* The New York Times profiles Eve Tushnet, a "celibate, gay, conservative, Catholic writer" opposed to same-sex marriage:

Marriage should be reserved for heterosexuals, whose “relationships can be either uniquely dangerous or uniquely fruitful,” she explained in an e-mail message. “Thus it makes sense to have an institution dedicated to structuring and channeling them.”

But same-sex marriage, she wrote in The New York Post in 2007, “can bring one of three outcomes: A two-tiered marriage culture, where heterosexual couples are asked to do the hard things (sex only within marriage, marriage for life in most circumstances) and homosexual couples work out their own marriage norms; reshape marriage into an optional, individualized institution, ignoring the creative and destructive potentials of ‘straight’ sex; or encourage all couples to restrict sex to marriage and marry for life, and hope that gay couples accept norms designed to meet heterosexual needs.”

* The National Lesbian & Gay Journalists Association calls Tushnet "a prime example of the kind of sources mainstream journalists should be talking to when they want to 'balance' a story about same-sex marriage. Rather than dialing up a homophobic talking head from some religious-right-wing group to peddle junk scientific claims or just wildly ignorant statements lacking in any bases of fact, there are sources out there to quote who won’t just spew more anti-gay hate speech."

Really? Because she sounds like standard-issue wingnut to me, floating a wacky essentialist conception about gays and straights and then concluding that only straight marriage "makes sense." What differentiates Tushnet's views from "junk scientific claims or just wildly ignorant statements lacking in any bases of fact"? Is it that she's also gay?

* Heather Corrina addresses the myth that all rape survivors compulsively pursue sex.

* Carnal Nation on the sexual politics of vanity plates: An ecologist's attempt to pay tribute to the "pine genus" on his license plate has been knocked down by Michigan officials who say the word "PINUS" "might carry a connotation offensive to good taste and decency as judged by the Department of State." In other words, it looks too much like the word "PENIS."

* Tiger Beatdown on sexism, Lynn Hirschberg and MIA:

M.I.A. is a fake, the article more or less says; no matter what she says or writes or records about global capitalism being a bad thing, no matter how fiercely she would seem to defend marginalized people, she’s just a shallow, narcissistic, bossy, stupid woman who only wants your attention, only wants to be famous, only wants to be a star. And did you hear that she was having contractions when she sang “Paper Planes” at the Grammys? Shocking! Provocative! Fame-whorey! Regular-whorey! Unfeminine! Selfish! Bad mother!

FUK!T, a D.C.-based initiative that supports condom use among gay men, has produced a spoof of old-school sex-ed films in an effort to promote modern safe-sex practices—just in time for D.C.'s Capital Pride. Delivering the message are porn stars Brent Corrigan and Matthew Rush, who administer advice on condoms and lubes, deliver campy bon mots, and do their best coach-and-student routine as the camera lingers on Corrigan's penis (in this version, censored with a yellow smiley face). FUK!T—short for "fuck kit"—began distributing packages of condoms with lube at clubs and other businesses around D.C. after staggering reports of D.C.'s HIV epidemic were released last year. An uncensored version of "Brent's Oral Exam"—along with plenty more explicit penis-in-condom shots—are available on the organization's website.

From Austin to A&M points us to this amazing survey on gender variation in the naming of colors. In an effort to determine whether men and women identify colors differently, Randall Munroe had users name over five million colors across "222,500 user sessions." The result? "Basically, women were slightly more liberal with the modifiers, but otherwise they generally agreed." That is, until the color "penis" came in to play.

"Men and women tended on average to call colors the same names," Munroe found. Here's a visual representation of Munroe's data:

"So I was feeling pretty good about equality," he concludes. But: "Then I decided to calculate the ‘most masculine’ and ‘most feminine’ colors. I was looking for the color names most disproportionately popular among each group; that is, the names that the most women came up with compared to the fewest men (or vice versa)."

Here's what he found:

Here are the color names most disproportionately popular among women:

Dusty Teal
Blush Pink
Dusty Lavender
Butter Yellow
Dusky Rose

Okay, pretty flowery, certainly. Kind of an incense-bomb-set-off-in-a-Bed-Bath-&-Beyond vibe. Well, let’s take a look at the other list.

