This snappy two-minute video recap of NOM's bus tour stop in Maryland reveals a clever new twist on the hetero marriage defense: "We're asked to believe that a mother, a biological mother, will have no problem sharing the care of her child with another woman!" one speaker announces at the rally. "Moms, do you believe that?" (They do not!) Sure, NOM can understand two women loving each other and wanting to spend their lives together. But once it's time for the couple to share in the child-rearing, the biological mother's jealousy will ultimately destroy them both—along with every American family? That's just science.

When NOM's mandatory heterosexuality tour stopped by Newark on Tuesday, Parents & Friends of Ex-Gays (PFOX) leader Greg Quinlan was on-hand to present the ex-gay position on heterosexual marriage: Desperate! "If you know of anybody, send them my way," said Quinlan, who is totally straight now (and divorced). "I live right here in Roxbury Township, up in North Jersey. I’ll give you my name and number afterwords, if you know of anybody who’s available." He then offered his criteria for a potential mate: "Female. And breathing." Go get him, ladies!

* The New Gay is looking for stories of people affected by a lack of ENDA. "Fired from your job for being gay, lesbian, bi or trans? Do you feel that no one cares about your lack of livelihood born from our governments systematic betrayal of its own people? Now you can do something about it," TNG writes. File your stories here.

* Fugitivus on sex work:

Theoretically, I don’t have a problem with sex work. I don’t think there’s anything inherently, fundamentally wrongdirtybad with sex as a job, or sex for pay. But that’s based on a concept of sex work in a vacuum, and we don’t live in a vacuum. We live in a patriarchy. And sex work situated within a patriarchal world is inevitably swimming in a pool of wrongdirtybad, and anything tagged with the wrongdirtybad brush becomes fair game for serious violations of humanity.

On the one hand, since my ideal vision of the world doesn’t differentiate sex work from any other kind of work, it seems like that should be the thing I’m working toward. I “should” be the kind of feminist that is all on board for decriminalization or legalization, or normalizing the sex trades so they’re not a dirty stigmatized mess — and often I feel bad that I’m not more so. On the other hand, I work in a profession where I frequently see young girls who have been trafficked and exploited, and/or mothers who have had to prostitute themselves in order to feed their children, and their desperation has usually caused them to be exploited as well. Some of the abuses I see surrounding exploited sex work are so heinous that it’s very difficult not to come away with a “SHUT IT ALL DOWN” view of sex work. And yet, I know it’s not something that can be shut down, not now, not ever. I often just don’t feel like my brain is large enough to find a way to integrate some of the worst horrors I’ve ever seen with a utopic vision of positive, healthy sexuality. I don’t know how to overcome my revulsion of abuse long enough to separate the tools (which are not inherently abusive) from the abusive people who are handling them. At some point, they just seem practically, realistically fused together, even if conceptually I know they aren’t.

* Speaking of: Last month, D.C. police busted six people for solicitation [PDF] at 2121 P St. NW.

* Westboro Baptist Church turns its attentions to Lady Gaga.

*Metro Weekly takes a local angle on Chinese counterfeit condoms lubricated with vegetable oil, featuring FUK!T Campaign leader Dan O'Neill:

''When you have counterfeited items, like your Louis Vuitton bags and what have you, at the end of the day, that's not great. But here, when one's life is put at risk,'' [O'Neill] says. ''This has real implications in that it undermines the public's trust in these products.

''What we don't want, or what would be terrible, is if people are just trying to get a deal and at the end of the day they just totally abandon their trust in using condoms altogether, thinking, 'Why bother?'''

On the subject of "Lesbians Until Graduation," and all the stigma attached to the label, a commenter points to the Two Nice Girls song on the subject. A sampling:

I spent my last ten dollars on birth control and beer
My life was so much simpler when I was sober and queer
But the love of a strong hairy man has turned my head I fear
And made me spend my last ten bucks on birth control and beer

It concludes: "there's certain thrills that lesbian love simply cannot supply / Like paying for abortions from sperm gone awry." Indeed.

* Thomas MacAulay Millar on the problem with seeing sexual assailants and domestic abusers as "monsters":

I’m fine with saying that one who does monstrous things is a monster, and the data tells me that this is true. But there is a danger there, that by calling rapists monsters we may convince people that we should be able to see them. We can’t. They look like everyone else. They certainly will give some behavioral clues, but those are subtle. The rapists fit in. If they didn’t, we would all know who they are, and all their targets would avoid them.

. . . Monsters, and not monsters. Regular people that are nice to children and small animals, tip well and bring attention to important causes may also be misogynists, rapists, abusers, racists . . . all the wrong that people are capable of is not concentrated among people who look like they mean to do harm. The people who do the most harm do it, in part, because they can walk among us and not look like monsters. Monsters don’t look like monsters. They look like the rest of us.

* Monsters, and not monsters: Lloyd Mack Royal—also known as "Blyss," "B," and "Furious"—has been sentenced to 37 years in prison for human trafficking of minors in Maryland. Testimony in Royal's trial asserted that he profited off of coercing minor girls into prostitution; threatened those girls verbally and with a gun; hit them; transported them between Maryland and D.C. for the purposes of prostitution; gave them illegal drugs; raped them; forced them to lie about their ages; forced them to sell drugs; and "forced them to kiss his pinky ring."

* Emily Nagoski on sexual fluidity and LUGS.

* Via the GW Hatchet, the GW Medical Center has received a $3 million grant for HIV/AIDS research courtesy of The National Institutes of Health.

* Evil Angel general manager Christian Mann weighs in on the Stagliano trial in the comments:

What could be more absurd? That would be the U.S. government, represented by the real Fetish Fanatics (AKA the DOJ) spending taxpayers’ dollars to clog the judiciary and bring such a case to trial in 2010. My elation at having my boss (and friend) exonerated is tainted by one small regret: I quietly hoped we would have a chance to bring milk enemas and squirting orgasms to the U.S. Supreme Court and douche the archaic obscenity laws from the Criminal Code once and for all.

Photo via George Eastman House

On Aug. 1, The Washington Post Magazine’s weekly blind date feature, Date Lab, will print what has become a once-yearly ritual: The gay date.

Every Sunday, the magazine writes up the adventures of two single Washingtonians set up by the Post; after the date, both spill the night’s details to a reporter, judging their companions on everything from body weight to tolerance for “that’s what she said” jokes. Since launching in 2006, Date Lab has run nearly 200 heterosexual encounters. But it’s only managed to set up four same-sex couples in as many years—and one dater was a repeat.

The Aug. 1 item will be a milestone for Date Lab editor Amanda McGrath—her first same-sex write-up since assuming the feature in May 2009. “I heard stories from the previous editor about how difficult it was, and I thought, ‘This won’t be a problem for me. It will be so easy,” says McGrath. Nope: Date Lab’s last gay date hit newsstands on Jan. 20, 2008. It ended with “a little bit of an air hug.”

According to a recent survey, nearly 7 percent of D.C. residents identify as gay, lesbian, or bisexual. Which you’d think would mean The Post wouldn’t go two years between gay dates. Apparently, in order to qualify as a same-sex match on Date Lab, being gay isn’t enough. Asked in an online chat in 2006 why Date Lab mostly experimented with straight romance, then-editor Sandy M. Fernandez said it was a matter of math: “We just need to get in enough applicants that it isn’t one of those soap opera dates, where if you see two gay or Latino or African American characters, they’re inevitably going to hook up.” Four years later, the feature’s applicants remain prohibitively hetero—and, according to The Post, that’s why the people who make it into print do, too.

“We honestly try with every couple we send out to make a good match, to find a pair that will hit it off,” says McGrath, 27. But “it’s really hard to find people who seem compatible when you have such a limited pool to work with.”
Obviously, in the grand scheme of injustices, the paucity of gay Date Labbers ranks pretty low. But the lack of diversity—in a feature that so clearly strives for it in other ways—does stand out. After all, plenty of heterosexual couples have been matched based on glancing similarities: “She roasts; he bakes”; “He paints, she pots”; “He’s tall; she’s tall”; “She’s tall; he’s very tall.” The paper has matched three pairs based on a shared interest in distance running (“Have these two marathoners run into romance?”; “Two runners finally cross paths. Can they go the distance?”; “Can two marathoners go the distance?”). Some daters don’t even have that much in common. Past unifying principles include “They Were Adopted And Keep Losing Debit Cards. Will They Hang Onto Each Other?” and “They Both Agree: She’s ‘Not Hideous.’” In 2008, a monkey from Rockville tried its hand at making a match. Both daters rated the date a “5.”

So with a track record like that, why not “He’s gay; he’s gay”?

The Post’s answer: Date Lab’s shallow same-sex pool. Of the 3,300 potential daters who have submitted applications since 2007, only 84 identify as gay, lesbian, or bisexual. Fifty-one are men; 33 are women. Since Date Lab keeps potential lovebirds on file for years, some once-promising applicants wind up in committed relationships or rethink their interest in romantic exhibitionism—particularly if they’re not out to all their friends and family who may happen to pick up the Post. From there, start factoring in age (daters range from their 20s to their 60s), interests, personality, and appearance, and you’ve got a pretty skimpy selection of gay and lesbian Washingtonians.

GLAA Forum points to the Whitman-Walker Clinic's new TV spots. The twin ads target the health clinic's two main demographics separately—LGBT patients (in the above ad) and HIV-positive patients (in the ad after the jump). I wonder if reaching out to D.C.'s HIV-positive residents requires distancing Whitman-Walker's AIDS care piece from its LGBT health piece. And the soundtrack's a little ominous, no?

[youtube:v=ClbnLQI0wlM]

* Happy birthday, "post-racial America"! Writing in the Washington Post, Kathleen Parker does not see race. In response to criticism that calling Barack Obama the first woman president was (among other things) racist, Parker pens a column explaining that she can't write racist things, because she is white, and white people have the luxury of not being racist, like black people are:

But I also recognize that my life experience is different from that of most African Americans. And that experience allows me both the luxury of seeing people without the lens of race, but also (sometimes) to fail to imagine how people of other backgrounds might interpret my words.

She also has trouble seeing Obama as "exclusively black" because she has learned that she and the President are eighth cousins once removed—a genealogical "nugget" she had previously intended to write an entire column about.  That detail alone strikes me as a fireable offense.

* Via Figleaf: Holly at The Pervocracy on the douchebaggery behind calling women "females":

I hate it when people call women "females." I have one friend who does it because she was in the military and it was standard practice there, and occasionally I'll say it when I specifically mean biological females rather than women, but 98% of the time it's douchebaggery. Rule of thumb: if you say "females and males" it's okay, but if you say "females and guys/men," you're probably a douchebag.

* Virginia resident Andrea examines U.S. immigration laws through the lens of her attempts to get her British fiancee a visa. In short, they have it easy, and they still don't have it easy:

One of the things I hear a lot in any discussion of people who come here illegally is some permutation of “Well why don’t they just do it legally?” If they know that I’m currently going through the immigration process with my fiance, people will often ask “Doesn’t it make you mad that you’re going to all this trouble and people are just coming over here illegally?” The answers to these questions are, in reverse order, “No, I am thankful that we are able to do it legally fairly easily” and “Wow, you have never dealt with immigration, have you?”

