11:20 a.m. ... Jimmy Carter! George H.W. Bush! Bill Clinton! Trivia question—what is the unifying trait of all these old white men?

11:25 a.m. ... Now they trot all the kids out.

11:26 a.m. ... MALIA AND SASHA

11:27 a.m. ... Laura Bush, the patron saint of putting up with a historic amount of bullshit and still appearing to be a really nice lady.

11:27 a.m. ... Malia Obama's blue-and-black belted coat is fierce.

11:30 a.m. ... If I were George W. Bush I would cry all the time. I would be so sad.

11:33 a.m. ... I would give an ovary to meet Michelle Obama.

11:34 a.m. ... Sick of these Audi ads on my MSNBC live feed.

11:35 a.m. ... This funny white man is president, what the, since when?

11:36 a.m. ... In the grand tradition of only photographing Vice President cave monster Dick Cheney lurking behind other things, Cheney appears behind glass screen.

11:37 a.m. ... Vice President Elect of my heart Joe Biden with his trademark smile!

11:39 a.m. ... television reveals tons of people outside this thing

11:40 a.m. ... D.C. might explode. BARACK H!

11:42 a.m. ... "He's like the biggest baller in history" —an observer

11:43 a.m. ... okay everybody sit down the president is becoming the president now.

11:44 a.m. ... D.C. unrecognizable sea of humans

11:45 a.m. ... why is Dianne Feinstein indicating that America usually passes power through military coup?

11:46 a.m. ... Barack Obama first President elected in United States history

11:47 a.m. ... RICK WARREN time! Sweet inaugural goatee dude

11:48 a.m. ... God something something

11:46 a.m. ... why is it that everybody chosen to speak before the inauguration makes sure to make it the weirdest most awkward event in American history

11:47 a.m. ... so Rick Warren isn't being offensive just kind of not making sense

11:49 a.m. ... everyone is being totally morbid and negative all of a sudden after two years of the sexy Obama hope train

11:50 a.m. ... Rick Warren: "Sassshhha"! Tight.

11:52 a.m. ... Aretha is wearing the sweetest inauguration hat

11:53 a.m. ... Look at that bow!

11:54 a.m. ... I love how Barack Obama solemly observes all of this with the same facial expression

11:55 a.m. ... Apparently channel 7 is inserting random photos of "America" in case you forgot what it looks like ... the Golden Gate bridge!

11:56 a.m. ... Biden takes over for Cheney before Obama takes over for Bush ... Bush/Biden '09

11:57 a.m. ... Augh, they have to get Obama in before the clock strikes President!

11:58 a.m. ... They should really have gotten the long-haired blue tuxedo dude from the Kentucky Inaugural Ball covering Jimmy Buffett to perform this

11:59  a.m. ... I guess he was busy

12 noon. ... MSNBC CNN identifies all the musicians and lists their ID as simply "musician."  Thanks.

12:01 p.m. ... Yo Yo Ma happy!

12:02 p.m. ... Yo Yo Ma inaugural fantasy: "it would be awesome if 3 of his strings broke, and he just shrugged and then played the whole thing perfectly on one ... or on his own hair."

12:03 p.m. ... George Bush appoints John Roberts who administers oath to Bush replacement ... will the circle be unbroken?

12:04 p.m. ... these dudes are totally choking!

12:05 p.m. ... CANNONS

12:06 p.m. ... Oh my god you guys I didn't prepare a speech oh okay well I guess I can say a few words.

12:08 p.m. ... Obama is being kind of a bummer.

12:09 p.m. ... popping champagne in the coffee shop

12:10 p.m. ... just got a Washington Post News Alert: Barack Obama Sworn in as U.S. President.

12:11 p.m. ... Sound of crowd shakes television

12:13 p.m. ... dreams of Obama's father

12:17 p.m. ... Obama frozen on my CNN feed.

