* The New Gay is looking for stories of people affected by a lack of ENDA. "Fired from your job for being gay, lesbian, bi or trans? Do you feel that no one cares about your lack of livelihood born from our governments systematic betrayal of its own people? Now you can do something about it," TNG writes. File your stories here.

* Fugitivus on sex work:

Theoretically, I don’t have a problem with sex work. I don’t think there’s anything inherently, fundamentally wrongdirtybad with sex as a job, or sex for pay. But that’s based on a concept of sex work in a vacuum, and we don’t live in a vacuum. We live in a patriarchy. And sex work situated within a patriarchal world is inevitably swimming in a pool of wrongdirtybad, and anything tagged with the wrongdirtybad brush becomes fair game for serious violations of humanity.

On the one hand, since my ideal vision of the world doesn’t differentiate sex work from any other kind of work, it seems like that should be the thing I’m working toward. I “should” be the kind of feminist that is all on board for decriminalization or legalization, or normalizing the sex trades so they’re not a dirty stigmatized mess — and often I feel bad that I’m not more so. On the other hand, I work in a profession where I frequently see young girls who have been trafficked and exploited, and/or mothers who have had to prostitute themselves in order to feed their children, and their desperation has usually caused them to be exploited as well. Some of the abuses I see surrounding exploited sex work are so heinous that it’s very difficult not to come away with a “SHUT IT ALL DOWN” view of sex work. And yet, I know it’s not something that can be shut down, not now, not ever. I often just don’t feel like my brain is large enough to find a way to integrate some of the worst horrors I’ve ever seen with a utopic vision of positive, healthy sexuality. I don’t know how to overcome my revulsion of abuse long enough to separate the tools (which are not inherently abusive) from the abusive people who are handling them. At some point, they just seem practically, realistically fused together, even if conceptually I know they aren’t.

* Speaking of: Last month, D.C. police busted six people for solicitation [PDF] at 2121 P St. NW.

* Westboro Baptist Church turns its attentions to Lady Gaga.

*Metro Weekly takes a local angle on Chinese counterfeit condoms lubricated with vegetable oil, featuring FUK!T Campaign leader Dan O'Neill:

''When you have counterfeited items, like your Louis Vuitton bags and what have you, at the end of the day, that's not great. But here, when one's life is put at risk,'' [O'Neill] says. ''This has real implications in that it undermines the public's trust in these products.

''What we don't want, or what would be terrible, is if people are just trying to get a deal and at the end of the day they just totally abandon their trust in using condoms altogether, thinking, 'Why bother?'''

Sunday, June 27th marks the 16th annual National HIV Testing Day, but this year, D.C.'s Whitman-Walker Clinic will be celebrating the occasion all week long. The extra effort is necessary in a town like D.C., where 3 to 5 percent of the population is estimated to have HIV. "Everyone should know their HIV status for themselves and their partners and their families," Dr. Raymond Martins, the clinic's chief medical officer, said in a statement. "[But] this year, we want to encourage people to not just get tested themselves but to pass along the message of HIV testing and prevention to those around them. Talking about this epidemic is one of the best tools we have to fight it."

Starting tomorrow, the clinic will offer free walk-in rapid testing in spots around the city. The test takes about 20 minutes; schedule is after the jump.

Friday, June 25:

· Elizabeth Taylor Medical Center, 1701 14th St., NW, and Max Robinson Center, 2301 Martin Luther King Jr. Ave., SE, 9:00 am-5:00 pm.

· Greater Baden Medical Services, 5001 Silver Hill Rd., 2nd Floor, Suitland, Maryland, 10:00 am-3:00 pm.

Saturday, June 26:

· Benning Neighborhood Library, 3935 Benning Rd., NE, 11:00 am-3:00 pm.

· Giant, 1050 Brentwood Rd, NE, 11:00 am-5:00 pm.

Sunday, June 27:

· “God’s People are Getting Tested” Initiative, Christ Lutheran Church, 16th & Gallatin Streets, NW, 12:00-3:00 pm.

· MLK Memorial Library, 901 G St., NW, 1:00-4:00 pm

Monday, June 28:

· Elizabeth Taylor Medical Center, 1701 14th St., NW, 9:00 am-7:00 pm, and Max Robinson Center, 2301 Martin Luther King Jr. Ave., SE, 9:00 am-5:00 pm.

· Greater Baden Medical Services, 3028 Brightseat Rd., Glenarden, Maryland, 10:00 am-3:00 pm.

Tuesday, June 29:

· Elizabeth Taylor Medical Center, 1701 14th St., NW, and Max Robinson Center, 2301 Martin Luther King Jr. Ave., SE, 9:00 am-5:00 pm.

· Greater Baden Medical Services, 3028 Brightseat Rd., Glenarden, Maryland, 10:00 am-3:00 pm.

· Gay Men’s Health & Wellness/STD Clinic, Elizabeth Taylor Medical Center, 1701 14th St., NW, 6:00 pm.

Photo via Trygve.u, Creative Commons Attribution License 2.0

* My Sex Professor's Debby Herbenick on a condom-distribution program at a Provincetown, Mass. elementary school.

