera using an Attribution-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic Creative Commons license

Garret Fleming checks out barbeque in South Carolina.

Many of you may remember Tim Carman's Beard-nominated cover story last year that chronicled the way in which Andy Shallal selected Eatonville's first chef. If you recall, the story didn't end well.

Chris Newsome, initially appointed executive chef after winning the Top Chef-style contest, was quickly replaced by runner-up Rusty Holman. Holman left Eatonville this year after apparently confronting Shallal over an unpaid parking ticket and is now working the Fry Captain food truck. Holman's replacement, Brie Morris, didn't stick around long either, which means that Eatonville has been without an executive chef for awhile.

Until now.

Garret Fleming has just been announced as Eatonville's new executive chef. The Culinary Institute of America alumnus is coming to Eatonville from Stella's in Castine, Maine. I got wind of this information not through a press release but via Facebook. You see, I went to high school with Garret — 786 miles away in Rockford, Ill.

I remember comparing Garret to some literary figure in junior year English class, a super-smart slacker who maybe didn't get the greatest grades but you knew he could, if he just gave enough of a shit. He had a rebel quality to him, somewhat at odds with his father's post as president of the Rockford Institute, an über-conservative think-tank.

Something I didn't know about Garret: According to the press release, he was born in Charleston, S.C., and his "culinary heritage is rooted in the Lowcountry cooking of his childhood." There's not too much shrimp and grits or Hoppin' John in Rockford, so either he was eating it at home or making frequent trips back to Charleston.

Tomorrow is Garret's official coming-out party at Eatonville, and he's got a pretty delicious sounding prix fixe menu planned, featuring roasted tomato pudding, braised lamb shank, and Bosc pear cobbler.

Photo: eatonvillerestaurant.com

Y&H doesn’t have the bona fides to judge where on the spectrum between actual political rally and Yuksapalooza Saturday’s “Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear” will fall. But he does know there will be plenty of hungry out-of-towners combing through guide books and looking for advice on where to eat. The last thing you’d want, as a Jon Stewart fan, is to end up at an establishment better suited to the Colbert Nation. Thankfully, Y&H is here to help.

Below are a number of the District’s tourist-approved dining spots. Y&H has taken the liberty of labeling which ones are more suitable for Daily Show devotees and which ones cater to the church of The Colbert Report.

• Celebrity chef restaurants

Washington, D.C., is the new Vegas, at least in terms of celebrity chefs, who have decided our money is as green as Sin City’s even if they can’t legally spend it on hookers here. In the past few years, Eric Ripert (Westend Bistro), Wolfgang Puck (The Source), Alain Ducasse (Adour), Michael Mina (Bourbon Steak), and Jean-Georges Vongerichten (J&G Steakhouse) have all opened up shop in the District. They have one thing in common: A Stephen Colbert-like belief in their sheer brilliance, a combination of talent and hubris that makes them think they can go into anyone’s neighborhood and take over the place.

Westend Bistro, 1190 22nd St. NW, (202) 974-4900

The Source, 575 Pennsylvania Ave. NW, (202) 637-6100

Adour, 923 16th St. NW, (202) 509-8000

Bourbon Steak, 2800 Pennsylvania Ave. NW, (202) 944-2026

J&G Steakhouse, 1515 15th St. NW, (202) 661-2440

• Ray’s Hell Burger

President Obama has made two stops (and counting) at Michael Landrum’s Arlington patty parlor, but those trips alone do not place Hell Burger in the Daily Show camp, given Stewart’s repeated criticisms of the president. No, what does the trick is the fact that Landrum, like Stewart, refuses to align himself with any particular cause or constituency, except for one. With Stewart, the cause is comedy. With Landrum, it’s undermining the bloated economics of the restaurant industry.

Ray’s Hell Burger, 1725 Wilson Blvd., Arlington, (703) 841-0001

• Busboys and Poets

Andy Shallal’s chainlet is a bastion of progressive thought and cost-conscious cooking, which alone qualifies it as a dirty little lefty hangout. But take a few steps back from the liberal vortex and peer into Shallal’s macro business plan—there are already three B&P outlets with a fourth coming to Harlem—and you see good ole capitalist empire building. Rupert Murdoch would be proud.

