Chris Brown appeared on the Wendy Williams Show on Friday, where he talked about his anger management classes, explained that his posture has been misconstrued by the media, and basked in the excessive fawning of Williams' female audience.

The whole interview was weird. Williams opens the segment by describing Brown in strangely passive language: "Our first guest has faced a firestorm of criticism for the past several months after a widely-publicized domestic violence incident which occurred with his former girlfriend, Rihanna." But the low point of the interview comes at segment's end, when William asks Brown if he's dating anyone. Brown responds, "Of course. I love women." And the crowd goes wild.

I hate "I love women."

Let's see what other illustrious male stars also "love women":

Tucker Max loves women:

I hate a lot of things, (stupid people and Duke basketball, for instance) but nowhere on that list is women. I LOVE women. Now, do I treat some women like shit? Yes, sometimes, but I treat EVERYONE like shit, not just women. Sexism is treating one sex differently from the other(s). I treat people as individuals.

Mel Gibson loves women:

I love women. They're the best thing ever created. If they want to be like men and come down to our level, that's fine.

Tom Cruise loves women:

Interviewer: You seem to have a real respect for women. What is it that you like so much about them?

Cruise: They smell good. [Laughs]. They look pretty. I love women. I do.

Silvio Berlusconi loves women:

"I think Italians recognise themselves in me. I am one of them. I was poor, I am interested in the things that interest them, I love football, I smile, I love others and, above all else, beautiful women," he said to loud applause.

Christopher Walken, as the eternally skeevy dude in the SNL sketch "The Continental," loves women:

You look so lovely. It is as though Michelangelo sculpted you by hand . . . then kept you for himself.. in a closet . . . to visit on lonely nights. Would you care for a glass of champagna? I knew you would. I knew you enjoy champagna. How do I know this? Because I love women. I can read their mail . . . I mean, mind!

Why is "I love women" the worst thing you could possibly say?

(a) It assumes that all women are the same. I'm a heterosexual woman with plenty of men in my life. I love my father, my brother, and my boyfriend. I do not love Tucker Max, Tom Cruise, or the skeevy guy in The Continental. How could this possibly be? Because I understand that even though my boyfriend and Tucker Max share a couple of pronouns, they have little else in common. Men who announce that they "love women" fail to recognize us as individuals.

(b) When you say "I love women," you really mean, "I love having sex with women."

(c) The phrase is almost always evoked defensively. Accused of calling a female police officer "sugartits"? Just say, "I love women." Convicted of beating up your girlfriend? "I love women." Accused of frequenting underage prostitutes? "I love women." Rumored to have brainwashed a beloved female star in order to make her into your Scientology baby factory? "I love women." This statement is the misogynist's answer to the racist's "I'm not racist but," and the homophobe's "some of my best friends are gay."

(d) Note the context. "I love women" is almost always prefaced or followed by some seriously sexist shit. You love women because they smell good? Great. What about women who don't smell good? Possibly the most annoying "I love women"-related commentary is the sentiment that "women are better than men" (See: Gibson). When Gloria Steinem said that “A pedestal is as much a prison as any small, confined space," she was talking to all these skeezes, who hold women up to a high standard of fuckability, then degrade all the females who fail to live up to that standard.

The woman, who arrived at the bar alone, is "fascinated by human sexuality," she tells me. Sure, she's got theories. "Some of my ideas are pretty radical," she insists, before flagging the bartender for another Pink Slip.

Two sex tips from a drunk person, after the jump.

ONE. What if human sexual attraction were not based upon pheromones, genetics, or parental issues, but rather "completely mundane things that we don't even realize?"

Say you're really into scuba diving. You feel at home in the water. Always liked aquariums. Did you ever think that the reason you are attracted to that guy with a large mouth, wide nose, and the oily skin, is because he looks like fish? Think about it.

TWO. What if human sexual attraction were not based upon pheromones, genetics, parental issues, or marine life, but rather upon the feminine or masculine qualities of one's teeth?

Say you're really attracted to very feminine people. Perhaps the reason you like the guy with the rippling abs, the deep voice, and the Joe Biden sensibility is because, beneath it all, he has really girly teeth?

Or say you're the more masculine type. Perhaps you still harbor an attraction to Tom Cruise—even knowing what we all know—because of his extremely pronounced cuspids?

Try it out next time you're on the prowl. First, check out your cuspids—the longer, pointy ones toward the outsides of your smile. If you look like a vampire, you're masculine. If your teeth appear more generically human, you're feminine.

First, zero in on a target with the appropriately gendered teeth, depending on your sexual interest. Now, approach them and start a conversation. Maybe you could discuss with them your radical theories on human sexuality; whatever. Just make sure to keep your teeth hidden beneath your upper lip, the palm of your hand, or a medical mask. Once things have progressed to pleasant conversation, reveal your teeth to your potential mate—preferably, dramatically. If things go well from there, your dental make-up is likely in line with your target's gendered attraction. If your teeth bomb, it was never meant to be.

Have you received a sex tip from a drunk person? Submit their insights to the Sexist.

Photo by pink sherbet photography

Here's one I hadn't seen before—some " fierce, fierce dancing" by a spirited and scantily-clad fan of Beyonce's Single Ladies video. Enjoy:

[youtube:v=SGemjUvafBw]