Posts Tagged ‘oral sex’
The Original CockBib: For Drunk Brides, Small Children, and Subaru Owners
Last spring, I discovered the CockBib, an oral sex accessory for men who want a dryer blowjob. “The whole idea for cockbibs came to me right after I was pleased orally and realized,’Damn, I can’t just fall asleep, I need to get up and wash my balls,’” the device’s inventor explained on his Web site, CockBibCrazy.com. “I had just been a victim of another sloppy blowjob.”
As it turns out, CockBibCrazy’s proprietor was not the first martyr to the sloppy blowjob. Though CockBibCrazy.com was registered on March 13, 2009, a different CockBib outfit, CockBib.com, was registered all the way back on Dec. 22, 2008. At CockBib.com, a duo called Jon and Shan market what they call “the original cockbib.” When I wrote to CockBibCrazy for his thoughts on the “original” CockBib, he seemed unfazed by the competition. “I am sure you can see a big difference in the quality of our product and the time put into our site?” he wrote to me.
For once, CockBib guy was right. CockBib.com’s CockBib designs are even weirder than dick accessories “Caution: May Cause Trauma” and “Pussy Killer.” Let’s check ‘em out!
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Catholic University Gets Tougher on Sexual Assault, Remains Tough on Sex
The Catholic University of America (CUA) this summer revised its student rules to clarify that the school condemns sexual assault more strongly than consensual sex. The change to the policy, which became official July 27, comes in the aftermath of litigation questioning the propriety and effectiveness of the university’s longtime regulations.
Prior to the change, the CUA campus code performed an awkward lumping operation when it came to sex: Its sexual misconduct clause outlawed “physical conduct of a sexual nature that is unwanted by either party and/or that is disruptive to the university community, such as any sexual expression that is inconsistent with the teaching and moral values of the Catholic church.”
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Why You Should Care About Marion Barry’s Un-Blow-Job
Today, Post media columnist Howard Kurtz tackled the popular outcry over the Washington City Paper’s Marion Barry “You Put Me Out In Denver ‘Cause I Wouldn’t Suck Your Dick” cover line. Some readers, Kurtz wrote, found the headline’s final “three-word phrase” vulgar, obscene, and even racist. The Post declined to print the phrase, but I’ll give you a hint: it ain’t “Out in Denver.”
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CockBibs Reaches Out to the Ladies
They came, they researched, they let us in on a “little secret”. Now, “CockBibs,” the first novelty item for keeping your genitals creepily dry, are officially available for sale. And the Inventor of the CockBib has reached out to the females to let them know that CockBibs are for us, too (and certainly not offensive to anyone!). A notice on the Web site reads:
***Attention*** We apologize for any misunderstanding in regards to our appreciation for women as it relates to them orally pleasing us men. We love and have the utmost respect for women. The CockBib is just our attempt at creating a fun and humorous novelty item. It is not our intent to offend or disrespect anyone. Thank You! :)
No, CockBib. Thank you.
The Inventor of the “CockBib” Speaks Out
Earlier this week, I introduced you to the world of the “CockBib,” and the men who wear them to maintain ball sac dryness—and hilarity!—during oral sex.
I finally tracked down the Inventor of the CockBib after several CockBib fans (including one named, oddly enough, “Amanda Hess”) posted very positive CockBib reviews on my blog, from his IP address. Below, the Inventor speaks out about how to parse the nonsensical CockBib, the virtues of ball dryness, and the female-friendly CockBibs he’s rolling out next:
IF THE COCKBIB IS MEANT TO PROTECTs YOUR BALLS FROM WETNESS, WHY DO YOU WANT THE NUTS IN HER MOUTH? [Re: "It's Showtime: These Nuts in Ya Mouth, Take 1"]
The Five Most Inappropriate Cock Bib Phrases
Introducing the CockBib, “an adult novelty item for males designed to make clean up after oral sex a breeze!” According to the device’s inventor:
The whole idea for cockbibs came to me right after I was pleased orally and realized, “Damn, I can’t just fall asleep, I need to get up and wash my balls.” I had just been a victim of another sloppy blowjob. I sat there wishing that I did not have to get up and go do the whole wipe down routine and thats when it hit me. I said “what if I had something to protect my balls, some sort of bib, a bib for my cock.” . . . and so, cockbibs were born.
And so, a guy gets a bad blowjob and he responds by designing and marketing 38 different novelty ball-covers to hang on your penis during oral sex. Given that these things look like tiny portable glory holes, this post-oral pioneer takes care to note that he is “Happily Married to a Beautiful Woman.” No word on how that “victim of another sloppy blowjob” comment went over.
In case you were wondering, there is a Yes You Can! CockBib. Some of the other CockBib designs, however, come off as a tad less progressive.
5. “Caution: May Cause Trauma.” Yeah, I’ll go ahead and heed that warning, and steer clear of the dismembered penis poking through the baby clothes, thank you very much.
Sexist Beatdown: Abnormal Sex Edition
Topless gothic water-wimmin: Normal or abnormal? Discuss.
Welcome back to “Sexist Beatdown,” wherein the very abnormal Sady of Tiger Beatdown, and the merely abnormal Amanda, of the Sexist, chat about topics of interest to finer women. This week: Sex, is it normal or abnormal? How about when there is pee, children, and/or wheelchairs involved? Canadian young adults shall reveal all!
