* Kelsey Wallace at Bitch: Does OKCupid separate the hots and the nots?

* The New Gay is looking for some more "lesbian, bisexual, trans and queer women to contribute" to the blog.

* Via The Curvature, The State Department has relaxed passport rules for transgender travelers. Writes Cara Kulwicki: "the U.S. State Department has decided that surgery is no longer a requirement for trans individuals to change their gender markers on their passports."  Here's why that's important:

This is great news for several reasons. First of all, it can be incredibly emotionally distressing and even traumatic to be forced to carry and present identification that does not actually match your identity — especially when you face a culture that is regularly and hugely hostile to the very idea of your identity, already.

That alone — basic humanity and decency — should, of course, be more than enough reason for such a change to go into effect. But in addition to the emotional damage of not being able to have your passport accurately reflect your gender, the old rules also presented a very real risk of harassment and physical harm.

* Marisa Meltzer reviews former fashion editor and model Avis Cardella's memoir of her shopping addiction, Spent:

She's very skilled at accepting the blame for her habits, but only barely hints at the underlying reasons we—women, typically, but men as well—are encouraged to buy things as comfort or to show status. Overall, she misses an opportunity to place her spending in a larger cultural context. She only briefly talks about the way credit-card companies prey on spenders, the ways glossy magazines manufacture desire, and the fad for luxury goods, instead pondering her own reasons for spending money. "Was it low self-esteem? Was it unresolved grief? Was it a lack of something that resided in me all that time?" she asks.

* I am obsessed with Jezebel's efforts to decode Elizabeth Kaye's blind item in Elle about the movie star she had sex with while on assignment to interview him many years ago. Their best guess: Kris Kristofferson. Nice.

Photo via the Library of Congress.

In this edition of Feminist Dream Phone Sexist Beatdown, Sady Doyle of Tiger Beatdown and I help all the hetero feminist ladies out there find a man! There's been some very Serious Feminist Literature written on the subject of Feminist Dating as of late, covering such important topics as establishing a feminist litmus test and learning to sarcastically accommodate man-children. What is this discussion missing, besides more hamburgers? Personal information about Sady and I, apparently!

Important Note: This Sexist Beatdown will make a lot more sense if you imagine Sady and I throwing sassy hand signals (such as "the hand") at various points throughout the dialogue, inserting the word ". . . girl" before and after each of our sentences, and exiting to the enthusiastic applause of hundreds of single women at the discussion's conclusion. Thank you.

AMANDA: Hellooo.

SADY: Why, hello! First, allow me to extend a brief litmus test to you, to determine whether we may chat.

AMANDA: OK.

SADY: My litmus test is: Rape Culture! Are you a fan?

AMANDA: Fuck, I know this one. I know this. I'm going to go with "not a fan"?

SADY: A-ha! We may proceed!

AMANDA: Great! Can I also request that we make this a speed Sexist Beatdown, because I reeeaaaally need to go eat this hamburger pretty soon?

SADY: Sure! The thing is, my own Litmus Test (which is not so much a Litmus Test as a Litmus GRE, I must admit) is not that much more subtle.

AMANDA: OK cool. So do you have an actual, like, question you will ask a potential boyfriend?

SADY: Personally, I just talk about feminism all the damn time. There are no questions! There are only answers! Answers provided by ME!

AMANDA: Right. Yes. That tends to be pretty effective in weeding out a whole lot of people.

SADY: I find myself a little unbearable. But I, like, hit on a guy and then transition into talking about Dworkin's thoughts on the Tolstoy marriage in “Intercourse” (ACTUALLY HAPPENED; TRUE STORY TIME) and if their genitalia withers at the mention of the name of Andrea D, well, that's when I find out!

AMANDA: And did it? Wither?

SADY: We are dating now! This man and I!

AMANDA: The genitalia doth not wither! I actually haven't been on the market since I became insufferably outspoken on the issue of ye olde rape culture, so I haven't been able to have that really fun experience yet.

