* I am in love with Kerry Howley's book review of Paco Underhill's "What Women Want"—an examination of the consumer behavior of what Underhill terms "the female of the species" of humans. Marry me, Kerry Howley's book review:

Instead of telling us what women actually buy, Underhill considers a product and deigns to divine its male or female origins. Often, the thing he doesn't like is the "male" thing. The product he does like he attributes to the growing and glorious power of the woman consumer. McMansions, which Underhill considers vulgar and atomizing, he deems male. For New Urbanist communities, we are told without benefit of explanation, you can thank women. And because women are in charge now, McMansions are going out of style. ("Good-bye, McMansions. And hello to a new species of home that accommodates the female of the species.") In a typical passage, Underhill notices that pillow quality in American hotels is improving. He attributes this, on a hunch, to pillow-demanding women travelers, which sounds plausible. But might good pillows merely be a response to the taste preferences of an increasingly wealthy society? Would a world without women necessarily be a world with a smaller proportion of soft pillows?

* Who wants to go see Love Ranch with me? Alyssa Rosenberg describes the plot: "Older couple fights for the legalization of their brothel and prostitution in general while [wife] falls for a much younger, exceedingly sexy Latin American boxer." I'm sold.

[youtube:v=cC4i83ejkbo]

* Via THE LINE, it's a headline fail!:

Hmm!

* Speaking of pillows: Are dead ladies sexy, and are they sexier having expired from a girls-only pillow fight? Sociological Images points to some recent instances of sexualized violence for fashion's sake, including "a fashion shoot in which women were depicted as having died in a pillow fight."

* Amanda Marcotte on D.C.'s "modesty police" who shame Supreme Court nominees for leaving their legs uncrossed and First Ladies for showing just a touch of cleave:

The modesty police here or in Saudi Arabia use sex as cover to shame women for having the temerity to walk around in public while possessing lady parts. Creating a situation in which everyone is staring at your crotch or boobs in hopes of finding some transgression from arbitrary modesty standards is just a way to pick on women for being women. I've often been tempted to take pictures of what I was wearing when some guy on the street harassed me, just to point out that if your harasser is determined enough, a hoodie sweatshirt and a pair of jeans can be considered hoochie-mama clothes that somehow demand harassment.

Photo via Romantic Crafts, Creative Commons Attribution License 2.0

During her tenure as the first First Lady of the United States of America, Martha Dandridge Custis Washington confided in a letter to her niece: "I think I am more like a state prisoner than anything else," she wrote. "There is certain bounds set for me which I must not depart from."

In other words, the role of First Lady has forever sucketh. Women betrothed to U.S. presidents are condemned to years of toil marked by incessant smiling, benign public service initiatives, and publicized bakery. Laura Welch Bush, America's most recent graduate of the First Ladies club, was forced to refrain from publicly not hating gay people, instead sharing her opinion that Reading Is Fundamental and—according to Curtis Sittenfeld's novelized version of her life, "American Wife"—receiving glorious head!

In this edition of Sexist Beatdown, Sady Doyle of Tiger Beatdown talk about being forced to imagine George W. Bush uttering the words "luscious breasts," our Human Rights dealbreakers, and the role of the First Gentleman of the future.

SADY: HELLO! Sorry, I went out to buy cigarettes and coffee. Which are what I subsist on, at this sad point in my life.

AMANDA: That's OK! I was confined for eight years in an ideological prison of my husband's making.

SADY: I hear that can be difficult! Yet readily novelizable, by Curtis Sittenfeld. Who will do a weirdly precognitive job, actually! FULL CONFESSION: I read both "Spoken from the Heart," the Hallmarkianly titled memoir of Laura Bush, and "American Wife," the Curtis Sittenfeld novel-as-memoir-of-Laura-Bush, in a 24-hour time period. I may actually morph into Laura Bush at any moment now. SHE'S IN MY HEADDDDD.

AMANDA: OK I haven't read either of them. But I have been watching videos of her public appearances in conjunction with her book release. And it's been a really strange book tour for Laura, yeah? "I am forever haunted by the boy's life I took in a traffic accident ... also, gay people are fine."

SADY: Haha, YEAH. Which, like: Sittenfeld actually predicted both of those things, in her (very good) book! Which ends with Maura Mush/"Alice Blackwell" taking a public — and shocking! — stand against her husband's policies. Which creeped me the hell out, when I had striven to meet my deadline and turned in an article that was like, "but also, Laura Bush REALLY DOESN'T think gay people are fine," and then saw the King interview and e-mailed my editor all "OH FUCK DON'T PUBLISH THAT OKAY."

AMANDA: STOP THE PRESSES, LAURA BUSH NOW PUBLICLY DOES NOT HATE GAY PEOPLE.

SADY: But the thing is, this was sort of predictable. For years, she's been making these really subtle pro-choice, pro-gay statements. But she waited until her husband was out of power to actually SAY this stuff.

AMANDA: Right. When he was president she was just like, "let me focus on my interest in librarianism for the next eight years."

SADY: Right. "Books are good! Also, heart attacks are bad! Be nice to children! Such are my public positions!"

AMANDA: Meanwhile, Michelle Obama is focusing on her interest in ending childhood obesity. First ladies have been getting the least controversial issues possible lately.