Here are the color names most disproportionately popular among men:

Penis
Gay
WTF
Dunno
Baige

I … that’s not my typo in #5—the only actual color in the list really is a misspelling of “beige”. And keep in mind, this is based on the number of unique people who answered the color, not the number of times they typed it. This isn’t just the effect of a couple spammers. In fact, this is after the spamfilter.

Munroe doesn't specify which colors were identified as "penis." Questions of hue aside, Munroe has also kicked off a lengthy discussion on the potentially problematic way he chose to classify responders by sex.

Photo via Team Dalog, Creative Commons Attribution License 2.0

Ever catch an arial view of Greenbelt, Md., and think, "penis in vagina"? Now, you're not alone! Sex map shot via Jess.

This week, it was revealed that accused Mary Landrieu phone-tapping conspirator Stan Dai, 24, was once a promising aspiring playwright. In 2004, while a student at the George Washington University, Dai penned a dramatic piece entitled "The Penis Monologues" for campus conservative newspaper The Patriot.

In the great anti-feminist tradition of college-aged male Republicans, there have been many "The Penis Monologues." Over the years, dozens of these men have been brave enough to bare the innermost thoughts concerning their genitalia. Mainly: "Wahhh! Why is 'The Vagina Monologues' only about vaginas! Pay attention to my penis!"

Having trouble paying suitable tribute to every 20-something Republican dude's genitals? A quick primer on the many "The Penis Monologues," after the jump:

"The Penis Monologues," 1990's, by Penn State student Jason Cassidy.

Penis Insight: According to student newspaper the Daily Collegian, "'One monologue is about a guy—after having sex he tries to pee but he can't control his penis so he's peeing all over this girl's bathroom and eventually pees on the girl,' [explained one] performer . . . At the end of the show, each performer will make one last appearance clad in just his underwear. He will then tell the audience his favorite nickname he has heard for a penis and make different orgasm sounds."

Anti-Feminist Ire: "A guy wrote a script that's kind of mocking Vagina Monologues—well it's more so a response to The Vagina Monologues," a performer told the Collegian. "He put together a series of monologues performed by all men. It's all about sex, masturbation, peeing and all of the crude testosterone things guys talk about."

—

"The Penis Monologues," 2002, by Oregon State University student David Rapoza.

Penis Insight: Due to a birth defect (?), David Rapoza's penis is incapable of gaining your consent (or something?):

So I thought about my penis. I'm positive he'd sport a black leather trench coat and titanium sunglasses. He's got a terrible case of Keannu-envy. He'd also drive a Beamer while head-banging to the harmony of 'NSYNC. What does he say? Nine times out of 10, he begs for more attention. Yeah, he's demanding like that. The tenth time out of 10, he asks you to repeat yourself. He lost his ears during the third trimester and sometimes has trouble reading your lips.

Anti-Feminist Ire: Um: "Bobbitt has become a trendsetter. A firestorm of insane copycats rages after the spark of her famous gender-war crime. According to Time Magazine, over a hundred cases have been documented in Thailand alone. The penis is a symbol of power. Cut the symbol off, and what do men have left to rule you with? Their brains? Ha! This must be the rationale supporting penis decapitation."

—

"The Penis Monologues," 2004, by George Washington University student Stan Dai.

Penis Insight: "MY PENIS IS ANGRY!!!!!!! You want to know what happened to my penis? Joan happened to my penis! There I was, sleeping peacefully when Joan stormed in and dragged me out for 'an educational program.' I thought was going to see Mr. Rogers! But nooooooo! It turned out to be the 'Whine-gina Monologues!'"

Anti-Feminist Ire: From the piece's Editor's Note: "What are these vaginas angry about? Tampons, thong underwear, and gynecologists. Shouldn't feminists be more concerned with encouraging women to go to the gynecologist to prevent cervical, uterine, and breast cancer (which, of course, are the fault of evil repressive men)? Why must the only reference to the sanctity of motherhood be given to a lesbian couple? Can't men be more than just sperm donors and rapists in a feminist's world? Justice Blackmun doesn't even get a shout-out!"

—

"The Penis Monologues," 2005, by Roger Williams University College Republicans.