SADY: Ha, yeah. Can I tell you it will be TERRIFYING? (Not that you are going to break up with your boyfriend. But! I am going to talk about me now, because that is my area of expertise and interest!) It is the worst part of breaking up. You are like, "but I can't break up with you! I became a FEMINIST BLOGGER! Now I'm NEVER going to get laid EVER AGAIN!”

AMANDA: I have heard, "You talk about rape all the time," from the significant other, who tolerates it. And he's not wrong. I feel like there are feminists, and then there are professional feminists, and if you are lucky enough to get within genital-withering distance of a professional feminist, then you're going to have to listen to a lot of theories about rape. But I imagine it's kind of like a lot of things? For example, I often have to silently log government acronyms in my brain that I will never understand, and it is something that I generally tolerate. But I feel like it's made out to be scarier or more annoying when the shop talk that is boring you to tears on your first date is of the Feminist persuasion.

SADY: Right. Because you have to navigate it. It actually has to be a topic of conversation, like: "Look. Look at me. This lady right here? Feminist. We can't avoid that. Let's talk about how I won't genitally mutilate you over a disagreement, as you may have heard The Feminists enjoy doing from time to time." But when you are not a Professional Feminist, when you are just Regular Feministing It Up, I feel like it is almost harder.

AMANDA: Because it's not necessarily the first thing that a potential partner knows about you?

SADY: Yeah. And because you can't be like, "but actually I know my shit on this topic, enough to get paid for knowing it from time to time." You are just a wacky lady with a cute little hobby of thinking she's a person and stuff, and people don't treat it with the same level of respect.

AMANDA: Oh word. God getting laid is so hard.

SADY: It really is! It amazes me that people ever manage it! And (FOR ME!) I didn't have the same level of confidence, Back in The Day, so I'd try to slip it in there on like the ninety-seventh date and in a very quiet way, whereas now I am like, "oh. Right. I got this."

AMANDA: The only thing I truly remember addressing in previous relationships is the pro-choice thing, which has direct and immediate application to having sex with a person.

SADY: Ha, right. I was very up-front about birth control. Still am! Still talk about it! Because, that is my own personal body we are discussing! But also I would go to ninety-seven Judd Apatow feature films with you and sort of quietly stew and not tell you what was wrong. You know what I recommend though? Is, like, looking around for dudes who do the feminism.

AMANDA: But where?

SADY: Uhhhhh... the Internet? I think a lot of feminist ladies who blog on the Internet date or have dated or are currently dating feminist or political dudes who blog on the Internet. Seriously like three separate feminist ladies I have talked to have been like, "and we met through work." Or, "and we met because of The Blogs." And I totally recommend that! Actually! Because like more or less all your junk is out there already, and that is easier than doing your Missionary Work (ZING PUN BLAM) and trying to convert anybody. So, Step 1: Start feminist blog. Step 2: Meet dude who runs feministish blog. Step 3: Scientifically determine dude is awesome. Step 4: PROFIT??? IN THE ROMANTIC ARENA????

AMANDA: I have this hilarious image of a single lady like walking into a Men Can Stop Rape meeting and being like, "well HELLO feminist allies," all sexy like. Kind of like That Guy who shows up at a pro-choice rally in a "This Is What A Feminist Looks Like" t-shirt in an attempt to get some ass.

SADY: Oh, dude. If they figured it out, it would be OVER. It would be like the weird guy who walked up to you after Women's Studies classes to say you'd Opened His Eyes, creepily, times a thousand.

AMANDA: I think I'm still at a stage in my Comfort With Internet where when I am going out with a person I met over the Internet, I'm really self-conscious about it. Like, "Oh, I'm going to get a drink with someone. YES WITH MY INTERNET FRIEND. WITH MY INTERNET FRIEND OKAY." But I'm realizing that the Internet is becoming more like Real Life now so it's not so tortured. And why not cultivate sex partners that way, I guess! I just wonder if being a feminist and dating requires more of a premeditated campaign than having some other particular hangups and dating... I mean, I think it can just happen naturally, like anything else. Not that the Internet is unnatural! Oh god! Oh GOD.