Busboys and Poets, 2021 14th St. NW, (202) 387-7638; 1025 5th St. NW, (202) 789-2227; 4251 S. Campbell Ave., Arlington, (703) 379-9757.

• Five Guys Burgers and Fries

When announcing his rally last month, Stewart told viewers that our political discourse is dominated by loud, divisive, fringe voices on both sides. His Rally to Restore Sanity, he said, would be a chance to “Take It Down a Notch for America.” Similarly, Five Guys, the once-proud burger joint from Northern Virginia, has been taking it down a notch for America even since it started franchising across the country in 2003. Just ask the noted burgerologist Josh Ozersky, who wrote last month: “Five Guys is as bad a burger as there is.”

Check fiveguys.com for locations.

• Galileo III

Roberto Donna may have been the original Tea Bagger. Long before those anti-tax and anti-big government zealots started mailing tea bags to the White House, Donna was staging his own revolt. The entire time he ran Bebo Trattoria in Crystal City, the chef never paid a single dime to Arlington County in meals taxes. When the authorities finally put the screws to Donna, he owed more than $156,000, including penalties and interest. Now Donna has to pay his back taxes or face jail time. Stephen Colbert himself might want to dine at Donna’s new restaurant and shake the chef’s hand for standing up to the man.

Galileo III, 600 14th St. NW, (202) 783-0083

• Food trucks

Maybe Donna should start a food truck in D.C.? As a mobile vendor in the District, he’d have to pay only $1,500 annually in sales tax, compared to the 10 percent shelled out by the brick and mortars for their sales. That’s the kind of tax burden even Colbert could live with. But then again, these food truck operators aren’t exactly fat cats looking for tax loopholes so they can buy a second home in Tahoe for coke-and-stripper parties. Whether selling poutine (Eat Wonky truck) or Maine-style lobster rolls (Red Hook Lobster Pound truck), these vendors are the little guys, fighting the cops, the inline restaurants, and powerful political interests for their right to work the streets. Sounds almost like an immigration problem.

• Birch & Barley/ChurchKey

Beer may have been invented in Mesopotamia and perfected in Belgium many centuries later, but it took good ole American ingenuity to turn the ancient craft into a (draft) arms race. Everyone knows who’s armed to the teeth in the District: ChurchKey, the upstairs bar at the beer-centric Birch & Barley. The joint has more than 50 tap arms and five ales on cask. Colbert would no doubt approve of the gratuitous stockpiling of (non-powder) kegs, laughing in the face of the mutually assured destruction they clearly represent.

Birch & Barley/ChurchKey, 1337 14th St. NW, (202) 567-2576

• Old Ebbitt Grill

Old Ebbitt is indeed old. (It can trace its roots back to 1856.) It makes a ton of money annually. (It was No. 5 on Restaurants & Institutions’ Top 100 Independent Restaurants list, raking in more than $20 million.) It has played host to numerous U.S. presidents, including Ulysses S. Grant, Andrew Johnson, and Theodore Roosevelt. Likewise, Jon Stewart is old. (OK, he’s 47, old by TV standards.) He makes tons of money. (Forbes pegged his salary in 2009 at $14 million.) And he’s played host to presidents. (Well, he played host to his first sitting president on Wednesday when Barack Obama appeared on The Daily Show.)

Old Ebbitt Grill, 675 15th St. NW, (202) 347-4800

• José Andrés Empire

The District’s most celebrated/prolific/motor-mouthed chef already has four restaurants in Penn Quarter, not including his chemistry experiment within a restaurant (minibar inside Café Atlantico). Andrés also has a strolling gastronomic playground in Los Angeles and plans to open two new places in Las Vegas and another in South Beach. He was profiled on 60 Minutes. GQ named him Chef of the Year in 2009. He has his own PBS series. We get it: José Andrés is everywhere. In fact, he’s almost as ubiquitous as Colbert, who still has one accomplishment that Andrés can’t touch yet: a painting of the faux pundit at the National Portrait Gallery. Curators valued the Colbert portrait to such a degree they hung it where the museum traffic is greatest—near the toilets.