Penis Insight: In order to combat a presentation of the Vagina Monologues on campus, Roger Williams College Republicans constructed a gigantic penis, dubbed "Testaclese." From the National Review:

''Testaclese' tipped the scales when he approached the university Provost, Edward J. Kavanagh, outside the student union. Apparently taking him/it for a giant mushroom, Provost Kavanagh cheerfully greeted him. But when Testaclese presented him with an honorary award as a campus 'Penis Warrior,' the stunned official realized that it was no mushroom. After this incident, which was recorded on videotape, the promoters of P-Day were ordered to cease circulating their flyers and to keep Testaclese off campus grounds. Mindful of how school officers had never once protested any of the antics of Vagina warriors, the P-warriors did not comply. The Testaclese costume was then confiscated and formal charges followed.

Anti-Feminist Ire: According to the National Review, "Unhappily, P-Day may be the only effective means of countering V-Day with all its c-fests, graphic lollipops, intrusive questionnaires, outsized effigies of vaginas and its thematic anti-male play."

—

"The Penis Monologues," 2006, by University of Rhode Island student Chris Ferdinandi [Update: not a Republican!]

Penis Insight: Chris Ferdinandi discovers the shocking secret of the "Penis Monologues"—that there's nothing progressive about a bunch of guys talking about their dicks:

So how about it, guys? Feel liberated? Yeah, me neither. I could go on and on with more examples: stories about men circle-jerking as they learn how to enjoy their penises together; a lament about all the injustices committed against penises—'turn and cough,' ungroomed women, kung-fu grip; me shouting the word dick louder and louder to free the word from its negative social connotations.

Anti-Feminist Ire: Surely, the feminists are to blame for this. "But honestly, none of that does anything to express the true value of manhood and masculinity. If anything, it reduces men to their genitals, and it's quite obvious that The Monologues does the same thing to women. Ironically, that's something they accuse men of doing to them on a fairly regular basis."

Photo via Sundve, Creative Commons Attribution License 2.0

This week, the top two search terms leading to the Sexist were as follows:

Have you ever seen your life's work stripped down to its very essence? Mine looks like penis, and a guy who pens humorous essays about vomit on his penis. Since I've written quite enough on the top search term this week, let's take penis and run with it, shall we? The week's best "penis" searches, after the jump.

First, I'd like to give a very special thank-you to the man with the 7 inch penis, who submitted multiple entries this week:

Seriously, dude, don't worry about it:

There was the classic penis search:

And queries for more expressive genital arrangements:

Insider tip: punctuation marks imply confidence:

My personal favorites, though, were the three people who wanted to know what it looked like inside a penis inside a vagina:

Tampa's Creative Loafing Recruits More Bloggers from roblimo on Vimeo.

Last month, TampaBay.com posted this video of a blogger meet-up inside the Tampa Creative Loafing offices. Among the attendees at the City Paper parent-company shindig—I spy red solo cups—was Shawn Alff, CL Tampa's "Sex and Love Editor" —me, but more Florida-y. Alff, who has written on bothstrong vaginas, and huge penises—and I got all that just by searching "Shawn Alff vagina penis" on Google—appears around the one-minute mark. "What do I expect from the bloggers? I expect a lot of full frontal, to be honest," he says. "If they want to write for us, they basically have gotta go balls to the wall, have gotta show me what they're working with. It's really, it's part of the job description."

I guess that explains this?

(Having trouble with the video? Click the "HD" button).

DILDO OF THE FUTURE: "The double anchor strapless dildo"

PATENT APPLICATION DATE: April 9, 2004

HOW IT WORKS: Dildos of the future will engage the "bony structure of the symphysis pubis," which will finally replace the pesky and impractical "strap" with AN ANCHOR IN YOUR VAGINA:

A double-anchor strapless dildo has an insertion shaft (1) formed for insertion in a vagina of a first female by a second female to whom the insertion shaft is double-anchored with an anal anchor (4) and a vaginal anchor (5) on an attachment base (2). . . . the attachment base has a vaginal-anchor hook (11) formed for engaging bony structure of the symphysis pubis and for engaging erogenous entry walls of the vagina of the second female while being double-anchored to the second female with the anal anchor and the vaginal anchor.