The new policy allows for the distribution but apparently requires that children/young teenagers speak with a school nurse or counselor before they can receive a condom, an aspect of the policy that not everyone agreed with due to concerns that the conversation may be a barrier for some to asking for a condom. However, as their elementary school education class does not instruct on how to use a condom, this aspect of the policy may provide that type of information—and other types of conversations/counseling that I would hope any concerned adult would ask someone who is that young and either sexually active or thinking of becoming sexually active.

* Alyssa Rosenberg takes a hard line on actresses who coast on an "America's Sweetheart" reputation when dabbling in terrible and misogynistic dreck: "there ought to be genuine penalties for making rotten movies, particularly ones in which smart actresses debase themselves to turn in rotten portrayals of their fellow women."

* Via Holla Back DC!, former Holla Back intern and D.C. 11th grader Brittnie Smith has written an op-ed at the Examiner on sexual harassment and assault on public transportation:

Washington Metropolitan Area Transit Authority (WMATA) doesn’t do a good job on meeting the needs of women’s safety. From April 2009-March 2010 Holla Back DC! has received thirty-two reports of verbal sexual harassment, twelve reports of groping, (four of which were thigh grabs), four reports of physical assault, four reports of stalking, and three reports of public masturbation on public transportation. There were five incidents that were reported to either WMATA officials and/or the police. Out of the five cases, there was only one positive response, which led to the perpetrator’s arrest. This incident causes women to feel more fear than security when taking public transportation in DC.

* s.e. smith at FWD/Forward on the limitations of anti-discrimination legislation.

* Cara Kulwicki at the Curvature questions the U.S. government's reluctance to bankroll an end to prison rape:

the answer to the supposedly burning question isn’t difficult—the federal government needs to give prisons more money to specifically address this problem. Though not up to wardens to address, I think it’s worth pointing out that we’d have lots of money to spend on the issue if we stopped senselessly incarcerating people like non-violent drug offenders. And it’s definitely worth mention that we don’t have a big issue with spending money on prisons to begin with. The prison industrial complex is big, big business—and while $1 billion sure is a lot of money, it’s chump change compared to what we pour into incarcerating people every year. At around a mere 2% of what is being spent already, a whole lot of people—who we insist on locking up against all logic and reason—could be a hell of a lot safer. So what, exactly, is the problem?

Photo via Augapfel, Creative Commons Attribution License 2.0

FUK!T, a D.C.-based initiative that supports condom use among gay men, has produced a spoof of old-school sex-ed films in an effort to promote modern safe-sex practices—just in time for D.C.'s Capital Pride. Delivering the message are porn stars Brent Corrigan and Matthew Rush, who administer advice on condoms and lubes, deliver campy bon mots, and do their best coach-and-student routine as the camera lingers on Corrigan's penis (in this version, censored with a yellow smiley face). FUK!T—short for "fuck kit"—began distributing packages of condoms with lube at clubs and other businesses around D.C. after staggering reports of D.C.'s HIV epidemic were released last year. An uncensored version of "Brent's Oral Exam"—along with plenty more explicit penis-in-condom shots—are available on the organization's website.

Starting in, oh, a minute, local anti-AIDS-and-homelessness outfit Housing Works will be throwing a rally against HIV and AIDS at D.C.'s Anacostia Park. "Positively Uplifting: Rally, Music, and Barbecue" will feature just that: "inspiring music, spoken word artists, and powerful speakers all envisioning an end to HIV/AIDS by addressing the factors that contribute to its surge." The rally will last from noon to four at Anacostia Drive and Nicholson Street SE; full press release after the jump.

Hundreds of AIDS activists from around the country will convene in Washington, D.C. from Sunday, April 18 through Wednesday, April 21 for the fifth anniversary of the pioneering organization the Campaign To End AIDS. Founded in 2005, C2EA is a national grassroots AIDS coalition led by people living with HIV/AIDS that advocates both locally and nationally for elected officials to exert the political will necessary to ending the HIV/AIDS epidemic.

A diverse coalition that welcomes all people living with HIV/AIDS and their supporters, the majority of C2EA members are black and Latino, which has made the movement particularly effective at highlighting how the disease disproportionately affects poor people of color.

D.C. Fights Back, the D.C. chapter of C2EA, has kept relentless pressure on the District’s leadership to address the devastating impact of HIV in the nation’s capital. Multiple protests over the waiting list for housing for poor people with HIV in the District embarrassed officials into addressing bureaucratic housing hurdles — although C2EA is still fighting to resolve the issue.

One D.C. Fights Back member, J’Mia Edwards is featured in a new documentary that will debut at the Tribeca Film Festival on April 26, The Other City. Edwards spent years on a waiting list for housing. “I’m tired of seeing this person or that person for answers. I’m afraid of getting sick,” Edwards said at a press conference last year with New York Congressman Jerrold Nadler. Edwards has since found housing and a job.

“We’ve had some great successes—both personal and political,” said Larry Bryant, a C2EA member from the D.C. area. “Our summit will be about celebrating those successes and plotting our strategy for the next five years. Those of us who are living with HIV have got to keep the pressure on our leaders in order to end the epidemic.”

C2EA members will spend most of the week meeting in small and large groups, establishing both national and local goals. The four-day gathering will culminate in a ‘Positively Uplifting’ rally and barbecue in Anacostia Park from 12 PM to 4 PM on Tuesday, April 20, and visits with elected officials on Wednesday, April 21.

