While in Mexico over the weekend, I happened across a bargain bin full of over-the-border delicacies: Mexican porn comics selling at 8 pesos each. Behold: Thinking penises! Dialogue I do not quite understand! Women who look like they’re not wearing shirts even when they’re wearing shirts! This week, I review the copies I picked up. De nada, guys.

Previously: “Colegialas Ardientes,” reviewed; “Golosas del Sexo,”reviewed.

Title: “Historias Eroticas: Lujuriosos apretones ¡de CHICHES!”
["Erotic Histories: Lusters squeezing the BREASTS!"]

Distributor: “Seductora Sexual”
["Sexual Seducer"]

Plot: A married couple celebrates its eighth anniversary by doing it in the car. Then, the husband goes on a business trip, gets drunk with some lady, gets a boner, has sex with her. At some point, a gun is brandished and the lady passes out, but that part lost me.

Sample Dialogue:

José Miguel y Linda tenían ocho años de casados.
[José Miguel and Linda had been married eight years].

Precisamente, venian de festejar aquel acontecimiento con una cena.
[Indeed, they had come to celebrate the event with dinner].

JOSE MIGUEL: Wait. Wait a minute.
[JOSE MIGUEL: Espera, déjate tantito].

LINDA: ¡Que no, Chihuahua! Para eso tenemos nuestra casa.
[LINDA: No way, Chihuahua! For this, we have our house].

JOSE MIGUEL: Anda, dámelo como regalo de aniversario de bodas.
[JOSE MIGUEL: Come on, give it to me for an anniversary present].

LINDA: Humm … Está bien, Puedes mandarte en poco.
[LINDA: Humm ... Okay, you can take me a little bit].

JOSE MIGUEL: Gracias.
[JOSE MIGUEL: Thanks].

He does.

—

SPANISH LESSON: “Chihuahua”: invoke it.

BIEN: Ummm . . . now I know what “chiches” means.

MAL: Boring as hell. Seemingly nothing to do with chiches. Plus, no penis thought bubbles.

DETERMINING FACTOR: Overly long.

RATING: A big cero.

Uncovered in the tourist shops of the Yucatán: cartoon Mayans, glibly fucking each other afront the great architectural acheivement of their civilization, Chichen Itza, exquisitely rendered on a set of collectible shotglasses with the script, “Maya Sutra.”

So, is this kitschy Mexican representation of the nation’s native culture more or less offensive than one you might find in the United states?

The scenario reminded us of our own nation’s history. “Would we sell shot-glasses of Native American chiefs having sex with each other with full headdresses on, outside Indian reservations?” one of my travel companions asked.

I don’t know. Would we?

Native Americans selling conservationism

Native Americans selling American pastimes

Native Americans selling popcorn

Actually, yes, we probably would do that.

“Perhaps,” my travel companion posited, “It is more acceptable to mock the Mayans in Mexico than it would be in the U.S. The civilization is lost. Few direct descendants of the Mayans remain.” She paused. “Well, I guess that’s because the Spanish killed all of them and took over their land.”

Sound familiar?

Perhaps, in actuality, the Mexican native sex shotglass artists and distributors of the world learned to commercialize their oppression from the best—their neighbors to the North. After all, they’re only selling ‘em because we buy ‘em.

Laser light show nightly at seven.

Mexico is also home to wonders of the modern world. Observe:

Gah.

While in Mexico over the weekend, I happened across a bargain bin full of over-the-border delicacies: Mexican porn comics selling at 8 pesos each. Behold: Thinking penises! Dialogue I do not quite understand! Women who look like they’re not wearing shirts even when they’re wearing shirts! This week, I’m be reviewing the three titles I picked up. [Read the first installment here]. De nada, guys.

Title: “Golosas del Sexo: ¡Revienta mis pelotas a sentones!”
["Sweet-tooths of Sex: Burst my balls to (dirty word not in the dictionary)!"]

Distributor: “Textos de Lujuria Y Pasión”
["Texts of Lust and Passion."]

Plot: Sexy tennis player shows the guys at the club her sentones, or whatever. Plus some bisexual sub-plot, or maybe they’re just friends.

