Sexist pet peeve: the persistent myth that women are all privately obsessed with producing tiny widdle babies. Working to debunk that assumption is a recent National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy study [PDF] which surveyed thousands of young Americans, aged 18 to 29, about their thoughts and perceptions about pregnancy. Guess which group is more likely to be "pleased" at an unplanned pregnancy? It's not the one with the silently weeping ovaries.

In order to gauge the "surprise fetus" reaction, NCPTUP researchers first isolated survey respondents who claimed it was "very important or somewhat important for them to avoid pregnancy right now." Then, researchers asked them how they would feel about an unplanned pregnancy:

If you found out today that (you were/your partner was) pregnant, how would you feel: Very upset, a little upset, a little pleased, very pleased, wouldn’t care.

Results: Staggeringly gendered! Forty-three percent of young men responded that they would be "a little pleased" or "very pleased" by the news; only 20 percent of women answered the same. Men also proved more comfortable with an unplanned pregnancy at an earlier age: Thirty-four percent of men 18-19 said they would be pleased. By the time they reach age 20-24, 42 percent of men said they would be pleased. And over 50 percent of men aged 25-29 would be pleased by the news. Remember: this is only among men who deemed it "important" that a pregnancy not occur at this junction.

Meanwhile, the percentage of women who would be "pleased" by an unplanned pregnancy stays steady at a low 16 percent all the way from age 18 to 24. By the time women reach the 25-29 age range, the percentage of "pleased" women soars to 29 percent. Despite the jump, women in their late 20s still lag behind their male counterparts by 22 percentage points. I don't know: Perhaps our joy is muted by the fact that unexpected pregnancies tend to put us ladies out a touch.

So, politely, what the fuck is going on? How many women out there are having sex under the assumption that their male partners are invested in teaming up to prevent pregnancy, only to discover that the guys are privately ecstatic about the idea? And could it happen to me? After all, my boyfriend falls into the Pleased By Surprise Fetus Danger Zone of age 25-29. Better safe than sorry:

me: Hey, would you agree that it's very important or somewhat important for us to avoid pregnancy right now?

him: What?

me: Don't worry, it's a theoretical question.

him: Christ. Very.

me: OK.

him: ??

me: If you found out today that I was pregnant, how would you feel: Very upset, a little upset, a little pleased, very pleased, wouldn’t care?

him: Hmm. Wouldnt care. I guess.

me: Just so you know, over half of men in your age range would be pleased or very pleased, even though they say it is important for them to not cause a pregnancy right now.

him: Oh, I would never have picked those.

Whew. I never thought I would register my boyfriend "not caring" about me getting pregnant as a small victory, but I'll take what I can get.

. . . But allow me to ignore the cries of my soon-to-be decrepit ladyparts for a moment in order to re-write this headline to reflect a few possibilities that reporter Carolyn Butler omits from the accompanying story. But first: What's with these ovaries anyway, and why are they so darned stubborn?

Butler's story is a tale of modern career woman v. nature. In it, women who are busy pursuing their professional dreams in their 20's may be dangerously ignoring the silent extermination occurring within their own bodies—according to Butler, "women lose 90 percent of their eggs by age 30"—until it's too late. But don't "start freaking out," Butler tells her readers, who, being women and all, are almost certainly doing just that.

Onto the science: "Society has changed," fertility doctor Robert Stillman of Rockville's Shady Grove Fertility tells Butler, "but the ovaries will take another million years or two to catch up to that."

Stillman's evolutionary perspective prompts this strange analysis from Butler:

Since we don't have another million years to wait, many women thinking of having children are left with the predicament of balancing the personal, primal urge to partner up and procreate with worthwhile social goals such as pursuing higher education and a successful career—not to mention economic stability.

