[youtube:v=d4EvVErNhVE]

Apparently, by having a butt, I reap a variety of benefits. They include:

* Never having to look at the changing room mirror and think: "Not-so-sexy bottom."

* Having what "all women want without lifting a finger."

* Knowing that my ass makes me "just like the celebrities."

* Having my clothes fit better.

* Feeling more confident.

* Being able to forget about doing "endless squats."

* Never having to worry about paying for expensive cosmetic butt surgery.

* Looking and feeling like I "spent a fortune."

I have to admit: Some of these butt benefits are real. I've never considered having plastic surgery on my butt, or performing squats "endlessly," or applying the phrase "not-so-sexy bottom" to myself.

On the other hand, my fat ass has yet to usher me into the world of the big-bottomed celebrity elite. I haven't figured out how to summon my ass weight in order to boost my confidence at home or in the workplace. I can't say that anyone has ever looked at my ass and said, "Damn—that looks expensive." And, no, pants don't fit. Ever.

Some have argued that the existence of Booty Pop reflects the shifting of traditional beauty standards. As PostBourgie's G.D. writes: "You could probably make a pretty compelling argument that traces the mainstreaming of this aesthetic to hip-hop’s cultural dominance and its obsession with all things callipygous."

Not to get too deep on the Booty Pop phenomenon, but I think the product just reflects the fact that the beauty industry has figured out how to prey on a wider range of insecurities. You want a smaller butt? You can buy some life-changing underwear, too. Require a bigger ass? Strap on a Booty Pop. Now, we're just waiting for the underwear executive genius who can figure out how to "fix" the woman who thinks her current butt size is just right.

Gawker points us to this absurd, Michael Bay-directed Victoria's Secret commercial, which combines a butt rock soundtrack, edgy desert vistas, motorcycles, cars, knife-throwing, a helicopter, explosions, unexplained circus performers, a jet, half-naked sexy ladies, and wind machines. In other words, it appears to be targeted at women.

This ad is the very essence of a Michael Bay movie distilled down to one-and-a-half minutes. Except this time, Bay is attempting to use women's bodies to sell a product (women's underwear) exclusively consumed by women. Oops, nope—he's just straight-up selling women's bodies again!

If the helicopter circling over the naked chick didn't tip you off, perhaps the tag-line will:

"One Gift: A Thousand Fantasies."

So: This ad is targeted at the man who is interested in buying a woman something for himself this holiday season. Who knew Michael Bay could be so complicated?

"It is outrageous to think that men can buy this, programme it and give it to their partners and then monitor them," Berlin feminist leader Claudia Burghart said about the unfortunately designed lingerie. "It is nothing more than a chastity belt for insecure men."

Also offensive to women are the disgusting maroon rose print, the trashy sheer bodice, the inexplicable white strings emanating from the vaginal area, and what appears to be a set of satin wings attached to the woman's arms by elastic straps.

Brazilian designer Lucia Lorio defended her lingerie, describing it as a product for the "modern, techno-savvy woman" who has no taste. Lorio added that the collection "is a wink to women and a challenge to men because, even if she gives him the password to her GPS, she can always turn it off." Women should note that they may also take off the lingerie, and never, ever put it on again.