There are hundreds of types of dildos out there. But can there ever be too many dildos? With only a prosthetic penis and a dream, five inventors have dared to break the genital mold (one, literally) by submitting their variations on the dildo for U.S. government review. Behold: the Dildos of the Future (patent pending):

DILDO OF THE FUTURE: “The double anchor strapless dildo”

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In my column this week, I profiled local mammographer and inventor Ella Laseinde, who created the Shield-Me-Baby Nursing Bib to allow women to breast-feed in public without flashing everybody. Laseinde’s product isn’t the only contraption on the market that encourages public breast-feeding while discouraging public displays of mommy’s food-source. Hundreds of inventors have patented similar devices. Many: weird.

Bizarre Breast-feeding Contraption: The Breastfeeding Hat

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Nothing to see here: Laseinde wants newborns to suck and cover.

Ella Laseinde is accustomed to seeing strangers’ breasts. “I’m a mammographer, so I’m with the breasts constantly,” says Laseinde, 71, who spent 30 years in government service—including five at the National Institutes of Health screening women’s chests. That’s not to say she’s interested in catching sight of stray bosoms outside the office. “I think in today’s time, they need to cover,” Laseinde says of nursing mothers. “There are so many people walking around who can catch a look.”

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