—

DILDO OF THE FUTURE: "personal exercise system"

PATENT APPLICATION DATE: February 25, 2004

HOW IT WORKS: Basically, takes an ab cruncher and puts a dildo on it. "The present invention relates to a personal exercise system and more particularly pertains to for allowing a user to perform a sexual exercise in a stimulating and healthful manner," the application reads.

—

DILDO OF THE FUTURE: "Rocker apparatus"

PATENT APPLICATION DATE: November 6, 2007

HOW IT WORKS: "A sexual aide apparatus comprising a wicker rocking chair with a simulated male member frictionally held by wicker in a front panel of the chair and a method of using the apparatus."

Actually, I have no idea how this works.

—

DILDO OF THE FUTURE: "method of making a detailed replica"

PATENT APPLICATION DATE: June 29, 2004

HOW IT WORKS: Facilitates creating the inexpensive, detailed replica of a penis . . . for any time you need an inexpensive, detailed replica of a penis:

A method of making an inexpensive, detailed replica of an actual penis by using a specifically designed cylindrical molding container filled with a formable and curable molding material to produce the mold, placing a phallic shaped vibrating device into that mold to partially fill the area, then filling the remainder of the mold with a pour able, curable casting material to create the finished copy.

—

DILDO OF THE FUTURE: "Entertainment Articles of Manufacture Using the Idea of Female Sperm as a Plot Element"

[Not pictured].

PATENT APPLICATION DATE: July 31, 2007

HOW IT WORKS: This patent application doesn't intend to create a dildo which ejaculates female sperm—it only intends to further the idea of a dildo which ejaculates female sperm as a plot element in lesbian erotica, science fiction, political literature, and what have you:

Not only is there an absence of female sperm as a plot element in the no-limits-to-ideas worlds of science fiction and fantasy, but also there is no published motivation to so use female sperm as a plot element.

Such motivation is missing in the wealth of literature of lesbian fantasy stories, lesbians who presumably would be most motivated to have such fantasies of female sperm (especially in an era of the fight for legalizing same sex marriage). For example, some stories make use of certain strap-on artificial human penises that have the ability to squirt a liquid at an appropriate moment, presumably, to simulate ejaculation (Google search using "ejaculating dildo").

You would think that at least one pair of lesbians in a loving relationship, using such a device for entertainment, would have thought "If only the fake sperm was real and from our cells", and created entertainment about a world where female sperm from women exist.

In case it wasn't obvious, this patent was filed by a dude.

The whole idea for cockbibs came to me right after I was pleased orally and realized, "Damn, I can't just fall asleep, I need to get up and wash my balls." I had just been a victim of another sloppy blowjob. I sat there wishing that I did not have to get up and go do the whole wipe down routine and thats when it hit me. I said "what if I had something to protect my balls, some sort of bib, a bib for my cock." . . . and so, cockbibs were born.

And so, a guy gets a bad blowjob and he responds by designing and marketing 38 different novelty ball-covers to hang on your penis during oral sex. Given that these things look like tiny portable glory holes, this post-oral pioneer takes care to note that he is "Happily Married to a Beautiful Woman." No word on how that "victim of another sloppy blowjob" comment went over.

In case you were wondering, there is a Yes You Can! CockBib. Some of the other CockBib designs, however, come off as a tad less progressive.

5. "Caution: May Cause Trauma." Yeah, I'll go ahead and heed that warning, and steer clear of the dismembered penis poking through the baby clothes, thank you very much.

4. "Caution: Dick Curves to the Right." Again: HEED THIS WARNING.

3. "Today's Special: Cock Meat Surprise." As in, "Surprise: That Hole in My Cock Bib Is For My Cock"?

2. "Pussy Killer." I wonder why this "Caution" theme is so central to the CockBib aesthetic!

1. "It's Showtime: These Nuts In Ya Mouth Take 1." Sigh. The WHOLE POINT of the CockBib is so your balls don't get wet, right? Fucking nonsensical CockBib!

As this phallic graphic illustration shows, sex partners who require penises that are "seven or better" are looking at a pretty exclusive pool of applicants. The too much information is courtesy of Lifestyles condoms.

After reading my post yesterday on taking a "Trip Down Boner Lane," one reader wrote in with a concerned message: "They missed the Beach Boner," he wrote.