‘Positively Uplifting’: Rally, Music, and Barbecue
April 20, 2010 from 12p-4pm
Anacostia Park at Anacostia Drive and Nicholson Street SE
Washington DC

The event will have inspiring music, spoken word artists, and powerful speakers all envisioning an end to HIV/AIDS by addressing the factors that contribute to its surge. Local organizations such as Us Helping Us and The Blair Underwood Clinic will provide free testing. The Grassroots Team, Food and Friends, Silent Partners and other community partners will be doing outreach and activities with the crowd.

C2EA has a 5,000-person member list, and active members in all 50 states. C2EA also has global partners in South Africa, China, and South America. Find out more at www.C2EA.org.

Housing Works, a 501c(3), is the fiscal agent for C2EA. For more information on Housing Works, visit www.housingworks.org

It's all female condom all the time this week on the Sexist. Female condom in a rubber vagina! Female condom in the anus! But despite the exhaustive orifice coverage (do not insert the female condom into your mouth!), questions remain. Like, what does illustrious ladyblogger Sady Doyle of Tiger Beatdown think about putting the female condom into her vagina? And so on. In this edition of Sexist Beatdown, join Sady and I as we wipe off our female-condom-pre-lubed hands (pictured), prep our vaginas for FC2 landing, and get down to ladybusiness.

AMANDA: Sorry I'm late: I was inserting my female condom in anticipation of having sex up to eight hours from now.

SADY: Amanda, you know how much I value our friendship. Which is why I want you to understand something. PLEASE NEVER SAY THE PHRASE "I WAS INSERTING MY FEMALE CONDOM" EVER EVER AGAIN.

AMANDA: Deal. But the next 30 minutes of this female condom chat are going to be excruciating for me.

SADY: It's hard for me to think of "female condom chats" WITHOUT thinking "excruciating." I know I am judgey and a poor former condom merchant and/or safe sex advocate for feeling this way.

AMANDA: Hey Sady, we're just two ladies hanging out talking frankly about our vaginas. The most natural thing for two women to talk about! (Actually we have talked a lot about vaginas, I am realizing, in this series).

SADY: Well, I guess we... have them in common? Okay, let's talk about something that is NOT vaginas. Let's talk about dicks. Because here's how I feel about dicks.

AMANDA: I'm listening.

SADY: HERE'S HOW I FEEL ABOUT DICKS! Dicks don't get pregnant. Dicks don't get their periods. Dicks don't get ANYTHING except boners, and also occasionally hilarious Hits in the Crotch on old episodes of America's Funniest Home Videos.

AMANDA: Haha, yeah!

[youtube:v=0zGLas2q31E]

SADY: Dicks have like one responsibility in the world, which is to put condoms on themselves when they are having the penetrative intercourse. AND NOW THEY'VE PUT THAT ONE ON US TOO?

AMANDA: Yes they have! And women around the world are as skeptical as you are. The thing about the female condom is that it's really great for women who can't force their male partners / clients whatever to use the male condom, and so they need a first line of defense.

SADY: Yeah. Fair enough.

AMANDA: For women who don't have that very terrible problem, though, I'm not seeing it really catching on? However, I have this idea that I would like to sell to the female condom manufacturers, which is that they give a grant to porn manufacturers who will work to eroticize the female condom in their work. So then one day like 10 years from now, old people will be like, "what are these 'money shots' and 'bikini waxes' and 'female condoms' the young kids are using nowadays?" And then there will finally be gender equity in condom sales.

SADY: Wow. Porn truly does solve everything! But can we go back to that "you won't put on a condom and we need a barrier/STD-preventing method" thing?

AMANDA: Sure.

SADY: Because here's my theory: You, A Dude, want to sleep with me. I, A Lady, am not sure if we are monogamous and/or STD free. You are like, "but baby, why can't YOU put this bag up your bits?" I am like, "this is the quickest I have ever lost interest in a sexual encounter. See you later, dude!" Like: If you are not responsible enough to wear the condom, you're not responsible enough to be having sex with me, basically.

AMANDA: Yeah. I have never heard of a man who would prefer the lady coat her vagina with a bag? But I did speak to one man who has sex with men who has used the female condom, and he had this to say about it: "When I’ve been a top—the insertive partner—what I’ve liked about the bottom wearing the device is that my penis wasn’t wrapped in plastic.” So, there's that.

SADY: I mean, okay. Sure. I get that. Did your interview subject mention the fit issues? I mean, I hear it fits well, but the thing I have always admired about condoms — the skinny jeans of the birth control world — is that they are so specifically tailored. Does the female condom, according to your journalistic research, share this virtue?

AMANDA: OK, so I'm not going to repeat the phrase that must never be repeated.

SADY: OH JEEZ.

AMANDA: But I did shminshmert the shmemale shcondom the other day, when I was, you know, just hanging out and bein' a lady, and it does, like shconform to the insides of your shvagina.

[youtube:v=mnyC_v0-DQ4]
How to shminshmert the female condom

SADY: Okay, so here's the thing: you like put it in and then hang out, though? Like, actually that might be a virtue! Because you don't have to go through that "oh crap where are the condoms rummage rummage rummage HANG ON additional rummaging" deal.