12:18 p.m. ... "slaughtering innocents" finally unacceptable under Obama administration

12:19 p.m. ... Big ups to the nonbelievers

12:20 p.m. ... Obama values builders over destroyers ... better than uniter, not divider

12:21 p.m. ... a bunch of national guard dudes hanging out outside my corner liquor store, 5-6 of them ... waiting for what?

12:24 p.m. ... First act as president pretty good.

12:25 p.m. ... Okay, inaugural feed cut off at Big Bear Cafe, replaced by Beyonce's "Crazy in Love" & champagne.

A week from today, if the McCain-Palin ticket manages an unexpected, mavericky victory and clinches the presidency, low-rent bloggers, editorial cartoonists, and Hustler will all silently rejoice. Sarah Palin has been a Wasilla-Assembly-of-God-send for Web traffic numbers (Exhibits A and B) since her sudden Sept. nomination as McCain's veep. News of Hustler's Palin spoof porn alone has sent thousands of clicks to this modest local outfit. To those googling for "sarah palin adult film," "palin porn preview," and "adult film stars palin look-a-like": I salute you!

If Palin doesn't push her running mate over the edge by Election Day, it's going to be a real ratings suck for Internet publications across the blogosphere. What new trend could possibly replace Palin? Here are five suggestions, based on this blog's other top google hits. Integrate these lessons into your Web copy, and it's smooth sailin' until 2012.

5. Lindsay Lohan. Ever since Lindsay Lohan went gay, she's been even more like Web traffic honey: sweet and sticky. Work Lindsay + Lohan + gay into your blog posts, sprinkle on a coating of Samantha + Ronson, and let the admirers, the haters, and the perverts roll in.

4. Breast cake. This is the gift that keeps on giving. Sure, it helps to get your messed-up Breast Cancer Awareness Cake linked to by the estimable Cake Wrecks. But it's not just survivors and strange cake enthusiasts googling this search term. I'm not sure what most folks are looking for when they google "breast cake," but google they do, and hit-hungry bloggers would do good to reign them in.

3. Drinking Game. Sure, we might not need this as much if Palin isn't destined for One Observatory Circle. But if not Sarah Palin, somebody has to screw up our lives. It might as well be us.

2. Live Blog. An obsessive refresher's wet dream. After the election, intrepid bloggers will have to find other wonkish events about which to provide up-to-the-minute inane commentary. Congress? Sigh.

1. Farting women. Trust me on this one.

8:58 PM ... The Washington Time has a slight edge by having a reporter live-blog from the actual debate, while Wonkette, in a stunning maverick move, looks to have decided on a squirrel theme. Good move.

9:02 PM ... Silence on stage, but chatter in the blogosphere! An aimeefausser, practicing something called "twittering" (as far as I can tell, some sort of rustic artisan craft), chimes in with this analysis: "hahah john mccain looks like he wants to kick obama in the balls." Thank you Internets.

9:05 PM ... Ken Layne takes over at Wonkette: starts off with, " It was super nice of McCain to loan Chris Matthews one of his old gay sweaters." Zzzzzing!

9:06 PM ... Curl, meanwhile, has the inside-the-debate scoop on Schieffer: "He just coughed, drank water, coughed again." Bob Schieffer: A human!

9:09 PM ... McCain and Obama get deep into tax policy. nightstand, meanwhile, asks, "Has McCain EVER been in the sun?" He's from Arizona, dick head.

9:11 PM ... "Joe the Plumber" ... a bit of a step-up from "Joe Six Pack." missouri_gal on twitter posits, "McCain is on crack."

9:12 PM ... Wonkette says, "Oh lord. Gibberish already, stumbling, talking to the camera, “What you want to do?” Huh?" Huh? What is this live-blog thing? Debate what?

9:13 PM ... Washington Times continues with the insider details. "Both nominees in dark suits; Obama with a red tie, McCain, blue. (Shouldn't they be switched?) Flag pin on Obama; none on McCain." Meanwhile, Wonkette notes, “Ordinary families” and the squiggly rises!" Listen closely, children: this man speaketh the language of the twitter.

