Ever wondered exactly what you have to do with your penis to be charged with indecent exposure in Virginia? Need to know what sort of aperture you have to be looking through in order to be convicted of peeping? The Washington Post is here to help!

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What do nudists wear? If this online nudist apparel store is any indication—more than you’d imagine. From what I can tell, nudist attire is clothing which serves a decorative—as opposed to a shielding—function, and generally operates with a clear disregard of genital exposure. It’s also a really good resource for any woman who would like to see a soaring eagle beaded atop her boobs.

The “beaded collar,” (prices vary). Available in the classic “circle/rope” pattern, as well as a few flashier models.

For the nudist biker:

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The Huffington Post’s latest foray into celebrity eye-candy linkbait, “Iconic Swimsuit Movie Moments,” comes in two flavors: Male and Female.

The Huffington Post, it seems, has tired of just fetishizing female bodies, and has moved onto more equal-opportunity objectification. Since it’s too much to ask for a Web site to refrain from objectifying any humans, is this a cause for celebration?

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Hey, this isn’t the exploitation I signed up for!

The Huffington Post has finally discovered the porthole through which its sexist entertainment content can jump off of the Entertainment page and onto more explicitly political verticals. What is this valuable new discovery which suddenly makes sexy naked women so politically relevant? It starts with a P, ends with an Eople For the Ethical Treatment of Animals, and it has been pulling this liberal sexist bullshit for years.

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I missed this segment last week, when the Daily Show skewered Fox News for making a stink about Sasha Baron Cohen’s bare-ass Bruno stunt on MTV, and then staging a lingerie football party full of female T&A. It turns out you don’t have to be a liberal to support nudity from females while shunning the same from males. Bruno landing has bare ass on a noted homophobe makes sense. Fox News’ scantily clad football players landing their assets on sexists doesn’t pack the same kind of societal-commentary punch.

Naked Wizard Tased By Reality from Tracy Anderson on Vimeo.

Since Arthur Delaney has already produced the definitive narration of the Coachella tasered wizard video (above), I will take a page from the Huffington Post manual and aggregate his brilliant retelling here:

The police officers beg and plead for the man to put on his robes, but all the Naked Wizard wants to do is be free of his wizard sleeves and hang in the breeze. He throws his colorful garb onto the grass.

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The cover of the August 22, 2007 issue of Creative Loafing Tampa was a doozy. Under the guise of a “newbies” guide to Tampa Bay, the alt-weekly fronts a nude photo of editorial interns Ted Scheinman and Brian Reed. The interns stand in the sparkling depths of a man-made waterfall, their hands posed jauntily on their hips. They wear no clothes. Covering their genitals are two triumphantly checked boxes that, to the untrained eye, could appear to be representations of erect penises. Observe:

After finishing their tenure at Creative Loafing Tampa and graduating from Yale, Scheinman and Reed came to work at the Washington City Paper (Scheinman remains as CP’s Online Producer; Reed has since moved on to a Croc Fellowship at NPR). Before my new coworkers even arrived in the District, I heard tell of their cover-boy exploits down South, but I hadn’t actually set my eyes the cover until last week. When the newspaper was unceremoniously dumped in my cubicle, I approached the cover as I would the site of a terrible collision: Not knowing what else to do, I simply stared, wondering why the tears were not coming.

As with any unexplained tragedy, the image piqued my curiosity; I needed to know how and why this had happened. In an interview, Scheinman detailed the genesis of the cover. “It was [Editor-in-Chief] David Warner’s idea. There were a bunch of half-assed ideas being kicked around about the cover, and then [Warner] asked us if we would do this,” says Scheinman. “He clearly was not joking.”

Scheinman and Reed—who had penned an essay for the issue on the “Caliente” nudist resort and community of Land O’Lakes, Fla.—were interested. “We thought about it for a moment, and no one could think of any reason not to,” says Scheinman. Though Reed admits he was nervous the night before the photo shoot—”like the night before the first day of school”—he was comfortable with the idea. According to Scheinman, the pair had become accustomed to lounging together naked while undergrads at Yale. “Oh, yeah, yeah. There’s a seedy subculture In the Ivy leagues of naked, Dionysian revelry,” he says. “There were naked parties.”

Scheinman clearly was not joking.

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