* In Newsweek, Julia Baird tells us to "stop ogling Republican women":

It’s odd to see how some men insist that when women start to grasp power, we should think of them primarily as playthings and provocateurs. Is this the best way to explain their success? They aren’t challenging the status quo. They’re being wild! They’re not trying to lift the ban on offshore drilling. They’re being naughty! When four women beat a field of men on the same night recently, competing for primary and gubernatorial nominations, it was widely referred to as “ladies’ night.” Aren’t ladies’ nights those promotions where women are allowed free entry into bars to provide fodder for the men?

* Scarleteen continues its "queering sexuality in color" series, this time with Dharshi, a 25-year-old South Asian lesbian:

The problem is that the queer community where I live is predominantly white, and tend not have familiarity with issues such as my marriage predicament. Sometimes I do feel pressure from the queer community to come out, as if that will be the solution to all of my problems. I do have some wonderful white gay and lesbian friends though who make an effort to listen and understand. One woman in particular is my mother's age and her advice and sharing of her life experience has really helped me through the hard times. Also when I watch her with her partner and her kids, I feel optimistic that maybe that kind of future is also possible for me. I love meeting other queer people of colour, particularly from the South Asian community, but I don't often get this opportunity.

Photo via Beverley & Pack, Creative Commons Attribution License 2.0

This week, the District Mayor's Office of GLBT Affairs released the "LGB Health 2010 Report," an examination of everything from smoking habits to sexual behavior in the gay community. This is the District's first report to address the health of lesbians, gays, and bisexuals in the District. But as the report's title makes clear, the transgender community has yet again been excluded from the official conversation on health. Also underrepresented here: African-American men and women under the LGB umbrella.

The methodology of the [study] itself raises questions about the reliability of the data and how it represents the true health of the LGB community, as reflected by the limited number of responses from African American LGBT people. The survey's findings rely on an identity-based rather than a behavioral questionnaire, which may exclude men who have sex with other men (MSM) but do not identify as gay.

And, as always: "the absence of information on transgender health underscores the pressing need for better data on the transgender community in the District," the DC Center writes.

Research shows that intimate partner violence occurs at the same rate in the LGBTQ communities as in the heterosexual community. Last year, Rainbow Response released a groundbreaking report on IPV in the District, which confirmed that DC’s LGBTQ communities experience IPV at the same rate as the heterosexual community. However, for a variety of reasons, survivors of IPV in the LGBTQ communities do not have equal access to services to help them escape; therefore it’s critical that our community be afforded as many protections and resources as possible.

Although there is no federal law outlawing discrimination against LGBTQ individuals in the workplace, the District has outlawed this type of discrimination for many years. Unfortunately, it remains perfectly legal to terminate an LGBTQ employee who happens to be a victim of IPV, simply for reasons related to the abuse. For example, three years ago one of my good friends, who is a lesbian and was out to her employer, found herself in an abusive relationship and was forced to miss work periodically because she was either in court seeking a protection order, or was at home waiting for the bruises on her face to disappear. Noticing that she had been taking time off from work, her employer threatened to fire her even after my friend disclosed the reasons for her absence. Fortunately, this talk happened just as her abusive partner finally decided to leave the relationship, and the District, for good. However, if my friend’s employer had fired her, she would have had no recourse available. Not only would she have been abused by her partner, she would have become abused by the system too.

. . . Much has been discussed about the comprehensive provisions in the bill, including requiring employers to post notice of these protections, develop workplace violence policies, and provide training for staff on domestic violence. Many questions and concerns have been raised about these provisions that are important and valid. I have tremendous respect for both the business and domestic violence community, and have no doubt that we can all work together with Committee staff to revise the bill where necessary to ensure it moves forward. But please let me remind us what the core issue of this bill is about at the end of the day: discrimination. If we as a society are committed to creating a safe and healthy District of Columbia, then we must help those who are in need, and protect them while they heal, not unravel the fragile threads that are supporting them.

Earlier this month, we examined how D.C.-area hospitals fared in the Human Rights Campaign's 2010 Healthcare Equality Index, which rates hospitals on their policy toward LGBT patients (they all failed). Then, we spoke to HRC's Tom Sullivan, who explained the Equality Index's high standards. Now, Sum of Change has produced an in-depth video—including interviews with both Sullivan and Ellen Kahn of the HRC's Family Project—which explains all aspects of the index, why it's important, and why more facilities will be coming into compliance in the future. Let's hope D.C.-area hospitals are listening.

According to Quinlan's analysis, it doesn't make sense that Kagan is gay:

President Obama's nominee for Supreme Court Justice, Elena Kagan, has steadfastly refused to divulge her sexual orientation, despite a CBS News blog item claiming that Kagan is known in Harvard circles as a lesbian.  In response, the White House blasted CBS News for its "lies" and CBS pulled the item off its website.

But if Kagan is a lesbian, why would the White House insist that she is not when Obama made gay rights part of his platform for change?  In issuing this month's gay pride presidential proclamation, Obama stated he is "proud to be the first President to appoint openly LGBT candidates to Senate-confirmed positions in the first 100 days of an Administration."

So Kagan and her alleged lesbianism should not be an issue for the White House or the Democrats, who control the Senate vote for Kagan's judicial nomination.

And it doesn't make sense that she's not gay:

Some of Kagan's friends have told Politico that she is frustrated by the persistence of the gay rumors, but "worried that denying them could imply some anti-gay prejudice." But this makes no sense either-isn't the whole point of the gay rights movement to allow people to be free to declare who they really are, without stigma? If the only way for a middle-aged woman to declare that she is straight is to marry a man, wouldn't that be a step backward, and not forward, in liberal gender politics?

THEREFORE:

There is, however, another possibility. Could it be that Kagan is ex-gay?  That would explain the White House insistence on Kagan's heterosexuality and Kagan's silence about her past sexual preference.

That's right, Obama has just nominated the woman who will be our nation's first closeted ex-gay Supreme Court justice. No other explanation makes sense. Now, we must work to make Kagan our first openly ex-gay Supreme Court justice. On that day, our country will finally grant heterosexuals the same respect it gives gay people:

As an ex-gay myself, I sympathize with Kagan and the Obama administration.  I have had to face taunts, threats, and phone calls to my employer demanding that I be fired.  There is no hate like that directed against the ex-gay community. And the President knows it.

. . . So Ms. Kagan, do not be afraid to come out of the closet.  Regardless of our political differences, ex-gays like me, and maybe you, should be able to live openly just like when we were homosexuals.

It wasn't until I read this woman's experience, via Holla Back DC!, that I understood how D.C.'s annual Capital Pride Parade could present the groper's perfect storm. She writes:

I marched in the Capital Pride Parade last weekend as part of a marching band. For part of the parade route, the crowds had pushed up into the street, leaving very little room to march through and no space to separate us from the crowd. One man at the front of the crowd took the opportunity to grab my ass as I marched by.

Because I was concentrating hard on playing and marching, I couldn’t respond. Nonetheless this upset me. Obviously, being part of a parade does not make my body public property. I was also disturbed by the fact that, given the context, this guy probably assumed I was a lesbian, yet still felt entitled (perhaps even felt more entitled) to sexually assault me.

All the elements are here: The close proximity, the element of alcohol, the assumption of a safe space, and the selection of a target who—because she is directly in the public eye, because she is concentrating on playing an instrument, because she is surrounded by potential suspects, because she's swiftly marching away from them, and because she may even be a member of a marginalized group—can't do anything about it. That's not to say that Capital Pride is infested with gropers—but this isn't the first story I've heard from someone being assaulted at this year's event.

We know that gropers seek out situations like this in order to get away with assault. In order to deal with that reality, we invent excuses to blame groping victims for also being present in these circumstances. The victim-blaming is tailored for each space in which a groper operates. Because sexual assailants target places where people are drinking, "potential victims" shouldn't drink so much. Women—and men, both gay and straight, who aren't into non-consensual groping from strangers—don't belong in gay bars, or at least shouldn't complain when they're assaulted in them. Of course, it's hard to argue that people should avoid public transportation just because gropers get off on the sheer number of people who do take the train. So we suggest that people targeted on the Metro are to blame for failing to speak up or fight back.

Even an action as innocuous as playing in a marching band at a Pride Parade has to be defended against the implication that the victim was asking for it: "Obviously, being part of a parade does not make my body public property," she writes.

* Just in time for Father's Day, WorldNetDaily has republished David Kupelian's column on how refusing to acknowledge male superiority is hurting men:

"Father knows best."

How do those three words make you feel? Turn them over in your mind a couple of times and be aware of the subtlest of feelings. Be honest.

Do they make you feel slightly squeamish? A little discomfort in your solar plexus? Is something deep down inside you repelled by those words?

If so, you're not alone. Contempt for male authority—as if to say, "Give me a break, father sure didn't know best in my life"—is everywhere around us. We're swimming in it. You see, men, boys and masculinity itself have been under withering national assault for decades.

* Reporter John Townsend has outed an anti-gay Lutheran minister he met at meetings of "Courage," an anonymous Catholic program that helps gays and lesbians to suppress their sexuality. So, how ethical is that? From the NGJLA: "While many people disagree with [Courage's] approach—which focuses on working steps, remaining chaste, prayer, and little contact with openly gay people—the question is whether the practice, itself, is so dangerous that people’s expectation of anonymity should be violated in order to expose it."

* The GLAA congratulates Germany's gay penguins on becoming proud fathers.

* In other displays of gay pride, Metro Weekly presents 20 shirtless men dancing to a Lady Gaga medley in front of the Capitol building:

[youtube:v=xCELpZ-FARg]

* And now for some less inspiring maneuvering: Gay council candidate Clark Ray accepts an endorsement from the Rev. Willie F. Wilson, who has opined on the issue of sexual orientation that "Lesbianism is about to take over our community" and "Can't make no connection with a screw and another screw."

The final item on the GLAA's agenda is "Prostitution: Legalize It, Regulate It, Zone It, Tax It." And their plan to do so is pretty awesome:

"Public officials seldom ask a most practical question," the agenda reads. "[W]ho benefits from the criminalization of prostitution?" The agenda goes on to cite notable scholars on the question, from Samuel Johnson to Jesse Ventura:

Samuel Johnson described the ills associated with prostitution—crowding, intemperance, famine, filth, and disease—and assured his friend John Boswell that “severe laws, steadily enforced, would be sufficient against those evils, and would promote marriage.” Jesse Ventura came closer to the truth when he told Playboy in 1999, “Prostitution is criminal, and bad things happen because it’s run illegally by dirt-bags who are criminals. If it’s legal, then the girls could have health checks, unions, benefits, anything any other worker gets, and it would be far better.” Not just girls, Jesse.