9:16 PM ... Over on twitter, misteng calls Obama on his bullshit. "page by page line by line....fat chance obama would even open the budget let alone look at it." Yeah, fuck, can Obama even read? I've never seen it!

9:17 PM ... During the depression era? McCain is so old. Twitterer emptyonline, whose icon is a caveman missing his buck teeth, opines, "McCain must have dry eyes." The people have spoken.

9:19 PM ... Wonkette is stalled, Washington Times too. John McCain says he's not George Bush; willakammerer tweets, "McCain sounded like he was going to wrangle down the budget like a wild animal."

9:23 PM ... Oh Christ the live blogs are even worse than the debate. Do ya'll have these lie detector audience reaction male/female income meters on your teevee? I can't watch something without the rest of America immediately telling me what I think about it!

9:24 PM ... John McCain has scars! Scars! He stresses his leadership; Twitter says, malena2: "stop talking about scares McCain we get it your Old. get over your self, the Presidency doesnt off a Senior Citizen Discount,Scars dnt count." A 140 chrctr magician!

9:26 PM ... John Kennedy before the tragedy at Dallas? WTF? Why does John McCain always bring up every American tragedy as if he were intimately involved in it?

9:27 PM ... Talking about mudslinging, McCain says he's "hurt" to be associated with segregation. linkinchan splits hairs, saying, "segregation isn't the worst thing that's happened in this country... slavery, anyone? god, mccain... *sigh*... try again." Ugh, what? Thank god these are under 140 characters.

9:29 PM ... Washington Times is taking its sweet time with the live-blogging. It's almost as if they're just blogging! Ba bam!

9:30 PM ... McCain makes a sports metaphor! And with the Arizona Cardinals! Drink! Meanwhile, ActsofFaithblog (?????) calls the game: "This debate is now officially OVER. McCain you had the chance to be Presidential but you blew it." Thank G*d there are blogs for everything.

9:32 PM ... JOE THE PLUMBER AGAIN? Fuck. Joe the Plumber loses this debate. Didn't they remember any other "real American" story they picked up on NPR or something?

9:35 PM ... Hey Barack Obama, thanks for telling McCain to tell you all his mudslinging to your face because everyone watching this debate wants to bring those ridiculous negative ads into presidential talky time. Another hour of this?!

9:37 PM ... Hey, a Republican candidate dodger for once: On Twitter, Jessicawendt insists, "I personallly am a huge mccain supporter. I think everything he stands for is legit . If obama wins i am moving to canada." Later, dude.

9:38 PM ... Hey Bill Ayers, become a part of this campaign: get a twitter. XOXO, Current TV.

9:39 PM ... Facts are facts, but those are not the facts? Hug it out Mr. & Mrs. Fact.

9:40 PM ... Bam, Schieffer with the running mate question! Oh goody I just can't wait for McCain's answer! PS: "Scranton PA is my homeboy."

9:42 PM ... Obama shies from attacking Palin; ECByrd on the other hand says, "Obama should say, because my running mate isn't functionally retarded."

9:43 PM ... Palin, a role model for women you say! Your pandering conquers my weak feminine identity!

9:44 PM ... She understands special needs families? She would be a great teacher ... no, no nevermind. Nevermind, I didn't say that.

9:45 PM ... Obama, always classy. Says her capability is up to YOU, the twitterers of America! What say you, American voters? "portlandishone: McCain said Sarah brings the breasts!" Great.

9:46 PM ... Are you reading Wonkette, Senators? Ken Layne pwns u: "The voters of Ohio REALLY do not care for Sarah Palin. Not the women, anyhow. Broads hate this Palin character, good LORD. Are all the lady voters in Ohio suddenly dead or asleep or something? John McCain cannot even pronounce “breath of fresh air” correctly. “She understands that autism is on the rise.” Yes, that is a very important quality for a vice president to possess."