SADY: Yeah. Well, I mean, I think people of our age are spoiled, because we grew up with Hillary. Who was actually, you know, interested in politics, and was portrayed as a demon succubus who controlled her husband via brain implant for that very reason. First Ladies in general are supposed to be like, the softer side of the most militarily equipped nation in the world. So they're expected to take really feminized, feminine causes, like schooling and children and breast cancer and puppies and rainbows and sunshine and, I dunno, fighting the War on Inadequate Dinner Parties, or something.

AMANDA: Yeah. And I think that, as much as some people still cling to their irrational hatred of Hillary, the vitriol really reached his peak when she was First Lady. I think that some people are more comfortable just seeing a woman like her, as weird as this is, as Secretary of State than having to recognize that women like her are also mothers and wives. They didn't want to see their America's Number One Wife be a wife who was also, you know, a person. It really is a thankless job. If you're the wife of a president, you have to devote your whole life to being his compliment, but you can't be a compliment who is too independent or intellectually-minded, or too involved in the actual business of the presidency. You have to be a full-time compliment who is just available full-time to be ... available full-time. To bake cookies and wear nice clothes and raise kids and smile a lot and make soft, feminine proclamations about soft, feminine social issues. If I were Laura Bush, I would have like brought a megaphone to Obama's inauguration and been like, "Fuck this noise, gay people alright! Also abortions!" I don't know how they can stand it.

SADY: Well, I mean: The thing is, Laura Bush reportedly didn't even WANT her husband to be a politician in the first place. Let alone PRESIDENT. She was apparently pretty unhappy about it. And, you know, if I were cool with gay people and abortions, and my husband were George W. Bush, and he were like, "you know what I want to do? Be in a position to influence national policy on these matters," I would be... "unhappy" is probably the mildest way you would put it. But the fact that she committed herself to this shit for eight years, even though for those eight years most of her statements were to the effect of, "I have no opinions. Anyone want a cookie? Because I bake those," is, like... TROUBLING, to me.

AMANDA: It's scary.

SADY: I mean, I could date someone if I thought their taste in music occasionally sucked. I could date someone if they wore unflattering jeans. I would have a PROBLEM dating someone if we disagreed on the issues of, like, Human Rights, and whether Humans who were gay and/or ladies deserved said Rights. That would probably be a dealbreaker! For me! Is all I am saying!

AMANDA: Or, to go further: That you disagree on issues of basic human rights, and that in order to remain in a relationship with this person you would have to recuse yourself of having any opinion on the matter and defer silently to your husband's ass-backwards ideas.

SADY: Right. That's the thing. Because Laura Bush was continually deployed, during her husband's administration, as a PR tool. She gave a radio address that he was originally scheduled to make! She was sent out to calm people down! People just LIKED her more, and as the administration went on, they liked her more and him less (and less, and LESS) and now, they're both writing memoirs, but hers goes out first. And it has the most nice-lady title in the history of the world. Spoken From the Heart! For Gods' sakes! And, I mean, the thing is, she was actually in a position to talk about this for all this time, and didn't. So now, even though she's all, "so, anyway, 9/11 was really scary and also let's not outlaw abortions," I really question her decision not to utilize that influence at the time.

AMANDA: Hahaha. I mean, it was sort of always an open secret that Laura Bush was a democrat. And I actually wonder how much of that was part of the PR ruse. Like, "Look at this democratic woman submitting to my batshit ideas! You can do it too, America!" It added to her image as A Good Wife.

SADY: Hahaha. "Look, she's not throwing herself off the White House balcony, and we probably even have SEX with each other, still!" Which: Can I tell you, in an unrelated note, I was sharing lines from and summaries of the sex scenes in "American Wife" with people all day long?

AMANDA: Oooh give me one!

SADY: People would be like, "so how's your day going?" And I would be like, "the George W. Bush guy in 'American Wife' says the following line: 'You're this goddess with these amazing, luscious breasts.'" Also, we have, "how could he be an unscrupulous politician with such a cute little butt?" Which, like: EASILY, it turns out!

AMANDA: UG! BRAIN CLEANSE

SADY: It's a really good book, though. There's a scene of the Laura-Bushesque heroine self-Googling that will make you question your life. And also, some cunnilingus!

AMANDA: Good for Laura! Jesus Christ! You know she read that, too! Fuck, how depressing. I hope to never have to read a work of fiction speculating as to how I have sex with my husband. And for that reason, I will not marry a President.

SADY: Yeah. I kind of like how the novel tries to provide the answer to the question of "how does she put up with him?" And the answers are, (a) money, (b) lack of options, and (c) he gives really good head. I find that actually pretty relatable! However, I kind of find it unlikely that I myself would marry a President, for the above-stated reasons. No matter HOW luscious he thinks my breasts are. I think that there's this whole routine of self-erasure that a lady is supposed to undergo, if her husband gets a case of the Presidents, that means she has to start being a woman and start being a Lady. The First Lady, in fact! And I cannot see me ever doing that. Unless my husband ran on an "every day is Sady's birthday" platform. To which I could easily lend my support!

AMANDA: No. No. But perhaps sometimes it just sneaks up on you, First Ladiness, and though you could never imagine in your wildest dreams that George W. Bush would ever, ever, ever become president, there he is! President! And you, First Lady! And it's kind of like you just became Queen or something, and there's kind of a lot of pressure for you not to fuck it up.

