Last week we narrowed down D.C.’s workplaces to the four manliest organizations in the District (okay, due to several close manly ties, it was really six). They are: conservative moonie news source The Washington Times; obscure U.S. representative body the Senate; a whole bunch of unionized dudes; and bald eagle/Ronald Reagan advocacy group Citizens United (relive the madness with the full 64-workplace bracket here).

Now, it’s time to fight out the ties of our top-tier man-stitutions and crown a winner! First off: The Washington Times vs. Senate. This contest is an easy one—the Senate is perfect, the Times is not—sending the Cheney-Biden squadron of male lawmakers into the finals. The Unions vs. Citizens United face-off presents a tougher fight—three perfectly manly unions (United Union of Roofers, Waterproofers, and Allied Workers; International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers; International Brotherhood of Teamsters) versus a perfectly manly conservative advocacy organization. Add in the Senate, and that’s five perfectly manly D.C. workplaces! How ever will I choose between them?

Indiscriminantly! I’ll grade these five remaining workplaces on these three factors, on a scale from one to ten:

1. Manliness in Name
2. Manliness in Purpose
3. Enduring Manliness

Let’s see how they do!

Read More “Man Madness: The Winner of the Manliest Workplace Tournament!” »

Well, folks, it’s been a long, hard trudge up Man Mountain in this, the first-ever Manliest Workplace in D.C. Competition. Mannishness was shunned! Femininity was ignored! And now,we’ve finally whittled our 64-workplace bracket down to eight crowned Captains of Industry who are proud to call themselves Men. Behold, the Emasculating Eight!

MEDIA: The Washington Times (52 points)
CULTURE: Washington Redskins, the Smithsonian (TIE, 38 points)
FEDERAL GOVERNMENT: The Senate (PERFECTION)
LOCAL GOVERNMENT: Fenty’s Cabinet (47 points)
LEGAL: Jones Day (88 percent manliness, or 48 points)
UNION: United Union of Roofers, Waterproofers, International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers, International Brotherhood of Teamsters (A TRIUMVIRATE OF TIED PERFECT SCORES)
ACADEMIA: Georgetown University (54 points)
ADVOCACY: Citizens United (PERFECTION)

For those filling out their brackets at home, those stats leave us with a final Fleshy Four of conservative moonie news source The Washington Times, obscure U.S. representative body the Senate, a whole bunch of unionized dudes, and bald eagle / Ronald Reagan advocacy group Citizens United. Who shall be victor (hint: not the Times!)? That depends on how each Fleshy Four candidate performs in the Sexist’s Manly FEATS OF STRENGTH (arbitrary decidey-things)!

On Monday, I’ll announce the tie-breakers between our five perfectly manly workplaces, and reveal the winner of our stay-at-home bracket-fill-out contest!

Today wraps up the intellectual bracket of the Manliest Workplace in D.C. tournament (See the full 64-workplace bracket here). Right now: The Center for American Progress takes on American University. Which org puts the man in A(m)eric(an)? How much longer can I sustain strained wordplay on the term “man,” “man”? Let’s find out!

CENTER FOR AMERICAN PROGRESS: This local think tank is dedicated to “improving” American lives through “ideas” and “action.” But can they put the man in “ideas” and/or “action,” to words that, in fact, do not hold the necessary letters to form the word “man”? To the org chart!

Read More “Man Madness: Center For American Progress Vs. American University” »

The thinky portion of the Manliest Workplace in D.C. tournament continues today as Brookings challenges Georgetown for intellectual man dominance (See the full 64-workplace bracket here). So put on your thinking caps, four-eyes, and lets get to the competition!

BROOKINGS INSTITUTION: This D.C. think tank aims to “Strengthen American democracy, foster the economic and social welfare, security and opportunity of all Americans and secure a more open, safe, prosperous and cooperative international system.” But what is its position on strengthening and fostering our nation’s shrinking reserve of Manliness?
Read More “Man Madness: Brookings Institution Vs. Georgetown University” »

It’s day two in the thinky bracket of our Manliest Workplace in D.C. tournament, where our nation’s capital’s think tanks take on its academics in a fight for utter non-femininity (see the full 64-workplace bracket here)! This time: Will those Libertarian scallywags over at the Cato Institute prove brawnier than the George Washington University’s spoiled brats? Wow! Neither of them sound very manly!

