Young and Hungry

Five Guys’ Supporters Rush to the Defense of the Chain Burger


It's not enough, I guess, that the Five Guys hamburger earned a spot in our inaugural D.C. Dish Hall of Fame. The burger's many fans want the respect that goes along with the honor. Everyone's respect, in fact, and either you give it or you are,  in the words of commenter The Truth, a "douche nozzle." Or maybe even a "whimpering little douche nozzle."

Such devotion. Such limited language skills.

Anyway, I have been impressed with the chain's fan base and its continued faith in a burger that has been franchised from here to Timbuktu (or, in this case, Medicine Hat, Canada, Five Guys' first outlet outside the states).

Here are some of the comments Y&H has received since dissin' that once-revered burger and its place in the D.C. Dish Hall of Fame:

The Truth: Nice backhanded compliment to 5 guys. You just can't get over the fact that they're better than your favorites, can you? 5 guys absolutely OWNS Hellburger, and always will. Now, stop behaving like a whimpering little douche nozzle.

Shaman: I'm also in the Five Guys fanboy camp. I've visited BGR and Hellburger a bunch of times, and while I enjoyed every burger I had, Five Guys provides a more fulfilling and enjoyable taste experience than the rest.  In my personal opinion, there's definitely some law-of-diminishing-returns that kicks in when a burger patty exceeds a certain thickness, and when you try to fancy-up a burger, it just feels wrong. Oh, and as much as I have to confess my love for foie gras as a Hellburger option, the crumbly, wimpy buns and their inability to adequately support the burger's structure is simply unforgivable. You can taste the quality of the beef, no doubt, and the tomatoes are almost always wonderfully ripe–a rare treat. The buns suck.

Rich: I also prefer 5 Guys to Hellburger and the Burger Joint.  Hellburger: superb meat, over-spiced on the cracked peppercorn, which combines with the bleu cheese to make it hard for me to appreciate the meat. It's also overcrowded, and not a terribly pleasant overall burger experience. BGR: nice patty, again with the high-quality meat of low fat content, which makes the burger's structural integrity in issue all three times I've eaten there.  5G: a suitably greasy burger, with a taste that brings to mind the In-N-Out animal style that is the apex of my burger universe. Sorry, boutique burgers. Top-grade sirloin doesn't make a better cheesesteak than Pat's or Geno's, and it won't create a better burger, either.

  • Typicalsquirrel

    I love crazy people...but these comment's are just that...crazy!

  • The Truth

    I guess the Five Guys burgers don't mix well with the 1/2 quart of man juice that typically occupyie the author's belly.

  • The Truth


  • The Truth

    Okay okay! No more insults! Feel free to delete my previous! Many amends and apologies!

  • The Truth

    I guess I felt it unfair that, while the voting was still ongoing, the author attempted (either intentionally or otherwise) to change the outcome by insisting that 5-guys was an inferior product (which, it isn't) to others on the list of candidates. Previously, the author attempted to devalue the nomination of 5 Guys to the list as nothing more than a nod to their popularity, with no basis in the quality of their product.

    Hardly objective journalism. A minor issue (burger joints), no doubt. But, the behavior was nonetheless obvious and unwelcome, particularly in this age, where objective (unencumbered by editorialization) reporting is so rare.

  • The Truth

    Burgers make me crazy! True dat!

  • J

    The Truth - how old are you? Your insults are comical. If you don't know Tim personally its unfair to keep attacking him. Hes a seasoned food critic who has received awards and accolades. You've apparently eaten too much five guys and crapped out your brain. =)

  • Former Staffer

    BGR and Hellburger beat 5 Guys hands down.

    The Truth can't help but admit the truth, they have low standards for quality of meat.

    5 Guys is gristly. It's fried on a flat top, not grilled as any real hamburger should be. And worst of all it's made by low wage workers of questionable language skills. Real hamburgers are made by white dudes from Wisconsin.

    Calling 5 Guys a quality hamburger is like saying McDonald's makes a quality hamburger.

    The Truth is out there, it's just not at 5 Guys.

  • The Truth

    I know, I've been childish in my responses. I hope I've explained WHY I resorted to suchy playground behavior. Not in an effort to excuse it, just to explain it.

    You shouldn't try to affect the outcome of a poll while you're in the midst of conducting it. No matter WHAT your (expert) personal opinion may be.

  • The Truth

    " It’s fried on a flat top, not grilled as any real hamburger should be."

    Actually, many professional cooks will disagree with you. Most experts know that the proper way to cook a burger is on a seasoned flat top grill.

    "And worst of all it’s made by low wage workers of questionable language skills. Real hamburgers are made by white dudes from Wisconsin."

    I see you have other issues, which I'll ignore.

  • Simon

    Can't stand 5 Guys, but I'm not such a fan of BGR either. Their buns are nowhere near as resistant as they need to be for a burger with that much juice and liquid. I pretty much always end up eating the last third with a fork. And that's just wrong.

    It's Ray's or nothing for me!

  • The Truth

    I think the best buns are had at, dare I utter the name, Fudruckers?

  • The Truth

    And what is it with this notion that, because the product has been franchised, it cannot be any good?

    These pleas to ignorance are dishonest.

  • The Truth

    I just heard that 5 Guys just opened its 525th chain store.

    Ummmm...... wow.....

    I had no idea it was THAT much of a chain.

    I would now like to withdraw my nomination of 5 guys to this contest, and all my idiotic comments subsequent to said nomination.

    I will now go to the penalty box, where I will feel much shame......

  • J

    The Truth- also remember not too long ago a number of 5 guys were closed for several days because of mouse droppings found everywhere. Not like every restaurant is sanitary - but they were caught. Maybe thats the special sauce?!

  • The Truth

    I dunno about down your way, but up here, 5 Guys doesn't have a "special sauce!" 😮

    I do feel like a big ol' dipshit for going on like I did, all the while thinking there were only about 6-7 Five Guys in the local area.


    "What's all this talk I hear about endangered feces?!?!"

    --Rosanna Rosannadanna

  • Gennaro E

    What's funny about these comments in defense of 5 guys is their utter lack of accuracy. BGR's burgers are "low fat"? And they're sirloin? Neither Ray's nor BGR meat with low fat content - it's safe to say that both are 80% lean or lower, and the owner of BGR himself has repeatedly stated that he thinks the best simple burger mix is straight up brisket, a much fattier cut than sirloin.

    As for complaints about toppings (such as the peppercorn crust and bleu cheese) overwhelming the burger, the answer to that is simple: compare a plain burger from either BGR or Ray's to 5 guys, rather than one with all the additions. The toppings are options, merely bonuses for those desiring to switch things up with their burger. The key differences in the quality of these three burger joints is the meat they use and their ability to cook it properly...and on that level, BGR blows 5 guys away, and Ray's tops them both.

  • Tod

    5 guys rocks. Best burgers NOT grilled in a backyard barbecue, which every real man knows is the only real way to get a good burger. Fuddruckers? Im cant unhinge my fricken jaw like a 12 foot anaconda to bite that oversized grease dripper, and the bun is immediately over saturated to the point you cannot pick it up. Serous burger faux pas. I havent been to these other fru fru joints mentioned and have no desire to either. A burger joint should be simple, unpretentious, not posing as a 5 star french eatery.

  • Douglas Gillian

    Five guys burger is fine but Please don't compare Pat's to Geno's. That's like comparing McDonald's to Le bec Fin. Pat's runs circles around Geno's fatty meat.

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