SADY: JUDGER. Yeah. I mean, I always want to meet people From The Internet if I work with them, to REMOVE that creepy "it's like a friendship, but on the Internet" feeling. Then it's just a friendship. But maybe there should be like a feminist J-Date! Oh, my God, I just became an online dating entrepremillionaire. Just by typing that sentence.

AMANDA: F-Date. F-Fuck.com. There are possibilities.

SADY: YES. GOOD. MARK THE DOMAIN NOW.

AMANDA: It is shockingly unclaimed!

SADY: NO TIME FOR CHATTING! GOT TO ESTABLISH ONLINE FEMINIST-EXPLOITING CAREER!

AMANDA: I only date other professional exploiters of feminism, personally.

SADY: And at last, we discover the true purpose of both feminism and the human desire for companionship: To Make Us Money.

AMANDA: Excellent! So now that we've solved the Feminist Dating Dilemma, I guess I can go eat a burger now?

SADY: You eat that burger, my friend. And I myself will be making some pasta and cashing in harder than you've ever seen. The next time you see me, I will be eating a burger made from a cow cloned for me personally. Because that's how feminism works.

Today, Mediate reported that Man Crunch, the gay dating Web site whose men-kissing Super Bowl ad was rejected by CBS, may be hiding a less-than-progressive agenda. This makes so much sense.

Mediaite's evidence: (1) Man Crunch's literature says that the Web site is for men on the "down low," i.e. they are trapped in the closet; (2) Man Crunch is owned by Avid Life Media, the parent company that also owns extramarital affair facilitator Ashley Madison; (3) both Web sites are perfect for repressed conservative men who want to have great sex without abandoning their politically expedient facade.

But don't take it from me. Watch the ad closely: Those kissing dudes? They never even kiss. They just kind of rub their faces into each others' shoulders for a few seconds. Perfect for the dude that's into other dudes, but is nevertheless totally grossed out by gay stuff.

Lea Haben, "relationship coach," wants to warn her clients about the dangers of on-line dating:

Haben said, "I've had clients that experienced full-on date rape* and I've had clients that have come very, very close to date rape. " . . . Haben said look closely and you'll find warning signs right there on a person's profile page. "He's not even wearing a shirt. His interests are snuggling, his favorite thing is skin to skin contact. Notice the profile if it's very vague or you don't get a good sense, ask for more information."

Snuggling. Sure, it may sound sensitive, but we all know what snuggling really means: danger. It's the number one dangerous interest! And beware: Plenty of local online daters are sneaking this secret code-word into their otherwise innocuous personals ads (emphasis mine):

Available, no fakes no spam be for real writes:

"Not having my old friends around is getting rather tiresome and I am sick of being alone, so I am looking for someone to enjoy dining out, movies, video games, going to the museums, cooking, or just "snuggling". I am easy going and down to earth once you get me to open up, I can be a little reserved at first."

SWM searching for SWF for LTR writes:

"I'm not a huge bar scene person, I'll go occasionally but it's not something my life revolves around. I'm more content staying in with someone special "snuggling" and watching a movie or on the weekends going to out to try or see something new."

Carbon Leaf this Friday? writes:

"I enjoy all out door activities. All things wine. Trying new restaurants, movies, dancing, concerts, plays, walks, "snuggling" at home etc."

Are you There? writes:

"I'm a 27 y/o single mom. I'm 5'7, a "thick" girl,. I'm a romantic. I like reading, watching movies, "snuggling" on the couch, holding hands taking a walk."

Disgusting. With all the snugglers out there, how will an online dater ever find true love? Now, now, not everyone can be into snuggling. Let's try searching for a different code word. Like "rape":

Do you want to be punished? Spanked? (Nw DC do you have a rape fantasy) writes:

"Warning this is not for every girl. This is for the kinkiest woman using craig's list. this is for the woman who wants and needs to be punnished, the woman who was a cutter in tenth grade, the kind of woman who wants and needs to be dirty with a man who doesn't know her and won't judge her for acting out what she wants. this add is for the woman who hates herself and wants to be left tied to the toilet dripping my cum from her pussy, wondering what to name the bastard child I am not ever going to see."

your fantasy writes:

"tell me if you have a rape fantasy. i would like to hear it. it gets me off when reading them."

