Hey, Sexist readers. You know, sometimes it’s good to just sit back and reflect on what brought us all together to this little corner of the Internet. Namely, crazy-ass Google searches.

This week, the top two search terms leading to the Sexist were as follows:

Have you ever seen your life’s work stripped down to its very essence? Mine looks like penis, and a guy who pens humorous essays about vomit on his penis. Since I’ve written quite enough on the top search term this week, let’s take penis and run with it, shall we? The week’s best “penis” searches, after the jump.

Read More “Searching for “Penis”” »

Tampa’s Creative Loafing Recruits More Bloggers from roblimo on Vimeo.

Last month, TampaBay.com posted this video of a blogger meet-up inside the Tampa Creative Loafing offices. Among the attendees at the City Paper parent-company shindig—I spy red solo cups—was Shawn Alff, CL Tampa’s “Sex and Love Editor” —me, but more Florida-y. Alff, who has written on bothstrong vaginas, and huge penises—and I got all that just by searching “Shawn Alff vagina penis” on Google—appears around the one-minute mark. “What do I expect from the bloggers? I expect a lot of full frontal, to be honest,” he says. “If they want to write for us, they basically have gotta go balls to the wall, have gotta show me what they’re working with. It’s really, it’s part of the job description.”

I guess that explains this?

(Having trouble with the video? Click the “HD” button).

There are hundreds of types of dildos out there. But can there ever be too many dildos? With only a prosthetic penis and a dream, five inventors have dared to break the genital mold (one, literally) by submitting their variations on the dildo for U.S. government review. Behold: the Dildos of the Future (patent pending):

DILDO OF THE FUTURE: “The double anchor strapless dildo”

Read More “The Dildos of the Future” »

Introducing the CockBib, “an adult novelty item for males designed to make clean up after oral sex a breeze!” According to the device’s inventor:

The whole idea for cockbibs came to me right after I was pleased orally and realized, “Damn, I can’t just fall asleep, I need to get up and wash my balls.” I had just been a victim of another sloppy blowjob. I sat there wishing that I did not have to get up and go do the whole wipe down routine and thats when it hit me. I said “what if I had something to protect my balls, some sort of bib, a bib for my cock.” . . . and so, cockbibs were born.

And so, a guy gets a bad blowjob and he responds by designing and marketing 38 different novelty ball-covers to hang on your penis during oral sex. Given that these things look like tiny portable glory holes, this post-oral pioneer takes care to note that he is “Happily Married to a Beautiful Woman.” No word on how that “victim of another sloppy blowjob” comment went over.

In case you were wondering, there is a Yes You Can! CockBib. Some of the other CockBib designs, however, come off as a tad less progressive.

5. “Caution: May Cause Trauma.” Yeah, I’ll go ahead and heed that warning, and steer clear of the dismembered penis poking through the baby clothes, thank you very much.

Read More “The Five Most Inappropriate Cock Bib Phrases” »

As this phallic graphic illustration shows, sex partners who require penises that are “seven or better” are looking at a pretty exclusive pool of applicants. The too much information is courtesy of Lifestyles condoms.

After reading my post yesterday on taking a “Trip Down Boner Lane,” one reader wrote in with a concerned message: “They missed the Beach Boner,” he wrote.

Though my friend was quick to clarify that he, himself has “never even experienced beach boner,” only “heard several accounts,” he had a good point. In all the discussion of tween boner personality types—the Sensitive Boner, the Rebel Boner, the Jerky Boner, and the Oblivious Boner—we completely neglected to discuss Situational Boners! After all, not all boner queries provide a window into the teenage boy’s soul—some are inspired entirely by circumstance.

So which boners did we miss?

Read More “Boner Lane: The Boners We Missed Along the Way” »

Today, Scarleteen—a great resource for teenagers who are first beginning to, you know, explore the feelings of, like, doin’ it and stuff—published an epic roundup of boner queries.

Scarleteen titles its hard-on treasure trove more delicately: “The Roundup of ‘I Get an Erection When …’ Questions.” (Stay tuned for the inevitable “Roundup of I Get an Erection When I Read Roundups of ‘I Get an Erection When…’ Questions Questions”).

The roundup does a good job of ensuring all its “Erection-Whens” that their experiences are all perfectly normal, mmkay? But for those grown adults among us who haven’t been on the receiving end of a rogue pitched-cargo-short since high school, the collection of surprise boners also provides a jarring trip down memory lane.

As I relived the boner era through these tales, I realized something. These “Erection-Whens” are not merely airing their inappropriate states of arousal. They’re also, inadvertently, revealing their classic Teenage Boyfriend Personalities. Let’s review, shall we?

Erection-When #1: The Sensitive Boner.

Read More “Take A Trip Down Boner Lane” »

Take a look inside 7orbetter.com—before you let one inside you.

Yesterday, I took my first trip around the big penis dating site 7orbetter.com, an exclusive online community for men with penises that measure seven inches or longer, and the women who love them.

The site is the brainchild of Steven Pasternack, a Miami, Fla. entrepreneur who is no stranger to the dating woes of the well-endowed. Pasternack is also the man behind sugardaddie.com, an online dating site “Where the classy, attractive, and affluent meet.”

Pasternack’s anatomically-based venture, launched a couple of weeks ago, “is not a joke,” Pasternack, 45, confirms. “Believe it or not, this is a very important thing for some women. They’re looking for the size, but they still want a well-rounded, quality guy.”

Read More “Inside Big Penis Dating Site “Seven or Better”” »

“Seven or Better” is a new online dating site for women and men interested in meeting men with penises that are confirmed to be seven inches or longer (the site doesn’t clarify, but I’m assuming we’re talking erect). “Hello ladies,” the Web site begins. “Wouldn’t it be nice to know upfront if a man has what it takes to satisfy you sexually?”

No. But go on:

Read More “Big Penis Dating Site Reveals Inches Before First Date” »

Featuring the incomparable Bob Odenkirk.