9:47 PM ... Washington Times' Joe Curl is the most earnest dude to hit the Internet! He is just straight quoting the candidates and adding context as if he were writing an article in a newspaper (or as the children refer to them, "encyclopedia.") Where's the snark, Curl? Snark it to me!

9:49 PM ... Obama and McCain talk oil, drilling, "climate change" (totally natural). But is Palin totally natural, gentlemen?! Twitter of the night: grahamchilla: " Find out what america thinks of Sarah Palin...vote at ispalinshaved.com." Fucking jerk.

9:50 PM ... Meanwhile, Wonkette pretty much sums up my thoughts on the debate: "Cockamaimie! Drink!" Yep.

9:51 PM ... McCain respects Obama's "eloquence." Did he get his debate notes from Joe Biden's gaffe book??

9:52 PM ... But what, you ask, does Fishbowl D.C. think of all this? Well I'll tell you: "Strong Obama response to Ayers, ACORN." Live-blogging conventional wisdom: How I thirst for it!

9:53 PM ... Is Joe Curl really the Washington Times' greatest blogger? Has the Washington Times ever heard of blogs? Is Joe Curl just reciting a letter to an olde-tyme lady secretary who is filing her typewritten pages into his air-pressurized Internet tubes?

9:56 PM ... Health care shmealth care. Wonkette says, "Barack Obama has never traveled south of our border, whereas John McCain is secretly Panamanian and had sex with some hot Brazilian model back in the 1930s!" Everything the Internet says is true. Live blog fact checkers make sure of it.

9:59 PM ... John McCain speaking about health care is subtly hillarious. Says alisonboring: "Listen I don't think there's any doubt that John McCain pees in a portable pee bag."

10 PM ... FUCCKKK Joe the Plumber needs to come up every half hour. Great. Will Joe the Plumber mysteriously enter the debate at the very end, as if to accelerate the plot of the porn film that is the electoral process?

10:02 PM .. Wonkette is on its third live-blog page. How many squirrel/old/gay/old gay squirrel jokes can one live blog made? Plenty.

10:03 PM ... I just ate a glob of raw cookie dough my friend accidentally dropped on the rug, which I am laying on as I stupidly watch a twitter feed of "real Americans." THIS IS THE LIFE OF A LIVE-BLOGGER.

10:05 PM ... Sick of the debate? I know I am! binkybink on twitter has got the afterparty: "McCain is d**cheb*g – I might just have to watch Kung-Fu Panda and tune it all out."

10:04 PM ... McCain calls Obama Senator Government? Is that the new super hero twitter name for President? I like it!

10:06 PM ... Best line of the night, Wonkette: "Obama says yes, because my plan excludes penalties on small businesses, such as professional cumming."

10:08 PM ... McCain will search the deepest jungles of South America to find the best judges in the "world" for "America's" Supreme Court. Also, RidaZehra thinks you're dumb and old, John McCain! "LOL why is McCain using a sharpie to take notes...oh yeah, he is 378 years old" At least he can write, unlike Barack Obama who may be unable to read.

10:09 PM ... Abortion, rahhh!!! McCain says he won't use a litmus test, while Barack Obama says he's looking for judicial record AND for Supreme Court judges that "understand what people are going through," a.k.a., people who agree with him on what he finds important. Fucking answer the abortion question though.

10:11 PM ... Courage and compassion on this decision? But you don't want it to be a decision! Oh god, don't bring up the Obama dead baby thing again. Barack Obama voted against keeping braindead dead babies alive after they're aborted. In other words, he is "a maverick."

10:12 PM ... Obama and McCain duke it out on the health of infants the mothers wanted to abort. justinmassa weighs in to say, "McCain has very, very old looking hands." Citizen journalism at its best.