SADY: Yeah. I mean, I can't imagine that anyone, six weeks after meeting George W. Bush (WHICH IS WHEN THEY GOT ENGAGED, BTW) would be like, "this guy is President material!" And, I mean, I'm sympathetic to that, to a certain degree. If your dude is dead set on a political career, and you don't agree with his politics, and he manages to succeed to an alarming degree, you are in a really bad situation. Because, honestly, his administration just spent years slowly and steadily collapsing. At a certain point, disagreeing with him had to seem disloyal; like, it would no doubt be reported as, "everyone in the entire world thinks George W. Bush is a fuck-up, including his wife."

AMANDA: Right. I mean, perhaps Laura didn't want George to get into politics for the same reason that, like, everyone else did, which is that he's a total disaster on that front. But you can't say that. Even after the presidency is over, she still isn't saying that.

SADY: Yeah. And, I mean, I'm trying not to engage in petty left-wing schadenfreude over this. And she spends — in this memoir that I have read, which I apologize for overburdening this chat with details of — SO. MUCH. TIME defending his stupider foreign policy decisions, and him, and trying to paint an appealing picture of the man. But it's pretty clear now that her whole unconditionally supportive and agreeable Nice Lady Act was... an act. It lasted as long as it took for his term to end, and for her to bang out a memoir, and then she was just like, "okay. So here's what I ACTUALLY think. Because, SPOILER ALERT, I am a person, and think things." I just... people loved that woman. Loved her! Even if they didn't love her husband! And I really wish she'd cashed in on that love to stand up for the right thing, at some point.

AMANDA: And it's good that at some point they're allowed to deconstruct the First Lady thing a bit, and recognize that it's all make-believe. But it doesn't stop us from expecting the same shit of the next lady. Proposed solution: Make it not a lady next time?

SADY: Right! Make it a lady with a First Gentleman. Or, potentially, a Gentleman with a First Other Gentleman! That would be fun! "Our Gentlemanly duties include: Not putting up with your bullshit, bowling."

AMANDA: I will be liveblogging the whole thing, I'm sure.

SADY: I will be writing a novel. Mine will not be as good as Sittenfeld's, I'm pretty sure. But, on the plus side, the First Gentleman will fight way more dragons!

AMANDA: "I Stayed For The Blow Jobs: The First Gentleman's Story"

Martha Washington image via Wikipedia Commons

To Izrael, there are four kinds of black men: the "Sugar Daddy," the married dude women have sex with for money; the "Pierre Delacroix," the educated black man who is probably gay; the "Bar-Napkin Poet," the open-mic night poser who will get you pregnant; and the "Bartleby," the poor slacker. Black men, in other words, are not marriage material.

There are only three kinds of black women, however: "Dr. Donhavamon," the PhD who "doesn't know what a dustpan is for"; the "Poetess," the open-mic poser who won't give you head; and "Goldbrick," the girl without a degree who is "jealous of anything you may have going on." All black women aren't marriage material, either but for a different reason: not because they cheat on their spouses, or don't use condoms, or are secretly gay. Black women aren't marriage material because she, in Dr. Donhavamon's case, went to college and was really fucking good at it; in the Poetess's case, went to college and thinks it's important; or in Goldbrick's case, simply wants to go to college. Of course, the one black man who succeeded in college, "Pierre Delacroix," doesn't get off either—Izrael even argues this guy doesn't count as "black" anymore.

Apparently, black men and women are just not supposed to go to college. Make sense? Of course not. It makes no fucking sense. Perhaps, you think, Izrael is simply engaging in an ironic exercise in order to remind singles men and ladies that no one is perfect, and stereotyping the opposite sex can be damaging to everyone? Nope: He's pretty much arguing that while the stereotypes of no-good black men are bunk, the stereotypes of overachieving black women have got a grain of truth to them. The argument, in a nutshell: everyone still sucks, but all these sucky people could, at least, suck together, within the context of marriage, as long as one set of sucky people—specifically, educated black women—take one for the team, quit their jobs, and lower their standards. Also, Michelle Obama something something:

There are a lot of women, but not a lot of GOOD women to choose from, educated or not. For some reason, every woman with a college degree now presumes herself to be a Michelle Obama looking for her Barack, when few of them have any of the other qualities that made Michelle a good catch: patience, vision and a sense of purpose and priority.  She wanted a career, but she wanted to be a wife and a mother more, so she figured out what was important to her and made the necessary sacrifices. She didn’t just have a child baby-mama or turkey-baster-style—she wanted a husband and a family. You see? Love came first, it was the first consideration beyond her career. (What kind of lawyer-on-the-rise shackles herself to a broke community organizer driving a hoopty?) And her decisions paid off.

Love was first: that was her choice.

I don't disagree that Michelle Obama is a pretty great lady who looks happy with the life she has. But I don't know—maybe it's because she lives in the White House, is married to the President of the United States, and has found that, for the time being, she can accomplish her professional goals through her national leadership role and enormous celebrity? No, to Izrael, the only incredible thing about Michelle Obama is that she's the only successful black woman willing to get married and have kids. Nevermind that the dude she married was a highly successful, Ivy-educated black man that Izrael would probably razz as overly white and overly gay if he didn't happen to be necessary to his Michelle Obama myth.