The GLAA then lists the reasons that D.C.'s LGBT community should get behind legalization: A lot of sex workers don't choose prostitution freely. People treat them poorly. Our criminal justice system in particular treats them poorly. And criminalization only makes matters worse:

As advocates of the legalization of prostitution, we think it needs neither sanitizing nor glorifying. It is not a profession filled exclusively with people who freely chose it from a host of other options. No doubt there are some in that category, like the college student turning tricks for extra cash. But too many turn to it by necessity. These include gay teenagers who have been thrown out of the house by their parents, and transgender people whom discrimination has left with few options.

People in these situations are practicing survival sex. They face greater risk of substance abuse, mental and physical abuse, and sexually transmitted diseases. The District has seen numerous murders of sex workers in recent years—murders that were made harder to prevent and harder to solve by the fact that the victims worked the streets and were without legal sanction or protection.

Harassing, arresting and prosecuting people for survival sex solve none of their problems, but only pile more on. Whose idea of responsible public policy is this? To be justified, any public law ought to serve some identifiable common good. Saying to people as Sister Mary Ignatius did, “You do the thing that makes Jesus puke,” is no basis for criminalizing whatever it is. Having been the targets of moralistic lawmaking, we as gay people are especially on guard against it.

The best-case scenario for sex workers? The District should fund "the creation of drop-in centers, transitional housing, job training, counseling, addiction recovery programs and other services for at-risk populations." But first, it's going to have to get over its hang-ups in talking openly about sex:

Our society’s penchant for legislating morality is the chief obstacle to eliminating the harm caused by prostitution and solicitation laws. Otherwise compassionate and practical people often lose their bearings when the subject turns to the “naughty bits.” Overcoming this will take time, especially in D.C. with its constitutional vulnerability to congressional grandstanding; but we will never get there if we do not start. We can begin with a humble recognition of the normal variation in sexual expression, the proper limits of government coercion, and the fact that other people’s personal choices are none of our business unless they harm us. In the case of sex behind closed doors, whether in homes or hotel rooms, the fact that someone is paying for it is no more a legitimate basis for police involvement than if the transaction is a more informal one involving dinner and a show.

Tonight, I have the honor of appearing on WPFW's monthly LGBT radio program, "Inside Out." I'll be talking about some recent LGBT coverage on the Sexist, from terminology disputes to wedding industry turf wars to same-sex marriage turncoats. I'll also be chatting for an entire hour about this stuff, so help me out! Got any topics you'd like me to talk about? File them in the comments. Want to ask a question on the air? Call us at (202) 588-0893. And listen in tonight at 7 p.m. on 89.3 FM in the District, or online at WPFW.org. In the meantime, I'll be studying words I'm not supposed to say. I've heard "cunt" is off limits, so, glad to get that one out of my system!

Photo via Nationaal Archief

Exciting news! The Washington City Paper will be repping The Sexist in a float (OK: a pick-up truck) in tomorrow's Capital Pride Parade. Joining us in the back of said pick-up truck will be Miss D.C. Jen Corey, who has dedicated part of her reign to becoming an outspoken advocate for victims of street harassment and public sexual assault. Yes!

Sashes will be worn! Truck beds will be sat upon! Candy necklaces will be thrown!The parade begins at 6:30 p.m., and the route goes like this: "starts at 23rd and P streets NW, moves east on P Street toward Dupont Circle, heads northeast on New Hampshire Avenue, turns east on R Street, moves south on 17th Street, turns east on P Street and ends at 14th and N streets." See you there!

Photo by Darrow Montgomery

* This weekend, kick off the D.C. Capital Pride festivities with a leather lesson:

''People might think this is corny or not as serious, but providing an educational day on safe play is primary to the weekend as well,'' says Michael Sessa, founder of the event and president of The Center. ''A lot of people think it's funny, cool or kinky to be in the leather community, but they don't know what the hell they're doing, and that can be dangerous."

* Via Violet Blue: Finally, all your erotic pretentious bicycling fantasies have come true: It's fixed-gear porn.

* I love Lynsey G.'s McSweeney's column, "The Conflicted Existence of a Female Porn Reviewer." Recently:

But ah, there's the rub, that one little word: good. Alas, despite the prettiness of the sex being had by porn "lesbians," very little of it looks remotely good to me. As a woman who knows what she wants from sex, it's easy for me to tell that in most of these scenes, the so-called "lesbians" are not feeling very good at all. Because they're doing it all wrong! For instance: a little pat down there with one finger wouldn't get much of a reaction from the women I know, yet these ladies seem to need little else to get them going. Sucking on a fake phallus, as these women so eagerly do in most scenes, would likewise not do much to get most lesbians going: the only exciting thing about giving head (to a man or a woman) is the other person's response to it—the knowledge that you're turning that person on. The physical act of fellating is pretty neutral. But these girls sucking on a glass dildo and moaning in ecstasy? No. It makes me roll my eyes and fast forward because it's neither convincing nor arousing.

* Nerve trolls for sex advice from fans of professional wrestling:

What wrestling moves could you bring into the bedroom?

The Lou Thesz press — which, according to Mick Foley, could just as well be called the "dick to the face" — is a candidate, but you probably have to make sure it's okay before you bust that one out. Although wrestling often hilariously resembles intercourse, most of the moves are either mundane or "don't try this at home."

* Brightest Young Things'  high-school interns write about their proms. Prom update, for those juuuust a few years out of high school: They still have chocolate fountains there, but now the limos are stretch hummer. Kids these days.

Photo via boothekolt, Creative Commons Attribution License 2.0

The D.C.-based WEAVE, or Women Empowered Against Violence, has launched a new campaign to raise awareness about domestic violence for an LGBT audience. "Show Me Love, DC!," the campaign's online component, includes statistics about the problem, discussions about healthy relationships, and legal resources for the LGBT community.

Some stats that illustrate the need for Show Me Love: While the overall rates of domestic violence in gay and lesbian relationships are comparable to those of straight couples, LGBT youth are at a higher risk of dating violence than straight people of the same age. Over 75 percent of the cases handled by the D.C. police's Gay and Lesbian Liaison Unit are domestic-violence related.  Only 20 percent of LGBT victims of domestic violence and sexual assault seek help. Press release after the jump.

Campaign Launches to Address Intimate Partner Violence in LGBTQ Communities

Local Nonprofit to Raise Awareness of Healthy Relationships in DC

WASHINGTON (JUNE 1)  –  Women Empowered Against Violence, Inc. (WEAVE) today launched Show Me Love, DC! – an innovative campaign designed to promote healthy relationships in Washington’s Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Queer (LGBTQ) communities.  An interactive web hub for the campaign, www.ShowMeLoveDC.org, features information on healthy relationships, support resources for LGBTQ survivors, quizzes and facts and the campaign’s “Postcard Project.”

“This is an exciting campaign because there is very little information out there for LGBTQ people on building healthy relationships or about where to go if relationships aren’t healthy,” said Morgan Lynn, Supervising Attorney and Manager of LGBTQ Program for WEAVE.

“The hopes of the Show Me Love campaign are twofold — To get people in DC’s LGBTQ communities actively talking about and working toward healthy relationships, and to provide a resource for people in unhealthy relationships where they can find information and lists of LGBTQ-friendly service providers,” Lynn said.

In conjunction with LGBT Pride Month, throughout June, the Show Me Love campaign will host a series of events throughout DC, including a Launch Party at Pulp DC store on 14^th Street, NW on June 11^th from 5-7 PM, an interactive art-based Postcard Project, community-based conversations, a Metrobus ad campaign and information tables at upcoming Capital Pride and Trans Pride events.

The Show Me Love, DC! campaign is backed by an advisory committee of local artists, activists, social workers and attorneys and is funded through a grant from the Office for Victims of Crime, which is a component of the Office of Justice Programs in the U.S. Department of Justice.

“Everyone deserves relationships that are healthy and free from all forms of abuse – no exceptions” said Joye E. Frost, Acting Director of the Office for Victims of Crime.  “We are proud to support this initiative and think it can be used as a model in other parts of the country.”

Created in 2007, WEAVE’s LGBTQ Program provides free assistance to address the specific legal needs of Washington’s LGBTQ survivors of domestic violence, sexual violence, dating violence and stalking. WEAVE also hosts three weekly walk-in legal clinics that provide free legal advice.

For more information on the campaign, please visit: www.ShowMeLoveDC.org.

###

WEAVE is a Washington-based nonprofit that works closely with adult and teen survivors of relationship violence and abuse, providing an innovative range of legal, counseling, economic and educational services that leads survivors to utilize their inner and community resources, achieve safety for themselves and their children, and live empowered lives. For more information on WEAVE, please visit: www.weaveincorp.org.

The National Lesbian & Gay Journalists Association (NLGJA), a leading resource on journalistic style, chimes in on the LGBT vs. GLBT debate: "The NLGJA stylebook supplement does not give explicit guidance, but only lists 'LGBT' as an option, perhaps revealing a preference." A commenter chimes in: "Our college campus’ group . . . technically referred to themselves as LGBTQQIA—the last part was queer (as in studies?), questioning, intersexed and (straight) allies. Most people were confused, even some gays. They ended up changing their name to 'prism.'"

Photo via brainchildvn, Creative Commons License 2.0

This year, the DC Center—the sole community center serving the District’s gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender residents—will no longer be known as a “GLBT” community center. It will be known as a center for the “LGBT” community. It’s a simple transposition of two letters, but it offers a glimpse into the complicated gender politics of the people the DC Center serves.

GLBT—an acronym which stands for “gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender”—was coined in the 1990s to reflect the widening umbrella of identities represented by what was originally referred to simply as the “gay community.” But when the title expanded to include additional marginalized identities, few agreed on who should come first. “There have always been fights in the community over acronyms, which letters to include, and what order they ought to be in,” says Sean Bugg, co-publisher of District LGBT—or GLBT, depending on who you ask—magazine Metro Weekly. “You sometimes wish there was a board saying, ‘This is what it’s going to be now.’”

Recently, several local institutions have arrived at some consensus: LGBT is in. And GLBT is, ahem, out.

Why the concern over the placement of a couple of letters? David Mariner, Executive Director of the DC Center, says that his organization’s acronym switch-up is “not a big deal either way,” but that the Center made the change “to be consistent with the other national organizations we are affiliated with.” CenterLink, which serves as a hub for “LGBT Community Centers Around the World,” favors the L, but its 201 affiliated centers vary on usage.

“I think it’s often a local preference,” says Terry Stone, CenterLink’s Florida-based Executive Director. “In some parts of the country, LGBT is more predominant. In other places, it’s GLBT. I don’t think that much deep thought goes into choosing LGBT or GLBT. People just use what has become familiar to them in their coming-out process.”

The DC Center’s switch isn’t the only indication that the District is now batting for LGBT. Metro Weekly also recently began favoring the acronym; Bugg says the change from GLBT to LGBT was codified in its style guide about six months ago. “I hesitate to change our style guide without having a really strong reason for it,” says Bugg. The rationale: Metro Weekly’s style was becoming increasingly inconsistent with community standards, and ‘GLBT’-schooled Metro Weekly reporters kept returning with quotes from ‘LGBT’-happy subjects. “A lot of people would be using ‘LGBT’ in a quote, and we would be using ‘GLBT’ as a matter of style,” says Bugg. “It became a bit awkward and confusing.”

