Humans have been celebrating variations on a "Valentine's Day" since the fourth century, when ancient Romans celebrated their mid-February pagan fertility rite. Nowadays, the Valentine's Day tradition persists in order to market shitty ensemble romantic comedies, prod our significant others into buying shitty chocolate, and make single folks feel shitty about themselves. Valentine's Day has not been particularly good to us.

Thankfully, some enterprising groups have figured out how to capitalize on the obligatory Valentine's Day celebration in ways that don't involve a 5-buck Hallmark card (or Patrick Dempsey). Below, three Valentine's-themed events that support women around the world:

Crafting Hope Trailer from Erin Yokel on Vimeo.

Event: A fund-raiser Crafting Hope, a documentary film by Greenbelt, Md. native Erin Yokel. According to Yokel, "The film Crafting Hope explores how income generating livelihood projects started by three resourceful women are breaking the cycle of poverty for communities in the Philippines, Uganda and Haiti."

Valentine's Twist: Instead of hitting up a corporate Valentinemonger like Hallmark, those wishing to celebrate the holiday can "shop for fair trade, handcrafted Valentine’s gifts" at Bethesday's Ten Thousand Villages store. Romantic extra: the filmmakers will be on-hand to discuss the problem of women's poverty worldwide.

Host: Crafting Hope and Bethesda's Ten Thousand Villages store.

Details: The fund-raiser will be held on Fri., Feb. 12 from 6-10 p.m. at the Ten Thousand Villages store, 4959 Elm Street, Bethesda (Check the film's Web site for weather updates).

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Event: The Valentine's Benefit Concert, a showcase including local bands The Sweater Set, FREE, and Nila, plus a silent auction.

Valentine's Twist: Valentine-themed entertainment that won't make you spew. Plus, proceeds from the event will go to Courtney’s House , "the first shelter in DC for sex-trafficked children and young women."

Host: V-Day D.C., a local volunteer group devoted to ending violence against women.

Details: The show will be held on Friday, Feb. 12 at 8 p.m. at Bloombars, 3222 11th St. NW. Suggested donation is $10.

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Event: "Reclaim Valentine's Day," an effort to remind "the women in our lives how they empower and inspire us."

Valentine Twist: Instead of sending a Valentine to a significant other in a begrudging nod to societal expectation, send a platonic "V-Tine" to a female friend you really love.

Host: The Younger Women's Task Force, a national organization of young female political activists.

Details: Sign up to send a "V-tine or $5. Proceeds benefit the Younger Women's Task Force.

Photo via George Eastman House

MTV reality sensation Jersey Shore (the Real Word, but with guidos), is only two episodes in, but it's already infamous for a moment that hasn't yet aired. Next week, Snookie, one of the show's self-described "guidettes," will get punched in the face by a man in a bar. Judging by the show's trailer, Jersey Shore is positively built upon its cast members getting into drunken bar fights. So why do we only care about one woman's hit to the face?

The punch, which MTV previewed in a trailer for the upcoming season, has inspired both excitement and disdain from commentators. One Web site delighted over an image of Snookie getting punched over and over again, calling it "the most gratifying animated gif you will ever see"; Jezebel, which framed Snookie's punch as an incident of violence against women, called the "the clip and commentary chilling."

This week, MTV responded to the concern. According to NY Daily News, next week's Snookie-punching episode will be a Very Special Episode of Jersey Shore:

MTV will air a public service announcement after next week's episode of the controversial series "Jersey Shore" because it includes an incident of violence against a woman.

. . . The PSA, set to air following the Dec. 17 episode, reads: "Violence against women in any form is a crime. If you or someone you know is being abused by a boyfriend, family member or total stranger, please call 911 or log on to www.loveisrespect.org for information and help. You can also call The National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline at 1-866-331-9474 for immediate support."

Violence against women is a crime. Then again, violence against anyone is a crime. And in the two-minute preview for Jersey Shore, we see a lot of violence against everybody:

Ronnie forcefully pushing Sammy on the boardwalk:

A woman grabbing a man's neck to force his face into her breasts:

Several brawls:

JWow throwing punches at Mike:

And of course, Snookie getting punched:

The violence on Jersey Shore started early. In the first episode, Pauly punches a stranger in the face in a bar, citing the fact that the stranger had been "looking at him." Later, Pauly gleefully tells the camera that he knows the exact amount of pressure it takes to break a nose. So why do we only care about Snookie getting punched? I have a few theories:

a) Snookie is one of the most obnoxious television characters ever. No character is particularly charming on this show, but Snookie is the worst. In the two hours I have observed Snookie, she has a) passed out within hours of arriving at the Real World house; b) complained about not being the center of attention while MTV cameras were filming her for a reality show about her life; c) vomited in the sink instead of showing up to her first day of work; and d) threatened to go home after two days because she thought everyone was talking about her behind her back.

