How condescending is this photo? It's not the fabled (and fake) American-flag-wearin', gun-totin'  bikini photo that surfaced on the Internet shortly after Palin reached national fame, but it's about as close as Newsweek could get to the real thing.

I am generally in agreement with Palin supporters when they accuse the media of hurling sexism toward the former Governor. David Letterman's joke about Palin's underage daughter fucking Alex Rodriguez? Inappropriate. Ridiculing Bristol Palin for getting knocked up, while laughing it up with Levi? Sexist.

And I tend to agree with Palin's response here, too: Yesterday, Palin took to Facebook to denounce the cover's sexism. "The out-of-context Newsweek approach is sexist and oh-so-expected by now," she wrote. "If anyone can learn anything from it: it shows why you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, gender, or color of skin. The media will do anything to draw attention—even if out of context."

Is the Newsweek cover sexist? Yes. But let's put the photo back into context for a minute: Sarah Palin's entire existence is sexist.

Let's try to imagine, for a moment, the thought process that went into creating this Newsweek cover image : "We need to convey that Palin sucks really bad! Let's take some photo of Palin lookin' sexy, slap it on the cover of Newsweek, and then use her sexuality in attempt to draw attention to all the terrible things this woman has brought upon us."

Hey! That sounds kind of like what John McCain did when he chose Palin as his VP: Found an attractive lady, slapped her on to his campaign, and used her image as a sexy lady in order to distract people from her scant qualifications, her total lack of concern for women's issues, and her complete suckiness as a candidate.

Sarah Palin's very existence as a national figure depends upon people being sexist. It's not just the bad things that have happened to her that are a result of sexism—the mud-slinging about her daughters, the circulated upskirt photos, the intense scrutiny over her appearance and her clothes. But sexism tends to help individual women, too, and it has certainly helped Palin. Sexism allows women to earn insane amounts of money for simply taking their clothes off, and it allows women to earn an insane amount of political power for simply being a hot conservative lady with no particular skill at public speaking, reading comprehension, telling the truth, or articulating a single political view that makes any sense, ever.

At that point, can we really get bent out of shape every time we see the media reflecting the reality that Palin is a product of sexism in their coverage of her? We have crossed the Rubicon, people. Everything about Palin is sexist. When it comes to sexism, I'm a big advocate of hating the game, and not the player. But the game works both ways. And I am sick and tired of only having to care about it when that sexism means something bad for Sarah Palin.

[youtube:v=9dWsextJ4tc]

As you can see, Begala schooled, punished, crucified and murdered McCain in some sort of live televised pornographic snuff film! Given the creepy terminology the media's been throwing around here, I'm surprised no one has referred to the exchange as a "spanking" yet. Oh wait, yeah, somebody did.

The Huffington Post invokes the school-girl theme more subtly in its characterization of the interaction, writing that Begala "schools" her and that McCain was "taken to task" by him:

But McCain also pointed a finger at the Obama administration in Bush's defense, saying she felt that the Obama administration "has to stop completely blaming everything on its predecessor." When Maher asked McCain if she really thought this is what Obama is doing, McCain said "I do to a degree." A clearly annoyed Begala immediately shook his head and said "not to enough of a degree, I'm sorry not nearly enough." He then began to explain how President Reagan blamed Jimmy Carter for years, to which McCain responded blithely "you know I wasn't born yet so I wouldn't know." Going in for the kill, Begala fired back "I wasn't born during the French Revolution but I know about it." And it only got more embarrassing for McCain from there.

McCain is clearly no match for a televised debate with Paul Begala—few people are. Begala made a living ridiculing Republicans on CNN until 2005 on Crossfire (and that credit alone makes him calling Fox News a "comedy show" kind of hilarious). I don't disagree that the appearance was probably a bit embarrassing for McCain, but the popular reaction to this two-minute exchange has been uncomfortably gleeful. Somehow, watching a 48-year-old analyst verbally beat up on a 24-year-old blogger doesn't excite me as much as media reports have indicated it should. The whole clip makes me a bit ill, actually: the insane shrieking from the audience;Maher moving to physically shield McCain, as if she needs the host's protection from Paul fucking Begala; and later, the characterization of Begala as McCain's "teacher" who schools, punishes, spanks, and, uh, yeah, murders her for her comments.