Though my friend was quick to clarify that he, himself has "never even experienced beach boner," only "heard several accounts," he had a good point. In all the discussion of tween boner personality types—the Sensitive Boner, the Rebel Boner, the Jerky Boner, and the Oblivious Boner—we completely neglected to discuss Situational Boners! After all, not all boner queries provide a window into the teenage boy's soul—some are inspired entirely by circumstance.

So which boners did we miss?

The Beach Boner. Makes sense.

The "Does This Make Me Gay?" Boner. The Beach Boner tipster writes in with another: "How about inappropriate I'm-watching-porno-in-my-parents'-basement-with-several-of-my-adolescent-friends-all-male-boner," he suggests. "Again, I've only heard tell of such things."

The On-Campus Boner. Courtesy of a hometown friend, who walked the same boner lane as I in middle and high school: "I still remember having the revelation in the 7th grade as to why the boys sometimes held their Five Star notebooks really close to their crotches while they were walking."

The Hot Teacher Boner. Those Five Star notebooks weren't just for walking around—sometimes, even the formidable lab desks could not obscure the male students' resounding appreciation of my 7th grade biology teacher, who, had we known, would almost certainly have been granted "MILF" status.

The Surprise Adult Boner. Sure, sure, grown-ups—laugh it up at all the teenage boner horror stories. Unfortunately, middle school dances are not the surprise boner's final resting place. As anyone who recalls the 1997 Next Jam "Too Close" knows, this is a phenomenon that will continue to, err, pop up in life, and that can give even the smoothest of R&B artists, umm, a hard time. Erection.

Today, Scarleteen—a great resource for teenagers who are first beginning to, you know, explore the feelings of, like, doin' it and stuff—published an epic roundup of boner queries.

Scarleteen titles its hard-on treasure trove more delicately: "The Roundup of 'I Get an Erection When …' Questions." (Stay tuned for the inevitable "Roundup of I Get an Erection When I Read Roundups of 'I Get an Erection When...' Questions Questions").

The roundup does a good job of ensuring all its "Erection-Whens" that their experiences are all perfectly normal, mmkay? But for those grown adults among us who haven't been on the receiving end of a rogue pitched-cargo-short since high school, the collection of surprise boners also provides a jarring trip down memory lane.

As I relived the boner era through these tales, I realized something. These "Erection-Whens" are not merely airing their inappropriate states of arousal. They're also, inadvertently, revealing their classic Teenage Boyfriend Personalities. Let's review, shall we?

Erection-When #1: The Sensitive Boner.

Hey, I have been dating a really special girl for about a month now and recently we were cuddling watching movies and we were touching each other in a pretty intense way and I didn't really notice it but I had gotten some sperm on my shorts and it bled through and it was ridiculously embarrassing because I knew she probably had felt it and I don't want to mess up our relationship over something like that.

Reminisce: Aww. If this guy can make premature ejaculation sound adorable, he's got nothing to worry about, right? Mmm, until that really special girl breaks up with him really soon over a completely unrelated problem he never expected: He's "too into" her. You'll precum again, dude, I promise.

—

Erection-When #2: The Rebel Boner.

Hi. I'm 15 years old and I've been with my girlfriend (17) for about 3 months now. She rides my bus to and from school and we sit in the back together where nobody can see us. Every day, she puts her legs over mine and we fool around a little bit, but never go further than making out; and I have a rather embarrassing problem. . . I pre-cum really really badly. I can't control it! It's so embarrassing and when she gets off the bus I look down and there's a big wet spot on my shorts, and I really want to know how to control it. PLEASE HELP!!!

Reminisce: First of all: High-five. Second: Scarleteen's advice, which is basically "maybe try having surprise boners in a less embarrassing place, like not on the school bus," might not be too compelling for this 15-year-old charmer. Remember: This kid is macking on a 17-year-old, on the school bus. He's not going to give that up for anything. Not even clean shorts.

—

Erection-When #3: The Jerky Boner.

So, my question is that I have learned that my girlfriend is pretty naive about sex and doesn’t want to do it. That is fine with me, but I am worried because whenever we kiss, or embrace closely, I have an erection that will touch, if not poke her. What is she thinking about this? Do other guys she's dated have this problem to? Or does she just think that I am a pervert?