THE CATO INSTITUTE: When they’re not scamming for dates on the Atlasphere or posting on CityDesk, Libertarians do some pretty serious mental heavy lifting about, like, free will or something, I don’t really know. But do they have the will to employ more males than females? Let’s find out!

Read More “Man Madness: Cato Institute Vs. George Washington University” »

Things got heated in the manliest workplace in D.C. tournament last week, as the District’s unions and guilds faced off to go on to the finals. Things are still undecided here as three workplaces scored perfectly on the manly index—all men in the highest jobs, all the time. Here’s a recap:

Game 1: United Union of Roofers, Waterproofers and Allied Workers (PERFECT SCORE) Vs. Washington-Baltimore Newspaper Guild
Game 2: International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers (PERFECT SCORE) Vs. AFL-CIO
Game 3: International Brotherhood of Teamsters (PERFECT SCORE) Vs. United Food and Commercial Workers International Union
Game 4: National Association of Letter Carriers Vs. Service Employees International Union

We’ve got a three-way perfect-score tie here between the roofers, the electrical workers, the Teamsters. Those workplaces will face off against our other perfectly scored employer—the U.S. Senate—in the finals. Later this week, D.C.’s think tanks and universities go under the man microscope.

Welcome back to the union bracket of the Manliest Workplace in D.C. tournament, where 64 local workplaces vie to be the manliest. This afternoon, the granddaddy of all Brotherhoods—the Teamsters—faces off against the heady brew of the United Food and Commercial Workers International Union. To the org charts!

INTERNATIONAL BROTHERHOOD OF TEAMSTERS: Jimmy Hoffa may be several decades “missing,” but the Teamsters still have a lot of men around who aren’t sleeping with the fishes:

Read More “Man Madness: International Brotherhood of Teamsters Vs. United Food and Commercial Workers International Union” »

Welcome back to the Manliest Workplace in D.C. tournament, where 64 local workplaces compete for top serious manliness. This week’s competitors: D.C.’s unions and guilds. So put on your brass knuckles and get ready

INTERNATIONAL BROTHERHOOD OF ELECTRICAL WORKERS: This brotherhood establishes its inherent manliness in its very name. But does it have the man-voltage to win this competition? Or will it burn out in a fantastical display of feminine electric sparkle? Let’s find out!

Read More “Man Madness: International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers Vs. AFL-CIO” »

We delve deep into Man Territory in the Manliest Workplace in D.C. tournament this week as union workers fight for the right to be manly (See the full 64-workplace bracket here). But will these unions’ org charts prove as manly as their storied muscley dispositions? Let’s find out!

UNITED UNION OF ROOFERS, WATERPROOFERS, AND ALLIED WORKERS: What manliness lurks inside the combined coffers of the world’s roofers, waterproofers, and allied workers? Behold!

Read More “Man Madness: United Union of Roofers, Waterproofers and Allied Workers Vs. Washington-Baltimore Newspaper Guild” »

The Manliest Workplace in D.C. continued last week, as D.C.’s biggest firms were submitted to the powerful and dangerous force of my manly whim. In a cold and calculated assault, I, well, calculated the percentage of male partners employed in these firms’ local offices. Lets go to the stats (winners in bold):

Game 1: Covington & Burling (79.4 percent) vs. Steptoe & Johnson (80.9 percent)
Game 2: Wilmer Cutler Pickering Hale & Dorr (74.6 percent) vs. Akin Gump Strauss Hauer & Feld (88.2 percent)
Game 3: Williams & Connolly (86.4 percent) vs. Hogan & Hartson (75 percent)
Game 4: Arnold & Porter (77.8 percent) vs. Jones Day (88 percent)

Jones Day, with an impressive 88 percent manliness, will go on to face D.C.’s manliest in the final round. (See the full 64-workplace bracket here).