10:15 PM ... Wonkette found Joe the Plumber's website! Wooooo, crash and burn it! Burn it!

10:17 PM ... College debt! Beer bongs don't come cheap, folks.

10:19 PM ... This is the last question? Schieffer lets them talky talk a lot, which is better at least, then those stoplight timers during the Town Hall.

10:20 PM ... Says Fishbowl D.C., clairvoyant wizard of the Republican base: "Think McCain's "Senator Government' was a silly goof? The GOP base is loving it."

10:22 PM ... The live-blog bubble has burst. Law school?

10:23 PM ... McCain gives a big 'ol shout out to INSIDER WASHINGTON D.C. with the charter schools! Way to go D.C. schools! Wait . . .

10:24 PM ... Did McCain just say, "children, precious children, children who have autism . . . Sarah Palin." ??? These are the issues we talk about in the "domestic" debate? Oh, sorry, didn't know America was so fucking boring.

10:25 PM ... Big diss to D.C.! Shoutout to Michelle Rhee! Thanks for giving us the Joe Plumber treatment, Governor Government. Thanks very much.

10:26 PM ... McCain scary laugh ENDS IT. Wonderful!

10:27 PM ... FINAL STATEMENTS: McCain is a reformer, he wants to focus on health care and education and the economy. In a surprise maverick move, McCain also announces candidacy for President of United States!

10:28 PM ... Aww. Despite "Country First," McCain's kind of crazy angry kooky cute, I guess. Pat pat!

10:30 PM ... Barack Obama's final statement: Why it would be an honor! Meanwhile, mikemimik asks, "What would Obama look like with a mustache? Kinda looks like he's got a 5 o'clock shadow going on."

10:31 PM ... Voting will make you feel big and strong? I'm convinced!

10:32 PM ... Oh, bring the ladies out. Come on. Now go on, shoo.

10:33 PM ... Wonkette brings out the cum again on McCain: "But My Friends, Joe the Cummer, Plumber, needs a new caulk gun for his cumming. And he can’t do that with the Obama Money Tax. Fuck all this shit. Bye." Over at Washington Times, Joe Curl is a bore. In other news, why am I watching this on FOX? And what happened to that cookie dough?

10:35 PM ... Bye :(

Refresh for more.

So join us tonight for the Sexist's live-blog live blog, where we live-blog your live blogs for you! (Hear that, Google? We're live-blogging!) This evening, watch the debate with us as we rate the live blogs of your favorite Washington live-bloggers, from the sarcastic leftist live-bloggings of Wonkette (rumored to have carried on domestic terrorist affair with Bill Ayers) to the hard-hitting right-wing catchphrase recycled live-bloggers over at the Washington Times (once caught attempting to nail Jello to a wall). Bonus: The best and worst of the twitter pile (I'm looking at you, Fishbowl D.C.)!

Stay tuned to The Sexist around 9 p.m. EST for all your live-blog needs. Live blog.

Earlier I live-blogged Thursday's Vice Presidential Debate. Yep, there was a drinking game for that one, too.

* Quick recap on women's and GLBT issues because there's not much to say. The candidates (and moderator Gwen Ifill) were largely silent on women's issues, beyond Biden name-dropping the Violence Against Women Act and Palin laughably veering the Straight Talk Express to give a brief shout out to "our respect for women's rights." Palin and Biden did find some troubling middle ground on gay marriage. Both said that they supported equal benefits for same sex couples, but announced in no uncertain terms that they oppose gay marriage. Palin announced that she was "tolerant" and again used her One Gay Friend as an example of her acceptance of the gay "choice." Biden said marriage should be a "decision to be left up to the faiths." Agreed,  Biden, but what the fuck do the "faiths" have to do with the legal definition of marriage?

