West Virginian Bruce Barilla, a long-shot candidate for the U.S. House of Representatives, lays it all out there in this campaign video, in which he explains that we must fight an "unnecessary hate crimes bill" because it supports  "gay sex." Points for transparency! Bonus: Supporters can proudly display their refusal to support gay sex to the world by placing a box of Barilla pasta in their car windows. (Barilla says he has "No relation to and not sponsored by Barilla pasta").

This time around, let's flip the script to examine what other terrible, no good, very bad things are just like rape. Like health care! The health-care-is-rape argument comes courtesy of WorldNetDaily managing editor David Kupelian. In a piece entitled "Barack Obama and the date-rape of America," he writes:

Good Americans from sea to shining sea are grappling right now with how to mentally process what they're witnessing in Washington, D.C.

The spectacle of a far leftist president literally forcing socialized medicine down the throat of an unwilling center-right America is reminiscent, perhaps more than any other contemporary metaphor, of date rape.

A man determined to have his way with a woman may start off seducing her with lies, flattery and the usual pretense of caring about her. But at a critical moment, when she says, "Stop, I'm not comfortable with this and don't want to go any further," he has a choice: Either do the right thing and back off, or abandon all prior pretensions and take her by force.

As president, Barack Obama courted us with sweet talk, but America grew increasingly uncomfortable with his advances and firmly said, "Stop"—in fact, screamed bloody murder for months. Yet Obama remains obsessed with forcing himself on America.

Kupelian goes on to explain how Obama, much like your undetected date rapist, appears to be an otherwise great guy, until he unsuspectingly rapes America:

How can an apparently decent man like Barack Obama—who undoubtedly loves his daughters and probably reads them bedtime stories, has a good sense of humor, and is highly intelligent and likeable—justify lying and deceiving all the time, pretending to care about Republican input, about transparency, about controlling costs, and so on? Further, how can he justify using such dishonest means to force his will on an unwilling American public? In other words, how can he countenance, in effect, date-raping America?

. . . and how, just like in many date rape scenarios, alcohol is involved:

What we need to understand is that, between his hate-based ideology (Winston Churchill called socialism the "gospel of envy"), extreme narcissism and long-internalized political corruption, Obama and others like him, literally drunk on power, live essentially in a state of delusion: Down is up, truth is cruel and impractical, corruption is just "conducting business," morality is repression, lying is a creative force.

But Kupelian's analogy falls apart when he presents date rape as something that Republicans should actually give a shit about, because for the most part, they really, really don't. If you Google "Republicans date rape," you'll get a lot of hits about Republicans reiterating the idea that bipartisanship amounts to date rape. And Rush Limbaugh equating date rape to extramarital affairs. And Republican Senators refusing to support the right of rape victims to sue their employers. And joking that date rape is like being robbed of expensive jewelry by a beautiful and mysterious woman. Double rape analogy bonus!

Isn't it strange how Republicans seem to only invoke the problem of date rape when they need to use it as a rhetorical tool to transfer sympathy away from real victims of rape and onto themselves? And isn't it odd that when presented with legislation meant to aid real victims of rape, the party refuses to support it? The fact is, Kupelian and his party are far more likely to direct their righteous indignation at people who want everyone to have access to medical care than they are to condemn rapists for raping. So if Kupelian wants us to truly understand how terrible Obama's pursuit of health care is for Republicans, perhaps he should draw comparisons to something that Republicans actually detest. He should also refrain from misusing the term "literally." Twice.

Thankfully for Kupelian, the piece floats several alternate analogies through which Republicans may illustrate their strife. According to Kupelian, Barack Obama is Captain Ahab, and Obamacare is Moby Dick; Barack Obama is a dictator, and America is Zimbabwe; Republicans are "German undercover operatives in the Nazi army plotting to kill Hitler," and Obama is . . . Hitler, presumably.

On Saturday, hundreds braved the first snow of the year outside BJ’s Wholesale Club in Fairfax to get a live glimpse at Sarah Palin, there to sign copies of her new memoir, Going Rogue. Having filed into the shopping center’s parking lot, the Palinites were sitting ducks for reporters with questions like this one: What does Sarah mean for women?

“I think she speaks her mind, and I think sometimes she speaks a little bit unguarded, so she is a little—she’s not conformed to speaking planned speech. Planned. It’s not planned,” Dee, a Palin supporter from Haymarket, Va., explained. “So I think she speaks her thoughts, and I think that she goes ahead and talks. I think she’s a strong woman. And she allows herself to express that … she’s not afraid to speak. And she’s fairly attractive, and that doesn’t seem to interfere with her being intelligent.”

“As a younger female, I like the fact that she has her own opinions and is not afraid to share them with others,” Chantilly, Va.’s Celia Coughlin submitted. “Also, that she can stand on her own and pave her own path and not really follow the line of any particular thing.”

Elizabeth from Gainesville, Va., says: “For women, she represents principles, life principles, and for the country she represents principles also.”

“I think she’s representing the women the way they should be,” says Patrick Darby of Rockville, Md. “You know, independent, strong, capable of doing whatever she wants to do, standing up for moral issues. And rights.”

Who could ever argue with “rights”? Or with refusing to conform to “speaking planned speech”? Therein lies the appeal of the Palin as culture warrior. Since she debuted on the national scene last summer, conservatives have attempted to corral this outspoken personality into a politically expedient persona: Palin as feminist. The November issue of conservative magazine Newsmax featured Palin on the cover, under the headline “Sarah Palin and the Leaders of the Newer Feminism.”

