This Week In Sexist History:

Good 'Ol Day: July 22, 1893

Dateline: Long Branch, N.J.

Subject: The summer of 1893 is nearly ruined for this sad sack New Jersey scene reporter—until the sexiest underage bather this side of puberty catches his roving eye!

What's lifting these male vacationers from the depths of their pathetic existences? If you've been studying your Sexist History, you'd know that the answer probably starts with Pretty and ends with Girls:

Oh, it makes no difference what shape you are in the freewheeling social scene of the Jersey surf! Unless, of course, you're "pretty girl" shaped, in which case your body will likely be obsessively detailed in the pages of the New York Times. Proceed:

Euugh! How old is the young lady in the red swimsuit, anyway? One the one hand, it's great that this girl is still in her spluttering-around-in-the-water bathing suit phase, and not yet in her crippled-by-body-issues bathing suit phase. On the other hand, I'm willing to bet the girl's sexy childhood innocence was shattered riiiiiight arrroooound July 23, 1893—the day this Skeevy Turn-Of-The-Century Reporter's ruminations on her sexy childhood innocence was printed in the pages of the New York Times.

How can Skeevy Turn-of-the-Century Reporter possibly redeem himself from the true skeeviness of ogling bathing children? By turning next to an even sleazier specimen: The Skeevy Turn-Of-The-Century Sketch Artist.

Done and done.

Every single business reporter selected for HuffPo's latest parade of sexism interactive slideshow is a woman. While I love to see women succeeding in business, this particular feature isn't exactly what I had in mind. Let's take a look.

* Where the dudes at? HuffPo chose to only place women on its list. It must be because, as Pukeimmediately points out, men don't have to be attractive to be respected as reporters. And so, Eric Bolling's camera-ready tan and Cody Willard's glorious mane have gone un-dissected by the Internet sexy police:

* Meow! Why not just put a few guys into the mix in order to create the facade of gender-equality? That would ruin the whole Fox vs. CNBC girl-on-girl cat-fight scenario HuffPo has constructed here. Throwing a Cody Willard may boost HuffPo's progressive cred, but progressive cred can be a real boner shrinker.

* Experience bad. In the real world, the more years a reporter has slaved away at a beat, the more valued they are as a journalist. When HuffPo wonders if Maria Bartiromo has "lost some of her hotness to her younger colleagues," however, we see the limits of experience: it's valuable only until you're too old to be hot anymore.

* Boobs good! When it's not knocking FOX Business for low-ratings, HuffPo is commending it for its steady stream of "buxom women." (I wonder where they found that business model?) Some FOX business reporters are so good at their jobs, they actually have the power to make business viewers not give a shit about business. On Rebecca Diamond: "She recently conducted a well-researched interview about commercial real estate, but it was hard to pay attention. She was wearing a turquoise mini-dress with a deep V that nearly reached her belly button." In other words, women must be attractive in order to become journalists, but they still won't be respected in the field, because they are attractive.

* Newsflash: Pretty girl not dumb! HuffPo doesn't entirely ignore these female reporters' professional accomplishments—it just lists them as some sort of surprise twist to their hotness. Tracy Byrnes is hot, and wrote a book! Melissa Francis is hot, and attended Harvard! Trish Regan is hot, and wrote about pot once! Jenna Lee is hot, and looks American! Okay, so HuffPo couldn't dig up a career accomplishment for all of these women.

* And while we're at it: We get it, HuffPo: "Hard-hitting" means more than just "serious journalism." It also means you guys have a boner. Using this double-entendre twice in this slide-show alone is more than enough.