Last week on the Sexist:

1. Meghan McCain Schooled, Spanked, Murdered: Political Debate or Snuff Porn?, because Paul Begala BDSM is not what I’d prefer to conjure up with my morning news.

2. 5C Commissioner Gigi Ransom Censured Over “Potential Hate Crime”, because local politics can get a little too personal.

3. The Ten Creepiest Paul Rudd Stalking Tweets! because swoon.

4. Bacardi’s Massive Internet Fail, because “Get An Ugly Girlfriend” was such a compelling Israeli ad campaign, it made waves over here in the states!

5. Big Penis Dating Site Reveals Inches Before First Date, because you don’t want to walk into that shit without knowing the relevant details, amirightladies.

Photo by flirtykitty

Last week on the Sexist:

1. How Sarah Palin Confuses Liberals Into Arguing About Feminism in which Sarah Palin is wrong, but still manages to drag us all down with her.

2. Huffington Post: Liberal Politics, Sexist Entertainment in which a commenter argues for Arianna-approved “testicle slips.”

3. Don’t Blame Glenn Beck’s Hot Mormon Wife in which Tanya’s insistence upon Mormonism “grounds” him.

4. Teen Sex Scandal! in which all the people searching Google for “teen sex” and “teensex” are sorely disappointed.

5. The 10 Creepiest Paul Rudd Stalking Tweets in which I, too, do my part.

Speaking of creepy things to do: Paul Rudd, Owen Wilson, and Reese Witherspoon are reportedly filming in Adams Morgan today until 1:30. I don’t have time to go stalk Paul Rudd, so instead I’m stalking people stalking Paul Rudd on twitter. And repeatedly watching this Paul Rudd dancing compilation (above).

The top ten creepiest Paul Rudd in D.C. tweets—including one from a CP staffer—after the jump!

10. Can’t argue with this one:

adefran Wow, Paul Rudd’s dreamy.

9. At least she didn’t pee ON him:

theresamac Holy crap. I was just 5 feet from Paul Rudd. We smiled at each other. Then I had to keep walking, lest he see me pee my pants.

8. The CP Tweet!

cernest: I wonder if I’ll be able to see Paul Rudd from my office window: http://tinyurl.com/ljqdha

7. “Mark my words” is never creepy!

MereDitty Paul Rudd/Reese/Owen Wilson were filming yesterday 3 blocks from my office and I missed them! I will see them by summers end, mark my words

6. Just “considering” at this point:

necsortenecfato Film crew on Columbia. Word on the street Paul Rudd is in the movie. Considering my stalking options.

5. What’s creepier than kissing Paul Rudd until he calls the cops?

XrisThomas @theresamac i would have kissed paul rudd had i saw him. on the lips. until he called the cops.

4. . . . referring to kissing as “putting my mouth on his mouth”

CMCrawley @necsortenecfato Let me know if you need some company stalking Paul Rudd. I want to put my mouth on his mouth.

3. Paul Rudd, a PERSON?

ejhonsa Saw Paul Rudd today on the street by Archives. It was like running into a classmate whose name you’ve forgotten. He looked like a person.

2. Ah, yes: It’s the famous and successful actor who is truly “terribly alone”:

molluskbrigade Paul Rudd passed by me on the street. He looked at me. He looked terribly alone. This is something that happened to me.

1. And the creepiest Paul Rudd tweet goes to:

rileykim Paul Rudd.. Paul Rudd.. Paul Rudd.. Paul Rudd.. Paul Rudd.. Paul Rudd.. Paul Rudd.. Paul Rudd.. Paul Rudd.. Paul Rudd.. Paul Rudd..

I have a confession to make: I love Dude Comedies. Any film where Two to Five Douchey Guys Shirk Their Societal Obligations to Embark on a Night They’ll Never Forget can probably coax ten bucks out of me. I’ll even watch the Dude Comedies where all female characters are relegated to the Fun-Hating-Wife or Slutty-Sex-Object category, as long as it allows for maximum high jinks. Superbad: Loved it! Old School: Great! 40 Year Old Virgin: Totally convinced me to overlook the whole chastity message! Talladega Nights: Watched it!

I understand these movies are literred with sexism and homophobia and penises; I am simply immune to it. My condition has become so severe that this is looking pretty good to me, honestly.

But no Dude Comedy can draw me in as douchily as the Judd Apatow Dude Comedy. I am powerless to it. I have a theory: Paul Rudd is often one of the dudes. But even a Clueless pedigree can’t justify my apparent obsession with man-children, marijuana-fueled Lord of the Rings fantasies, and underlying date-rape themes.

Help me.

In this week’s Sexist Beatdown, Sady of Tiger Beatdown tries. We laughed, we cried, we had a shmashmortion.

SADY: hello there lady. are you prepared – prepared, that is, to debate the fine points of dude comedy?

AMANDA: i can’t say i’m as prepared as you are, sady. but i am willing to confess: i believe that i enjoyed nearly all the films you profiled in your apatow series. when i saw them. in the theater.

SADY: yes, it’s true: apatow has become my great white whale. he is basically all i think about these days. i dream in Apatowvision. well: i enjoyed some of them too! (shhhhhh.) I enjoyed “Knocked Up” immensely, for example.