Viewers hate Snookie enough to get excited about seeing her hit in the face. They only dislike the other characters enough to not give a shit one way or another when they get pounded.

b) Snookie is more annoying because she is a woman. Let's face it: There are plenty of gender-neutral things to hate about Snookie. Still, some viewers hate Snookie more because she's a guidette. Check out this helpful comment:

Well chicks want equal everything, so here ya go Snookie. Equal being what it is when guys talk a bunch of shit they have to back it up or get knocked the fuck out.

Welcome to being equal Snookie. I'm guessing I won't see you lined up to collect any combat pay anytime soon.

Snookie does a lot of things in the first two episodes—she twirls her hair despondently, gets naked in the hot tub, becomes confused at a telephone in the shape of a duck, calls her dad, and misses her first day of work. What she doesn't do is go off on some sort of feminist tirade about women being equal to men. Positioning Snookie as a women's libber who got what she deserved is completely off-point. It's also pretty sexist.

c) Punching a woman in the face is more taboo than punching a man. Did you see how many people got victimized by violence in that trailer? Like every character, practically! So why does only Snookie get the PSA treatment? A couple of the incidents showcased in the trailer could be seen as legitimate examples of domestic abuse (Ronnie pushing Sammy; JWow going after Mike). After all, these people do live together and have relationships with one another.

Snookie getting punched, on the other hand, is not a particularly gendered form of violence. The guy in the bar wasn't her boyfriend or family member who trades off between affection and abuse. Furthermore, Snookie's punch in the face was an entirely public act—domestic violence against women is so problematic because it is hushed up, excused, covered with a coat of foundation and a tale of "falling down the stairs." Snookie was punched in the face by a drunk guy in a bar, a type of violence which is far more likely to target a guido than a guidette.

Was it right to punch Snookie in the face? Of course not. Was it a necessary side-effect of women's liberation? Hell no. But as long as we're talking equality, how about we start giving a shit about women punching women, men punching men, and women punching men, too?

Alpha isn’t always “amused mastery” or grace under pressure. Sometimes, in fact a lot of times, it’s a flying flurry of fists to the face, in the case of Rihanna leaving its demon mark as shadow horns on its victim AKA enabler.

The post then descends into a desperate and masturbatory pursuit of page views.

My favorite response to Roissy, from Uncommon Priors:

I am tempted to fly to D.C. and manifest my alphaness by beating the shit out of Roissy for this post.

Perhaps some good can come of this. All the men who think they're the Alpha-est get together and try to beat each other up the hardest. The winner gets to blog about how much he hates women from prison, where he won't get to see any.

Obviously, this is no good. But after Long faults the group of men, the unsympathetic bartender, and the cops, she turns to an unsuspecting target of blame for violence against women: Barack Obama. Long details why Obama may be to blame for her friend's battered face:

I think we cannot dismiss the election's place in all this. The world watched as Hillary Clinton and Sara Palin were eviscerated by the main stream media. Calling women C**** was tolerated. Demeaning and disrespecting women was deemed OK. A young potent male was victorious over an older women. It was a symbolic victory on many deep psychological levels. I am afraid last night was just the beginning and that there will be more crimes against women. Times have changed and not for the better. I can smell it in the air.

Another blogger chimed in, calling the post-election U.S. "Open Season on Women" and tapping her post on the incident with a "Thanks Barack":

[Obama] has used misogyny to stir up hatred of women in the media and on the blogs that supported him. Now that the genie is out of the bottle, it won’t soon be put back. We are going to be dealing with this for a long time to come.

Hey, I want a lady to be president as much as anybody. But I'll take a real victory for women over a symbolic one any day. I've yet to see the evidence of whatever misogynist genie Barack Obama and Joe Biden have conjured up in their campaign, but I'm willing to bet it will satisfy more lady wishes than a ticket that opposed abortion, forced women to pay for their own rape kits, put women's health in sarcastic finger quotes and, you know, actually called somebody a cunt. Thanks a lot, Barack Obama. Thanks a lot.