The DC Center logo, before and after the switch.

Also confusing: navigating the ever-expanding roster of initials that can be added to the standard four-letter-acronym. Local newspaper the Washington Blade has an evolving approach to the acronym. According to Editor in Chief Kevin Naff, the paper “uses LGBT in stories and headlines.” In its branding, however, the paper now tacks on an extra Q.

“We’ve recently added the Q to our tagline in response to reader inquiries and concerns that those ‘questioning’ their sexual orientation were excluded from coverage,” Naff says. “We have not added the Q to standard references in stories, mostly because the alphabet soup starts to get unwieldy.”

Other emerging subgroups may add more letters to the acronym: an I, for “intersex”; an extra T, for the Native American identity of the “two-spirit”; an A, for either “ally” or “asexual”; and the Q, for either “queer” or “questioning.” Bugg says that Metro Weekly eschews the Q for clarity reasons. “We don’t use Q because it’s not standardized,” he says. “If you start packing on Q, depending on the context it can mean ‘queer,’ or it can mean ‘questioning,’”adds Bugg. “You want your readers to know what you’re talking about.”

Beyond D.C., there remains no industry acronym standard. According to GLAAD’s “Media Reference Guide,” which instructs journalists how best to cover the community, both “LGBT” and “GLBT” are acceptable. GLAAD notes that acronyms “are often used because they are more inclusive of the diversity of the community,” but warns that “Care should be taken to ensure that audiences are not confused by their use.”

Perhaps that’s why the Associated Press, the Washington Post, and the New York Times refrain from mentioning any of the related acronyms in their style guides—for the uninitiated, even the four basic initials can require a more verbose explanation.

But the politics of community acronyms go far beyond scannability. “Acronyms are tough,” says Deb Greenspan, who writes for local entertainment site Brightest Young Gays. “On the one hand, you’re able to give a bunch of discrete, self-identifying groups representation while making life a bit easier on your reader. On the other hand, whenever you start to list letters, you get the sense that you better list them all,” she says.

Lists also imply rank. “You inevitably have to put someone first and someone
last in the string of letters,” says Greenspan. The potential for point-counting is one reason Greenspan prefers to call the whole thing off: “I tend to use queer, since it removes the issue of rank,” she says. Zack Rosen, editor of local website The New Gay, also uses queer: “I want to make sure that we don’t use terms that leave anyone out, and I think queer is the most inclusive umbrella term,” Rosen says. “It doesn’t make any assumptions about how people identify.”

But for some, moving the ‘L’ to the front of the line constitutes an important political statement. “I always understood it as a nod to feminism,” says Greenspan. “For a long time, the gay community was not inclusive of women, and lesbians had to forge out on their own in a lot of ways. The balance still isn’t perfect, but I think the L in front is a recognition of that.”

If putting ladies first is a sign of respect, what does it mean that bisexual and transgender people consistently take up the rear? For a long time, working to simply tack on the ‘T’ was met with controversy. “T is still a fairly recent addition, and it’s not one that is fully accepted by all parts of the community,” says Bugg.

Since the wider community’s best-known activists don’t always focus on the concerns of Is, As, Qs and Ts, acronym inclusion can come off as tokenism. Metro Weekly’s internal style guide now contains a four-paragraph discussion of acronyms, which warns reporters against overstating the magazine’s coverage via acronym. “We only use LGBT when we’re speaking about an issue that is inclusive of all four of those. If it’s solely about gay men, you use ‘gay men.’ If it’s something that deals solely with lesbians, you use ‘lesbians,’” says Bugg.

“It’s all well and good if we use inclusive acronyms, but if you’re not actually reflecting all those letters in your magazine, then it really doesn’t matter,” he says. “As important as it is to be inclusive, it’s far more important to actually tell the stories of those lives.”

Photo by Darrow Montgomery

* Via SAFER Campus, Iowa's Grinnell College has responded to concerns about racist and misogynistic views expressed by students at a jello-heavy, cunnilingus-themed party. The upside: This is not the last time "cunnilingus" will appear on this blog today!

* Former Politico scribe Helena Andrews pens an essay about her frustration at only being set up with black men:

"I've got a guy for you. He's so hot, it's perfect." It was the spring of '08 when Maureen Dowd, the Pulitzer Prize-winning New York Times columnist, decided to take it upon herself to find me a man—specifically, Reggie Love, Barack Obama's "body guy" (read: personal aide). Standing outside the auditorium in Philadelphia where Obama the candidate had just given his loaded race speech, I thought to myself, How could a woman I'd helped with a computer problem once as an assistant at the Times spot the man for me? "Don't be silly," she said, when I demurred. "My assistant will set it up."

. . . It was clear that Reggie and I had just two things in common: We're black and we have bachelor's degrees.

* Fishbowl D.C. then dispenses white editor Betsy Rothstein to mock Andrews for pointing out the racist undertones of a white woman she barely knows declaring her a "perfect" fit with some guy, because they're both black. Rothstein concludes her mockery by pointing out that Andrews was once photographed next to a black dog. A commenter responds: "Maybe you guys should stick to wishing white folks happy birthday."

* Even Bill O'Reilly thinks drawing conclusions about sexual orientation based on former softball involvement is ridiculous:

[youtube:v=kSyOEnerVQc]

* Via Feministing: Newsweek on why Yeardley Love "couldn't have gotten a restraining order if she wanted to."

Photo via stevendepolo, Creative Commons License 2.0

Andrew Sullivan wants to know, once and for all, if Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan is gay. He writes:

we have been told by many that she is gay ... and no one will ask directly if this is true and no one in the administration will tell us definitively. In a word, this is preposterous—a function of liberal cowardice and conservative discomfort. It should mean nothing either way. Since the issue of this tiny minority—and the right of the huge majority to determine its rights and equality—is a live issue for the court in the next generation, and since it would be bizarre to argue that a Justice's sexual orientation will not in some way affect his or her judgment of the issue, it is only logical that this question should be clarified.

To Sullivan, Kagan's sexual orientation "should mean nothing either way"—except that her sexual orientation will necessarily be instrumental in shaping a generation of civil rights law. Sullivan goes on to cite a Jeffery Toobin reader, who Sullivan says asks "the obvious question" on the nominee: Did Kagan bring a date to Toobin's wedding, and was it a woman?:

Mr. Toobin, did Ms. Kagan bring a date to your wedding? Why can't we discuss this matter? If she were married—to a man—there would not be silence. Would there be if she were married to a woman? Would she be nominated if she were?

That's right: "The obvious question" to ask of a nominee for the United States Supreme Court boils down to, essentially, who she took to the prom. I don't disagree that diversity on the court is extremely important, and that these demographic concerns can have a very real effect on how the law of the United States is interpreted. But Sullivan—and Toobin's reader—have got it backwards.

If Kagan were married to a man, there would not be any silence on the details of her family life. There would, however, be complete fucking radio silence on the idea that her heterosexuality has any effect on her judgment on an issue like same-sex marriage.

Kagan has been nominated to a court with a history of confirming overwhelmingly white, heterosexual, Protestant, male nominees—nominees whose white, heterosexual Protestant maleness has seldom been scrutinized as a contributing factor in their interpretation of the law. Of the 111 judges who have served on the Supreme Court, 108 have been white, 108 have been male, and zero have been identified as anything other than heterosexual. But somehow, race and gender only spark concern when a judge like Sonia Sotomayor is nominated; a justice's sexual orientation will only irrevocably affect American history when she just might not be straight.

Like Sullivan, I'm looking forward to a time when we can talk openly about what it might mean to appoint a lesbian judge to the U.S. Supreme Court. But more than that, I'm looking forward to a time when we can talk openly about what it means to appoint a man to the Supreme Court, or a white person, or a straight person, or a Christian. Until that day, Kagan isn't a coward for keeping her sexual orientation private. She's just expecting to be treated with the same respect afforded to the 111 Supreme Court justices who have come before her —justices whose sexual orientation was never considered a political issue.

Photo via Wikipedia Commons

Last week, I asked you whether there are any cities where street harassment dare not rear its ugly head. As many commenters made clear, street harassment isn't about where you are—it's about who you are:

A woman:

Honks, shouts, barks, cat calls, offers for a ride, “smile baby”—in a nice, progressive town in Arkansas. This isn’t regional. If there’s a place on Earth where grody dudes leave women alone, I’ve never heard of it. —a. brown

A lesbian:

Having lived in Philly (center city and south Philly) for the previous six years, I can say that street harassment does happen there– but in my case, it was generally from crazy/homeless people. I got a lot of guys yelling at me to ask if I had a boyfriend/was looking for a date or some “company”– one man, when I told him no, I was not looking for a boyfriend, offered to “bite that angry p*ssy all night long.”

I now live in Savannah, GA, and while people are a bit more…pleasant in the terms they use, I have gotten a lot of attention (I don’t wear short skirts/revealing clothing at all…if anything I’m pretty dykey). In a particularly unpleasant incident earlier this week, I was sitting in my window having a cigarette and a middle aged black man shouted up to me that he loved me and had something to tell me, and when would I next be down on the porch so he could talk to me?

I haven’t had anyone try to touch me in either city, but I’ve been trailed by cars, shouted at, catcalled, and had all manners of “love” professed to me everywhere I’ve been. I used to say that sure, I was flattered, but honestly I’m not. I’d like to be left alone. My girlfriend would appreciate it too.

A curvy WOC:

I think it also depends on WHO is not experiencing the harassment. I know that being a curvy woman of colour has made the likelihood of being street harassed WAY higher than my skinnier, whiter friends. For some reason because I have body fat, any clothing I put on can be over-sexualized. I’ve been harassed when a girl wearing MUCH less clothing walked right before me.

Also, I’m not sure how I feel about implying that being in a “safe, middle class” neighborhood makes one less likely to be subjected to street harassment. In New York I live in Harlem and I have only been catcalled *once* by a construction worker. The others didn’t even glance twice. However, when I’m around my work in Midtown…oh the street harassment is BAD.

So in short, I think it is about who you are and where you are in combination. I definitely did get touched a LOT when I lived in DC, however. New York is a welcome change. —Wagatwe

Young:

I’ve lived in suburban and rural towns. Like some of the others here, I saw more street harassment when I was 11-12 years old (and more conservatively dressed) than now. No one would argue I was “more attractive” in braces and a bob. I suppose that various 20-40-something creeps think pre-teens are more receptive and clueless i.e. vulnerable. Moving hasn’t changed anything; looking like a legal adult has. —h

Alone:

In my research on street harassment, I’ve found it happens pretty much everywhere, though I personally think it’s lower in places w/higher rates of gender equity. But my research shows that if you drive or are often accompanied by others in public you’re not going to experience it as much as someone who walks or takes public transportation and often is alone in public. Young women, women of color, and members of the LGBQT community tend to experience it more. So if someone feels there isn’t much harassment in their area compared to another, it may be that you’re not in public as often or in the same way that you used to be. —hollykearl

Near a harasser:

8 years ago, i moved from Philly (south of South) to DC.