AMANDA: Well, you don't have to hang out, but you can hang out. (Up to eight hours before intercourse!) I mean, personally, I never really stopped feeling it so I wouldn't exactly suggest it. But maybe you get used to it. The thing is, nobody like, actually prefers sex with a condom, but it's a necessity in a lot of sexual situations, and it's conceivable that some couples might prefer the female condom. I just think it's really difficult to get that trend to pick up enough speed that those specific people a) actually try the condom and b) feel comfortable using it.

SADY: Oh, sure. And let me respond to your very serious and useful and responsible point with this: I am one of those people who occasionally gets all "OH WHAT THE CRAP WHERE ARE MY GLASSES," and looks for them for about fifteen minutes, and then looks at A MIRROR, and is like, "oh." I have looked for my headphones whilst wearing my headphones. If I ever shminsmerted the shmemale shmondom, basically it would be in there for life, is what I'm saying. I would seriously forget about it.

AMANDA: Yeah, the other thing is, like, peeing? You will have to pee at some point.

SADY: Oh, yeah, THAT.

AMANDA: Because it's really a full-coverage device, so I imagine it would get some pee on it? Perhaps there is some sort of accessory you can buy that aids in that process.

SADY: God. Somehow this ends with people getting like a female condom and one of those Shenis things you pee through and vajazzling ALL OF IT and... So yeah, I think we've established that I am one of those backward ladies that is like, "a FEMALE condom? Never!" Although, yeah, new barrier methods are good. That's undeniably true. And now, based on my reactions, I can see what it would be like to be one of those "I hate condoms" dudes. I HAVE BECOME THE THING I HATED.

AMANDA: And now I know what it's like to walk around with a condom in my vagina. Minimum rustling, I must say!

SADY: Okay, like, I have to say... Nobody is making these dudes put the condoms on over their lunch breaks so that they can come and have sexy dates with us later.

AMANDA: That's the weirdest thing about the female condom promotion, to me: They say that because you can pre-insert it, it "doesn't interrupt lovemaking." But it interrupts, like, other shit? Like my lunch break, or my peeing schedule, or what have you.

SADY: Yeah. I mean, I think your idea for a line of Female Condom-Centric Porn is actually a good one. Because right now this is like the least erotic idea in the world. But... dude condoms weren't initially perceived as a great idea, EITHER?

AMANDA: Right.

SADY: Like, I read this old issue of I think Cosmo from the sixties or seventies once, for a feminist media project, and it had this "revolutionary" article about all the different kinds of birth control there were. And condoms were mentioned. And the article, AS I RECALL (I am not quoting) was like, "I know you think these are for prostitutes, but you can use them too," and also they interviewed a guy who had tried this Strange New Birth Control Method, and he was like, "OMG so unnatural! Like having sex with a garbage bag!" And now it's just like... condoms, you know? They're at Duane Reade, they're understood to be commonplace, and nobody wants to hear you whine about them. Like I said: The very NOTION of a condom that I myself might wear has somehow transformed me into a person who thinks like a gross-ish dude.

AMANDA: Yes. And either you'll look back on this moment 30 years from now and say, "That is the moment I officially became an old person who is resistant to change," or, "That is the moment I officially became an old person because I even know what a female condom is, and no young people have ever heard of that shit, in the Future." Time will tell!

SADY: Right. When we're all wearing our Holo-Helmets and having Virtual Sex on our Google Entire Fake Universe Dates, the female condom, and indeed the male one, will be unnecessary. I for one look forward to that day.

This Wednesday is National Women and Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day, and since women now account for one-third of all new HIV cases in D.C. [PDF], well, it's really important that we all become aware of this, post-haste! So this week, activists are hosting a variety of events around the D.C. area in an effort to encourage HIV prevention among women and girls. Even if you're not a women's health nerd like myself, the roster of activities may have something for you: Refreshments! Interactive Facebooking! A star of White Men Can't Jump, after the jump!

What: "Standing United Against HIV/AIDS: Confronting the Impact on Women and Girls," a lunch lecture featuring speakers like Tina Tchen (Executive Director of the White House Council on Women and Girls) and Dr. Howard Koh (Assistance Secretary of Health for the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services). RSVP to Lynn Shaull at 202-434-8003 or lshaull@NASTAD.org.

When: Tomorrow, March 9, 12:30 to 3 p.m.

Where: Dirksen Senate Office Building, Room 562, First and C streets NE.

Bonus: If Koh isn't your bag: The discussion will be moderated by Rosie Perez!

—

What: The "HHS Office on Women's Health National Women and Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day Event at the National Press Club," a press conference (register online here).

When: Wed., March 10, 12 to 5 p.m.

Where: National Press Club, 529 14th Street NW.

Bonus: Totally free lunch!

—

What: "REPP: Remind, Encourage, Protect, Prevent," a spoken-word poetry night featuring "DC's finest poets, spoken word artists, female DJs and MCs" taking on the question of "why women and girls must remind each other, encourage each other and our partners and protect ourselves from HIV." Plus: The world premier of REPP PSA 'The Promise Ring.'"

When: Thursday, March 11 from 5:30 to 8 p.m.

Where: The Women's Collective, 1331 Rhode Island Ave. NE

Bonus: Program host the Women's Collective promises "refreshments, giveaways, and prizes(!!!)"