* Slate explains how debate moderator Gwen Ifill is free to choose her own questions—ostensibly. Jason Cherkis has already said everything I want to say about Ifill: "Could she have bothered to press either candidate (but especially Palin) when they refused—sometimes openly refused—to answer her questions? Or how about a follow-up when Palin suggested expanding the veep’s authority? Or what about healthcare? Ifill couldn’t even press Palin after the candidate dodged a softball on the candidates’ weaknesses." If anything, Ifill's perceived "conflict of interest" made her uninterested in doing her job: Simply requiring the candidates to answer her questions instead of shooing them beneath the podium and (drill baby) drilling home their talking point.

* A quick note on personality: Biden's had 35 years in the Senate to define his persona as an advocate for the middle class; Palin, by her own admission, has had five weeks on the national stage to do the same. Palin did her best to push through as the gosh-darn, winking, folksy Alaskan mama bear in the debate, dropping "Main Street" and "kitchen table" like nobody's business—even mentioning the "soccer mom" along with the "hockey mom" to broaden her extracurricular-activity appeal. In the end, Biden finally just fucking explains why it's ridiculous for them to spend the whole debate fighting about who's more "real." TPM has a video clip of the moment:

[youtube:v=pC1W1_sTgFE]

8:58 P.M. What is the best network to watch the debates on? A haggard-looking Chris Matthews is babbling away on MSNBC.

9:00 P.M. Gwen Ifill lays it down. Half domestic, half foreign policy. Chosen by Ifill. Order by coin toss. No "untoward outbursts." None of this free-flowing Lehrer shit.

9:03 P.M. Can I call you Joe!?

9:05 P.M. Biden's fundamental disagreement—they're "fundamentally changing" the focus on the economy.

9:06 P.M. Soccer games?! What happened to the hockey mom? Reaching out to the contiguous moms!

9:07 P.M. Politics aside, country first, common sense, last.

9:08 P.M. A whole team of MAVERICKS! Drink. Hard.

9:09 P.M. Darn right, it was the predator lenders. Are you listening, Ben Eason?

9:12 P.M. Oh Joey at the local gas station—you represent all of us.

9:13 P.M. LIES! Government will have to learn to live with less—less experience, less accountability. That's the Palin promise.

9:14 P.M. Watch out, Straight Talk Express coming through. Does a tax record in Alaska really count? Don't they get money from the government over there?

9:16 P.M. Biden says those listening are the economic integrity of the United States. That's me, fuckers!

9:17 P.M. Anti-government, Governor?

9:18 P.M. Oh, Biden. Keep your chuckling down.

9:20 P.M. Oooh—(Freudian?) Barack Obama/John McCain slip.

9:21 P.M. Bridge to Barack/Biden! Booyah!

9:22 P.M. Biden! Keep the rambling nonsense down!

9:23 P.M. BTW, John McCain doesn't flip-flop. Also, any of that greed that's been, I guess, instrumental, wasn't going to happen in Alaska. Bless their hearts, though. But oh god, at least she can think of some specific names. Gwen Iffil is no Katie Couric, it seems.

9:24 P.M. Palin hasn't promised a lot ... except to attack Pakistan.

9:25 P.M. "This is something that John McCain supported," Ifill clues in. Nice neutral move. Obviously, Palin says she would have supported, too.

9:28 P.M. Palin: I disagree, but I can't say why because I don't have time. I only have time to talk about my "record" of living on "Main Street" and helping you "relate" to me.

9:30 P.M. Ifill needs to get some Lehrer into her and call Palin on her question-hijacking bullshit. Biden can't do it, then he'd be "condescending."

9:31 P.M. It truly is a special time when we're seeing sprawling, era-long climate changes within our lifetime because of the Earth's natural changes, which happen all the time but could never support the changes explained by evolution.

9:33 P.M. DRILL BABY DRILL! Oh thank G*d Sarah Palin for saying that. Thank you.

9:34 P.M. Half an hour in—Palin's avoiding and lying, but she's doing okay. Biden's maintaining, too. Bring out the fireworks, people? We love you both for your flaws!