Daddy seeks a submissive slut writes:

- You being a COMPLETE SUBMISSIVE in the bedroom and doing ANYTHING DADDY tells you to!
- Being a submissive SLAVE.
- You like pain and crying.
- Hard, heavy anal sex
- Bare hand spanking, wooden paddle, leather belt, leg spreaders!
- Forced deep throating, cock choking, and skull fucking.
- Slapping your pussy, rough fingering fisting and handling, (generally, I want your lips and asshole red, and swollen before I am ready to fuck)
- Tie you down and force fuck you in all your holes.
- Make you suck me off in a semi-public situations, as well as fingering your ass and
pussy when ever I please.
- Degradation / Verbal Abuse.
- DP fuck you with my toys.
- Force rape you when I want! And let my friends fuck you as well.
- Golden showers.
- Incest talk…

I can tone it down or up depending on your level of comfort.

Well, it's nice to know that even in this day and age, not every online dater is a monstrous, shirtless snuggler. There are also those singles looking for the one girl who hates herself, is willing to provide him with free erotica, and is open to being forced raped by a stranger and his closest friends whenever he wants. Now get back out there, champ!

* On a side note, what the fuck is "full-on" date rape? A more committed, all-systems-go version of regular old date rape?

Photo by d70focus

Yesterday, I took my first trip around the big penis dating site 7orbetter.com, an exclusive online community for men with penises that measure seven inches or longer, and the women who love them.

The site is the brainchild of Steven Pasternack, a Miami, Fla. entrepreneur who is no stranger to the dating woes of the well-endowed. Pasternack is also the man behind sugardaddie.com, an online dating site "Where the classy, attractive, and affluent meet."

Pasternack's anatomically-based venture, launched a couple of weeks ago, "is not a joke," Pasternack, 45, confirms. "Believe it or not, this is a very important thing for some women. They're looking for the size, but they still want a well-rounded, quality guy."

Pasternack says the inspiration for the Web site came "from a female friend of mine," who confided in Pasternack that "she wants to meet quality guys, but when it comes time to go to bed with the guy, she's sometimes disappointed with how the guy can please her," says Pasternack. "She said it would be nice to know up-front what she can get from them."

The Web site has already attracted nearly a thousand women like her: There are currently 875 female members listed on the site. There are also 869 men, indicating that there are as many men out there advertising big penises as there are women who want them. "The men are interested in signing up, obviously, because they’re proud of what they have. They're glad they have a place to say hey—I’ve got eight inches, or nine. It's not a matter of bragging. Some women can’t handle what they have, sexually, and it turns out to be a disappointment for [the man]. They want the women to know up-front what they have—so it works both ways, actually."

The member profiles are on par with most online dating sites—age, height, weight, smoking or not—except that men are also asked to report the length of their penises, and whether or not they are circumcised. Men must claim seven inch penises "or better" to be eligible to use the site; there are no sign-up requirements for women.

Pasternack arrived at the magic number seven after "consulting a few female friends," he says. "Most of them had a preference for six-and-a-half or seven. I rounded up to seven." Men aren't asked to report girth. "Girth—that's a good question. We're considering adding that as a category," says Pasternack.

Pasternack insists that beyond the dimensions, 7orbetter.com is a dating site like any other, and obscene language, revealing photos, or prostitution dealings will not be tolerated. Still, Pasternack admits that revealing one's penis size alongside his snorkeling interest might be considered inappropriate in any other venue. "I don’t think it would sit very well with eHarmony," says Pasternack. "Match.com, I don’t think they’re ready for this either."

But how do women know whether a man's self-reported penis size is accurate? The Web site's terms of use notes that "Any information posted on 7orbetter.com's website must conform to reality and be accurate in its description and content." If you are a member of 7orbetter.com, and you do meet up with a man you believe is misrepresenting his penis size, you can always report him to Pasternack. Pasternack says that once two or more women report that a man isn't packing what hes reported, he's off the site. "Sometimes, a person could be acting vindictively. You never know," says Pasternack. "So we wait for two separate complaints to revoke his membership." So far, no members have failed to measure up.