Check thinkfoodgroup.com for locations

• Founding Farmers

Last month, Colbert testified before a House Judiciary subcommittee that, “American farms are presently far too dependent on immigrant labor to pick our fruits and vegetables.” The solution? “Now the obvious answer,” Colbert noted, “is for all of us to stop eating fruits and vegetables.” But how about this, Stephen: Pay a visit to Founding Farmers, the Foggy Bottom restaurant owned by real American farmers. The place strives to source ingredients from “fine, high-quality, family farms,” although a Post investigation later revealed that this category broadly included salmon farmers, those scourges of the environment. No matter. Colbert’s testimony wasn’t always sincere either.

Founding Farmers, 1924 Pennsylvania Ave. NW, (202) 822-8783

• Ben’s Chili Bowl

Regardless of what you think of Ben’s Chili Bowl—I’m always surprised at the vitriol this U Street NW institution can inspire—you have to respect the Ali family for its commitment to keeping their greasy spoon pure. They’ve refused offers to chain the Bowl far and wide, understanding part of what makes Ben’s great is its historic location and vibe. Regardless of what you think of Stewart’s rally on the Mall, the man himself has similar integrity, refusing to compromise his brand for the sake of any one administration. He’s on a crusade to make politics civil. I’ll raise a Ben’s chocolate shake to that.

Ben’s Chili Bowl, 1213 U St. NW, (202) 667-0909

Eatery tips? Food pursuits? Send suggestions to hungry@washingtoncitypaper.com. Or call (202) 650-6925.

Holy crap, is that Rusty Holman?! No way, it can't be! Don't embarrass him, or yourself, by asking! Don't even make eye contact! But what if it is Rusty? You'd be one lame-ass food writer if you don't find out what he's doing slinging fries out of a food truck on Farragut Square!  Don't forget how you met him: He was the default winner of a profoundly twisted hiring contest and was awarded the opportunity to run the brand-spankin' new kitchen at Eatonville.

As these thoughts were going through my head, Rusty Holman made the first move: "Your name's Tim, right?"

"Yes, Rusty. I thought that was you," I replied, relieved that he took the initiative.

We chatted for a few minutes through the window of the Fry Captain. He said that he's invested some money and sweat equity into Jake Sendar's mobile shake-and-fries unit. He's helping Sendar, a student at Vanderbilt, turn out the best possible products in that tin-can kitchen on wheels; he's also looking for something more suitable for a professionally trained chef with a long history of running his own kitchens.

So how did he end up here?

It's a long story, he told me, but it boils down to the snowstorms in February. He apparently drove a few Eatonville employees to work after the blizzard to help keep the place running, and he promptly parked the car in an emergency snow route. Instant $250 ticket. Holman said that owner Andy Shallal promised to pay off the violation.

Several months later, the ticket was still unpaid and had doubled. Holman said he sent a pointed email to Shallal and others about the issue. Holman wrote something to the effect of, "If it's not paid today, I'm not coming in tomorrow." Shallal apparently decided to accept the implied threat and fired him.

I've e-mailed and called Shallal for confirmation of the story and am still awaiting a response. I phoned the restaurant and learned that Holman's apparent replacement just left Eatonville this week. The eatery is currently between chefs.

The final tally for Eatonville's chef-search contest: The original winner was fired before the restaurant opened, and the default winner was fired a year into the job for apparently bitching about an unpaid parking ticket. And the owner, who's not a big fan of chefs, is in between chefs.

Holman's current place of employment.

The hand-cut fries at the Fry Captain are delicious. They undoubtedly benefit from a chef who understands the double-fry technique: Holman blanches the cut potatoes first, then fries them in vegetable oil on the truck. I had mine sprinkled with sea salt and paired with a Sriracha-mayo dipping sauce. (Many other dipping sauces and seasonings are available.)  It's not exactly a meal, but if the Fry Captain were parked outside a festival, for instance, I suspect it'd clean up.

The hand-spun shake was thick and rich and, dare I say, almost marshmallow-y. My only complaint is that I'd prefer a deeper chocolate flavor.