—

What: "Chasing Waterfalls," a program hosted by the Black Women's Health Imperative that will provide "An Artistic Showcase and Conversation about Young Black Women and HIV/AIDS."

When: March 11 from 6 to 8:00 p.m.

Where: Tabaq Bisro, 1336 U Street, NW.

Bonus: Beyond the TLC-inspired programming? Interactive Facebooking! If you log onto the event's Facebook page and post a "creative HIV/AIDS awareness message," your "message may be featured in a collaborative poem performed by our featured artists."

—

What: "S.O.S: Saving Our Sistas from HIV/AIDS," a "skill-building summit" for women ages 13-29 (Sign up here).

When: Sat., March 13

Where: The ARC, 1901 Mississippi Ave SE.

Bonus: If you can't make it down to the ARC: "Event will conclude with a Town Hall Meeting that will be streamed live via the Internet and include panel interactions from Facebook and Twitter."

photo via Jayel Aheram, Creative Commons Attribution License 2.0

Allison, 26, and her boyfriend were having sex—an activity they had engaged in many times over the six months they had been dating—when her contraceptive vaginal ring fell right out of her vagina. Her boyfriend paused. He developed a sudden concern over the efficacy of the couple’s method of birth control. “He was like, ‘Oh, no. How is it going to catch my semen?’” Allison recalls.

For about a year now, Allison has used the NuvaRing to prevent pregnancy. Three weeks out of the month, the clear, flexible plastic ring sits in Allison’s vagina and releases hormones into her bloodstream that prevent her from ovulating. It does not “catch” anybody’s semen.

“He played it off as a joke,” says Allison of her boyfriend’s bizarre interpretation of her birth control. “But in the tone of his voice, that honest worry was there. Part of him was thinking, ‘What does this ring actually do?’”

Allison is a veteran witness to contraception awareness syndrome. “I was dating a guy in college who knew that I was on the birth control pill. Of course, he was concerned about me getting pregnant,” says Allison. “So he said, ‘You know, you should take four or five of these a day—just take as many as you need to,’” she says.

Jenna had been living with her boyfriend for several months when he floated his own contraceptive theory. Jenna was taking her birth control pills continuously, meaning that she was skipping the pack’s built-in placebo pills in order to stop her period. At some point, her boyfriend discovered how she had managed to avoid the monthly ritual. “I was thinking you were just magical, like a unicorn,” he told her. “I mean, you hope one exists somewhere, but you never think you’ll get to live with one…a cool chick with no period drama that has sex all month long.” He added, “The guys thought I was making it up.” (Boyfriends could not be reached for comment for this story).

According to a new study by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, many young American men exhibit attitudes toward contraception that could best be described as “magical.” The study [PDF] surveyed American singles ages 18–29 about their perceptions about and use of contraception. Twenty-eight percent of young men think that wearing two condoms at a time is more effective than just one. Twenty-five percent think that women can prevent pregnancy by douching after sex. Eighteen percent believe that they can reduce the chance of pregnancy by doing it standing up.

For the most part, men lagged behind women on the pregnancy prevention front. And when the study dipped into the realm of “female” forms of birth control, the gender divide intensified. In the study, 29 percent of men and 32 percent of women reported that they know “little or nothing about condoms.” When asked to rate their knowledge of birth control pills, 78 percent of men reported to be clueless, compared to 45 percent of women.

With a majority of young men generally unknowledgeable about hormonal birth control—and nearly half of young women equally stumped—men sometimes don’t figure out the basics until they think they may have impregnated someone, or their penis feels something weird. “I dated a girl with a NuvaRing, while I didn’t know she had one,” says a 22-year-old Arlington resident who didn’t discover how the couple was preventing baby-making until his penis was already well inside her vagina. “I found out the physical way, when I felt the alien object. I immediately recoiled in fear, asking what was wrong. It was frightening. Then she told me her birth control was a ring in her vagina, which I had never heard of.” He demanded the evidence. “She retrieved it—which is a sight to see—and showed it to me, put it back, and we continued,” he says. “I feel like girls should tell people.”

When Allison’s boyfriend expressed concern with the efficacy of her vaginal ring, she told him all about it. But even between two adults, the subject inspired some awkwardness. “The conversation wasn’t exactly free-flowing,” Allison says. “I’ve been dating since high school, and it feels like the men that I date now have a very similar idea of birth control as the men I dated who were high school students,” says Allison. “They get a preliminary idea in sex ed, and then there’s not really any education after that. Nothing ever changes.”

In addition to staging teach-ins, women are also responsible for shouldering the physical, emotional, and financial responsibilities for pregnancy prevention. Pap smears, STI tests, and gynecological sessions about their contraceptive options—that’s just the tip of it for the sexually active woman. In order to keep their birth control subscription fresh, they have to repeat that process every year. Their male sex partners are under no such requirements. As Salon noted last year, women have 11 methods of contraception from which to choose; men have two—condom and vasectomy. And even if men did have additional reliable birth control options, many women wouldn’t trust them to use them correctly. In a comment on the Salon article, one woman wrote, “I love my husband more than anything in the world but I would not place that responsibility on him because if the BC failed and he was responsible for it I would kill him then he would be dead and I would be having a child while in prison.” Perhaps it is no mystery why some men confine their responsibility to forms of birth control which relate directly to their own genitalia.

