If you're a raging conservative homophobe looking for a prime time interview spot, all you've got to do these days is suddenly pretend to be only a mild conservative homophobe, and you've got an audience on on Larry King Live.

First, noted conservative homophobe Rick Warren appeared on King's show to tell Larry that his official position on gay marriage is "oblivious" and that he wasn't the outspoken supporter of Prop 8 that he appeared to be obviously was last November:

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Then, noted conservative homophobe Dr. Laura Schlessinger appeared on the show to tell Larry that everybody has gotten her previous position on gay marriage well-documented anti-gay rhetoric wrong, and she actually thinks gay monogamous relationships are "beautiful" and "healthy" (though still not "marriage" potential):

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If these conservative homophobes are sincerely slightly less homophobic than we all imagined, I think that's just great. But when did Larry King become the go-to guy for softening your past raging homophobia? Here's to hoping that more conservatives, hearing of Larry King's openness to declarations of a softer, fuzzier, homophobia, book appearances on the show to stage their "gay-oblivious" political realignments.

Photo via Wikipedia

City Lights Editor Mike Riggs, a born, bred, and lapsed Florida Christian, explains whether the definition rings true for evangelicals and fundies "looking to skirt rules about sex." [Hint: they're more into oral].

1. New Adams Morgan Bar Loves the Ladies; Dudes, Not So Much, an examination of gender discrimination targeted against douchebags!

2. Rick Warren Don't Make No Sense, a nonsensical tired against Rick Warren's nonsensical invocation!

3. The Great Inaugural After-Party, dudes talking about beer and sex, for the President!

4. Woman Offers Ovary for Inaugural Ball Ticket, still going strong!

5. How to Crash an Inaugural Ball: Lessons from the Kentucky Bluegrass Ball, which prompted one reader to huff that I am "opposed to waht we just heard in the President’s speech."

Oh, hey, slow news day.

* Now, homos, Mormons, baby-killing women, porno freaks, Jesus mockers, and drunks have "sports nuts" to contend with for eternal damnation (above).

* Now, get out of my city please.

* Now, I get to not hear Rick Warren talk about anything for a very long time, perhaps ever.

* Now, there's only one day left until Oscar nominations!

* Also, now, only one day left until thousands more people come ruin our city, again, this time to protest abortion.

* Now, all the strangers in my group house who have been using my hot water and arguing about Israel or some shit need to leave, now. It's 9 in the morning!

Photo by Amy Austin

Also there are a lot of words for Jesus, but listing them still comes off as strangely exclusively Christian, no?

UPDATE: The full text of Warren's invocation, after the jump.

Let us pray.

Almighty God, our father, everything we see and everything we can't see exists because of you alone. It all comes from you, it all belongs to you. It all exists for your glory. History is your story.

The Scripture tells us Hear, oh Israel, the Lord is our God; the Lord is one. And you are the compassionate and merciful one. And you are loving to everyone you have made.

Now today we rejoice not only in America's peaceful transfer of power for the 44th time. We celebrate a hinge-point of history with the inauguration of our first African-American president of the United States.

We are so grateful to live in this land, a land of unequaled possibility, where the son of an African immigrant can rise to the highest level of our leadership.

And we know today that Dr. King and a great cloud of witnesses are shouting in Heaven.

Give to our new president, Barack Obama, the wisdom to lead us with humility, the courage to lead us with integrity, the compassion to lead us with generosity. Bless and protect him, his family, Vice President Biden, the Cabinet, and every one of our freely elected leaders.

Help us, oh God, to remember that we are Americans, united not by race or religion or blood, but to our commitment to freedom and justice for all.

When we focus on ourselves, when we fight each other, when we forget you, forgive us. When we presume that our greatness and our prosperity is ours alone, forgive us. When we fail to treat our fellow human beings and all the Earth with the respect that they deserve, forgive us.

And as we face these difficult days ahead, may we have a new birth of clarity in our aims, responsibility in our actions, humility in our approaches, and civility in our attitudes, even when we differ.

Help us to share, to serve and to seek the common good of all.

May all people of good will today join together to work for a more just, a more healthy and a more prosperous nation and a peaceful planet. And may we never forget that one day all nations and all people will stand accountable before you.

We now commit our new president and his wife, Michelle, and his daughters, Malia and Sasha, into your loving care.

I humbly ask this in the name of the one who changed my life, Yeshua, Isa, Jesus, Jesus (hay-SOOS), who taught us to pray, Our Father who art in heaven hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us, and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, for thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever.

Amen.

You’re Likable Enough, Gay People

The title is a nod to Obama's primary season declaration that "You're likable enough, Hillary." But next to Rich's smug head shot, it looks more like this.

* Slate's XX Factor hashes it out over Rick Warren. Sara Mosley hates Warren, but admits that "engagement with the other side" sometimes "makes everyone a little unhappy and uncomfortable." Noreen Malone thinks Obama's "selling out." Hannah Rosin thinks this is all "liberal group think" that amounts to "pretending evangelicals don't exist"—and calls to let Warren speak for himself.

* In inauguration dating news: This 40-year-old seeks a date for a ball; this out-of-town 26-year-old is looking for a place to stay—not for the inauguration, just any old time.

* Local poet Sandra Beasley wrote this week's XX Files essay on how to fake it: If "it" means becoming an impromptu motorcycle model for a televised magic show:

The director hadn't instructed us on attitude, so I kept rotating expressions. Ten seconds smiling. Ten second scowling. Ten seconds of terrified, we're-crushing-him! face. We kept rolling. Down the ramp. Steve cut the engine.

"That's it?" I asked.

* The Candy Pitch presents: The Twelve Days of Christmas, burlesque style.

Photo via trialsanderrors.