Last week, "Bonnie Fuller Media" founder Bonnie Fuller wrote an essay for the Huffington Post declaring, "It's official! Age is irrelevant... when it comes to women and beauty that is." Fuller then proceeds to write 700 words proving that age is still very much relevant when it comes to women and beauty.

How does Fuller manage to both disprove her own thesis while simultaneously marginalizing women of all ages? Let me count the ways!

1. All younger women are "bland," regardless of their accomplishments. Not hot to Fuller are the following "bland 20-somethings": "Megan Fox, Jessica Alba, Heidi Montag, Natalie Portman, Anne Hathaway, Blake Lively, Audrina Patridge, Jessica Biel, and even Kim Kardashian."

Fuller groups two Oscar-nominated actresses with a "slew" of Maxim coverladies, reality show inhabitants, and amateur porn stars. Why? Because they happen to have been born in the same decade. She then asserts that all these women are dumb and uninteresting by posing the inexpliable rhetorical: "Do they honestly have even the depth of deep hotness and complexity as our 40-somethings?"

Did Fuller honestly just write "depth of deep hotness"?

—

2. Older women are hot, and boring, too! In Fuller's world, 20-somethings are bland because they're young. But older women aren't hotter because they're more experienced, accomplished, worldy, intelligent, or wise. No, Fuller continues to judge older women on the same criteria as the younger ones: how thin and young they look. Valerie Bertinelli gains Fuller's appreciation for having "THE HOTTEST bikini-clad hard body" on the cover of People, while Demi Moore scores for having "un-plastic-surgery-looking looks"—the product of very extensive plastic surgery.

Most insulting of all is Fuller's pick for "astounding evidence of our national love affair with the 40-plus woman": Sarah Palin, who could also serve as "astounding evidence of our national love affair with the ditz."

—

3. She judges a woman's hotness by the age of the men she's with. Hotness! It knows no age, unless you are a man. Fuller holds up Moore and Madonna as examples of the most deepestly hot older ladies—the ones who can snag younger men:

Demi, for her sexy, un-plastic-surgery-looking looks and devoted 15 years-younger, GORGEOUS husband, Ashton Kutcher, 31 . . . and Madonna for her rock hard body and years younger lovers, A-Rod, 33, and Jesus Luz, 22.

Calista Flockhart, on the other hand, is congratulated for "finally bringing Harrison Ford to his knees" in marriage. Demi Moore is hot because her husband is 15 years younger than she; the 44-year-old Flockhart is still considered an old-timer, even though her husband is 20 years her senior.

—

4. She extends the objectification of women to 40, 50, 60 and beyond! The terms Fuller employs, like "cougar" and "MILF," aren't empowering—they're helping to further objectify women of all ages. Women don't only need to live up to a physical standard through their 20s—they also need to look like they're in their 20s when they're in their 30s, 40s, and 50s. Fuller is pleased that middle-aged TV star Courtney Cox is prepared to stage her comeback in a new show titled "Cougarville." I think it's sad. Celebrating those older women who look like younger women isn't a sign of greater acceptance in Hollywood—it's just a new way to marginalize women based on their appearance. I hope that 20 years from now, I've accomplished more than just managing to look the same.

Photo via Wikipedia

IF SHE DID RUN, HE WOULD CRUSH HER, a new poll finds [PDF]. "A new national [Public Policy Polling] poll finds that nominating Palin could be a death wish for the party, with Barack Obama leading Palin 55-35 in a hypothetical contest. The key reason Palin would lose to Obama by so much is that even though she might be the top choice for a certain segment of voters within her party, there's also a number of Republicans who say they would vote for Obama if their party nominated Palin." [via ThunderPig].

ALASKANS STILL LOVE HER: Palin enjoys a high approval rating in her state:

Very positive 40.5
Somewhat positive 20.8 percent
Somewhat negative 12.5 percent
Very negative 20.2 percent
Don't know/Didn't answer 6 percent

Her staff still sucks, though.