It gets better:

I love me some black women—all the most important people in my life are black women. My daughter will be a black woman one day. The truth? Many “successful” black women have simply made choices they can’t reconcile. They have skewed measures of success. Because if you are the other of 35 with an advanced degree, a high-level career but no man or family to share it with, you have successfully isolated yourself, but I don’t know that we could call your life a success story by any measure.

That may not be what you want to hear and I know it’s hard … but it’s fair.

Yeah. After all of the rambling over the failures of both black men and women, the story circles back to the same sexist classic.  At least black men are responsible enough to reconcile their choices. Women, of course, don't know how to choose for themselves. They don't know what they want. They certainly can't multitask well enough to hold down a job while simultaneously fostering personal relationships. They're so stupid, they don't even understand that their masters diplomas don't magically poop out a baby after a couple of years! If they say they're happy, they're lying. And no matter how successful her choices have made her, no one respects her. Because she wasn't smart enough to let some relationship writer make those choices for her.

Watch out, Washington-area adults, children, teenagers, and male tweens: The tween girls are taking over the District of Columbia. This October, the "leading tween girl research firm" will team up with the nation's largest "tween girl social networking site" to host the first "National Tween Girl Summit"—ever. Details!

Washington's Capital Hilton Hotel will play host to 250 female tweens along with several notable non-tween "policy makers, marketers, experts, celebrities and other persons of note." Areas of discussion include "community service and activism, personal safety online and off, tween pressure and self-image," and some insider-baseball type tween stuff: "what’s hot and what’s not in the world of tweens."

'Tween policy-making sessions, the hundreds of tween girls will also have the chance for some down-time. What better place for a tween to relax than at the "Tween Video Game Lounge," where tween-friendly titles like "LITTLEST PET SHOP™ FRIENDS, LITTLEST PET SHOP™ ONLINE and CHARM GIRLS CLUB™." There's also going to be an Ice Cream Social. And Michelle Obama is invited! Needless to say, this is going to be awesome.

Where do I sign up?

Wait—what the fuck? A tween has to be "9 to 14 years old"? But wait—it says here that The First Ever National Tween Summit is planning a special treat for post-tweens, as well: it's going to be called tweensummit.com, and it promises to be "a place for parents, press, marketers—adults."

As if. Tweensummit.com is totally going to be a thinly-veiled containment area to keep the worst kind of grown-ups from totally ruining everything for the tweens. Whatever.

What do the First Lady's toned arms truly represent, for the future of America? How will J. Crew be remembered in presidential history? Do Joe Biden's teeth gleam when he makes love to Jill?

. . . And other burning questions—revealed!—in this edition of Sexist Beatdown, wherein Tiger Beatdown blogger Sady of NYC and yours truly of Washington D.C. discuss Vogue's latest covergirl, Michelle Obama:

SADY: I cannot believe that I bought a copy of Vogue, first of all. I have not done this in years. Actual quote from Anna Wintour: "when people stop shopping, other people lose their jobs." BUY THIS DRESS OR THE PROLE GETS IT, is what Anna Wintour is saying to you.

AMANDA: coincidentally, there's been a lot of talk about Anna Wintour losing her own job.

SADY: haha, so you REALLY need to buy that dress.

AMANDA: Yeah man. Ok first of all—Michelle is the second First Lady to grace the cover of Vogue. Hillary was the first, and then they skipped Laura! I hope Laura got Good Housekeeping or something at least.

SADY: yes, and only the fourth black lady, which is really shocking to me.

AMANDA: I know, that was truly amazing. I do not follow fashion magazines too closely, but four?? That's crazy

SADY: Yes, well, if it had been Palin it would have been "Guns & Ammo" so I'm happy that it didn't turn out that way. But I really think that like, race, and gender, and Michelle Obama being as smart and as open as she is have sent people into a tizzy. Like, the concept of this woman has driven people out of their minds, everybody needs to write something about what she means and who she is. Including maybe me!

AMANDA: Yes, and all of this has something to do with how cut Michelle Obama's arms are.

SADY: I KNOW. Arms are the new erogenous zone! Some Irish lady wrote! I mean, seriously, I can't help thinking how weird it is – and maybe the fashion magazine aspect of this has something to do with it – that everybody needs to process her as A BODY. and sometimes discussion of who she is gets cut out of that altogether. like, the fascination with her arms is almost fetishy... yeah, she looks like she works out. super. but THE ARMS have come to dominate our national discourse.

AMANDA: well, to be fair, some of the discussion did touch on whether the backdrop was flattering to her skin tone.

SADY: oh, good! i'm glad we are getting to the deeper issues at hand.

AMANDA: I think Michelle Obama is a really interesting figure because she is such a nontraditional first lady in so many ways but really hews to tradition in others. She's clear about being a mom to Sasha and Malia first, and she's I think reluctantly embraced the fashion icon role, too, in a way that other independent first ladies (Hillary) didn't, really. Though Hillary did say yes to Vogue, too.

SADY: True enough, but not during the Presidential race! It's weird how we encourage women to be All About Teh Fashions and then view fashion as somehow trivial.

