Don’t Fucking Tell Me To Smile, Baby

THE SMILE, BABY GUY (noun).

Origin: Metro stops, Metro buses, sidewalks, major thoroughfares, porches and verandas (in warmer weather).

Generally considered one of the more innocuous permutations of the Street Harasser, the Smile, Baby Guy is nevertheless suitably condescending and often persistent. His tactic is seemingly straightforward: as you pass his field of vision, he will note that you are not smiling, and insist that you smile, generally against your will. He may then insist that you date, kiss, and/or have sex with him, generally against your will.

EXCEPTIONS (1). Tony, a Smile, Baby Guy who lives on my street and with whom I forged the following verbal agreement last summer: In exchange for smiling each time I saw Tony, baby, he would help me move a truckload of my personal belongings into a row-house inside which I had recently rented a third-floor room. He did so.

See also: the Why Aren’t You Smiling, Baby Guy, the You’re Too Beautiful To Not Be Smiling, Baby Guy, and the Smile, Ladies Guy.

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