H Street Country Club Changing Course
Honest Abe was attacked again.
If you’ll recall, back in May when H Street Country Club first opened, I tried to warn owner Joe Englert that several holes were vulnerable to attack from drunk duffers. He brushed it off like so much pet hair, saying the statuary on his putt-putt course, particularly the gruesome dead presidents on Hole No. 5, could withstand the punishment of Satan’s army.
Well, apparently not.
Just weeks after opening, some asshole broke the hands off the rotting skeleton of President Lincoln — and that’s not even the worst of it. “Someone tried to skull fuck Abraham Lincoln,” Englert notes. I’d prefer not to explain how this could be done to artist Lee T. Wheeler’s statue, but let’s just say there’s a wide-diameter bullet hole in Honest Abe’s skull.
Englert’s shocked, too, which is saying something for him.
Whether due to unwanted advances toward dead presidents or just poor design, H Street Country Club’s owners have been forced to alter several holes since opening day, Englert says. All but one of the dead presidents, for instance, have now been moved outside the coffin that outlines Hole No. 5.
Hole No. 4, in which you putt across a glassy Reflecting Pool and up the stairs of the Lincoln Memorial, has been altered to include AstroTurf on the previously wooden entrance to the monument. And with a simple rerouting of a drain pipe, Hole No. 3 no longer sends your ball bouncing across the golf course when you putt up the ramp of the National Cathedral.
Other changes are coming, too, Englert says, including adding gray AstroTurf to Hole. No. 7 in which you now have to put across concrete and between the legs of a D.C. meter reader.
It’s just Englert’s style to adapt, he says. “I will change at the drop of a hat,” Englert crows.
So Englert? Can I say it now? I told you so.
“You didn’t say that. You said Michael Jackson was going to live to be 100,” Englert responds.
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8:51 pm
Wow. You’ve really got your finger on the pulse of DC, Tim.
Please jack off Englert one more time!
9:15 am
As one of the busiest restaurant developers over the last decade in DC I think it is perfectly appropriate for Tim to have a close relationship with Englert. It’s not like this blog/food editor have never criticized him or the food in his establishments.
Finally, let’s be honest: This is a blog not the print edition. The writing can be a bit more relaxed and personal. Englert man sounds like a hoot and I definitely enjoy reading these.
Sidenote – I have never ventured over to H street or (knowingly) to any of Englert’s operations. One day, one day.
10:08 am
DC Foodie, thanks for your defense against the hollow, cricket-chirp commentary above. Just to clarify, I have no close relationship with Englert. I call him up and ask him questions. He has a way of responding — with one liners, broadsides, complete nonsequiturs — that makes things sound more familiar than they are. But we’re not driking buds or anything. We just engage in a repartee over the phone. End of story.
10:16 am
I played my first round this past weekend. Impressed two tipsy women by coaxing my golf ball through the hole in Abe’s head. They found this inexplicably amusing.
Also, for the record: not an easy course. But “Undead Presidents” was where I took a commanding lead. Long live zombie FDR!
12:26 pm
Went last night to H Street.
The golf was fun and great for a date. It felt a bit crowded and there are definitely some sections where additional places to put your drinks would be nice. Oh, and the Washington Monument/Reflecting pond hole was hard as hell!
Of the two drinks we ordered one was utter crap and tasted like someone had distilled the sour from 100 lemons into it. Really, really too strong. The lime frozen margarita was delicious though
and I would definitely order it again.
For dinner we had the lobster taco (was it a taco o salad? we just ate the meat), chips with guacamole and calamari. Everything was delicious except the calamari. Either they forgot to bring out a dipping sauce or we were meant to eat very crispy and salty squid with no sidenotes of flavor. The lime juice we squeezed onto it did not do the job. A sweet/hot/tangy/etc sauce would have made that dish easily but instead the extreme saltiness took over.
Overall, a good time if you are going to make a night of H street NW but I’m unfortunately not going to be traveling over there too often. When we got done there were no cabs around and it was unclear how to find the shuttle service (I know, I know – just look! But with a drunk and nervous date who is new to DC waking around H street at 1 am is a tough adventure to sell). Plenty of other things to do in the rest of DC without having to trek it out into the hinterlands.