WHY IS GRETA V.S. SARAH PALIN'S OFFICIAL JOURNO? Greta Van Susteren has bombarded the populace with interviews with Palins big and small. The Washington Post’s Chris Cillizza knows why: Her husband, John Coale, is a friend of the governor:

Coale, a well-known Washington lawyer and the husband of Fox News Channel’s Greta Van Susteren, drew national media attention when he endorsed Sen. John McCain’s presidential bid in protest of the way in which Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, who he backed in the primary, was treated. Coale, in an interview with the Fix, described himself simply as a “friend” of the Alaska governor but acknowledged that he suggested she start a leadership PAC and helped her navigate through some of the questions surrounding her family that lingered after the campaign. Others familiar with Palin’s political team insist that Coale has far more power than he is letting on—essentially helping to run Sarah PAC. Coale demurred on that front, noting only that he talks to Palin regularly and that she is a “fascinating person” who is “definitely not what the right thinks or the left thinks.”

GRETA ON WHY SHE'S A NEUTRAL PALIN REPORTER:

[youtube:v=8PF17zpUBIM&]

[via ThinkProgress]

PALIN HEADLINE OF THE DAY, from Politico's Ben Smith: "Palin Clashes With Feds on Wolves"

MADONNA is to Hillary Clinton as Britney Spears is to Sarah Palin: “Britney is not Madonna,” writes  Spears tour reviewer Jed Gottlieb. “She just ain’t. Madonna is Hillary Clinton. She’s whip smart and survives, even thrives by adapting. And Lord knows she wants it more than anyone. Britney is Sarah Palin. Baby drama headlines. Podunk back story and a massive industry machine behind her. She’s a manufactured star aimed at the lowest common denominator.”

Photo by Kurisu

* Advanced Style, a street-style blog for the older set. Adorable, inspirational, and regularly updated, this elderly fashion watch is curated by three respectful whippersnappers.

* Jezebel asks if being a successful woman means staying single:

maybe if a woman's got guts and determination, she "intimidates" men. So she either doesn't get attached to a guy, or finds one who is content to live in her shadow. Oprah doesn't have a husband, per se, but when's the last time we heard anything about that Stedman guy? Anna Wintour? Divorced. Condoleezza Rice? Not married. Tyra? Single and looking to mingle. Angela Merkel? Wikipedia says, "Her second husband is quantum chemist and professor Joachim Sauer. He remains out of the spotlight" . . . While many men have careers in which they shine and the wife is content to stay in the background, it seems that women who live an ambitious life in the limelight rarely have a "quiet" husband at home.

Jezebel's expounding, of course, on Madonna's just-announced divorce from filmmaker Guy Ritchie. I wouldn't assume that the end of this seven-and-a-half year marriage is a result of Ritchie not being able to "handle" Madonna—you probably know what you're getting into with Madonna. Similarly, I would suggest that Tyra Banks' relationship status might not be wholly attributed to her "success." A lot of marriages fail, successful, famous, or not. Still, I fully intend to co-opt the Stars: They're just like us! treatment here and assert that by virtue of being a single woman, I am successful. It's that easy!

* In the wake of Joe Wurzelbacher-gate, Radar imagines the inevitable "Joe Plumber" porn spoof:

Layin' Pipe will feature five hard-core scenes, including a threeway with other pander-worthy icons, namely Mother of Iraqi Solider Against the War and Teacher In Tennessee Who Can't Afford Her Parents' Nursing Home. Bob Schieffer will also be spoofed as the announcer who dishes the sex action that will take place during the film.

Yeah, well, as long as he isn't portrayed by the lame, pathetically in-shape dude who hangs around the smoothie/tanning salon, I may be interested.

* Plus, what else might "Joe the Plumber" be hiding from the American People? Josh Levin for Slate has your non-pornographic predictions.

* Okay, one reason to have kids:

[youtube:v=J95dJCeBZVg]

Photo from Advanced Style.