Gustav Seestedt, 23, says that birth control pills are the form of contraception he has “the most indirect experience with.” He has no idea how they work. “I thought it, uh, controlled, uh… I actually don’t know, now that I think about it,” he says. “Oh, man, I thought it had something to do with hormonal control, but that doesn’t seem right at all. That sounds pretty awful. I thought it, uh, somehow killed fertility with like chemicals and stuff,” he says. The ring, however, strikes Seestedt as a superior option. “I thought that was pretty fine, because, from what I understood, it was kind of a low-cost way of doing it, and it wasn’t really…I like it because chemical pills and stuff are kind of weird, [but the ring] was kind of placed inside, and…you know what I mean? It just kind of did its thing, you know?”

To some, the male indifference to birth control can be attributed to a juvenile disregard for all things related to the place in which the vaginal ring “does its thing.” We live in a country where heterosexual heartthrob Robert Pattinson feels comfortable announcing to Details magazine, “I really hate vaginas. I’m allergic to vagina.” Where tech nerds everywhere let out a collective titter over new Apple device the “iPad,” because it sounds kind of like a thing women use when they’re on their periods. Where Judd Apatow has built a film career out of turning extended vagina jokes into blockbusters.

“I definitely think that the inability to understand birth control goes back to the woman’s period,” says Allison. Months after the vaginal ring incident, Allison’s boyfriend remained confused about the specifics of her menstrual cycle. “The other day, I was on my period, and I took out my tampon before I went into the shower,” she says. “My boyfriend was like, ‘Wait: But you just took your tampon out. Can you go into the shower like that?’”

Allison responded to her boyfriend’s question with more questions. “Does he think that the second I take out my tampon, it’s just blood, blood everywhere?” she wondered. “That if I don’t plug it up with this cotton thing every moment, all hell will break loose?” Her boyfriend did not elaborate. “He was just kind of like, ‘Never mind,’” says Allison. “I think he understood the absurdity of his comment. But he was making an honest attempt to learn about something he doesn’t really know about.”

VIDEO: Men Explaining Birth Control.

Photo by outcast104, Creative Commons Attribution License 2.0

In this edition of Dr. Laura Schlessinger's YouTube extravaganza, the Doctor tackles a series of questions from Susan, a woman who has been forced to date men in order to ultimately become married to one of them. Susan is understandably confused on the specifics of such a modern endeavor.

Susan asks: "After years of dating, I still have a lot of questions. And since dating is essentially a prerequisite to marriage, I'd like your opinion on some of those questions. After one date, if a girl isn't interested in a serious relationship with a guy, should she go out with him again anyway? I've ben told that it's courteous to go out with a guy a second date unless the guy is a complete jerk. Until there's a definite dating relationship, should the girl pay for her share of the meal? How soon is it to considerate to disclose health issues? Information about past marriages? And other unpleasant corners of your life? And finally, how soon is it okay to kiss and hug?"

Over the next four minutes, Schlessinger informs Susan how to know when to ditch him ("With me, if he didn't open a door, take off my jacket and put it on the chair, pull out the chair and pay the tab, and open the door to the car, and pay for the gas to get me there, there wouldn't be a second date"); how to know when to tell him about your STIs ("For example, you have herpes. That's communicable!"), and how to know when to put dating on hold ("Gee, I was molested when I was five and I hate sex. This would be a good thing to clarify with your therapist before you begin dating").

Finally, Dr. Laura lets Susan know when to kiss him: "Hugs are nice at anytime. Pecks are good anytime. Really slobbery kisses and sucking on each others' face, that should wait awhile until you think each other is a keeper, I can't believe I answered that question. So until next time—I'm going to stop blushing—I'm Dr. Laura. Take care."

In the video, Dr. Laura became visibly uncomfortable discussing only one of the following topics:

a) "Gee, I was molested when I was five and I hate sex."

b) "For example, you have herpes. That's communicable!"

c) "Really slobbery kisses."

Hmm.

I'm a condom access nerd, so I was excited to see a Shapley Prose commenter post this vintage Golden Girls clip of Rose, Dorothy, and Blanche getting shamed by their cashier for loudly buying condoms for their romantic getaway (rarely do two nerd obsessions combine so harmoniously).

Next time your condom dispenser is a jerk about your safe sex purchases, try using Dorothy's Blanche's retort, which is, at the very least, sure to leave the cashier speechless: "Now we are embarking on a little weekend cruise with some longtime gentlemen friends, and if we decide to be intimate, then we'll be prepared . . . We're going to walk out here today with our heads held high, secure in the knowledge that we have done is morally and socially responsible."

I'm currently working on a story that touches on a lighter side of this problem—sex partners who don't quite understand how your birth control method actually works. If you've ever heard any bizarre theories about how exactly that pill stops babies from popping out of your ladyparts, please let me know.

But the tendency to place the burden for reproductive health on women reaches into far more serious territory. Case in point: Gardasil, the vaccine that prevents against HPV, was initially exclusively developed for use in young women, even though the virus affects 75 percent of men and women under 50. What's up with that?