AMANDA: i CRIED at the end of knocked up. i was on a really bad date, which may have had something to do with it.

SADY: OH GOD. YOU SHARE MY TERRIBLE SECRET. i cried too. also, broke up with the dude i saw it with?

AMANDA: same. well i’m glad we’ve cleared the air.

Judd Apatow craftily inserted this song into the film’s end credits in order to make me cry.

SADY: yeah. my reactions to “knocked up” kind of define my relationship to the Apatow canon. I was totally digging Leslie Mann’s character – oh, that poor lady! She is totally at the end of her rope! – and then left the theater, and discussed it with people, and realized that YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE ROOTING FOR PAUL RUDD. In that particular sub-plot.

AMANDA: i think i had the same reaction as you did, honestly. i thought she was sympathetic, but totally pathetic. all of apatow’s male characters are pathetic, too, but they seem to ease out of that gracefully without having to think about it too much.

SADY: right – plus, they are pathetic in a totally fun way! they get to hang out and do bong hits and fart on each others’ pillows and such! so, by the end, where it’s like, “sadly, we realize that procreative monogamy with one of these strange ‘woman’ creatures is necessary to maturation” you kind of get their sadness at giving up the pillow farts and lightbub battles. whereas women are just grown-ass-adults by the time they hit puberty, apparently. or at least they’re scripted that way.

AMANDA: yeah, so the women are just haggard at the end. one thing your reviews always touch on are these coiteries of man-children that apatow scripts. and you mention the rejoinder from defenders of the movie that ‘you’re not supposed to LIKE or IDENTIFY with them.’ and i do think that you are supposed to like these characters, and even like them for (and not despite of) their date rape punch-lines. but they’re still in a context, i think, where they’re there to provide a contrast to the hero of the story. their douchiness must be overcome, basically.

SADY: yeah, exactly. they’re given such loving attention, and their little world of date-rape jokes and vague bromosocial lady-avoidance is presented as so much fun. so you forgive them for being immature in order to forgive your own immaturity, like, “well, my wife may be at home sobbing but i can’t help it! i’m a regular bro!” and then you get a Valuable Life Lesson that sticks for maybe ten to fifteen minutes.

AMANDA: … but they’re funny!

SADY: it’s true! sometimes they really really are! I subconsciously repeat Jonah Hill’s pronunciation of “abortion” as “shmushmortion” at least once a week! and then i realize it’s a joke about making a lady have an abortion because obviously her fetus is YOUR decision!

AMANDA: yeah. and apatow’s versions of women i cannot excuse. they are either bitches or whores. but caricatures of douchebags, even lovable ones, i cannot resist. see: paul rudd in wet hot american summer. i think it’s just possible to love the character and not the character if they were a real person / your boyfriend.

SADY: exactly. question: where the lady douchebags at? where are the stoned ladies that can’t get it together to have an actual apartment, and get jobs that require nothing of them because they’re afraid real jobs would be too much of a commitment, and pretend to be gandalf or some business when no-one’s looking? the ladies who would rather watch “the muppet show,” again, than do anything useful with their lives? WHERE ARE THOSE LADIES? Because I want movies about them! They exist! So I am told in a way that has nothing to do with my own personal life, at all.

AMANDA: i know, which is why I desperately want Apatow to write a movie for them. partly because i think his brain might explode, but also because i think it would be funny.

SADY: exactly. like, writing a movie about a lady that is not a sexy/stupid harlot or a knife-tongued scold would be fantastic. because the closest we’ve got to an Apatowomany character, right now, is Juno. I DON’T WANT JUNO.

AMANDA: sometimes i look at popular culture and i think of the female characters who have had abortions and i get really sad that like carrie bradshaw is the only one i can think of. but that’s a tangent.

SADY: yes, well, my forthcoming feature movie film, “50 First Abortions,” will be an exciting new direction for film, i think.

AMANDA: indeed. I think we should start a letter campaign that mirrors the request of Pixar to make a film with a heroine who is not a princess.

SADY: but, you know? i think that women have all the same maturity/commitment/not-being-an-idiot problems that these dudes have. PLUS, what with all the work we have to do to make our bodies presentable, there are many more occasions for gross jokes about our inherent schlubbiness. HUMOROUS BIKINI WAXING SCENE? I think so!

The Adrienne Shelly Foundation, a nonprofit organization benefiting female filmmakers, has wrangled a host of celebrities into offering up a lunch date for auction on Ebay. Bidding starts at $500.

Notables include Mad Men star Jon Hamm (lunch for two with Don Draper currently runs $660), Paul Rudd (current bid: $985), and David Schwimmer (will eat with you for $520).

It’s great that all these top male actors are volunteering their chowing services to a foundation that benefits women in Hollywood—though roping in Hamm and Rudd will, let’s face it, bring in mostly female dollars (the Schwimmer thing I can’t explain). Also volunteering their lunch hour to the foundation are a few females, including Felicity undergrad-turned-Bond girl Keri Russell (current bid: $560) and ER alum Julianna Margulies (currently unbidden at $500).

Don’t worry, Julianna: Nobody wants to eat lunch with Patrick Duffy, either.

Mad Men photo via AMC