Posts Tagged ‘parenting’
Sexist Beatdown: Racist Babies Edition
Would your child welcome black Santa down the chimney?
Bad news, parents: YOUR BABY IS PROBABLY A RACIST, and that means that you’ve got a whoooole lot of explaining to do. According to a Newsweek cover story, studies show that children as young as six months old “judge people based on skin color.” And children as old as six years old will refuse to accept the possibility of a black Santa—but will eventually concede that “black Santa could fill in for White Santa if he was hurt.” White people: Why are your widdle babies so racist?
a) My kid isn’t racist: We watch Sesame Street, and there are some very, very diverse Muppets on that program.
b) SHHHH! Don’t say the R-A-C-E word around Jimmy! Everybody’s equal, Jimmy. I’ll explain that vague sentiment when you’re older.
c) Mall Santas.
d) As Sady of Tiger Beatdown and Amanda of the Sexist discussed in this week’s edition of Sexist Beatdown: Uhh, maybe Newsweek is kind of exaggerating about the whole racist baby thing, since the real problem appears to be progressive hippie parents scared shitless about even raising the issue of race with their children. Okay, also mall Santas.
AMANDA: hey, racist baby.
SADY: hey there!
Child Cruelty: Dentist Visits Vs. Horrible Monsters
Slate’s DoubleX has taken up an interesting point of discussion. Which of the following is more cruel:
(a) A father who films his hilariously drugged-up child after a doctor’s visit:
“David After Dentist”
(b) Or a hipster music video depicting a screaming child dodging scary monsters without the help of his unresponsive mother:
MGMT’s music video for “Kids”
Personally, I’d say that forcing your own child to go to the dentist—ughhhhhh—and then filming him totally cracked out on dentist drugs—Daaaaaad!!!—and posting the results to Youtube—YOU ARE SO EMBARRASSING DAD I HATE YOU—is slightly more cruel than subjecting a child actor to a hipster-video-of-horrors. Because, as David’s Dad failes to assure his child in the video, “David After Dentist” is, in fact, real life. Meanwhile, MGMT insists that no children were harmed in the video’s making.
But at least “David After Dentist” was funny! Less funny is when you actually start marketing t-shirts with your child’s image on them referencing the time you forced him to go to the dentist, filmed him totally cracked out on dentist drugs, then posted the results to Youtube. That’s not just child cruelty, Dad. That’s tacky child cruelty! Perhaps it is Capitalism which is the true monster.
Teen Sex Scandal!
Cell Phones: Not just for Sexting!
Drumming up a good teen sex scandal for the nightly news ain’t what it used to be. A couple decades ago, a news anchor could scare the shit out of some parents by just turning to the camera and posing a question: “It’s 10 o’clock. Parents, do you know where your children are?”
Nowadays, the advent of e-mail, cell phones, and GPS has ensured that parents always know where their children are. And so, local news reporters have been forced to dig a little deeper than that old rhetorical question for their parental scare tactics. Below, how to engineer a teen sex scandal using only a cell phone, a pair of blue jeans, and a few good “experts.”
Read More “Teen Sex Scandal!” »
“Mr. Mom” Needs to Die
No. NO Not again. Not another “Mr Mom” reference!
Maybe this shit could fly in 1983. I wouldn’t know, because at that point, my own Mr. Mom and my regular female Mom hadn’t gotten together to shared-parent me yet. But at this point, New York Times—-stop. JUST STOP.
You’ve informed us that despite the “Mr. Mom” idea you have helped to propagate, “Dads” still outnumber Mr. Moms (”Mr. Mom Aside, Dads at Work Are Still the Norm“).
You’ve asked the eternal question: “But Can Mr. Mom Tie a Ponytail?”
You’ve even called the guy who wrote in to debunk the idea that only women can be proper parents a “Mr. Mom” (”Mr. Mom Fights Back“)! I can’t believe you did that, you fucking jerks!
Thankfully, we already have a suitable replacement word for “Mr. Mom.” It’s called “Dad.”
I Fear Children. What Now?
In addition to my Sexist duties, I also write a little arts feature called “What’s Your Problem?,” which looks at the creative obstacles of local artists. This week, I probed the psyche of Sarah Masterson, author of the DC BABY books. Masterson has a lot of advice for parents in her books and on her blog. But she was more than happy to oblige when I asked her for some advice for people, like me, who are more child-fearing than child-rearing. Here, Masterson answers my pressing questions about fear and loathing in kid town.
I fear children. Will this ever go away?
You might learn to grudgingly adapt to nieces and nephews through a process of desensitization (if they’re exceptionally cute). But no, the fear is primal, permanent and justified—and it will never go away. That said, it’s astonishing how many child-fearing adults eventually end up as parents. Makes for some crazy kids, who come of age accustomed to lording over their deeply frightened minders.
