A new sex shop has opened up on King Street in Old Town Alexandria, and ABC News is simply shocked!

"With its cobblestone streets and row houses, Old Town Alexandria, Va., is known for quaint colonial charm," write reporters David Wright and Jenna Mucha, before immediately shattering their idyllic tableau: "The newest boutique on King Street, then, tends to stop people in their tracks. La Tache sells unique adult novelty items"—such as lingerie, lotions, and sex toys, oh my.

Lotion and cobblestone? It can never be!

If this is such a Big Fucking Deal, why is it that Wright and Mucha the only ones who seem to care about this clashing-of-worlds? The two Old Town residents ABC News could find to interview—anonymously!—about this frightening new retail trend appeared to not give a shit. At all:

But the really interesting part is that in Old Town, the neighbors don't really seem to mind.

"It's certainly different. As long as it doesn't attract undesirable people," said one resident.

Another who lives nearby said she doesn't mind, "as Queen Victoria said, as long as it doesn't startle the horses."

Wait a second—that's the interesting part? That nobody cares? And that the suggestion that anybody did care was purely an invention of ABC News? More interesting, I think, is that between two news reporters, nobody could get "a resident" to say a quote as inflammatory as "It's certainly different" on the fucking record.

Photo by Afghan LORD.