Reminisce: Ugh. You always do this. So, your question is: Your girlfriend is "naive" and so doesn't want to "do it," which is "fine" with you, except that it's totally her fault that you have a boner, which is also fine as long as she doesn't think you're a "pervert"? Dude: That's not a question. Scarleteen rightly neutralizes this guy by responding, "I’m not really sure why you’re describing your girlfriend as naive about sex." Hey, not having sex with you sounds like a pretty informed decision to me, too. Allow me to add some additional advice: Masturbate.

—

Erection-When #4: The Oblivious Boner.

Okay, so when I went to a dance with this girl and we were just dancing together sorta close and I couldn’t help but like how it felt when she would dance against me. But then she was dancing facing away from me and her rear was rubbing against my crotch and I kept trying to think of anything not sexual but the next thing I knew I was hard. I don’t know if she noticed or not 'cause she kept dancing like that but I didn’t want her to think I was gross or anything so I went to the bathroom until it left. It happened again that night too when we danced slow with her against me, and I know she felt it because she kind of giggled, but I don’t know if she was laughing at me or what. It was embarrassing, how can I make it not happen.

Reminisce: She noticed.

Photo by bestfor.

Yesterday, I took my first trip around the big penis dating site 7orbetter.com, an exclusive online community for men with penises that measure seven inches or longer, and the women who love them.

The site is the brainchild of Steven Pasternack, a Miami, Fla. entrepreneur who is no stranger to the dating woes of the well-endowed. Pasternack is also the man behind sugardaddie.com, an online dating site "Where the classy, attractive, and affluent meet."

Pasternack's anatomically-based venture, launched a couple of weeks ago, "is not a joke," Pasternack, 45, confirms. "Believe it or not, this is a very important thing for some women. They're looking for the size, but they still want a well-rounded, quality guy."

Pasternack says the inspiration for the Web site came "from a female friend of mine," who confided in Pasternack that "she wants to meet quality guys, but when it comes time to go to bed with the guy, she's sometimes disappointed with how the guy can please her," says Pasternack. "She said it would be nice to know up-front what she can get from them."

The Web site has already attracted nearly a thousand women like her: There are currently 875 female members listed on the site. There are also 869 men, indicating that there are as many men out there advertising big penises as there are women who want them. "The men are interested in signing up, obviously, because they’re proud of what they have. They're glad they have a place to say hey—I’ve got eight inches, or nine. It's not a matter of bragging. Some women can’t handle what they have, sexually, and it turns out to be a disappointment for [the man]. They want the women to know up-front what they have—so it works both ways, actually."

The member profiles are on par with most online dating sites—age, height, weight, smoking or not—except that men are also asked to report the length of their penises, and whether or not they are circumcised. Men must claim seven inch penises "or better" to be eligible to use the site; there are no sign-up requirements for women.

Pasternack arrived at the magic number seven after "consulting a few female friends," he says. "Most of them had a preference for six-and-a-half or seven. I rounded up to seven." Men aren't asked to report girth. "Girth—that's a good question. We're considering adding that as a category," says Pasternack.

Pasternack insists that beyond the dimensions, 7orbetter.com is a dating site like any other, and obscene language, revealing photos, or prostitution dealings will not be tolerated. Still, Pasternack admits that revealing one's penis size alongside his snorkeling interest might be considered inappropriate in any other venue. "I don’t think it would sit very well with eHarmony," says Pasternack. "Match.com, I don’t think they’re ready for this either."

But how do women know whether a man's self-reported penis size is accurate? The Web site's terms of use notes that "Any information posted on 7orbetter.com's website must conform to reality and be accurate in its description and content." If you are a member of 7orbetter.com, and you do meet up with a man you believe is misrepresenting his penis size, you can always report him to Pasternack. Pasternack says that once two or more women report that a man isn't packing what hes reported, he's off the site. "Sometimes, a person could be acting vindictively. You never know," says Pasternack. "So we wait for two separate complaints to revoke his membership." So far, no members have failed to measure up.