AMANDA: I know. I think the arms are sort of an interesting thing to focus on, because the discussion around them represents (ARMS REPRESENT SOMETHING NOW) both seeing her as a "strong woman" and still holding her to a physical standard of beauty

SADY: Yeah, exactly. There's all of this discussion of her being tall – yet svelte! and opinionated – yet a mom first! I think some of it is well-intentioned, like they are trying to take her seriously, and thereby demonstrate that they CAN take the first first lady of color seriously, but then it gets into this weird thing where it's like, "have we mentioned she has pretty dresses? She has suuuuch pretty dresses. and is pretty." It's weirdly overeager, like everyone wants to define the Michelle conversation and come out looking good. Oh, holy crap, that was a long speech of mine.

AMANDA: That's an interesting point, actually. I’ve heard a couple people say, you know, "Michelle Obama? I don't get what the whole fuss is, I don't think she's that stunning." Or, "Michelle Obama's dress the other day was not my thing at all." And people will just jump on them for voicing that opinion, it's not really acceptable. But why is the "pretty pretty pretty" discussion acceptable?

SADY: exactly! it's kind of like making a Barbie out of her. I think people get weirdly tripped up around expressing approval of women, like, well, isn't the nicest thing you can do to compliment her shoes? or something?

AMANDA: yeah, and also, I think there's a bit of a compensation going on here, too. she's married to a guy who people just went crazy about—his politics, yes, but his looks, too.

SADY: Yeah, exactly, and I think that – here is the thing where I Get Serious – we need to be careful around that, because people of color have always been portrayed as somehow hypersexual. like: Obama Dildo? editorials about ladies having sex dreams about Obama? that is creeeeepy, and racially charged... and michelle becomes part of that too. like, the "at last" dance was really charged, but then afterwards people were like "I BET THEY GOT BUSY AND NOW MICHELLE HAS A BABY IN HER TUMMY." seriously, can you imagine people speculating about laura bush's sex life?

AMANDA: Yeah, people often voice their speculations about the Obamas doing it. And part of it, I think, is that they're younger, and they seem very happy with each other.

SADY: True true.

AMANDA: But on the other hand, I mean, we all know that Jill and Joe are probably doing it on Observatory Circle. And I have heard NOTHING about that.

SADY: Yeah, I think because you would start to wonder if his teeth were gleaming, it gets into a weird area.

AMANDA: I just did actually imagine them having sex, and that was a weird, foreign image that I definitely have never heard hinted at before. Even though Joe Biden makes borderline comments about his wife all the time!
SADY: I did too, and now need to purge that image from my brain. Oh God. But, you know: the Obamas are young, and they obviously love each other, and they're both attractive people, but the weird prurient interest in whether they're doing it? That pushes so many buttons, for me.

SADY: Here is a quick change: Michelle Obama! In Vogue! Has a centerfold! Wearing J. Crew! I think it is totally hilarious that the First Lady is wearing the only outfit in Vogue that I could actually afford.

AMANDA: That is funny. She's really become a J. Crew model. She really likes J. Crew, I guess! Which seems a little suspiciously brand-y to me but I guess maybe she knows it fits.

SADY: Tiger: Yeah, true enough. And there's talk about her wearing "American" clothes that are "affordable" in the mag. I think she's trying to make an economic statement.
Why not American Apparel, Michelle? Dov Charney needs your support!

AMANDA: I know. It must be a weird shopping trip where you have to think of the impact of every piece of clothing you buy. like, my kids live in the White House and go to private school and we an afford it, so they obviously would be wearing something nice. but not TOO NICE!

SADY: right? It would be very intense to be Michelle Obama. Because most first ladies are probably like, "well, you know, people are going to pay attention for a while, but then later you could be Chester A. Arthur, which is to say: no one will give a crap." not Michelle! she KNOWS people are going to remember this! so the pictures are going to be around FOR A WHILE. and everyone right now wants to know what they mean.

AMANDA: this is freaking me out. she has to dress for centuries of fashion critics. who knows what toned arms will represent in 200 years??

SADY: right, and throughout history, her message will remain clear: i really, really liked this cardigan.

* Wow! Creepiest ending to a Craigslist personals ad in recent memory: "There is a unique kind of yoga I've been doing...when I'm not at the gym"

* Womenstake's Melanie Ross Levin describes the scene at the signing of the Ledbetter Fair Pay Act. "Surrounded by a “who’s who” from the women’s movement, I couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed by the significance of this occasion," she writes. "As a newbie to the White House signing ceremony world, I ran around the room trying to capture the moment by taking as many photos and talking to as many people as possible." Ha ha, n00b!

* Gender Goggles reviews "Violet," an "interactive fiction game in which you are a graduate student attempting to finish your dissertation"—and in which you can make your protagonist a lesbian by choosing the "heteronormativity off" option.

* Lisa Schiffren of the National Review is unsurprisingly nonsensical, this time about the Obamas hiring a new White House chef, like every other Presidential family has done from the beginning of time ever. She writes: "But today, news comes that the Obamas will not run a national Top Chef competition—because they are bringing their own, private chef from Chicago to the White House. Well, isn't that nice?"

Short answer: It is not nice, it is terrible in every way except that it now allows Schiffren to smugly dangle in front of us all this incontroversial evidence of what Michelle Obama has been all along—an elitist servant-driver and a shitty mom. "I believed all that stuff about how Michelle was an overburdened modern working mother, rushing from school dropoff to her high-paying, demanding work at the hospital, to dress fittings, to whatever it was she needed to do to support her husband's political aspirations, back home to take care of her daughters," writes Schiffren. "Call me naive, but that model usually includes making dinner." It gets better—later, Schiffren evokes Sarah Palin!