Sample Dialogue:

Sin dejar de moverse, se metió un par de dedos en la verija. Los metió y los sacó para volver a meterlos y volver a sacarlos
[Without stopping moving, she put a pair of fingers in (what I think is the vagina). She put them in, then removed them, in order to return to put them in again and remove them again].

MUJER: Pobres, me comen con los ojos.
[LADY: Poor men, you eat me with your eyes].

POBRE UNO: Es buena para calentar pitos
POOR MAN ONE: It is good to warm up whistles.

POBRE DOS: Buena no, ¡excelente! Fui . . .
POOR MAN TWO: Good? No. Excellent!

En seguida, se los dio a oler a uno
[Then, she gave it to one to smell].

POBRE UNO: Humm.
POOR MAN ONE: Humm.

Luego, al otra.
[Then, the other].

MUJER: Les gusta?
[LADY: You like it?]

POBRE DOS: ¿Bromeas? Por supueso . . . Humm.
POOR MAN TWO: Are you joking? Of course . . . Humm].

En seguida, paro el culo retadoramente.
[Then, she backed up her ass challengingly].

—

SPANISH LESSON: “Pitos,” or “whistles,” doubles for “penis.” (I think).

BIEN: She backs up her ass challengingly.

MAL: ¿Bromeas? Dialogue leaves something to be desired. Plus, no penis thought bubbles.

DETERMINING FACTOR: Too much sex.

RATING: 1/4 ass cheeks slapped with a tennis racquet.

While in Mexico over the weekend, I happened across a bargain bin full of over-the-border delicacies: Mexican porn comics selling at 8 pesos each. Behold: Thinking penises! Dialogue I do not quite understand! Women who look like they’re not wearing shirts even when they’re wearing shirts! From today until Friday, I’ll be reviewing the three titles I picked up. De nada, guys.

Title: “Colegialas Ardientes: ¡Orgasmos Anales!”
["Hot Schoolgirls: Anal Orgasms!"]

Distributor: “Aventuras de la Vagina”
["Adventures of the Vagina"]

Plot: Hot schoolgirls gone wild. Lots of boobs.

Sample Dialogue:

Pero la colegiala ardiente, no sólo quería una rebanda del pastel. Se lo quería comer todo completo.
[ But the hot schoolgirl didn't just want a piece of the pie. She wanted to eat the whole thing.]

COLEGIALA: ¡Caray, qué bien dotado estás!
[SCHOOLGIRL: Gee, how well-equipped you are!]

Se lo apretó como queriéndoselo romper.
She took hold of it like she wanted to break it.

COLEGIALA: Sí, Fernando. Qué linda tranca tienes, te lo juro.
[SCHOOLGIRL: Yes, Fernando. What a pretty pole you have, I swear].

FERNANDO: Espera, vamos a hacer las cosas bien.
[FERNANDO: Wait, we're gonna do the good stuff].

El cuarto ardía . . .
[The next room . . .]

FERNANDO: Y sin ropa, las vamos a hacer mejor.
[FERNANDO: And without clothes, we're going to do it better].

COLEGIALA: Tú eres el sabelotodo y eres el que ordena.
[SCHOOLGIRL: You're the know-it-all, you give the orders].

Ya desnudos, se tallaban sus partes con agresiva, pero dulce, libidinosidad. Tremblando de deseo se masturban una ala otra.
[Now naked, they played their parts aggressively, but sweetly, libidinously. Trembling with desire, they masturbated each other].

BURBUJA DEL PENSAMIENTO DEL PENE DE FERNANDO:: Me cae que nunca sentí una vagina tan aterciopelada.
[THOUGHT BUBBLE FROM FERNANDO'S PENIS: It occurs to me that I have never felt so velvety a vagina].

—

SPANISH LESSON: “Tranca” has applications beyond the construction site.

BIEN: Fernando’s penis has thoughts.

MAL: Where the anal orgasms at?

DECIDING FACTOR: At the beginning of the comic, “Aventuras de la Vagina” covers its ass by writing, “Todas las historias y sus personajes de esta revista son ficticios,” as if this illustrated dirty-old-man fantasy could ever have been based on actual events. Awesome.

GRADE: 3/4 hot schoolgirls. Or “ardent” schoolgirls, depending on your translation.