Tacos took off in D.C. in 2009

Good God, I can even begin to wrap my mind around all the things that happened on the D.C. dining scene during the past 12 months. Fortunately, not all of them were as apocalyptic as the closing of your favorite restaurant or the passing of Ben Ali.

For starters, we had a ton of above-average to good restaurants open in 2009. Last week, in fact, I listed my 10 favorite newbies.

We also had a President and First Lady who actually enjoyed eating out on the town, both on the high and low ends. And let's not forget about the First Family's love for burgers, burgers, and more burgers. The Obamas even made a strong statement about local/seasonal foods, which was heard all the way to Ireland.

Outside the White House, we discovered that gourmet and organic hamburger outlets were sprouting up all around us. These burger joints were practically fighting for space with all the new fro-yo, pizza, taco, and cupcake shops.

D.C. took tentative steps toward becoming a better street food city, including the addition of a cupcake truck and a stand across the river that serves up a killer breakfast taco. Far more aggressive strides were made on the local cocktail circuit, where you could find some of the most creative drinks in the country, not to mention a cool place to imbibe them.

Of course, 2009 was not all wine and Rose's grenadine. Michel Richard planned to high-tail it out of the District for a spot in McLean. Andy Shallal bankrolled a disastrous Top Chef-like contest to hire his kitchen leader at Eatonville. The "dean" of alcohol beverage control lawyers died. Esquire magazine's selection of Barton Seaver as chef of the year caused a small shitstorm among locals. Spike Mendelsohn was evicted from his Capitol Hill rental house.  The RAMMY Awards was a heated mess. And the District of Columbia showed, yet again, why it's so hard to open a restaurant within its borders.

By the way, if you'd like to hear more about the Year in Food 2009, check out my conversation with David Furst on Metro Connection.

Chef Rusty Holman, the chef at Eatonville

My tablemate and I are sitting at a two-top by the large picture window at Eatonville, which provides a semi-comfortable, climate-controlled view of the parade of mini-skirts and flesh that walks up and down the bustling 14th Street NW corridor.  We're half way through our appetizers when the food runner brings our entrees. She seems oblivious to the fact that we're still eating our first course; she's also a little slow on the basic laws of physics. Our tiny table barely contains all the plates she has just unceremoniously dropped off, her job here done.

The fact is, I really want more time to savor chef Rusty Holman's cheddar tart, this precisely executed savory pastry crammed with white cheddar, roasted tomato, and Vidalia onions, all topped with a weedy garden of microgreens. The tart is the perfect appetizer — balancing flavors and textures and temperatures with the kind of verve seen by circus bears on bicycles. (I mean that in the best way possible, really.)

The tart gives me hope that owner Andy Shallal, better known for his playpens for bleeding hearts, has indeed picked the right person to lead Eatonville's kitchen following his ill-fated chef-search contest. But then we dig into those entrees waiting for us on the table's edge. My "crispy chicken breast" is an odd almalgamation of fried and smothered chicken, a hulking piece of breast meat, dry and flavorless underneath its thick coating, which is not redeemed by its mushroom gravy. The "fish and grits" is a plate brimming with fried catfish, bland and muddy, which provides little satisfication without a generous scoop of jalapeno-cheddar grits to accompany it.

I would like to report that I could wash away the bad taste in my mouth with my Blue Lemon Drop, but I can't stomach another swallow of the cocktail, which goes down like sugary, blueberry-scented serum. Instead, I'm left to drink in the wild ambiance of Shallal's Eatonville, an homage to Zora Neale Hurston, which feels like Tobacco Road meets the antebellum charm of Gone with the Wind meets the post-radical elements of commercial graffiti art. I have to say, I'm quite fond of the interior-design mashup.

Carman's piece examines, or maybe more precisely spatchcocks, local restaurateur Andy Shallal's Top Chef-like contest to choose a toque for his new eatery, Eatonville. Reached in line at the drugstore, where he says he was picking up prescriptions to help him "overcome my lack of palate," Carman says that Shallal maintained "radio silence" after the piece. "He sent me an email after the Marion Barry cover saying he should consider himself lucky that it wasn't any worse for him," Carman says.