Photo by migraine chick

This 67-year-old pro-life activist at today's March for Life, who didn't want her name published—"I'm very well known, and I don't want people to know I've had an abortion," she says—lists three things to like about our new President.

1. "He's married, even though it's to that angry, hateful Michelle, who last year delivered a pro-abortion speech, a pro-abortion speech at a Planned Parenthood abortuary."

2. "He has two children, who will be shocked to learn later that he said he would be willing to kill their child."

3. "He's educated. But I have five degrees, and they mean nothing to me, just a bunch of dust piled upon nothing alongside the abortion I have to live with every day of my life."

The activist wears a child's lipstick toy around her neck, a sign of solidarity to another politician—Sarah Palin, who has stronger presidential credentials, she says: "She showed such bravery to carry a Downs Syndrome child to term at the age of 42."

"It's a Vietnam for women," says the activist of the anti-abortion fight. She counts May 6, 1974, as the day she lost everything in the war. "I aborted—killed—dismembered—my own child," she says. "I never would have done it if it were illegal. They made it seem so easy, cheap, legal, and moral. It's not."

The activist hasn't recovered from the abortion she had 34 years ago. But she's been healed by the grace of God. She was one of the lucky ones, she says: "Women who have abortions, they either kill themselves or become Christians."

The death of the word "feminist" was broadcast on the evening news. In September 2008, at the height of the presidential campaign, Katie Couric boarded John McCain's airplane, took a seat with vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin, and lobbed the first in a series of softballs: Did Palin consider herself a feminist? Palin's response:

I do. A feminist who believes in equal rights, and I believe that women certainly today have every opportunity that a man has to succeed, and to try to do it all, anyway. And I'm very, very thankful that I've been brought up in a family where gender hasn't been an issue. You know, I've been expected to do everything growing up that the boys were doing. We were out chopping wood and we were out hunting and fishing and filling our freezer with good wild Alaskan game to feed our family.

"Feminist" isn't the only English-language word that suffered from Palin's candidacy, of course (see "maverick," "terrorist"). But while other terms employed by the Alaska governor withered from twisted meanings, "feminist" experienced a more symbolic death. Palin killed "feminist" not by altering the meaning of the word—its meaning has never remained consistent in a century of use—but by eliminating its taboo.

Whatever "feminist" meant, it was a strong, scary term, one often prefaced with "man-hating" and followed by "bitch" and/or "Nazi." Its power as insult was matched only by its usefulness as a community-shaping litmus test. If you would self-identify as a feminist, with all its negative connotations, you proved your commitment to the women's movement; if not, you were part of the problem. In some respects, feminism was justified by its vile reputation: If the very name of the movement scared people, it meant that it was still relevant.

"Feminist" was not always the dirtiest term. Self-proclaimed "feminist" author Amy Richards writes that "women's liberationist was actually the preferred term" in the 1960s and '70s. Then, it "started to get a bad name, so it was abandoned for feminism. Now, that has a bad name."

Palin's nonthreatening version of feminism, gender-neutral aerial wolf-hunting aside, is in many ways a product of the feminist's reviled reputation. Take a close look at how Palin phrases her feminist self-identity. She calls herself a "feminist who believes in equal rights." That's spin most feminists are accustomed to unloading on when they're branded "Feminazis" or "man-hating lesbians." "Feminism is just about equal rights with men," they reply. "This is a mainstream position that any reasonable person would support."

In truth, feminists don't want "feminist" to be accepted as a mainstream position supported by any reasonable person—and they certainly don't want it to be accepted by a rogue conservative who does not support abortion rights or contraceptive access for rape victims. Feminists were misguided when they criticized Palin for professing to align with a movement she so clearly did not support. They should have been shaking their heads that the word "feminist" had become so safe that even a Republican vice presidential candidate is comfortable invoking it in a televised interview. The term "feminist" has resisted a lasting definition in order to maintain its radical attitude. That way, when feminist agenda items are accomplished—voting rights, contraception access, pay equity—they can be deposited into the mainstream as feminists move on to newer, more controversial issues. The threatening connotation of "feminist" works to keep the movement relevant and box out the traditionalists.

Now, Palin has made it acceptable for anyone who's simply dipped into the movement's archives to identify as "feminist." Thanks to her, "feminist" may now refer to those who believe the women's movement has already accomplished its goals—or worse, that feminism was stronger in the distant past. Even as Palin's presence has faded from the national scene—and with it, her gosh-darn brand of feminism—a deeper threat to "feminist" remains.

When Michelle Obama refused in 2007 to identify as a "feminist" in an interview with the Washington Post, the dirty-word status was alive and well. "You know, I'm not that into labels," Obama said. "So probably, if you laid out a feminist agenda, I would probably agree with a large portion of it.…I wouldn't identify as a feminist just like I probably wouldn't identify as a liberal or a progressive."