Harassment there? Yes. In DC, i’ve perceived far more and what harassment I’ve observed often takes to the more severe–same floor, higher ceiling.

Harassments don’t all have the same motive. Some people are just being assholes. Some people are actually trying to be pickup artists (of a low class variety). Some think they are supposed to boisterously express sudden extreme attractions. Maybe there are other kinds.

To be harassed, one must be near persons willing to harass. —DB

Photo via The U.S. National Archives

In a rare moment of synergy, City Paper's Arts Desk has written a post of particular interest to Sexist readers: An interview with Monica Nolan, the pulp satirist behind such sapphic titles as Bobby Blanchard, Lesbian Gym Teacher. In Nolan's future is a book dedicated to lesbian journos. The tentative title:  Maxie Mainwaring, Lesbian Reporter.

Last week, 27-year-old Christopher McDonald was sentenced to 120 days in jail for his "unprovoked assault on a group of gay women" in Adams Morgan last year. McDonald approached the women while they ate pizza on the 18th street sidewalk. Then, he made derogatory remarks about their sexual orientation and then threatened them with a knife. According to the U.S. Attorney's Office, here's an account of the incident:

According to the proffer of facts to which McDonald admitted, on September 7, 2009, McDonald approached a group of women who were eating pizza along the sidewalk of 18th Street in Adams Morgan. He confronted the women about their sexual orientation and made derogatory,  profanity-laced remarks about their appearance and sexual orientation.  With no provocation, McDonald, who was born in Jamaica, pulled out a  knife and began advancing toward one of the women, saying that “if we were in Jamaica I’d shoot you in the face for being gay.” The stunned victims, fearing for their lives, called the police, and McDonald was  stopped while attempting to flee. He admitted that he made the threats  and brandished the knife based upon his prejudice against the victims’ actual sexual orientation, or what he perceived it to be.

McDonald was convicted of Bias-Related Threats To Do Bodily Harm and Simple Assault. In D.C., the maximum penalty for bias-related crimes is one-and-a-half times that of crimes that aren't bias-related. After serving his 120 days, McDonald will be on probation for two years, during which he "must complete fifty (50) hours of community service, seek substance abuse treatment, and complete courses in anger management and sensitivity to issues of sexual orientation." [Thanks to Holla Back DC for the tip].

Photo via krossbow, Creative Commons Attribution License 2.0

DEAR ABBY: My 12-year-old daughter, "Jenna," is in the closet—literally. About a week ago, she moved into her closet. She put her dresser in there, threw some blankets on the floor and that's where she hangs out now. When asked why she doesn't hang out in her room, she says, "I just like it in the closet."Some of her girlfriends claim to be bisexual or gay. Is she telling me that she's "in the closet" or is she messing with my mind? Some of her friends are into cutting, and Jenna seems to be curious about it. I don't know what to make of any of this. Any advice?

I, too, am concerned.

I am concerned at the apparent expansiveness of this 12-year-old's closet. Perhaps she is attempting to tell her mother, "If I can lug my dresser in here and I've still got plenty of floor space, my closet is too large."

I am also concerned that Concerned thinks her kid's new hang-out spot could only possibly signify: (a) an overly literal gesture of lesbianism; or (b) a mind game meant to mess with mom. (Although from where I'm standing, both of these possibilities sound kind of awesome. Kudos for creativity, Jenna!). But perhaps she just likes it in the closet.

Abigail Van Buren, for one, is concerned that Jenna does like it in the closet—and her new hang-out spot could signify a predilection toward darkness:

DEAR CONCERNED: How close are you and your daughter? Are you the kind of mother she feels safe talking to about anything that might be troubling her?

Happy, outgoing girls don't usually take refuge in dark, confined spaces. She may be overwhelmed or depressed, or something may be going on in Jenna's life she needs help with but is afraid to tell you. Stay closer to your daughter for a while. If her change in behavior persists, keep probing until you find out what's going on.

Cutting can be an attempt to mask emotional pain, and if she starts, a licensed psychotherapist should be consulted.

While I am amused at the fact that Van Buren has discarded the "secret lesbianism" possibility without discussion, I have to disagree with her assessment here. I'm not a parenting expert, but I did spend a great deal of time hanging out in my closet when I was a kid. My literal closet. I'd also build forts in my room. And in the back yard. And in the dark, confined space under the stairs. It sounds like Jenna is a kid who wants a place to herself, and "probing" her about that perfectly normal behavior will only reinforce  the idea that ohmygodyouthinkeverythingIdoiswrongmomIjustLIKEITINTHECLOSETTTT! Is Jenna hanging out in closets and feeling out her sexual identity? Relax. Is she cutting? Time to get "concerned."

a) Rape is just one big misunderstanding. The proponents of this argument believe that women who wear short skirts are signaling that they are interested in sex. Therefore, rapists will naturally gravitate to these women and proceed to fuck them without their consent, because, hey—the skirt already gave them the go-ahead.

b) Short skirts are just too sexy to resist. According to this view, rapists are well aware that every woman in a miniskirt isn't down to fuck. But they just can't help themselves when they catch sight of those gams, so be a good girl and don't tempt the rapist.

Let's see if we can't address both of these theories at once with the help of star commenter Frankie.

Here's the situation: Frankie was giving her girlfriend a good-night kiss when three men attempted to intercept the PDA. She writes:

After walking [my then-girlfriend] home, three guys who were hanging out around the block of flats where she lived approached . . . I think it was pretty obvious we were a couple, as not only were our arms around each other but they’d just watched us kissing.

"Hey, do you have boyfriends?"

My girlfriend looked confused. "No. I’m a lesbian"

"So you won’t show my friend some love then?"

"No."

They shouted a few sexual comments as we walked off, until I shouted back. "Lesbians means no fucking men. Literally."

Their response? Weirdly, it was, "You’re just chicks with dicks anyway."

Gay couples are not unaccustomed to this particular flavor of street harassment. "After speaking to a few of my friends about this, it seems I'm not alone in having this experience," Frankie writes. "All of us have noticed that if out and about as part of an obvious same sex couple that we seem to attract more attention, and often that this attention is negative. However . . . if both members in the couple are conventionally 'feminine', by which I mean thin, average or short in height and dressed in 'girly' clothing, then that attention is nearly always from men and nearly always sexual in nature."

Adds Frankie, "I think I have had a lot more hassle off guys trying to pick me up when I’ve been out in public with a girlfriend than when I’ve been out with a boyfriend, a group of friends or even on my own."

What can account for this? There's no "misunderstanding" of Frankie's sexual willingness here—Frankie and her girlfriend were clearly demonstrating that they were exclusively interested in each other, not the men. It's not that Frankie's body was just too hot to be resisted—she experiences sexual harassment at a much higher rate when she's clearly coupled up with another lady, and far less when she's out alone (and, we can assume, equally attractive). Of course, Frankie's harassers aren't rapists (as far as we know), but they are exhibiting some analogous behavior—they are attempting to gain verbal sexual dominance over someone who clearly doesn't want it. So, what is it?

Perhaps it's time to float another theory: That some rapists rape because they see women (or gays, or trans people, or other groups who are marginalized) who have autonomy over their sexuality, and they just really, really hate them for that. They seek to return control of that sexuality to its rightful owners—heterosexual men.

The sexual advances Frankie has experienced are clearly hate-motivated. If she's out in a same-sex couple that's perceived as insufficiently feminine, she'll get negative attention. If she's out in a same-sex couple that's perceived as fuckable by the standards of some heterosexual male passerby, she'll get negative sexual attention. And if she dares to reject that negative sexual attention ("lesbians means no fucking men"), her harassers will compound the negative sexual attention with some good old-fashioned homophobia—and labor to place the women back in the "insufficiently feminine" zone ("you're just chicks with dicks anyway").

There is no confusion here; there is only hate. On a recent post, a commenter wrote: "If short skirts signal sexual willingness, then it is reasonable to hypothesize that women who wear short skirts are more likely to be raped." In reality, "sexual willingness" is exactly the opposite of the signal that rapists are looking out for. If rapists zeroed in on sex partners who appeared to be  "sexually willing," then they would abandon their advances when the woman in the short skirt said "no," or struggled to fight him off, or tried to escape. Instead, sexual rejection only fuels the hateful activity. It is the rapist's desire to inflict pain upon people who are sexually unwilling.

That brings me to the third argument against women wearing short skirts that I've heard over and over again over the last couple weeks. It goes like this:

c) Short skirts prevent women from successfully prosecuting cases. These types claim not to believe that a woman who wears a short skirt is "asking for it." However, they know that a lot of their fellow citizens do think this way—citizens who are likely to be sitting in the jury of a rape trial. So: If a woman is raped while wearing a short skirt, no one will believe her, and therefore wearing a short skirt is irresponsible.  Women who want to protect themselves won't wear short skirts.

I wonder what these people might tell someone like Frankie. Don't date women, because it's too dangerous? Date women, but don't flaunt your queerness by kissing or holding hands, because it's too dangerous? Don't reject men's sexual advances, because it's too dangerous?

The reality is that the well-meaning types who propose solutions like (c) are no different from the rape apologists who perpetuate rape myths like (a) and (b). The end result is the same: They accommodate rapists by forcing women to arbitrarily modify perfectly reasonable behaviors (wearing a skirt, kissing other women in public)—and then discrediting rape victims' legal cases by situating those perfectly reasonable behaviors as irresponsible. These attitudes only work to reinforce the rapist's attitude toward his victims—that their sexuality needs to be controlled.

Don't accommodate rapists.

Usher's latest single, "Lil' Freak," is an ode to arranging a ménage à trois. Helping to schedule the girl-on-boy-on-girl arrangement is hip-hop artist Nicki Minaj. In the song, Usher informs Minaj of a prerequisite to sleeping with him: "You go get some girls, bring them to me." She does.

This is not the first track to employ Minaj as threesome facilitator to the stars. In "Girls Kissing Girls," a track off Minaj's mixtape, Minaj aids Gucci Mane's request for participation in the song's titular activity. And in each song, Minaj readily indulges the man's sexual interest. From Minaj's contribution to "Lil' Freak":

Excuse me lil mama, but you could say I'm on duty
I'm lookin' for a cutie with a big old ghetto booty
I really like your kitty cat and if you let me touch her
I know you're not a bluffer, I'll take you to go see Usher

And from Minaj's verse in "Girls Kissing Girls":

Puh puh pop a beer, I'm a need some honey
Chew it like a gummy, stupid juicy oozy runny
Listen Gucci mane I got what u need
Keisha and Alisha and a million packs of weed
Girls everywhere Gucci go and get the camera
White girls too ohh Julie Annie Amber

There's reason to believe that Minaj is just as into this type of action as Gucci Mane and Usher are. Natalie Stein, writing for Bitch Magazine, notes that Minaj's music has consistently reinforced the popular assumption that Minaj is "a rumored lesbian (or bisexual, depending on who you ask)"—but that Minaj herself has stopped short of officially coming out of the closet. In the hip-hop world, Minaj's sexuality has been employed to fulfill the lesbian fantasies of heterosexual guys, but hip-hop hasn't yet give Minaj the space to truly own her identity.