9:35 P.M. Gwen Ifill is fair and balanced, but boooring.

9:37 P.M. Here we go! Social issues! Get the gays away from Palin's First Dude!

9:38 P.M. Palin supports hospital visits, contract between parties—that's progressive indeed. Good job, Barack Obama and Joe Biden for agreeing with them—NO GAY MARRIAGE. Weak.

9:39 P.M. The surge has worked, bringing us back to pre-surge numbers. Huh?

9:41 P.M. Palin says finishing a war is a surrender. Eh, who cares. Get the fuck out.

9:43 P.M. BIDEN'S GRIN melts my heart!

9:44 P.M. John McCain missed like 700 years of history. Whoops. Don't worry, dude—Biden still loves you.

9:45 P.M. Saying John McCain is "dead wrong" is a bit touchy, no?

9:47 P.M. On to Pakistan—schools not bombs. Thanks Biden for a real answer.

9:48 P.M. Kissinger did well in his Palin foreign leader primer! Ahmadinejad! Say it again! Say it!

9:49 P.M. "OUR" RESPECT FOR WOMEN'S RIGHTS?

9:51 P.M. Stop saying McCain/Palin administration. It makes me want to stock up on contraception.

9:52 P.M. Ok, 9:52. What the hell is Palin talking about? Change? Have you guys just been cribbing from the Obama playbook? You're not saying anything! Your cheeky sighs will not tempt me, Governor!

9:56 P.M. "Nucular" weaponry would be the end to "too many parts of our planet." How many parts of our planet are too many?

9:57 P.M. A commenter says Palin is amping up her IQ tonight. I think she's finally learned how to bullshit a little bit.

9:58 P.M. You can put lipstick on a Joe Biden and . . . maybe he'd steal a little bit more attention. I feel like the whole debate is just waiting for what crazy thing Palin is going to come out with.

9:59 P.M. I like how Palin addresses her "points" toward Biden—Biden's "Gwen" schtick is getting a little tiresome, especially since Ifill's pretty much sitting back on this one.

10:01 P.M. Commenter says actually, Biden's looking at Palin, but that the camera is pointed strangely. In the wide shot, though, it looks like her eyes are on him, and his are on Ifill.

10:03 P.M. "Oh, man, it's so obvious I'm a Washington outsider!" Yeah, but she's got the smugness already.

10:04 P.M. Hmm, if she called for divestment from funding in Sudan and the legislation hasn't passed yet, you know, she probably does know a little bit about Washington. Maybe Palin's forgetting that "Washington" rears its head in Wasilla, too.

10:06 P.M. The pundits don't start tomorrow morning, Palin. We're live-blogging this!

10:07 P.M. The heartbeat cliche! Ifill asks them about their presidencies—as if Palin didn't appear to be running for President, anyway.

10:09 P.M. Palin denies that "that would ever happen!" to ye olde John McCain. Oh, you maverick, how your possible presidency is so completely unpredictable and scary.

10:10 P.M. Joe Biden spends a lot of time in Home Depot. How many sprawling Scranton dollhouses must you construct in your lifetime, Joe Biden.

10:11 P.M. Doggonit, I'll be hogswallowed up in this hooten and holler, all this Bush Administration hogwashin has got my winkin' grandmother all a-tussle. SCHOOLKID SHOUTOUT!

10:12 P.M. If Sarah Palin can say "shoutout" during a vice presidential debate, even I could be vice president. Tight.

10:13 P.M. Sarah Palin thinks the Vice President should get more power? President of the Senate my ass, I want to be dictator.

10:15 P.M. Biden can offer advice; Palin can offer a figurehead. How valuable is that after this campaign?

10:16 P.M. Cheney most dangerous Vice President in American History—pwned, Dick!

10:17 P.M. I think we're all worried about how Tina Fey will approach this one.