But later in the campaign that would kill "feminist," her husband privately self-identified as feminist to Ms. publisher Eleanor Smeal. This month, Smeal had Obama's feminism illustrated on the cover of her magazine; in a bodice-ripping superhero shot, Obama pulls away his button-down to reveal a T-shirt emblazoned with the phrase, this is what a feminist looks like. The cover set off a firestorm of debate among self-identified feminists—does Obama have true feminist credentials, or doesn't he? Whatever: Once the most popular guy in the world identifies with your movement, you are swimming in the mainstream. Sarah Palin, at least, was scary.

Now, instead of a conservative feminist vice president, we have a moderate liberal feminist president. Could this perhaps be worse—not for feminism, of course, but for "feminist"? It's no longer a bad word, and that's a bad thing for feminism.

Photo by buddhakiwi

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We here at the City Paper love Sarah Masterson. A couple weeks ago, I interviewed the DC BABY author and prolific kid blogger about her mommy issues and my fear of children. Well, Masterson was such a delightful interviewee that The Sexist asked her to check in on a regular basis—and the very, very busy Masterson graciously agreed. In the future, I hope to hash it out with her on women's issues, local gender news, and—my particular area of non-expertise—parenting. Today, she dishes out advice to the Obamas for relocating to the District with Malia and Sasha in tow.

Barack and Michelle,

Your biggest parenting decision in Washington is already the source of rabid twittering. Private school headmasters' knees are already bloody from the genuflection. Will it be Sidwell, Maret, or Georgetown Day for Malia and Sasha? At the risk of disappointing moms and dads of a certain social class who are peeing their pants at the prospect of a Back-to-School Night fist bump, I recommend enrolling your girls in the D.C. public schools. Malia and Sasha will benefit by staying grounded during these heady days. And Secret Service presence will bring an attitude of hope and change to your neighborhood campus, mark my words. Take courage! Jimmy Carter went public with little Amy, way pre-Rhee.

After you figure out the school thing, be sure to take the girls to all the great free stuff D.C. offers, without delay-–-the Smithsonian museums, the Library of Congress, the National Parks, the embassies, the historic sites. All the stuff locals take for granted. Because before you know it, your four (or eight) years have slipped by and you’re trying to cram the American Indian Museum, a carousel ride on the Mall and a wacky duck boat tour into your final weekend before the return flight to Chicago.

But there’s something else, more important than the rest. When riding Metro escalators with your kids, please, in the name of All That’s Holy, stand to the right.

Sincerely,

Sarah Masterson

White House Photo by Chris Greenberg.

The dress that launched a thousand middling blog post reviews, Michelle Obama's election-night Narcisco Rodriguez, landed her at the top of Vogue's top-ten list this week. Congratulations Ms. President-Elect: Michelle and her post-election glow beat out nine borderline horrific ensembles, including Gwyneth Paltrow's I-see-London tank dress, Chloe Sevigny's meh nightgown thing, and Hilary Swank's one shoulder robo-Swank.

Photo by bobster1985.

When: Sun., Nov. 16th, from 2 to 4 p.m.

Where: Home of Richard Gervase and Stuart Delery
3830 Livingston St. NW, Washington, D.C.

Directions: located in Chevy Chase D.C. at the corner of Livingston and 39th Streets, one block west of Connecticut Avenue and to the east of Reno Road/41st Street.

RSVP: to Richard Gervase at (202) 905-9011 or rmgervase@yahoo.com.

Last week's Daily Beast feature which asked former Project Runway contestants to design a Michelle Obama inauguration gown—using only ridiculous materials and some pluck—accidentally asked the wrong Jay McCarroll to design the dress. According to Jezebel, The Beast actually contacted one Jay McCarrol, who has but one "L" in his last name, is not a well-known clothing designer, and has won no national reality television contests. McCarrol proved up to the challenge, however, taking the Beast at their word and asking a friend to sketch up a design for Michelle. McCarrol's buddy, a 20-year-old student, came up with this pretty okay design, above, considering that the anonymous designer could only use burlap sacks and American flags as material. Tina Brown's new Web-first outfit recieves a warning, while the fake McCarrol's young friend establishes herself as a front-runner for the next season of Project Runway.

UPDATE: I'd like to just comment here to clarify the headline of this post, because there's been some confusion in the comments. I'm not calling the lovely Michelle Obama nor the talented Jay McCarroll ugly. I'm calling the dress design ugly. Proceed to rip me apart for my misguided fashion criticism.

The Daily Beast posed this absurd challenge to former Project Runway contestants: Design an inaugural gown for Michelle Obama using only "Laura Bush’s 2005 Inaugural Ball dress, to be chopped up and repurposed, à la Pretty in Pink; an American flag; burlap potato sacks; and $10 worth of trims of their choice." (Umm, is that how this happened?) Head to the Beast for god-awful designs from Jay Carroll, Austin Scarlett, Mychael Knight, and others.

Jezebel does the Beast one better by selecting dresses from the Project Runway designers that Michelle might actually want to wear.
Sketches from The Daily Beast.

* The Washington Post Magazine yesterday detailed the storied law office romance of Michelle and Barack Obama. Even with my hard, unfeeling heart, I managed to read this . . . almost all the way though. Here's the engagement story:

[Michelle] began to pressure Barack to get married . . . Barack put her off, arguing that marriage was a meaningless institution and that the only thing that mattered was how they felt about each other. Michelle, whose parents had been married for some 30 years, wasn't buying it.