[youtube:v=QhlSRMEvUkk]

As Nicki Escuerdo, who wrote on "Lil Freak" for feminist blog Heartless Doll, writes:

Who cares if the girl isn't into hooking up with other girls? If you want to hook up with Usher, he makes it clear that it's a requirement to bring another lady friend around. To prove not all women are opposed to Usher's message, the song features Young Money rapper Nicki Minaj, who conveniently happens to be bisexual (it's not a marketing ploy at all!) . . . Everybody should have the right to get their freak on and have threesomes if they want. But the way the Usher goes about getting two ladies in his bed, by using his celebrity to coerce girls to sleep with him, is sleazy.

But as Escuerdo goes on to note, the songs that situate Minaj's sexuality as a tool for heterosexual men also give Minaj some room to define herself. This is where things start to get interesting. In "Lil Freak," Minaj announces:

If i'm in yo city, I'm signin' them tig 'ol bitties
I'm plotting on how I can take Cassie away from Diddy
The girls want a Minaj yeah they wetter than the rain then
Usher buzz me in, everybody loves Raymond

I never thought I'd be commenting on the transgressive function of the phrase "tig 'ol bitties." Here, Minaj clues her listeners into the fact that her own sexual interests are hardly confined to pleasing Usher. In this verse, she's not looking to hook up with Cassie to help P. Diddy get off; she's looking to remove Diddy from the situation entirely. But after that little detour, Minaj brings the focus of her sexual interests back to Usher. At the moment the songs start to get gay, Minaj brings it back to a more acceptable sexual expression she converts her erotic energy to heterosexual fantasy.

"Girls Kissing Girls," interestingly, contains no such final caveat. Yes, the song gets its wide appeal by accessing the "Girls Gone Wild" version of faux-lesbianism, but it also refuses to end with heterosexual bliss. Though the beginning of the song has Gucci Man getting hot by observing Minaj's sexual relationships with women, in the end he loses the Minaj character to another girl: "Then I lost her number, never seen again / The best brain in the world, do her thing with a girl / But don't call her yo girl, or let her hang with yo girl."

In these songs, Minaj's interest in other women is quarantined to a specific context (the threesome) that allows men to retain control over Minaj's sexuality in public, even while Minaj winkingly suggests that these guys are hardly owning her in the bedroom. As Minaj gains more industry power as an independent artist, here's to hoping she'll be able to take lyrical control of her own sexuality—without the watchful eye of a big-named guy.

In this week's cover story, I examine the cultural relevance of D.C.'s competing LGBT publications, Metro Weekly and the Washington Blade (now the D.C. Agenda). Are you a Metro Weekly man? Or are you a Blade man? Or are you not an upper-middle-class middle-aged gay man who lives in Northwest Washington D.C., and therefore largely ambivalent? File your allegiances in the comments.

Illustration by Robert Ullman

Remember Parents & Friends of Ex-Gays & Gays (PFOX), that rag-tag group of heterosexual activists that just can't seem to find many "ex-gay" people to advocate for? Last we heard from PFOX, the group was celebrating a court decision which said that "ex-gays"—people who were once gay, but are now totally heterosexual—should be covered under the District's sexual orientation protections. PFOX was psyched with the ruling, because it meant that the group could begin to capitalize on protections that have been afforded to the LGBT community (hate crime legislation, anti-discrimination policies, etc.) and open up the possibility of suing on behalf of persecuted "ex-gays."

I've never seen nor heard of an "ex-gay hate crime," but I assume it would involve screaming epithets like "curse you, former homosexual!" while committing an assault, or refusing to hire an employee based on the fact that he doesn't have sex with men like he used to. Alas, the world may never know: Yesterday, PFOX posted a blog entry encouraging supporters to help oppose hate crime legislation in Texas.  A couple of months ago, PFOX was ecstatic that "ex-gays" would finally be protected against discrimination. Now, the group is rallying opposition to those same protections across the country. What gives?

As I detailed in a story a few weeks ago, PFOX doesn't so much advocate for ex-gays as it does advocate against gays. The group's main interest is sabotaging the acceptance of homosexuality by arguing that sexual orientation is changeable, nobody has to be "gay forever," and "ex-gay is okay." PFOX will use whatever tactics available to them to protest the gay movement. When it suits the group's interests, PFOX will celebrate sexual orientation protections. When it doesn't, PFOX will rally the troops by penning sentences like this:

"Oppose Effort to Include Anti-ExGay Hate Crimes in Annual Defense Authorization Bill"

Woo, that is a doozy! Let's try to pick that one apart, shall we? According to PFOX, hate crime laws protecting gays and lesbians themselves constitute hate crimes against ex-gays. Because if you tell people that they can't beat up people because they're gay, you discriminate against the people who beat up gay people because they are gay! It is you who are committing the "anti-ex-gay hate crime," because if people aren't allowed to hate gay people, how will PFOX ever find any ex-gay people? Shame on you all!

Bad move, Tastee. At 9 p.m. tonight, the diner will be chock-full of same-sex hugging. Instead of boycotting the place entirely, Ford and Brown have invited the public to inundate the restaurant with gay PDA. 94 guests are currently confirmed on Facebook; you can join them at 8601 Cameron Street, Silver Spring, Md. When you arrive, here's the drill:

We will be entering the restaurant at 9pm. We will all sit at tables together, and order one item from the menu no more than a $5 value. We will act orderly, and if you choose to show some sign of affection to the person you are with we ask that it be done tastefully. We want to observe there reactions if any to us. We will then proceed to the check out, to pay for our food. At that time we will engage in some gesture of affection. If you are unsure of the type of gesture please follow Simply Nay and Jay's lead. We will then leave the premises, still observing the behavior of the management.

Still on the fence about hugging it up? What if I told you it was . . . destiny? "This happened to us for a reason. I'm a firm believer in that," Ford awesomely told the Blade. "Because I wanted to go to IHOP in the first place."

In the past, the birth mother's partner would have to go through an adoption process to become a legal parent of the child; now, the second mommy just needs to fill out some paperwork to demonstrate her "written consent" of parenthood. Polikoff notes that the new law is "marital status-neutral and gender-neutral," so it will change parenthood policy in a couple of other situations as well:

* the law will confer legal parenthood on the unmarried male partners of women who have a child through artificial insemination;

* the law will confer legal parenthood on the registered domestic partners (male or female) of women who have a child not through artificial insemination;

* the law will assume that a semen donor is not a parent without a written agreement between he and the mother.

Who won't this law help? Male partners of biological fathers who have a child through surrogacy. Surrogacy, Polikoff writes, is not currently legal in the District of Columbia.

Earlier this month, John Aravosis's praised the Washington Post for an op-ed supporting gay marriage—before quickly criticizing the paper for its incessant use of "homosexual" throughout the piece. In his indictment of the Post, Aravosis raises an interesting point about mainstream media coverage of shifting cultural attitudes. Even as a newspaper's coverage tends towards the progressive—as is the case of the WaPo editorial—its commitment to formal style often keeps the discussion mired in the traditional.

To a seasoned Postie, "homosexual" might seem like a formal—even respectful—choice for your editorial endorsement of same-sex marriage rights. But as Aravosis points out, the usage is swiftly transitioning from "formal" to "archaic"—and is now dipping into "offensive." "Homosexual," to thoroughly modern ears, recalls a time when being gay was stigmatized as a type of psychosis—not the most flattering choice for your equal-rights essay.

In the newspaper business, however, stylistic tradition often lags far behind popular usage. But as reporters and editors strive to maintain style, Aravosis argues, they sometimes sacrifice objectivity. Even in WaPo's gay-positive editorial, the use of "homosexual" aligns the paper with the rhetoric of far-right homophobes, and in opposition to the preferred usage of most gay men and women (that would be a simple "gay").

As blogger Rex Wockner points out, the Washington Post has now proven itself more traditional than the leading authority on newspaper style—the Associate Press Stylebook. The Stylebook I've got lying around the office, published in 2000, defines "gay" as "acceptable as popular synonym for both male and female homosexuals."

But the reference book has come a long way since 2000 (when, as a side-note, it had to remind journos not to upper-case the L in "lesbian"). According to this (admittedly dubious) resource, the AP Stylebook began to explicitly prefer "gay" over "homosexual" in its 2006 edition. "Homosexual" remains the preferred term "in clinical contexts or references to sexual activity"—but not in general reference to specific humans.

As long as the Post editorial board is publishing endorsements of same-sex marriage, it might be time for the paper to endorse "gay," as well.

It's feast or famine over at the Gay Crime Log. The Sexist isn't sure what she did to anger the Gay Crime Gods, but for the past two weeks, her D.C. police crime report e-mails have been barren. Today, her inbox was blessed with a mammoth three weeks of anti-trans hate crimes, costly club hook-ups, and anti-Fred Phelps action.

DOUBLE MOTIVE. "On Sunday, March 15, 2009, at approximately 2 a.m., two adult male victims reported they were robbed at gunpoint by three suspects. During the robbery, one of the suspects referred to one of the victims using a homophobic epithet. The victims received minor injuries. The suspects were described as black males, in their early 20’s. Two of the suspects wore their hair in plaits."

YOU HAVE TO GO HOME, AND YOU CAN'T STAY HERE. "On Tuesday, March 17, 2009 at approximately 5 p.m., members of the Second District were dispatched to the area of Dupont Circle for a possible assault. Upon arrival, officers located an elderly male at the nearby bus stop. He was disoriented and possibly intoxicated. He was accompanied by another male, who advised he was attempting to get his friend home from the local bar. The two began to argue. The elderly male was transported home."

JAIL CELL PHONE. "On Wednesday, March 18, 2009, at approximately 11 p.m., members of the Fourth District were dispatched to the 7700 block of Georgia Avenue, N.W. for the call of an assault. Upon arrival, officers located the victim, a male-to-female Transgender individual, suffering minor injuries to her face and lip. According to the victim, she was in an argument with her former boyfriend, when he punched her a stole her cell phone."

THE COUPLE DETAINED TOGETHER ... "On Saturday, March 21, 2009 at approximately 10:30 p.m., members of the GLLU and Deaf and Hard of Hearing Unit (DHHU) responded to Gallaudet University for the report of a domestic assault. Investigation was unable to determine which individual was the initiator and/or aggressor and both males were arrested. Both received minor injuries."

HEAD CASE. On Sunday, March 22, 2009, at approximately 2:30 a.m., members of the Third District responded to Howard University Hospital for the report of a victim of a domestic assault. Upon arrival, offices located the adult male victim, who was suffering from a serious laceration to his head and possible concussion. According to the victim, he was assaulted by his boyfriend inside their shared residence near 4th and V Street, N.W.

CLUB CLUSTERFUCK. "On Sunday, March 22, 2009, at approximately 3 a.m., members of the First District were monitoring the closing of a club in the 1100 block of 8th Street, S.E., when they observed a large fight outside the club. Three adult males were arrested and all were treated for minor injuries."