As someone whose personal, primal urges have always been telling her to learn stuff and use her brain for stuff, not to make babies, I am left confused by the idea that my impulse to start a career is seen exclusively as a "worthwhile social goal" that is somehow at odds with my "personal" interests. But then again, there's a lot I don't identify with here. Possible alternate headlines for this story that I would be more likely to get down with:

Adoption agencies have adjusted to many women's decision to delay having children. [Seriously, Butler does even mention this possibility].

* Robert Stillman of Rockville's Shady Grove Fertility has adjusted to raking in tons of cash from many women's decision to delay having children.

* Ovaries indifferent to what you do with eggs after they pass off responsibility to fallopian tubes, uterus

* Ovaries privately concerned that women will end this whole society v. nature charade by just delaying having children until death

* Ovaries confused as to why the decision to have children is presented exclusively as a concern of women in this article

* Ovaries going through particularly rough time right now, could use a couple million years to adjust

Bad news, reproductive organ seekers—the epic Craigslist ad offering up a 27-year-old ovary in exchange for a ticket to an inaugural ball has been flagged for removal. Ovary-offerer Lisa anticipated that this might happen. “I’m a little surprised the post hasn’t been flagged for removal, seeing as it’s illegal to sell your organs,” she divulged in an eerily prescient telephone interview yesterday.

She remains disappointed by the development. "They finally removed the original ad, which bothers me that fewer people found it funny than offensive," she informed me in an e-mail this afternoon.

The Washington City Paper has a long and storied history of reporting on local organ trafficking activities, both earnest and tongue-in-cheek. So while this ovary offer is no longer suitable for Craigslist, her suggested trade of an ovary for a ball will remain on The Sexist's site until it is dragged from our cold, dead Web archives.

An ovary for a ball: Fair trade, no? A 27-year-old Cleveland lawyer and Barack Obama enthusiast thinks so. On Tuesday, Lisa F. posted a Craigslist ad offering her ovary—and that of a friend—in exchange for two tickets to an inaugural ball. "We've exhausted all my legitimate means of finding a ticket by begging our campaign staffer friends, so we thought we would try this," says Lisa. "Also, neither of us are currently using an ovary."

The ovaries, which range in age from 26 to 27 years, come with no strings attached. "Today, you can get an ovary from two separate, progressively minded women who are willing to part with their internal organs for a chance to wear a party dress in the same room as President Elect Obama," Lisa wrote in a posting under Craigslist's "for sale" section. "These women . . . will not require an explanation of your purpose. Do you wish to procreate? Use them for science? Macabre hackey sack?"

Despite their flexibility, Lisa and her friend have yet to reign in a ticketholder willing to swap ball access for female reproductive organs (still producing ovum). Lisa has, however, found one ticket-holder interested in her other lady-parts. "The first reply I got, probably about a half-hour after posting, said, 'I’ve got two tickets if you want to sleep with me,'" says Lisa, who adds that she's willing to weather all possible dates, regardless of "gender, IQ, physical appearance, or social awkwardness," save one caveat: the invitation may not include "quid pro quo sexual harassment."

Lisa says the post has yielded a few other responses—one Michigan man looking to sell his tickets for money, and a couple Craigslisters who couldn't help Lisa, but wrote to tell her she was "funny." At this point, Lisa is just happy to keep the offer out there. "I'm a little surprised the post hasn't been flagged for removal, seeing as it’s illegal to sell your organs," she says.

Whether or not they find their way into a ball, Lisa say's they're intent on driving down to the District and standing on the sidelines of history, ovaries intact. "In the political realm, this is probably one of the most exciting things that’s happened to me in my entire life," says Lisa. The ovary offer, however, will still stand. "I’m prone to melodrama, so I might have said I'd give up my ovary for a couple other things, too—meeting Harrison Ford, for example."

Photo by Darrow Montgomery.

Thank goodness for wikianswers. Prolific contributor "Bigdozza" has this to say on the subject:

O, goode Bigdozza, what other secrets of womynkind hath you hidden in your folk wisdom treasury? Reveal yourself!