Then, one night in 1991, he took her to Gordon, an expensive Chicago restaurant, and she started to press him again. He went into his usual tirade against marriage, a dissertation that went on until they ordered dessert. When it came, the plate had a box on it, and in the box was an engagement ring.

"'That kind of shuts you up, doesn't it?'" Michelle remembers Barack telling her.

Plus this strange tidbit about Michelle's early legal work:

The group went out of its way to give Michelle work suited to her interests. When an opportunity came in to handle the budding public television career of Barney, the purple dinosaur poised to become a phenomenon among American children, Goldstein says he and others felt it had Michelle's name written all over it.

* Sarah Palin reserved her very own place in Hell on Saturday. At a California rally, Palin (poorly) recited a quote from Madeline Albright in an attempt to re-affirm the "feminist" angle of her campaign. The speech began with an endorsement from L.A. National Organization for Women president Shelly Mandel, which I can only imagine is the way Andy Kaufman has chosen to tell us all that he's still alive. But don't worry, Palin didn't get the quote from her extensive research of Clinton-era foreign policy; she got it from Starbucks:

I'm reading on my Starbucks mocha cup, okay? The quote of the day... It was Madeleine Albright, former Secretary of State [crowd boos] and UN ambassador. Now she said it, I didn't. She said, 'There's a place in Hell reserved for women who don't support other women.' [Crowd approval] . . . OK, now thank you so much for receiving that well—I didn’t know how that was going to go over . . . And now California, let’s see what a comment that I just made how that is turned into whatever it’ll be turned into tomorrow in the newspaper.

I'm not sure that newspapers can really be blamed for twisting Albright's Starbucks' Palin's words, which barely make sense on the level of the sentence. More confusing than the actual speech, though, is that the crowd first boos Albright, then cheers her words when filtered through the finely calibrated Starbucks-Palin machine.

* Last summer, the New York Observer found New York City's hottest transsexual woman, super fox Jamie Clayton. Now, Logo's got the first Clayton video interview: [via Gawker]. Clayton talks about "blending in" and New York guys' pick-up lines.

* Tina Fey is Palin; Queen Latifah is Gwen Ifill:

Plus, why some are amused, confused, by Fey's success at Palin's faults: "Wow, she really looks like Tina Fey. Tina Fey has been doing a great job parodying her. Boy, I love Tina Fey. Ack, but I don't love Sarah Palin. Nononononononono! Bad mental association. Bad." [via Feministe].

Photo by DanieVDM

Shantung? Somebody please translate that into Effin' Redneck for me, because I don't even know what that is—and I live in hoity-toity, fat cat Warshington, D.C. Alas, all Palin style talk is off the table:

One source familiar with Palin's primping posse told us, "They do not want the American public to know that Palin is using stylists or that she is paying for expensive clothes this early on in the campaign. . . . We spoke to someone on Palin's styling team, who told us, "I did a little bit of personal styling, but I can't discuss anything I've done with Sarah Palin. I'm not sure which designs she wore . . . anything related to working with her is confidential."

So either Sarah Palin doesn't want Michelle Obama stealing her anti-aging tricks, or she's fallen into a common trap of the attractive candidate: She's allowed to be pretty as long as the beauty is effortless. Palin's looks can fly as long as she's flawless without makeup, classy without cash, and well-coiffed without the John Edwards price tag. The reality, of course, is that it takes a lot of stylists to recreate that just-rolled-out-of-the-PTA-meeting look.

* On Slate, Dahlia Lithwick serves Joe Biden with some rules on how to fight a girl. Lithwick, a former parliamentary debater (side-note: totally awesome), gives Biden a frank run-down on how not to lose the Veep debate to Governor Palin. Most of the advice is fine—don't leer, don't condescend, don't stoop—until Lithwick slips from the particular Biden/Palin scenario to a generalization about all male/female match-ups.

When Lithwick writes that her "insanely successful college debate friend told me recently that the way he won against women was by always behaving like they were men," the implication is that minus their feminine wiles—the lipstick on their pit bulls—women will lose. After a long explanation of why Biden shouldn't respond to Palin with Palin tactics, Lithwick's kicker—"My best advice to you for dealing with Gov. Palin? Fight like a man. She will."—is both confusing and lame. Who's the man what now?

* The Washington Post marches boldly on with their "Wedding Week" coverage. At 1 p.m. today, join the authors of The Bridal Wave: A Survival Guide to the Everyone-I-Know-Is-Getting-Married Years for a live online chat. Ask Erin Torneo and Valerie Cabrera Krause how people who desperately wish they were married manage to be more tragic than the people who actually publicly declare how they're going to love each other forever in front of everyone they know. Including their parents.

* Wait, coverage of marriage issues that doesn't include pandering to the wedding industry? The Blade tips you off to a panel discussion on marriage rights in California and Massachusetts, tonight at 6:30 at the University of California Washington Center. UCWC is located at 1608 Rhode Island Avenue NW.

* The New Gay chronicles the "hidden history" of the women behind the writings of Victorian author Michael Field.

* Via Wonkette: Michelle dances with Ellen. Possible next First Lady jam: Rihanna's "Don't Stop the Music." Last year, Barack got down to Beyonce's "Crazy in Love." Umm, I only watch Ellen when an Obama is on the show, does she make everyone do this?

Photo by NCinDC.