IDLE THREAT. "On Tuesday, March 24, 2009, an attorney representing a local GLBT Rights organization contacted the GLLU to report possible hate/bias threats via the internet on an internet blog. A member of the GLLU and the Federal Bureau of Investigations responded to the organization and reviewed the postings with the attorney. It was determined no threats were made and the organization did not want to pursue any further action against the individual who posted the comments. Also at that meeting, the attorney made the GLLU aware of an employee at the organization being harassed via email by a known individual. Members of the GLLU will be investigating this complaint."

HOW ARE THREATS NOT "CRIMINAL ACTIVITY"? "On Thursday, March 26, 2009, at approximately 3 p.m., members of the Third District were dispatched to the Metro Station at 7th and S Streets, N.W. Upon arrival, the adult male caller advised officers he was threatened by several juveniles inside a nearby business and the caller believed he was going to be robbed. The caller also heard the juveniles using homophobic language outside the business. Although the juveniles were stopped and identified, it was determined no criminal activity occurred, so the incident was documented as a hate/bias related incident."

FUCKED AND ROBBED. "On Friday, March 27, 2009, at approximately 5:30 a.m., members of the Third District responded to a residence in the 600 block of Irving Street for a report of an armed burglary. According to the victim, an adult male, he met the suspect at a business located in the 3500 block of Georgia Avenue, N.W. and agreed to allow the suspect to return to his home to engage is sexual activity. When the two arrived at the victim’s residence, a dispute arose over payment and the victim demanded the suspect depart. The suspect returned to the residence, kicked in the door, and while armed with a knife, robbed the victim of U.S. currency. The suspect fled the scene prior to officer’s arrival. The victim was not injured. The suspect is described as a black male in his 30’s wearing all black clothing."

M I.S.O T. "On Friday, March 27, 2009, at approximately 4:30 p.m., a female caller paged the on-call member of the GLLU to complain about officers harassing a member of the Transgender community. According to the caller, officers had visited the Transgender individual’s home, which is located in the 5200 block of 3rd Street, N.W. on four occasions, in the attempt to locate the Transgender individual. According to the caller, the Transgender individual no longer resides at that address. This information was passed along to the Warrant Squad, as they were attempting to locate the individual pursuant to an arrest warrant."

SEX-NEGATIVE "On Saturday, March 28, 2009, at approximately 3:30 a.m., an adult male contacted the GLLU to report his ex-boyfriend was advertising as a male prostitute in Baltimore, MD, but not disclosing he is HIV positive. The information was forwarded to the Baltimore City Police Department’s Gay and Lesbian Liaison Officer for their investigation and follow-up."

GETTING SPECIFIC. "On Sunday, March 29, 2009, at about 8 p.m., an adult male victim responded to the Third District to report he had been the victim of a sexual assault. According to the victim, he met the suspect, an adult male, inside a bar in the 1500 block of 17th Street, N.W. After engaging in conversation, the victim and suspect walked to the victim’s apartment, which is located in the Logan Circle neighborhood. Once at the victim’s apartment, the two men engaged in consensual sexual activity, up to the point the victim refused to engage in specific sexual acts. The suspect then forced the victim to engage in the unwanted sex act. The victim was examined at a local hospital, but did not have serious injuries. This case is being investigated by members of the Metropolitan Police Department’s Sexual Assault Unit."

DISAPPEARING GUN. "On Monday, March 30, 2009, at approximately 2:30 a.m., members of the Sixth District responded to the call for a man with a gun in the area of 900 Division Ave, NE. Upon arriving on the scene, officers located the 9-1-1 caller, a male-to-female Transgender individual, who stated she was robbed by the suspect. No weapon was mentioned and the victim was not injured. The suspect, an adult male, was located and arrested. The case is being considered a potential hate/bias crime based upon the victim’s actual or perceived sexual orientation and/or gender identity, based upon comments made by the suspect at the time of the robbery."

BAD CONNECTION. "On Monday, March 30, 2009, at approximately 3 a.m., members of the Sixth District responded to an apartment in the 1700 block of Minnesota Avenue, N.E. for the report of threats. Upon arrival, the victim, a male-to-female Transgender individual, advised her boyfriend had threatened to kill her and pull the phone cord out of the wall when she attempted to call 9-1-1. The suspect was arrested later that day."

FUCK FRED PHELPS. "On Monday, March 30, 2009, members of the GLLU, working with members of the United States Secret Service Uniformed Division, United States Park Police and Metropolitan Police Department’s Intelligence Division, monitored a counter-protest of the Westboro Baptist Church. The demonstrators moved about the city, culminating their demonstration in the 1600 block of Pennsylvania Avenue, N.W. There were no incidents or arrests."

UNWANTED ADVERTISEMENT. "On Wednesday, April 1, 2009, at approximately 3 p.m., a citizen found a brochure on the windshield of her vehicle, which was parked in the 1800 block of Massachusetts Avenue, N.W. Handwritten on the brochure were homophobic, racist and anti-Semitic remarks."

DEEP LOVE. "On Thursday, April 2, 2009, at approximately 2:30 a.m., members of the Fourth District responded to the call for a stabbing inside a residence in the 5300 block of 8th Street, N.W. Upon arrival, the officers located the adult female victim suffering from a stab wound to her hands and arms. The victim was uncooperative and refused to provide officers with any information regarding who attacked her. A witness advised officers the victim was stabbed by her former girlfriend, but the witness did not know the suspect's identity. The victim refused medical attention."

POLICE ASSISTED BREAK-IN REQUESTED. "On Friday, April 3, 2009, at approximately 4:30 a.m., members of the Third District responded to a call for assistance at an apartment in the 1500 block of Ogden Street, N.W. Upon arrival, the officers were met by the caller, a male-to-female Transgender individual, who desired assistance getting back into her apartment. Further investigation revealed the caller did not live at that address and was heavily intoxicated. She was escorted from the building."

GUNS AND GROCERIES. "On Friday, April 3, 2009, at approximately 3 a.m., members of the Seventh District responded to a call for threats in the area of Good Hope Road, S.E. Once on the scene, officer located the victim, a juvenile male, who advised he was walking home from a nearby grocery store, when a male suspect began to call him homophobic names and threaten to shoot him. No weapon was displayed. Although the suspect had fled the scene prior to the officer's arrival, he was located later that night and arrested."

UNDERCOVER PROSTITUTE. "On Saturday, April 4, 2009, at approximately 3:30 a.m., a male contacted the GLLU's on-call member to report he had been the victim of a theft. According to the victim, who was visiting from New England and staying at a hotel in the 1500 block of New Hampshire Avenue, N.W., he met a black male online and invited him to his hotel room. Upon the departure of the guest, the victim realized he was missing a significant amount of U.S. currency from his wallet. The suspect is described as a black male, approximately 40 years old, 6'2" tall, 225 pounds, wearing blue jeans and a white sweatshirt."

Photo by k763

Daily Intel and Slate's XX Factor have congratulated La Lohan on the video, saying she's found the one way to make the public embrace her again, as XX Factor's Samantha Henig writes, "in spite of the mess she has become—or rather, because she is so self-aware of said mess."

But despite the funny lines she's been fed, and her willingness to be a good sport by choking them out, I can't help but noting that Lohan looks mechanical, exhausted, and lifeless throughout this thing. Perhaps it's too soon for Lohan to enthusiastically embrace self-deprecating jokes on her very recent split with Samantha Ronson. She half-heartedly endures them instead—below.

"Seven or Better" is a new online dating site for women and men interested in meeting men with penises that are confirmed to be seven inches or longer (the site doesn't clarify, but I'm assuming we're talking erect). "Hello ladies," the Web site begins. "Wouldn't it be nice to know upfront if a man has what it takes to satisfy you sexually?"

No. But go on:

For men interested in women, it is quite easy to see if the woman's breast size is to his liking or not, or even the shape and size of her derriere. The same goes for women interested in men. There are many women that feel the size of a man's penis is very important to them. Unfortunately, because of how society is, it is very inappropriate to ask a man immediately how big his penis is or even if he is uncircumcised or not. A properly behaved woman that is respectful would never ask such a question. Instead, a woman will date a man perhaps for a few days, weeks or maybe months. After all this time the woman will decide she likes the man and that it is finally time to take things to a new level/the bedroom. It is at this time that many women are disappointed with what they find and now they are in an awkward situation.

Isn't society just terrible? A "properly behaved woman" who is only interested in men with huge penises may have to wait months—months!—before figuring out that the man that she has spent months falling in love with has been hiding a dick that's slightly too small to deserve that love. Now, with Seven or Better, that woman can know from the first date the exact dimensions of that penis she doesn't want to see yet.

This is only fair, seeing as men know immediately and exactly the size of a woman's breasts—a measurement that can never be hidden, covered up, padded, or surgically augmented. Now, women, too, can have their potential sex partners flaunt their size before they even have to meet for coffee. But remember guys, this is a dating site for women, not a porn site for exhibitionist dudes. Men are encouraged to reveal their penis size in a completely friendly, non-pervy context, alongside their other attributes, like how smart they are or whatever.

But there's more. In accordance (I'm assuming) with anti-discrimination policies, those who become members of Seven or Better include: Men with penises 7" or longer looking for women, women looking for men with penises 7" or longer, men with penises 7" or longer looking for men with penises 7" or longer, or women looking for women. Yes, Seven or Better welcomes all, except for men with penises shorter—excuse me, worse—than 7" long.

So—are these women-looking-for-women looking for women who are looking for men with penises 7" or longer? Or are they simply signaling an interest in 7" or longer penis-shaped sex toys? I didn't finish the registration process—perhaps I was afraid of what I would find—so I don't know if any lesbians have signed up here yet. If anyone out there is an, ahem, member, I'd be interested in learning what might intrigue lesbians in this big dick business.

Photo by Maui in Vermont

The AP reports that President Obama has invited more than 100 gay and lesbian families to attend the White House Easter Egg Roll. The majority of tickets are offered online to the public (and sell out within seconds), but the President reserves a number for special guests. From the AP:

Families say the gesture shows that the new Democratic administration values them as equal to other families. And for many, being included in the annual tradition—dating to 1878—renews hope that they will have more support in their quest for equal rights in matters such as marriage and adoption than under the previous administration.

The AP is quick to point out that this isn't the first time large numbers of gay families have participated in the Easter tradition. In fact, in 2006, the same number of families—over 100—attended the Bush-administered roll, "in part to make the statement that they should be welcome."

Now, the sentiment is different, "more celebratory," says D.C. resident Leah McElrath Renna, who "attended the event in 2006 and 2007 with her partner Cathy McElrath Renna and their now 3-year-old daughter, Rosemary." The AP notes that "Rosemary is particularly excited to see the Easter Bunny again and already has planned her outfit: A yellow polka-dotted dress and a new straw hat with a pink band."

Wait a second— Rosemary is particularly excited to see the Easter Bunny "again"? This three-year-old kid is going for the third time?

