The Sexist will be out for the holiday weekend tomorrow, so I leave you with last week’s greatest hits. What better way to celebrate America’s birthday than reading a bunch of random shit about sex on the Internet?

1. This Week in Sexist History: Girls, Girls, Girls Edition, an indulgence in olde-tyme sports writing. I say it’s sexist! Commenter says it isn’t! Steve Silver says it’s “interesting how it has to be explained to some readers 100 years later that an article published 100 years ago describing women purely as objects for men’s pleasure is sexist.”

2. Teen Sex Scandal!, in which I put the feminist linkbait-and-switch theory to work.

3. Big Penis Site Reveals Inches Before First Date, in which 7orbetter.com has more longevity than I gave it credit for.

4. Disney’s Closeted Gay Agenda, in which High School Musical debunks all theories about Disney promoting heterosexuality.

5. Sex Tips From Drunk People, in which I pledge to do more research in this area over the holiday, and I encourage you to do the same! E-mail your drunk sex insights to ahess@washingtoncitypaper.com.

Photo by Misserion

Last week on the Sexist:

1. How Sarah Palin Confuses Liberals Into Arguing About Feminism in which Sarah Palin is wrong, but still manages to drag us all down with her.

2. Huffington Post: Liberal Politics, Sexist Entertainment in which a commenter argues for Arianna-approved “testicle slips.”

3. Don’t Blame Glenn Beck’s Hot Mormon Wife in which Tanya’s insistence upon Mormonism “grounds” him.

4. Teen Sex Scandal! in which all the people searching Google for “teen sex” and “teensex” are sorely disappointed.

5. The 10 Creepiest Paul Rudd Stalking Tweets in which I, too, do my part.

Cell Phones: Not just for Sexting!

Drumming up a good teen sex scandal for the nightly news ain’t what it used to be. A couple decades ago, a news anchor could scare the shit out of some parents by just turning to the camera and posing a question: “It’s 10 o’clock. Parents, do you know where your children are?”

Nowadays, the advent of e-mail, cell phones, and GPS has ensured that parents always know where their children are. And so, local news reporters have been forced to dig a little deeper than that old rhetorical question for their parental scare tactics. Below, how to engineer a teen sex scandal using only a cell phone, a pair of blue jeans, and a few good “experts.”
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