Today is the National Day to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, and right smack in the middle of National Offend a Feminist Week. I’m both offended and not teen pregnant. Coincidence?

I’ve always said that the best way to prevent teen pregnancy is to turn 20, am I right? But for those still stuck in their 13-to-19s, the campaign’s Web site offers a quick quiz to help you determine how likely you are to get teen pregnant.

If, like me, your teen years are mercifully behind you, take the quiz anyway. I used it to determine whether or not I can boast more emotional maturity than a 16-year-old.

And . . . I cannot! I took the quiz and scored as “Sort of a Sexpert.” (Sort of a Sexpert? Do you people have any idea who I am?) According to the campaign, that score means that “Most of the time [I] know what the right choice is, but [I] don’t always make it when it comes to sex.” Yeah, that actually sounds about right.

But hey, maybe I’m just too fucking old to know how to prevent teen pregnancy. There is, after all, a “sexting” question:

Laura and Amy are bored* one Saturday afternoon so they start taking goofy pictures of each other with Laura’s camera phone. At first its just funny faces and model poses, but then Amy lifts up her shirt and Laura snaps a picture of her. “I’m so sending this to Mike,” says Laura.

A. “Ha! Do it! He’s so hot. Maybe he’ll return the favor and send me a picture of his naked butt.”

B. “No, don’t! I don’t want him to get the wrong idea. I like him, but I’m not ready to hook up yet.”

C. “You have to delete that picture immediately. That was really dumb of me. I don’t want that pic to get
forwarded to everyone at school. Don’t you watch Gossip Girl?”

D. “Go ahead. Now he’ll see what he’s missing.”

I actually got that one right. But only because I watch Gossip Girl.

* oh, boredom.

Ooh boy, it’s National Offend a Feminist Week!

You know, as a feminist blogger, I spend most weeks out of the year not getting offended by anything. Frankly, I’m sick of raking up obscure sexist bullshit to be offended by! That’s why I always look forward to National Offend a Feminist Week, when I finally get to sit back, relax, and let the anti-feminists shower me with free sexist bullshit. Thanks for helping me do my job, fuckers!

But wait—AUUUUUUGH! AUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHH!—I’m ALREADY OFFENDED by this! The very idea of Offend a Feminist Week is offensive enough for me to write a blog post about why it offends me! The anti-feminist bloggers have caught me in an Offended Feminist Mind Meld! I can’t stop using explanation points! Nor italics! NOR CAPS LOCK! AUGH!

OFFEND A FEMINIST WEEK MALE PRIVILEGE SHADES OF RAPE PHYLLIS SCHLAFLY ALEC BALDWIN SOMETHING SOMETHING ABORTION!!

Whew. That was a close one.

Photo by Rich Anderson.