As for Pasternack, who is married, 7orbetter.com is strictly a business interest—you won't find Pasternack's profile, or his measurements, on the site. But if 7orbetter.com were around when Pasternack was dating, would he have been eligible? "That’s a very personal question," says Pasternack. "If you must know, yes. Yes I would be."

Photo by Maui in Vermont

In the wake of the debut of exclusive big penis online dating site "Seven or Better," I think it's time to address another grave disparity implicit in our society's traditional dating scheme. Now, thanks to Seven or Better, women in the United States, the United Kingdom, Canada, and Australia can learn the dimensions of her potential date's penis before enduring the hassle of meeting, getting to know, becoming sexually interested in, and disrobing him.

But what about these large-penised men? Shouldn't men also be allowed to date freely without having to worry that his date's vagina is not large enough to accommodate his 7" or larger penis?

That's why I'm proposing a new online dating community tailored for men exclusively seeking women with accommodating vaginas. We'll call it something classy, like "Huge Vaginas or Better," and only women with what are generally accepted to be expansive vaginal canals (or, of course, better!) will be allowed to sign up.

But how will women know if they qualify? A woman can't simply hold a ruler up to her aroused genitalia and quickly record a measurement that men can then use to judge her sexual potential.

Ladies, here's how you know. If you are a woman who is so incapable of becoming sexually aroused by—or even consider forming an emotional connection to—a man with a penis smaller than seven inches long that you sign up for a dating site that screens out all men with "unacceptable" genitalia, then your vagina is probably good enough for Huge Vaginas or Better.

Photo by Atrayu

"Seven or Better" is a new online dating site for women and men interested in meeting men with penises that are confirmed to be seven inches or longer (the site doesn't clarify, but I'm assuming we're talking erect). "Hello ladies," the Web site begins. "Wouldn't it be nice to know upfront if a man has what it takes to satisfy you sexually?"

No. But go on:

For men interested in women, it is quite easy to see if the woman's breast size is to his liking or not, or even the shape and size of her derriere. The same goes for women interested in men. There are many women that feel the size of a man's penis is very important to them. Unfortunately, because of how society is, it is very inappropriate to ask a man immediately how big his penis is or even if he is uncircumcised or not. A properly behaved woman that is respectful would never ask such a question. Instead, a woman will date a man perhaps for a few days, weeks or maybe months. After all this time the woman will decide she likes the man and that it is finally time to take things to a new level/the bedroom. It is at this time that many women are disappointed with what they find and now they are in an awkward situation.

Isn't society just terrible? A "properly behaved woman" who is only interested in men with huge penises may have to wait months—months!—before figuring out that the man that she has spent months falling in love with has been hiding a dick that's slightly too small to deserve that love. Now, with Seven or Better, that woman can know from the first date the exact dimensions of that penis she doesn't want to see yet.

This is only fair, seeing as men know immediately and exactly the size of a woman's breasts—a measurement that can never be hidden, covered up, padded, or surgically augmented. Now, women, too, can have their potential sex partners flaunt their size before they even have to meet for coffee. But remember guys, this is a dating site for women, not a porn site for exhibitionist dudes. Men are encouraged to reveal their penis size in a completely friendly, non-pervy context, alongside their other attributes, like how smart they are or whatever.

But there's more. In accordance (I'm assuming) with anti-discrimination policies, those who become members of Seven or Better include: Men with penises 7" or longer looking for women, women looking for men with penises 7" or longer, men with penises 7" or longer looking for men with penises 7" or longer, or women looking for women. Yes, Seven or Better welcomes all, except for men with penises shorter—excuse me, worse—than 7" long.

So—are these women-looking-for-women looking for women who are looking for men with penises 7" or longer? Or are they simply signaling an interest in 7" or longer penis-shaped sex toys? I didn't finish the registration process—perhaps I was afraid of what I would find—so I don't know if any lesbians have signed up here yet. If anyone out there is an, ahem, member, I'd be interested in learning what might intrigue lesbians in this big dick business.

Photo by Maui in Vermont