As for Pasternack, who is married, 7orbetter.com is strictly a business interest—you won't find Pasternack's profile, or his measurements, on the site. But if 7orbetter.com were around when Pasternack was dating, would he have been eligible? "That’s a very personal question," says Pasternack. "If you must know, yes. Yes I would be."

Photo by Maui in Vermont

"Seven or Better" is a new online dating site for women and men interested in meeting men with penises that are confirmed to be seven inches or longer (the site doesn't clarify, but I'm assuming we're talking erect). "Hello ladies," the Web site begins. "Wouldn't it be nice to know upfront if a man has what it takes to satisfy you sexually?"

No. But go on:

For men interested in women, it is quite easy to see if the woman's breast size is to his liking or not, or even the shape and size of her derriere. The same goes for women interested in men. There are many women that feel the size of a man's penis is very important to them. Unfortunately, because of how society is, it is very inappropriate to ask a man immediately how big his penis is or even if he is uncircumcised or not. A properly behaved woman that is respectful would never ask such a question. Instead, a woman will date a man perhaps for a few days, weeks or maybe months. After all this time the woman will decide she likes the man and that it is finally time to take things to a new level/the bedroom. It is at this time that many women are disappointed with what they find and now they are in an awkward situation.

Isn't society just terrible? A "properly behaved woman" who is only interested in men with huge penises may have to wait months—months!—before figuring out that the man that she has spent months falling in love with has been hiding a dick that's slightly too small to deserve that love. Now, with Seven or Better, that woman can know from the first date the exact dimensions of that penis she doesn't want to see yet.

This is only fair, seeing as men know immediately and exactly the size of a woman's breasts—a measurement that can never be hidden, covered up, padded, or surgically augmented. Now, women, too, can have their potential sex partners flaunt their size before they even have to meet for coffee. But remember guys, this is a dating site for women, not a porn site for exhibitionist dudes. Men are encouraged to reveal their penis size in a completely friendly, non-pervy context, alongside their other attributes, like how smart they are or whatever.

But there's more. In accordance (I'm assuming) with anti-discrimination policies, those who become members of Seven or Better include: Men with penises 7" or longer looking for women, women looking for men with penises 7" or longer, men with penises 7" or longer looking for men with penises 7" or longer, or women looking for women. Yes, Seven or Better welcomes all, except for men with penises shorter—excuse me, worse—than 7" long.

So—are these women-looking-for-women looking for women who are looking for men with penises 7" or longer? Or are they simply signaling an interest in 7" or longer penis-shaped sex toys? I didn't finish the registration process—perhaps I was afraid of what I would find—so I don't know if any lesbians have signed up here yet. If anyone out there is an, ahem, member, I'd be interested in learning what might intrigue lesbians in this big dick business.

Photo by Maui in Vermont

Featuring the incomparable Bob Odenkirk.

Who's looking for inauguration week tail romance this week? A round-up!

* One 40-year-old visitor looking for a room to rent posted what looks like a perfectly reasonable ad, when viewed in your Google Reader: "Coming to the Inauguration. Looking for a room to rent close to the action. Must have nice clean condo, apartment or house. Please respond with your stats and rental rates. Would like to play a little! Let me know asap." But click on the posting, and you will find a photo of this man's penis, to which I will not link you! This is "men seeking men," not "casual encounters," good sir!

* That recently widowed "very nice man" from Old Town Alexandria is still looking for a dinner date—with the possibility of an inauguration ball follow-up. This time, the ticket-holder suggests "some wine pairing and delicious mezze/tapas" at Proof, followed by some museum-going. "Then—if you are feeling comfortable with me (which I will be attempting at all costs) perhaps we can take a quick stroll through the National Portrait Gallery across the street. It's phenomenal!"

* This 56-year-old Takoma Park resident seeks some sober inauguration-week fun with a "partner in crime," if not in drunkenness.

* This "in-shape landscaper" is off for the winter and heading to our fair city in January. He's "in need or lodging (will pay) and possibly somebody to fuck around with." Deal-breaker: He's HIV-positive and seeking the same.

* This 28-year-old craigslister's New Years resolution for 2009 is to "not pick up anyone from a bar." The exceptions come fast: "St Patty Day, Cinco de Mayo, and any happy hour where its 2-4-1 Patron Tequila." And? "Oh, and Inauguration week.

Photo by drstout.