When Laura Ingraham covered hosting duties for Bill O'Reilly on the O'Reilly Factor last week, she sought out to answer the age-old question: Why do feminists hate Sarah Palin so much? Hmm—I can think of a few reasons. The resulting discussion between Ingraham, Washington Post columnist Sally Quinn, and Republican pollster KellyAnne Conway produced some pretty interesting theories. Let's check them out:

Theory #1: We hate her because we're childless spinsters.

CONWAY: I think of some of the spinster childless columnists who have attacked this woman for her right to choose . . .

INGRAHAM: Can you name names?

CONWAY: . . . and have five children. There are too many to name and then it would make them relevant on such a great show.

INGRAHAM: Spinster columnists, OK.

—

Theory #2: We hate her because Todd is cute.

CONWAY: . . . I think she makes some women feel inadequate because she has five children, no household help. Not only is she not anti-man, but she has, as we could tell, a supportive husband and father.

INGRAHAM: And cute, too. He's real cute.

CONWAY: . . . the extended family. He's cute to go.

—

Theory #3: We hate her because Palin lost weight after having the 5th baby we never had because we were too busy being childless spinster abortionists without cute husbands:

CONWAY: . . . And look, she lost all her baby weight. It makes some women crazy. They've got 1.3 children and a Pilates schedule they have to keep, and it makes some of them crazy.

QUINN: . . . Well, let me just say first that she has a point about people being jealous about her losing her baby weight. I have to say.

NGRAHAM: OK, we've gotten that out of the way.

CONWAY: But you did too, Sally.

INGRAHAM: I got that.

QUINN: No, I'm crazed about that.

INGRAHAM: Right.

QUINN: And I have to admit it right here.

INGRAHAM: You've always been fit.

QUINN: Yeah.

INGRAHAM: So we're not going to hear that from you.

—

Theory #4: We hate her because she's a woman:

CONWAY: And look, I just want to say this, that with Palin, she looks so feminine. She acts like a woman, but governed like a man.

—

Theory #5: We hate her because we're jealous that she's pro-life:

INGRAHAM: Admit it right now. Palin is hot. She is pro-life. She shoots. She hunts. She has a big family. And all these feminists are like just seething with jealousy about it.

—

Theory #6: We hate her because she is against everything that we stand for:

QUINN: . . . I have to say that of all the people I know, I don't know a single person who feels jealous about her. I think that most of the people I know who are not Sarah Palin fans just don't like what she has to say.

Photo by lifeisaprayer, Creative Commons Attribution License 2.0

ENGAGED – Quinn Bradlee, 27, son of Ben and Sally, and author of 'A Different Life,' to Pary Williamson, a yoga instructor he met Jan. 12 on the recommendation of her student Maureen Dowd. Quinn tells us he proposed over the phone at 11:30 p.m. Sunday after they'd been in a fight, and he told her his life wasn't the same when they were apart. Pary's students include: Rahm Emanuel, David Gregory, Maureen Orth and Katharine Weymouth.

I officially know too much about Quinn Bradlee, and not nearly enough about Rahm Emanuel.

The weird part about this whole thing isn't that the brothel was called "Heaven's Gate"; or that he was mysteriously driven there by a taxi driver named "Silky"; or that Bradlee didn't even figure out what he was paying for until "she started to take off her clothes"; or that he was "glad it happened"; or that he immediately told his mother; or that his mother then dragged him back to the brothel to pick up his prostitute and test her for HIV because Sally Quinn "worries way too much, if you ask me."

No, the weird part is that this hilarious little Carribean prostitution adventure is Bradlee's way of introducing a much more serious topic: "Girls." Bradlee closes out the chapter by wondering why he's been unlucky with the ladies:

More than anything, I want a girlfriend. I think one of the reasons I have a hard time taking it to the next level with girls is because I had no contact with girls for much of my adolescence. Sometimes I think that I’m a loser, that I’ll never find a girlfriend, that I’ll be a nobody for the rest of my life.

I seem to have the worst luck with women no matter how hard I try. I feel they’re picking up some vibe from me that says I can’t handle a relationship, or I’m not mature enough to be in a relationship. Whatever it is, I am apparently doing something wrong. I’ve taken and followed all of the advice my friends and my parents have given me about dating, but it hasn’t quite worked out for me yet.

I have trouble with reading cues and I can never tell if girls like me sexually. If you’re having an intimate friendly conversation and a woman is smiling and you’re making her laugh, then you think that maybe it’s possible to take it to the next level. But, typically, the day after that kind of thing would happen with a girl, I wouldn’t hear back from her.

It goes on and on. Hmm, okay, perhaps Bradlee should first try skipping the prostitute story, and also, actually, any story where Sally Quinn completely freaks out. He might also pare down the six excrutiating paragraghs detailing why, specifically, women have never liked him down to, I don't know, zero.

Or maybe I'm wrong: Maybe the "my mom's crazy, I fucked a prostitute, women don't understand me" tactic has worked out: Bradlee's Web site says he's currently in a relationship.