In the new issue of Ms. Magazine, Dr. Adina Nack of California Lutheran University attacks the issue of the HPV vaccine's inconsistent application among men and women. According to a Ms. press release:

The CDC recommends “routine” vaccination for females ages 9-26 but, last October, after the FDA approved Gardasil for prevention of genital warts in boys and men, the CDC voted in favor of a lesser recommendation of “permissive” use in males that is likely to make the vaccine less affordable for men.

Translation: While the CDC permits use of this vaccine among both men and women, it only recommends that women receive the vaccination. The effect is that men will be less likely to elect to receive the Gardasil vaccine, and that health insurance companies will be less likely to provide adequate coverage for that use.

Gardasil is chiefly advertised as a method of preventing cervical cancer among women, an approach which glosses over the serious medical problems that HPV can cause in men—including genital warts, anal cancer, and oral cancer. There have been a few recent developments in providing access to the vaccine to young men. Today, in light of a Gardasil study that found the vaccine "successfully prevents deadly anal cancer in men," the CDC's Advisory Committee on Immunization Practices (ACIP) met to consider the expansion of the HPV vaccine in men [PDF]. Yesterday, Health Canada approved the vaccine for use in Canadian men aged 9-26 in order to prevent genital warts.

Why have we been slow to recommend this vaccine equally to both men and women? Men's reproductive health has not traditionally been medicalized like women's bodies have been. Women are accustomed to being subjected to annual medical check-ups on the status of their sexual health, including what sort of damage HPV may be looking to exact on their cervix. Men aren't. So while I'm forced to receive my annual pap smear and raft of STD tests in order to receive a refill on my birth control prescription, my male sex partner is subject to no such requirement. When you start considering the possibility of injecting young people with three doses of a vaccine that, like all vaccines, holds possible side-effects, women are the natural recipient of such a remedy. Their bodies have already been engaged in these issues, while male bodies have so far been kept at a distance.

As Nack notes, advocating for men to take control of their reproductive health can only help women:

“Feminists have a vested interest in advocating for policies and circumstances around the world that shape men’s ability to develop healthy sex lives, which, by definition, has to include respect for the rights of those with whom they partner, regardless of gender,” says Patricia Rieker, Ph.D., a sociologist at Boston University and Harvard Medical School and coauthor of Gender and Health (Cambridge University Press, 2008).

Nack's piece is entitled, "Why Men’s Health Is a Feminist Issue." And women's health is a men's issue, too. As Nack notes, we can't be solely concerned with how STIs will affect our own bodies when we're responsible for spreading these viruses to each other. "Women’s health—especially reproductive health—is usually the focus of sexual-health discussions but men’s health also deserves women’s attention—and not just because women care about their sons, male partners and male friends," she writes. "It almost goes without saying that women can also be infected by their intimate partners, and since the great majority of women primarily have heterosexual relations, that usually means by men."

Though the most dedicated rape apologists may disagree, clothing choices like miniskirts, low-cut shirts and high heels are not reliable indicators of a woman's sexual availability. Inanimate objects don't consent to sex; people do. But is there any sartorial choice out there that does announce to the world that the wearer is down to fuck?

Enter The "LOVEBUCKLE," a product of sex toy retailer OhMiBod (suggested stylings here). This leather belt features a brushed metal buckle with "circular cut-out window" for displaying "uniquely designed One® condoms." Basically, it's a big 'ol condom belt, and it retails for $85.

It's pretty clear that the LOVEBUCKLE is the rare clothing accessory that's specifically designed to send a sexual message. But what exactly is it saying?

Are you one of those people who still believes that women wear short skirts in order to secretly signal that they want to have sex with you? Consider this: Even prancing about with a prophylactic strapped to your pubic area by an extravagant leather belt can be interpreted in a variety of ways. Possible messages sent by wearing a LOVEBUCKLE:

a) Have sex with me now! Last night, I strapped on my sample LOVEBUCKLE and asked some co-workers what it all means. "You're wearing a condom right above your vagina," one co-worker explained. "It means you're ready to get freaky."

b) Don't have sex with me! I consulted a trusted friend to get another opinion on the meaning of this LOVEBUCKLE. This is what a giant condom belt means to her: "It's one step up from a giant torso tattoo that says 'I NEVER WANT TO GET LAID.'"

c) I want you to know that I am committed to safe sex. According to the OhMiBod presser, the LOVEBUCKLE is perfect for the safe sex partner who cannot be bothered with the hassle of accessing a condom that's not directly above their genitals. "Never again find yourself digging though your wallet or purse to find a condom when the mood strikes," The press release reads. "You’ll always have one handy when wearing the practical and stylish LOVEBUCKLE."

d) I do not want you to know that I am committed to safe sex. In the next breath, OhMiBod recasts the LOVEBUCKLE as the pinnacle of discretion. "I find the LOVEBUCKLE a handy way to inconspicuously be prepared on-the-go," an OhMiBod representative told me over e-mail. The LOVEBUCKLE's promotional materials include the following travel tip: "Spare yourself the embarrassment of packing condoms in a carry-on or purse that may be searched. The LOVEBUCKLE allows you to discreetly carry artistic One® condoms in the buckle, and makes a great fashion statement at the same time. With the LOVEBUCKLE, you'll always be inconspicuously prepared for safe sex on-the-go." Until your gigantic brushed metal belt buckle sets off the metal detector, and sends you over for a more intimate inspection.

e) I want you to know that I'm committed to condom wrapper art. According to the OhMiBod press release, the LOVEBUCKLE can be filled with "200 different graphic [condom] designs . . . giving wearers hundreds of ways to express themselves, and making the idea of safe sex fun, hip and stylish." My LOVEBUCKLE sample condom was illustrated with a photograph of Yellowstone National Park's volcano-heated Old Faithful Geyser, which I can only assume means that the wearer is scheduled to erupt every 35 to 120 minutes.

f) Or, something completely different. According to an OhMiBod press release, "When the LOVEBUCKLE is empty, an engraved 're-load' message shows through the circular window, reminding wearers to refill it with One condoms, or leave it empty, giving off an entirely different type of message and showing a alternate fashion style."