I'm all for extending warm invitations to gay and lesbian families, but aren't there any other gay and lesbian families we could invite?

I understand the first two times were kind of lame because Bush was still in office, and gay and lesbian couples were going "in part to make [a] statement," but let's not forget the other part: You go to the Easter Egg Roll for your kids, who are more interested in like, rolling the fucking eggs. How about we let some other kids have a chance at rolling the fucking eggs?

Photo by donnamarijne

I am a respectable redneck, bigoted, racist, gay bashing homophobe, democrat slamming, liberal trashing, ACLU cussing, gun toting, Muslim hating, SUV driving – gas guzzling, cigarette smoking by the No Smoking sign, beer drinking, meat eating, resource wasting, free porno watching, God Fearing Christian...employed full time.

Great. But how does "urbuggenme" account for homosexuals like Maddow, who spend their time eating vegetables, saving resources, and loving Muslims—and still manage to hold down full-time jobs? Homosexuals with jobs! The gay agenda, it has gone too far.

Portia de Rossi, wife to Ellen DeGeneres, apologizes for all the pain her gay marriage has caused Prop 8 protesters, including Buddy the dog, "who was forced to wear this ridiculous sign even though he, himself, is gay."

When Mitch Graffeo entered Dupont’s Fab Lounge shortly before closing on Feb. 28, he hadn’t been to a lesbian club in more than a decade. Graffeo, 40, was only stopping in to pick up a friend, 29-year-old Jamie, at the conclusion of the gay bar’s weekly lesbian night. Graffeo and Jamie, both transgender men, were two of only a handful of men in a club full of women. As the lights went up, a group of women took a sudden interest in Jamie. Slim and boyish, Jamie had only recently begun to transition from female to male, and they wanted to know what he was.

Graffeo watched the women surround Jamie. “They were grabbing him, saying, ‘What are you, a boy or a girl?’” Graffeo says. “They were very interested and excited, grabbing his crotch and his chest,” says Graffeo. When Jamie asked the women to leave him alone, they closed in tight around him. Jamie “wiggled his way out,” and the two men funneled toward the door with the rest of the last-call crowd.

Once outside, one of the women refused to let her curiosity subside. “She jumped on his back a bit and put him in a headlock,” says Graffeo. Then, she reopened the line of questioning. “She was saying, ‘What are you, come on, tell me, what the fuck,’” Graffeo says. Jamie wiggled out again. The woman persisted.

When Graffeo stepped between them, the woman “tried to punch around” him. Graffeo pulled out his cell phone and announced he was calling the police. The woman grabbed the phone from his hand and used it to pound Graffeo in the head and neck. “She said, ‘You’re not calling anybody,’” Graffeo says. Meanwhile, “a second gal was just pummeling Jamie, hitting him on his head, his neck, his arms.” Soon, a car pulled up, and the women jumped inside. Jamie was left with bruises and a concussion. A week later, “he’s still purple,” says Graffeo. “He’s not black and blue, he’s purple all over.”

Graffeo had good reason to skip out on lesbian bars over the past decade—he hasn’t identified as a lesbian since he underwent his physical transition to male almost seven years ago. Jamie, on the other hand, only recently began the shift between outward identities—and social groups. To the group of women who attacked the pair, Jamie was a lesbian on his way to becoming a heterosexual man, and a prime target for ridicule. Graffeo, who is readily recognizable as male, was just a heterosexual man who got in the way.

The many transgender men who identified with the lesbian community before living as heterosexual men are introduced to a range of societal prejudices. As women, they are discriminated against for their masculinity. As transitioning men, they are harassed for their androgyny. But when society finally accepts them as men, they can be afforded social privilege. Last year, the B.E. Journal of Economic Analysis & Policy published a study that found that post-transition, transgender men ended up earning more in the workplace, while transgender women saw their earnings fall by almost a third.

“From my experience—and I know a lot of trans guys who say this—it is pretty easy for us to slip into society, as easy as that type of thing can be,” says Graffeo. “And we hear that criticism a lot. But never has anybody ever said they transitioned in order to improve their status in life. That’s just how it happens sometimes.”

The social shift can breed resentment in the circles trans men leave behind. Rebecca Trinite, 27, a graduate student who raised the incident for discussion on local blog the New Gay, says the sentiment is a familiar one. “I think there is a general discomfort with gender ambiguity in any sense—especially with transitioning,” she says. “There are some women who think that trans men are trying to gain some type of privilege by becoming men, and there’s a big misunderstanding and ignorance there.” Trinite says she posted Graffeo’s and Jamie’s story in order to “let community members know that this sort of behavior was unacceptable.” A Washington Blade story on the attack was met with less constructive criticism. Wrote one commenter: “If you are so ashamed of being gay that you have to change your gender so that you can be ‘straight’ then why not go to ‘straight’ clubs? If you no longer identify as gay then why continue going to gay clubs? Lesbians are attracted to other women, not men who used to be women.”

Before transgender men can enjoy resentment over their male privilege, they sometimes endure more classic anti-gay harassment. Jamie, a man who looked too much like a woman for his assailant’s taste, fits the typical victim profile of violence against the GLBT community; Graffeo now passes as masculine enough to escape a hate-motivated beating. According to Chris Farris, co-founder of Gays and Lesbians Opposing Violence, “the attack on Jamie was a hate crime. From my communications with Mitch, the case on him was probably not,” he says. “A hate crime is based on whether the motivation behind the attack is based on a victim’s actual or perceived inclusion in a protected group. The attackers probably assumed that [Graffeo] was not trans, so his assault was probably not motivated by any antipathy against the trans community. That doesn’t mean they weren’t attacking him for being a man, or because they perceived him as heterosexual, but that’s too soon to say.”

The scenario is unlikely. In 2007, the FBI recorded 690 bias-motivated assaults based on sexual orientation nationwide. Of that number, 422 were committed against gay men, 85 were against lesbians, and only eight were against heterosexuals. Though the FBI does not collect data on assaults based on gender expression, Farris says that in D.C., violence against gay women and transgender individuals is more likely to slip under the media and activist radar. “Most of the victims that have come to our attention and reached out to GLOV have been gay men,” he says. “GLOV has no way of knowing who a victim is unless we see a name in print or unless someone contacts us directly.”

But the skewed data do not mean that GLBT women are less likely than their male counterparts to be the victims of violence. Less sensational forms of violence within the community—domestic violence, verbal abuse, prostitution, and institutionalized discrimination—are more likely to affect gay or transgender women, and less likely to be reported in the newspaper.

Nobody knows the double standard better than Graffeo. Before transitioning, Graffeo says he endured 33 years of gender discrimination—as a woman. “I had a lot of experience with people being prejudiced against me because I was female,” says Graffeo. “I was told I wouldn’t be hired because they thought I was going to run off and get pregnant. I was denied loan applications for a house because I was female,” he says.

The discrimination began in childhood—“nobody likes a little girl who doesn’t act like a little girl”—and lasted up until seven years ago, when he transitioned with the full support of his co-workers and social circle. At that point, Graffeo re-applied for the home loan “with a male name and worse credit,” and was accepted. “Women are just given the raw end of the deal,” he says.

The Fab Lounge incident marks the first time that activists and media outlets have shown an interest in harassment he’s faced. “When I transitioned, I really didn’t change, but the world changed toward me,” says Graffeo. “I’m not particularly privileged now. Nobody’s throwing money at me. But the world does not dislike me anymore,” he says. “Now, I’m not expected to be a female, so people are satisfied with my behavior. It’s a bit boring and anticlimactic, when it’s all over.”

Photo by Charles Steck

On Saturday, Jan. 31, Iceland inaugurated "the world's first openly gay female head of government." Jóhanna Sigurðardóttir, a lesbian, is now the nation's Prime Minister. Predictably, Sigurðardóttir's appointment set off a wave of excited coverage in the gay (and mainstream) press. But today, "Bladewire," the Washington Blade's news aggregator, picked up a follow-up story on the Prime Minister: "Iceland PM Wants Nation to Join EU."

The CNN story details Sigurðardóttir's intentions to seek EU membership and convert the country's currency to the Euro. The piece then proceeds to delve into the nitty-gritty of Iceland's financial crisis and political turmoil following a devastating economic collapse last August.

None of this has anything to do with Sigurðardóttir being a lesbian. Granted: Her historic appointment was only made official a week ago, and she's an interesting person to watch for a number of reasons. But at what point will general Icelandic news lose its luster with the American gay press? Is Iceland the gay country now, because its PM is gay? Are we going to be fed a lot of thought pieces about why such-and-such move of Sigurðardóttir's—which we'd never pay attention to otherwise—ties back to her lesbian identity? Will we see the American gay community transform into a highly informed expert on the minutiae of Icelandic politics for the remainder of Sigurðardóttir's tenure? Or will the gay papers soon move on to another international darling?

Photo by Gunna.

I, too, enjoy indiscriminately copying a phrase from a public figure's Web site, arbitrarily deciding I disagree with it, and burying my nonsensical criticism in 400 words of jokes about the figure's perceived sexual orientation. Upon further inspection, though, I think your little lesbian Mad Lib could be a bit more to the point, no? After the jump, I've edited your hilarious homophobic euphemisms to help you say what you really mean.

You're a little old for me, Secretary of Homeland Security Elect, but boy are you tough a lesbian. According to Wikipedia, you're "an avid basketball fan who regularly plays tennis" a lesbian! That's so cute! Now, Napolitano, to be honest, we couldn't be more different. I'm not the athletic type butch, I get sports terms all mixed up, and I haven't worked up an impressive heart rate since the last millennium.

That is, until I saw your photo!!!

How did such a handsome woman lesbian manage to stay single for so long? And why is your last name so much fun to say?

But enough fawning, let's be serious for a moment. I love how, as Governor Napolitano of Arizona, you've taken extensive measures to create fiscal responsibility and to end bureaucratic waste. Maybe you could teach my own faltering state Governor, Mr. Arnold Schwarzenegger, a thing or two. For instance, yesterday I had to take a dilapidated public bus full of garbage and pathogenic microbes to stand in a three hour line for an unemployment check. I brought a library book, but two thirds of the pages were missing and the remaining third made references to the Soviet Union. [incomprehensible screed about California]. Bet that wouldn't happen on your watch! I sure wish you could ride in on a horse like Prince Charming a lesbian and save us. Then I'd hop on sidesaddle and we'd gallop off into the smoggy horizon, my hair limp and greasy from unregulated toxic emissions lesbianism.

But things get even more romantic gayer from there. We could eat spaghetti and discuss fortifying the nation's borders. I'd giggle nervously at the sight of your sturdy posture and resolute facial expressions lesbianism. We could make a real night of it; I've already invited Maddow, Samantha Ronson, and Condi several notable lesbians. Actually, Sam might not follow all the political jargon, but she could sit there chain smoking and looking exhausted gay. As for you, do me one favor: skip all the makeup and just show up in a swoon-worthy blazer or polo shirt with a rakishly aggressive collar some gay shit.

Love,
Sascha a "humorist."