10:18 P.M. Alaska is a huge state but it's full of wolves! Wolves! Wolves.

10:19 P.M. Palin tries to push the middle class, Main Street persona with her little wink. Nice job pissing on the pure Alaskan snow that is Biden's middle-class cred!

10:20 P.M. At commenter—this blog is an anti-feminist blog only since Sarah Palin identified herself as a feminist.

10:21 P.M. Joe Biden—your own life story is so much better than ol' Johnny's at the gas store.

10:22 P.M. Oh Joe Biden has a touching life story too? Well, Palin's a maverick. A maverick! McCain, too.

10:23 P.M. Ah yes, the "diverse background" of the Republican party. Like, we got a former Democrat. Lieberman.

10:24 P.M. Biden's getting pissed! Thank you! Biden wraps it up with a sad-to-angry tour-de-force! Also, I still think about Mel Gibson when I hear "maverick." You haven't totally stolen it from Gibson, John McCain.

10:25 P.M. Biden again brings up Supreme Court. "It matters what your judicial philosophy is," he says. What if you don't know any court cases? That's Main Street.

10:26 P.M. Palin keeps calling Alaska "up there." Yeah, yeah Palin's from Alaska. Does anyone in the 48 states have a romantic vision of Alaska?

10:27 P.M. Palin walks walk, talks talk, reads . . . something.

10:29 P.M. Palin likes being able to speak to the public without the filtering of the MSM. I think she means the McCain campaign.

10:30 P.M. Proud to be Americans, have to fight for our freedoms. Yadda yadda. But her family is "diverse"? Huh?

10:31 P.M. Hmm, Palin quotes Reagan on "extinction." Does Palin even believe in extinction??

10:32 P.M. Biden and Palin shake hands. She tries to walk away pretty quick, he keeps the handshake going.

10:33 P.M. My god the WHOLE FAMILY IS HERE! The whole, "diverse" family. Note to Palin: I know, like, tons of babysitters.

10:34 P.M. Okay, debate's over. Joe Biden's giving the shoulder rub. Palin looks uncomfortable with this post-war chattin'.

10:35 P.M. First dude cleans up!

10:36 P.M. My god, I can't get over it—she's surrounded with children. Diverse, white Alaskan children.

10:38 P.M. Gaffe attack—Brokaw says Palin misstates number of troops in Iraq, name of general in Afghanistan, name-checks Civil War General McClellan.

10:40 P.M. All in all—nobody really fucked up. I wanted my NASCAR race.

10:41 P.M. Geraldine Ferraro on MSNBC want her grandchildren to be able to look at Palin as an example as a strong female candidate. What about you, Ferraro!

10:42 P.M. Exxon commercial on MSNBC!

10:43 P.M. I would give the firstborn child I never plan to have to know what Hillary Clinton thinks about this.

10:45 P.M. Now, Palin and Biden are done. Now, the pundits take over.

10:49 P.M. Pundits call Palin "home-spun," "direct," compare her to Ronald Reagan. Fuck this, I'm going to bed. Thanks for following along!

Refresh for more.

Only three hours to go until the most important U.S. vice presidential live blog since Al Gore invented the Internets. Some words for our competitors: Watch out, Senator Biden—Sarah Palin's been reading the newspapers, all of them! Not so fast, Governor Palin—Joe Biden's been gaffin' up gaffe-town since you were in like second grade! Woah there, Gwen Ifill—try to keep the fist-bumping Obama stooge in you in check for an hour and a half— City Paper folk hero Dave McKenna demands it of you! Candidates, clip on the unmovable fortresses which are your hairdos and get ready to rumble! BONUS: This live blog now accepting live comments! Live! Oh my goodness I am so excited!

While you're at it: Take the edge off the Sarah Palin/Joe Biden showdown by playing along with The Sexist's 2008 Vice Presidential Drinking Game.

The debate begins at 9 p.m. EST; I'll be live-blogging here starting around 8:45.