In the issue, Newsmax situates some notorious female conservatives, like Palin and Dr. Laura Schlessinger, alongside more traditional feminist icons, like Ms. Magazine executive editor Katherine Spillar and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.

Pegging Palin, darling to anti-feminist voters everywhere, as America’s hottest new feminist is a clever trick. As the crowd at BJ’s attests, Palin’s feminism contains none of the messy political agendas of former feminist waves—it is all personality, all self-reliance, and no politics. It’s about speaking your mind, even when you don’t know what you’re talking about.

It’s a bizarre twist on the old feminist adage that the “personal is the political.” Instead of identifying the structural influences over the day-to-day lives of women, this feminism focuses tightly on choices that have been fully operational for decades: Pants or skirt? Family or career and family? Maybelline or Cover Girl?

In “newer feminism,” every woman’s choices are valued—no matter what those choices mean for other women. Schlessinger isn’t an enforcer of rigid gender roles; she’s a facilitator of women’s choices. Palin’s opposition to abortion rights and comprehensive sex education isn’t anti-feminist; it is her choice to deny reproductive choices to other women. Under this model, Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis isn’t an exploiter; he’s a liberator of women’s breasts.

Last fall, Palin did some yeoman’s work in the rebranding of the “F-word.” After telling Katie Couric that she was a “feminist who believes in equal rights,” Palin quickly added that she believed that all of feminism’s work had already been achieved. This “newer” feminism isn’t shy about devaluing feminism: The Newsmax report casually accuses Gloria Steinem of “man-hating,” celebrates Schlessinger’s statement that feminism has “turned the family life upside down” as a welcome “departure from the feminism of old,” and raises the bogeyman of feminist “bra-burning” four times. In her contribution to the Newsmax piece, FoxNews.com writer Andrea Tantaros floats a new definition of feminism: “choice.” Feminism, she writes, is now “defined by each and every woman.”

The democratization of feminism brings us back to the parking lot outside of BJ’s Wholesale Club. If feminism is now “defined by each and every woman,” why not by Mary Ellen Hood, a D.C. resident who eschews politics but loves Sarah Palin?

“I’m not so sure I would put a label on her as a feminist,” says Hood of Palin. “She presents herself feminine … The impression is that feminists are women who don’t like to value their feminine qualities, and they like to put it down and be like a man, and I don’t think that’s appropriate for women. I kind of like her in that regard, that she’s sort of celebrating her womanhood as well.”

Loretta Teele of Fairfax is also more comfortable defining Palin in opposition to feminism than in concert with it. “She’s more godly, loving, and she’s more into her family,” says Teele. “She’s not out there like some of the past feminists—and I do not want to call names—that are bashing men and everybody around them. Feminists have a tendency to bash men. They’re cruel, and she’s not that.”

Caroline, a Herndon resident, is open to seeing Palin as a “new” feminist. “I think in a way. You know, not in the classic kind—you know, I came of age in the feminist revolution and there was a lot of kind of anti-male and anti-traditional female roles, like kids. There was a touch of that, there, back in the old days. And so, in that sense, she’s surely not. She kind of does kind of integrate it all—family, husband, everything, so I do think that that is really good.”

Others aren’t budging. “A feminist? Maybe borderline a little bit,” says Coughlin. “But I don’t really see her—no, not really.”

“I don’t even know what that means,” confirms Dee.

Feminism is now “defined by each and every woman,” and some women are still content to define the movement as those godless, mannish, childless specimens of women who hate men. The latest wave of the women’s movement is all about women having choices—as long as they make the right ones. Call it “newer” feminism, or Sarah Palin feminism, or anti-feminist feminism—just make sure you get a woman to say it, to make sure that it will be above all criticism.

They're just waiting for it to die.

This happened last year, too: The bill was proposed, testimony was heard, no vote was called. Lawmakers cite the bill's "controversy" in wanting to make sure everything is Goldlilocks on the bill before they make a decision. I think they're just a bunch of pussies. Reports WTOP:

The Senate Judicial Proceedings Committee has had several scheduled votes on the bill this year, but chairman Sen. Brian Frosh, D-Montgomery, said committee members keep requesting he delay votes.

"It's very controversial and people have lots of questions," Frosh said, explaining that committee members have worried about definitions of terms used in the bill and how it would be applied. The measure also has not been voted on in the House Health and Government Operations Committee, chaired by Baltimore City Delegate Peter Hammen.

Equality Maryland calls the legislature on its bullshit:

Activists say they are frustrated lawmakers won't take a stand on legislation that exists in 13 states and many local jurisdictions, including Baltimore and Washington, D.C.

"In our current economic state, it seems the legislature would want to do anything possible to make sure people maintain jobs and housing right now," said Kate Runyon, director of gay and transgender rights group Equality Maryland.

If the legislature ever gets its shit together and fucking votes on the bill, it will likely gain the Governor's support.

Transgender people do have Gov. Martin O'Malley on their side, however. O'Malley signed the Baltimore city anti-discrimination measure into law when he was mayor, and submitted written testimony in support of Madaleno's bill.

"We must continue to work toward a legal and social environment in which all Marylanders enjoy the same guarantees of freedom and individual rights on which our State and country were founded," O'Malley wrote.

Just vote on it already.

- Sexy/Unsexy, in which we praise, shame last week's talking points.

- Intern Bobby, in which intrepid City Paper intern Bobby Allyn asks the questions.

- Hess v. Riggs, in which we disagree.

All in a handy downloadable widget! In this, our inaugural episode, spend five minutes with us on modern voyeurism. Topics discussed: Sarah Palin, hair, overseas wiretapping, pillow talk, amateur porn, and Ron Jeremy.

Or, download the podcast here.

* we round down.