REMEMBER THAT DUDE: Who supposedly hacked into Sarah Palin's Yahoo! e-mail account last fall with only an easily guessed password hint and a dream? Well, he's David Kernell, "the son of a Democratic Tennessee legislator," and he pleaded not guilty yesterday to counts of "fraud, unlawful electronic transmission of material outside Tennessee and attempts to conceal records to impede an FBI investigation." Is it really fraud if it's almost too easy?

FIRST DUDE WINTER SPORTS CORNER: Did Todd Palin grow up in a rural Alaskan village or a boutique rural Alaskan village engineered by the hotel industry? You decide.

MIDDLE-AGED MORMON LADY UNEARTHS SECRET TO SAVING DYING MEDIA: Anne Cannon, the woman who yesterday unsuspectingly used "Sarah Palin" and "stripper boots" in the same blog post, has figured out how to save us all. "In just a few hours there have been over 30 comments posted," Cannon wrote on her personal blog. "For me this is unusual. Usually I only pull in a couple of public comments a week. The difference? I mentioned 'Sarah Palin' and 'stripper boots' in my piece." If a self-described "middle-age Mormon lady" can rake in the hits by simply evoking Palin and sexual imagery—and if we can all then ride her coattails by linking to her blog posts evoking Palin and sexual imagery—perhaps this whole crazy media industry can stay afloat.

WANT TO SERVE IN THE ALASKAN SENATE? Palin is taking applications.

CALLING OUT PIPER: "And what is the deal with Piper?" writes the Immortal Majority in its inexplicable obsession with all things Palin (hey, wait a minute . . . ). "Is that child never more then a few feet from Governor Palin at any given time? By my calculations that little girl has not attended school regularly since 2006." My theory: Piper is just preparing to cover for another unexpected Bristol Palin pregnancy.

SARAH PALIN ADDRESSES THE SPECIAL OLYMPICS:

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Look at Trig's little glasses!!!1

Photo by Material Boy

DUR: GOP needs to get smart, says The Young Turks.  "Obama won because he’s smart. . . . I enjoy having a beer with my brother in-law, but I wouldn’t want him running the country. He’s an idiot! Sure, people like a candidate they can relate to, but when it comes down to the crunch, Americans want smart leaders, not drinking buddies." Joe Six Pack, we hardly knew ye.

TROOPERGATE CONTINUES: Somebody doesn't like Kim Elton. And it's not Sarah Palin! Oh, it is just some blogger. "Surprise. Surprise.  President Barack Obama has done a nationwide search and appointed the Chairman of the Troopergate investigation as Director of Alaskan Affairs at the Interior Department.  Is this a case of political payback for a smear job well done on Governor Sarah Palin???  Yes!"

FIRST DUDE WINTER SPORTS CORNER: Todd Palin's legacy: ushering the contiguous U.S. into the awesome world of the Tesoro Iron Dog. "at 1,971 miles (3,172 km), it is the longest snowmobile race in the world. The 2008 event featured a record forty teams competing for a $100,000 purse, with $25,000 awarded to the winners and attracted worldwide attention when 4-time winner Todd Palin's wife, Sarah, campaigned for vice presidency of the United States.

THE TRIG-AIN'T-HER-BABY RUMORS CONTINUE. The Immortal Majority parses Lorenzo Benet's Trailblazer and suggests (as reported previously by rumermongering liberal bloggers): Trig ain't her baby. Could page 185 finally reveal the truth?

A few minutes before leaving work on March 5, Sarah held a press conference in her Juneau office and finally announced her pregnancy. She said. "Expect a new member of the first family," and then she headed out to a reception at the Baranof Hotel with her family to dine on king crab. reporters stood there in disbelief. In fact, Sarah had to announce the pregnancy in three different ways before anyone knew what she was talking about. "That the pregnancy is so advanced astonished all who heard the news," the Daily News reported, "The governor, a runner who's always trim, simply doesn't look pregnant." Not even her staff was aware until the same day, "I thought it was becoming obvious," Sarah said, "Clothes getting snugger and snugger." (Emphasis mine, pg. 185)

So, Bristol Palin pulled a Britney and got pregnant twice in a row? Does this make her more or less qualified to be a teen pregnancy spokesmom? Discuss.

STRIPPER BOOTS: YEA OR NAY? The Mormon Times, for some reason, speculates as to whether or not men actually like women who wear "stripper boots." Sarah Palin is involved, somehow.

Ann Cannon on her favorite boots: "They're soft and brown and dressy, and whenever I wear them I feel exactly like Posh Spice—that is if Posh Spice was a size-12 middle-age Mormon lady, who bought all her clothes at Target."

I love Ann Cannon and her stripper boots. But Cannon's teenage son does not like her stripper boots, which has totally thrown Cannon's Palin theory for a loop. Cannon writes" "I thought that was one of the reasons men liked Sarah Palin so much—because she always had those sexy stripper boots on whenever she and Todd got off the airplane."

My God, Cannon, you've cracked the code!

Photo by Bright Meadow

Oh, hey, slow news day.

* Now, homos, Mormons, baby-killing women, porno freaks, Jesus mockers, and drunks have "sports nuts" to contend with for eternal damnation (above).

* Now, get out of my city please.

* Now, I get to not hear Rick Warren talk about anything for a very long time, perhaps ever.

* Now, there's only one day left until Oscar nominations!

* Also, now, only one day left until thousands more people come ruin our city, again, this time to protest abortion.

* Now, all the strangers in my group house who have been using my hot water and arguing about Israel or some shit need to leave, now. It's 9 in the morning!

Photo by Amy Austin

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Next time: try stiffer, less overtly evil.

Here's Swisher's message for the anti-gay Mormon elite who would stand in her way: "I’m not going away, because I have an Elizabeth-Taylor appetite for gay marriage."