So which is it? Is it a gigantic metal buckle dedicated to displaying your collection of designer condoms? Is it a discrete accessory that allows you to carry your safe sex accessories undetected? Is it a handy signal that you can take on or off depending on your level of horniness? Or is it a belt that carries an unnamed but "entirely different" message?

What's that old phrase? When you assume, you make an ass out of the extravagant condom belt. After all, even if the LOVEBUCKLE is meant to signal that you're "ready to get freaky," it does not automatically signify that you're willing to de-belt for just anyone who happens to spy your LOVEBUCKLE. For me, at least, strapping on the LOVEBUCKLE indicated only that I was conducting some field research on the meaning of strapping on a LOVEBUCKLE. Results were inconclusive.

Because seriously, this thing is hard not to notice.

R&B singer Jeremih, self-proclaimed "Mr. Birthday Sex himself," wants to make sure that D.C. youth remember to have safe sex (and listen to Jeremih's hit single, "Birthday Sex"). In this PSA recorded for the local "Street Wize Foundation," Jeremih inserts some safe-sex messages over the, uh, sex messages of "Birthday Sex."

A sample: "You know, I might be doing my Birthday Sex thing, it's cross-promoting and all, but I just want to make sure that if you all choose to do what you all do, make sure you all keep it safe in the streets, man. Make sure y'all strap up and you know, just keep it safe, y'all."

This would be completely awesome—did I mention he's promoting safe sex and "Birthday Sex" in front of a wall of sneakers?—except for one unfortunate ad-lib. Jeremih tells D.C. teens "strap twice if you got to." Unfortunately, I'm a fucking decrepit snail compared to R&B sensation Jeremih—have you all heard his new hit single, "Birthday Sex"?—so no teen in the world is going to listen to me when I say DO NOT STRAP TWICE, KIDS. Someone cool please relay that message to the youth of America.

Pharmacies that keep their condoms in locked cases cite shoplifting as the main rationale for the safe-sex lock-up. When shoppers are ashamed to buy sex-related items, the theory goes, they're more likely to steal them—instead of sheepishly carrying them to the counter. But condom shame could hold a hidden benefit for pharmacies as well: When customers do buy condoms, they're more likely to impulse-buy other items, as well.

Online pharmacy mastersdirect.com has conducted a survey about pharmacy shopping habits which is probably mostly bullshit. But the dubious reporting here may hold some truths about pharmacy hang-ups:

* "One out of 10 men said . . . they have had unprotected sex because they were too embarrassed to buy condoms from a pharmacy."

* "A quarter has simply walked out of a pharmacy because they were too embarrassed to ask for a particular health product."

* "Thrush creams, tampons and pregnancy tests also made people feel conspicuous. In an attempt to hide their embarrassment over their purchases, well over a third had even bought something they didn't need as a 'cover-up'."

If the last statement is true, pharmacies may not be too eager to reduce the stigma of condom purchasing in their stores. If purchases of condoms, tampons, and lube are accompanied by a lucrative cover, why tone-down your employees' sex-product gawking?

Personally, I've never been so embarrassed to buy a health product that I've walked out of the store. But I have definitely picked up a cover item or two to balance out my sex-related purchase. I usually go for the gummy bears—cheap, tasty, close to the counter. I can't really explain why I find that necessary. Am I afraid the cashier will know that I'm on my period? That I plan to have sex soon? That I plan to have reduced-friction sex soon? Why, instead, would I prefer that the cashier know I'm bleeding out of my vagina, want to have sex, and require a snack?

Photo by Darrow Montgomery

Devon Hunter, a "a career exotic dancer with formal, professional training in dance and theatre," set out on the streets hit the clubs of D.C. last weekend in the hopes of launching a new safe-sex campaign. All the guys he approached thought Devon Hunter—who should call me, by the way—was totally lame.

"I’d asked three people if they’d like to be part of an advertising campaign to promote safe sex. All three rejected me," he writes. "Two said, 'Condoms are so 1985,' and the third said, 'Condoms are so 1980’s.' It had never occurred to me that safe sex was trendy, much less that condoms were connected in some way to fashion."

I agree with Hunter that this does not bode well for the future of the HIV epidemic in D.C. Still, I'm impressed that the condoms-are-lame trend is so specific! One respondent narrowed condom use down to the decade that it became uncool; two pinned the exact year.

Hunter posits that we should mix things up and reestablish condoms as "so 2009." I say that fashion is cyclical. Now that AIDS is back, condoms can't be too far behind.

Photo by Jeb Ro