Young and Hungry

12 Craziest Things About Thomas Foolery, Opening Wednesday

Mr. Yogato owner Steve Davis opens his first bar and restaurant, Thomas Foolery, on Wednesday at 11 a.m., replacing doughnut fume-plagued Zeke's DC Donutz at 2029 P St. NW. This may just be the wackiest eatery in Washington, with the motto "food for little kids, drinks for big kids, toys for everyone." Here are 12 quirks to look forward to—from walkie-talkies to grilled cheese to "angry hour:"

The Throne

Everyone else has to head to the bar to order food and drinks, but sit in the The Throne—a corner spot marked KING in big block letters—and you can use a walkie-talkie to place your order, or to chat with the table across the room that also has its own walkie-talkie. Plus, you get to wear a crown if you sit there. It's available to whoever grabs it first.

40 Really Random Beers

Davis asked a random mix of people to choose bottled beers for the menu, including DC Bocce League founder Gautam Chowdhry, Vigilante Coffee's Chris Vigilante, Fundrise founder Ben Miller, Lunar Massage owner Joanna Robinson (whose studio is above Mr. Yogato), and restaurateur Aaron Gordon, who previously occupied the space with Zeke's DC Donutz. (Full disclosure: Davis also asked me to select a beer. I chose New Belgium Brewing's Trippel Belgian-style ale as an homage to my home state of Colorado.) Davis and his parents all chose different varieties of Smirnoff Ice; all three (green apple, strawberry açai, and regular) are on the menu.

Smirnoff Ice Plinko

If you like Smirnoff Ice as much as Davis, you can play a game of plinko to determine the price of your drink. Potential prices range from $1 to $5.

Beer and Soda Floats

Make a float by adding ice cream to any of the 40 beers or 15 specialty sodas on the menu. Among the more unique sodas: bubble gum, Dang! That's Good Root Beer, Pennsylvania Dutch birch beer, and Cooper's Cave chocolate soda.

Cocktail Kits

Most of the booze at Thomas Foolery is served from mini-bottles. You can also order a "cocktail kit" for two with a specialty soda, two mini-bottles, and some candy served on a little tray.

Guess-The-Price Wine Flights

A red and white wine flight will be offered. Each will contain wines at four different prices. If you can tell the most expensive from the least, you'll pay less.

Angry Hour

Instead of happy hour, there's angry hour, where you get a discount if you order in an angry tone of voice. Exactly when it is hasn't been firmed up yet.

Kids' Food

Davis outsourced the cooking to food trucks The Big Cheese and Captain Cookie and The Milk Man. There are four types of grilled cheese ($8 each, including tax) plus a number of nut butter and jelly options ($5). Captain Cookie supplies eight types of cookies with the option of milk plus ice cream sandwiches. Soupergirl will serve soup and Whisked! will serve pie. Davis may bring in other local vendors, potentially providing everything from popcorn to pickles.

Candy Store

Just so you really do feel like a kid in a candy store, there actually is a candy store. Ring Pops, Fruit by the Foot, Pop Rocks, gummy worms, Sour Patch Kids—it's all there.

Games, Games, Games

Every table has its own game. There's Wii Mario Cart, a wall of Etch A Sketches, Nerf darts, a mini-Skee ball machine, and more. Hopscotch is painted on the floor, and a mirror on the wall is accompanied by goofy costumes and fake mustaches to try on. Guests can also check out games like Jenga, Break the Ice, Connect 4, and Ouija for free by turning in a driver's license.

Stop Watches in the Restroom

"There's so many ways to interpret it," Davis says.

49 Investors

Davis crowdsourced investment in the bar from 49 people. Their photos, along with their baby photos, are framed in the corner under "The 'Fools' of Thomas Foolery." Mr. Yogato was similarly funded, with 23 investors.

Thomas Foolery, 2029 P St. NW; (202) 822-6200;

Photos by Jessica Sidman

  • Unsilent

    So it's like one of Derek Brown's bars, only completely opposite in every way possible.

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  • OkThen

    This will fail. But it will fail spectacularly.

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  • Mike Licht

    Beer ice cream floats, grilled cheese, cookies ... are the barf bags made of brightly colored construction paper?

  • Andrew

    This place sounds amazing. I'm not sure booze + hopscotch is a good combo though.

  • Bac

    Need I say more?

  • Mike Licht

    What's the line-up for their kickball team?

  • Jim

    And tax included with all prices- that's a big deal.

  • Will Atwood Mitchell

    I'm fine with all of this. You get beer, I get soda, everyone's happy. Fuck that Boylan's cola though. Ugh. I want to throw all of it into the ocean.

  • T

    forced fun is no fun

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  • Matt

    You lost me at Smirnoff Ice. It's one thing to have it as a joke but to have 3 different kinds on the menu? Leave that shit on the kickball field.

  • Tom A.

    A) This replaces Zekes!?
    B) He can't spell Shelburne?!
    C) 8 bucks for a grilled cheese sandwich!?

    I AM angry though, so I guess i know where to be at 5pm...

  • jimble

    Do you get a discount if you find all of the gimmicks desperate and irritating instead of whimsical and delightful?

  • Novatronic

    I guess anyone who misses that place that served cereal will welcome this.

  • belinda

    a hotline to the "girls"? well isn't that charming.

  • Weeee

    I think this is a great concept for the bar and wish Steve well in his new venture. Obviously it's a niche type bar, but anyone who can read the article should be able to figure that out. Really looking forward to the fun loving, close atmosphere.

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  • Likes Weeeee

    Thank you Wee for the only useful comment. Best of luck to Thomas Foolery, can't wait to check it out!

  • Jay

    Floats, YES PLEASE!

  • Ryan

    I am so in! This is a "80s baby and grew up in the 90s" paradise for those who still have that "inner child".
    My Inner Child.

  • 17th st

    Good Luck Steve!

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  • Sarah

    This sounds like paradise. I'm going. tonight.

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