Three Georgetown students (and another from NYU) have launched WorstHookUps.com, a website for anonymously airing your greatest sex fails. “After a traumatizing hookup experience, [we] looked for a place to post the story online and realized that no such website existed," a site creator (they won't reveal their names) told Chris Heller at Vox Populi. Of course, some of the entries are horrifying for all the wrong reasons—like this one, in which our anonymous contributor complains about hooking up with an "older black woman" whose breasts he describes as "straight-up National Geographic shit." The hook-up takes a turn for the worse when she expects him to help her orgasm, and employs a vibrator in this pursuit. Also? This "older black woman" is 27 years old.

Photo via rachelkramerbussel.com, Creative Commons Attribution License 2.0

If your boobs could talk, what would they say? According to this proposed ad campaign for Durex condoms, your boobs would likely say . . . "boobs":

. . . at least, that's what German designer Andrej Kranhe thinks your boobs would say. Other strange sexual insights gleaned from Kranhe's "Type Sex With Durex" ads:

Girls orgasm in mythological afterlives:

When you have sex, does your body feel as if it has been transported to:

a) Elysium, the ancient Greek underworld that housed the "final resting place of the souls of the heroic and the virtuous"?

b) Valhalla, the mythological Norse afterworld where dead soldiers dine in an "enormous hall . . .  ruled over by the god Odin"?

c) Zion, the Jewish promised land?

If not, you're probably a dude:

According to the ad, when boys have sex, their penises turn into brains, and their brains turn into:

Yeah . . . nothing. According to the ad, when boys are busy sticking their "brains" into a lady's "Valhalla," they are incapable of reacting to outside stimuli, processing information, or reasoning.

You just ate a bunch of fruit:

At least, that's what I think that means.

Performing oral sex on a man makes a woman's brain feel "dainty":

. . . and her throat feel "TASTY"!

When boys do manage to think thoughts during sex, the thought is, "this sucks":

Girls, meanwhile, are experiencing shuddering, quaking boob orgasms. However, they are privately traumatized by this:

Her body's saying "orgasm wave," but her mind is saying "paralyzed, confused, embarrassed." Hmm. I wonder what kind of "Type Sex With Durex" this one is?

Well, it looks like Davidoff has passed on the ad designs. Despite the free advertising provided by widespread Internet speculation concerning the intersection of grodiness and gender-role innovation suggested by the cigar ads, Davidoff isn't too happy about being associated with old men getting off on their product. (For the record, I thought they were interesting).

"These ads are NOT approved by Davidoff," Davidoff of Geneva brand manager Danielle K. Hawthorne writes. "They have not and will never run as advertising for our brand. We have asked that all of these concept ads be removed from circulation. Evidently someone has taken unapproved liberties by using the Davidoff logo and posting these as if they were currently running."

Those special "someones" could very well be advertisement photographer and copywriter Ted Sabarese and art director Marta Ibarrondo. The mock-up advertisements are still featured prominently on Ibarrondo's Web site, as well as under the "Commissioned" section of Sabarese's own site. Looks like whether or not Davidoff "approved" of these ads, someone must have, well, commissioned them.