Posts Tagged ‘porn’
Porno for Gearheads
The young man behind the counter at Rollin Bikes looks happy to see a potential customer until I open my mouth and ask him about the movies. That’s when he sets down the part he’s examining and places his hands flat on the counter.
“Movies,” he parrots back to me without inflection.
I look from him to the other bike guy, who’s suddenly very interested in stripping the wheel in his hands. I introduce myself as a writer from the City Paper and ask him about the movies again.
“Ugh, god,” he says after he realizes I’m not only here for the movies, but I’m here to write about the movies. He cradles his face in his hands and mumbles something incoherent into his palms.
The shop is silent for a second.
“Yes,” the man finally says. “This is the bike shop with the porn in the back.”
Maryland May Insert Porn Clause Into Budget
Beards, boats, and all phallic imagery also to be banned from state budget.
Last week, the Maryland state legislature threatened to withdraw $424 million dollars in funding to the University of Maryland if its College Park campus proceeded with its plan to screen the satirical hard-core porn “Pirates II: Stagnetti’s Revenge.”
University officials nixed the screening, but allowed a campus student group to show portions of the film “in an educational context”—with ACLU reps speaking on free speech issues.
Now, Republican state senator Andrew P. Harris, who led the anti-porn charge, is moving to ensure that, in the future, hard-core pirate sex will be contextualized in an educational setting that will address more than simply his own ass-hattery:
Mr. Harris said Monday he plans to insert language in the state’s capital budget that would require the university to come up with a plan that will address the health and social concerns that are attributed to pornography, in the event an adult film is ever showcased on campus again.
Photo by St3ve
Sexist Beatdown: Sex Positive Negativity Edition!
To truly call myself “feminist,” must I partake of the dildo?
Earlier this week, I explained, ever-so-respectfully, why I thought sex-positive feminism was boring and dumb. In this edition of Sexist Beatdown, a chatty-thing, Tiger Beatdown’s Sady kindly explains how she came to personally identify as a “sex positive feminist” by being the only employee in a sex shop who didn’t know her anal nerve endings from the ones in her “cooter,” and I realize that a preponderance of rope restraints may be the only thing keeping me from the dark “sex-positive” side. Enjoy!
AMANDA: ok. so. sex sex sex sex feminism sex
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The Great Mexican Cartoon Porn-Off Concludes!
While in Mexico over the weekend, I happened across a bargain bin full of over-the-border delicacies: Mexican porn comics selling at 8 pesos each. Behold: Thinking penises! Dialogue I do not quite understand! Women who look like they’re not wearing shirts even when they’re wearing shirts! This week, I review the copies I picked up. De nada, guys.
Previously: “Colegialas Ardientes,” reviewed; “Golosas del Sexo,”reviewed.
Title: “Historias Eroticas: Lujuriosos apretones ¡de CHICHES!”
["Erotic Histories: Lusters squeezing the BREASTS!"]
Distributor: “Seductora Sexual”
["Sexual Seducer"]
Plot: A married couple celebrates its eighth anniversary by doing it in the car. Then, the husband goes on a business trip, gets drunk with some lady, gets a boner, has sex with her. At some point, a gun is brandished and the lady passes out, but that part lost me.
Mayans Fucking on Shotglasses: Offensive?
Uncovered in the tourist shops of the Yucatán: cartoon Mayans, glibly fucking each other afront the great architectural acheivement of their civilization, Chichen Itza, exquisitely rendered on a set of collectible shotglasses with the script, “Maya Sutra.”
So, is this kitschy Mexican representation of the nation’s native culture more or less offensive than one you might find in the United states?
The Great Mexican Cartoon Porn-Off Continues
While in Mexico over the weekend, I happened across a bargain bin full of over-the-border delicacies: Mexican porn comics selling at 8 pesos each. Behold: Thinking penises! Dialogue I do not quite understand! Women who look like they’re not wearing shirts even when they’re wearing shirts! This week, I’m be reviewing the three titles I picked up. [Read the first installment here]. De nada, guys.
Title: “Golosas del Sexo: ¡Revienta mis pelotas a sentones!”
["Sweet-tooths of Sex: Burst my balls to (dirty word not in the dictionary)!"]
Distributor: “Textos de Lujuria Y Pasión”
["Texts of Lust and Passion."]
Plot: Sexy tennis player shows the guys at the club her sentones, or whatever. Plus some bisexual sub-plot, or maybe they’re just friends.
The Great Mexican Cartoon Porn-Off!
While in Mexico over the weekend, I happened across a bargain bin full of over-the-border delicacies: Mexican porn comics selling at 8 pesos each. Behold: Thinking penises! Dialogue I do not quite understand! Women who look like they’re not wearing shirts even when they’re wearing shirts! From today until Friday, I’ll be reviewing the three titles I picked up. De nada, guys.
Title: “Colegialas Ardientes: ¡Orgasmos Anales!”
["Hot Schoolgirls: Anal Orgasms!"]
Distributor: “Aventuras de la Vagina”
["Adventures of the Vagina"]
Plot: Hot schoolgirls gone wild. Lots of boobs.
Liberals Gloat Over Conservative Porn Use
Ugh.
Recently, a study was released by the Harvard Business School showing that “culturally conservative states are America’s biggest purchasers of Internet pornography.” The revelation gave D.C.’s liberal bloggers an opportunity to descend on their Republican prey like ruthless, moral vultures. Observe:
The Sexist Reviews Bonobo Porn
Last week, psychologist Meredith Chivers revealed every woman’s secret bonobo sex fetish to the world. Okay, okay, you got us. Now, the time has come to freely shepherd bonobo porn into our sexual repertoire. Below, a primer on the sexual exploits of man’s closest—and sexiest!—relative.
For Your Consideration: “Bonobos—Let’s Talk About Sex”
Plot: Bonobos, of various shapes, sizes, and genders, have sex in a variety of positions, to the tune of Salt ‘N Peppa’s “Let’s Talk About Sex”
Production Value: Superb editing; luxurious addition of high-quality audio track (as Chivers notes, bonobo sex sounds are not inately stimulating). But the song’s lyrics—”Let’s talk about sex, baby / Let’s talk about you and me / Let’s talk about all the good things / And the bad things that may be / Let’s talk about sex / Let’s talk about sex”—are a strange choice for a lust that dare not speak its name. The song serves as an unsettling mockery of the sex acts, limiting the clip’s arousal potential.
Highlight: This video, while deficient in length, nevertheless presents a variety of bonobo sex scenarios to satisfy even the most peculiar bonobo sex enthusiast.
Innuendo-Off: The Papers On Flynt, Francis And the Porn Industry Bailout
Smut magnates Larry Flynt and Joe Francis want Congress to bail them out with a $5 billion stimulus package for the porn industry— a story destined to be slapped with a silly headline and hastily aggregated by all major news outlets! So which media co.’s throw-away one-liner best exploits this sham news story’s opportunity for sexual innuendo? here’s mine: Blow job! I’ve ranked the rest here, from worst to best!
WORST: Washington City Paper’s The Sexist: “Blow job!”
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