If we can sift through the bloodbath for a second, I think the point should be made that nobody—even the seasoned political analyst—manages to say anything substantive in this video clip. McCain thinks Obama is blaming Bush for his problems—a pretty easy argument for anyone to knock down. Instead, Begala invokes Ronald Reagan's blaming of Jimmy Carter for no apparent reason. McCain's response—"I wasn't born yet so I wouldn't know"—doesn't work the way it should. But I see what she was trying to do with it: She was attempting a self-deprecating acknowledgment of her inexperience while making a fair point—Ronald Reagan is dead, has been out of office for 20 years, and is irrelevant to this discussion. Begala swipes the point aside—you know, what the fuck Ronald Regan has to do with this—by declaring that he knows about a bunch of things that happened before he was born. Cue the shrieks: She got ZINGED.

Of course, shows like Maher's are more about the zings than the issues, and McCain could probably use some more practice in both. Casting her as Paul Begala's school-girl, however, gets a little bit too close to political nerd erotica for my personal taste.

Moore's point here is that "Sarah Palin's "Outrage" is Misplaced and A Little Late," since she's seemingly ignored a host of inappropriate sexual jokes about her family (and other political families) before finally speaking out against Letterman. To me, Moore's list proves that the outrage has been a long time coming.

Moore writes:

The National Organization for Women named David Letterman to their Hall of Shame. Will Letterman be joining Jay Leno? Conan O'Brien? Craig Ferguson? Seth Myers? Rush Limbaugh? Or John McCain? Of course not! I guess N.O.W. didn't bother checking Sarah Palin's "feminist" credentials.

Actually, Limbaugh is a repeat offender in NOW's media Hall of Shame. As for other notable sexists who have so far escaped direct criticism from the Palin camp in the past: Sexism in comedy and politics is so wide-spread that it would take up all of NOW's—and Palin's—resources to dutifully record every instance of it. Imagine if Palin responded to every sexist attack hurled at her from anyone ever—it would be a debilitating task, one which would totally derail her life, her family, and probably the entire state of Alaska.

That being said, Palin happened to hear a joke that was particularly inappropriate, Matt Lauer asked her about it, and she responded. Palin's lack of public reaction to these past jokes does not rob her of her right to react now. There are too many sexist jokes. Palin's acceptance of the Republican vice presidential nomination does not rob her of the right to speak out against sexism. There are too many sexist politicians.

And when Rush Limbaugh or John McCain or yes—Sarah Palin—makes their next sexist comment or enacts their next sexist policy, I hope that liberal commentators don't hold back just because they chose not to defend Sarah Palin now.

Moore thinks Palin's outrage is "late." Better late than never.

While placing a simple rape joke in a pop song won't derail your music career, it could haunt you for decades and prevent you from becoming president, or anything else great ever. Below, five rape jokes that politicians wish they had never said—or, more likely, wish nobody ever heard.

5. In 1995, New York Magazine sat in on a "Saturday Night Live" sketch writing session with Al Franken, Norm MacDonald, and Jim Downey as they riffed on "60 Minutes"—and rape. Republicans dredged up the session again in 2008, during Franken's extended bid for a Minnesota Senate seat (still pending). From an Associated Press story:

Franken and fellow writers Norm MacDonald and Jim Downey kick around fictional Rooney responses to the discovery of the bottle. . . . The article quotes Franken putting an edgy twist on the discussion: "And 'I give the pills to Lesley Stahl. Then when Lesley's passed out, I take her to the closet and rape her.' Or 'That's why you never see Lesley until February.' Or, 'When she passes out I put her in various positions and take pictures of her."

MacDonald takes it a step further, suggesting that the Rooney rape comment be directed at other "60 Minutes" icons Mike Wallace and Ed Bradley. Franken chimes in: "What about 'I drag Mike into my office and rape him. Right here! I guess that makes me bad.'"

—

4. In 1990, Texas Republican gubernatorial nominee Clayton Williams opened a traditional campaign photo-op non-traditionally: with a rape joke. He later lost the seat to Democrat Ann Richards, who condemned the joke. According to the New York Times:

Mr. Williams made the remark on Saturday while preparing for a cattle roundup at his West Texas ranch. He compared the cold, foggy weather spoiling the event to a rape, telling ranch hands, campaign workers and reporters around a campfire, ''If it's inevitable, just relax and enjoy it.''

—

3. Sarah Palin's nominee for Alaska Attorney General, Wayne Anthony Ross, failed to pass the state legislature's stink test after allegations of Ross's past rape joke went public. Voted down 35-23, Ross was the first Alaskan AG not to be confirmed. I wonder why:

Another woman who had been a citizen lobbyist on behalf of families and children in Alaska with regard to child support, custody, abuse, abandonment and neglect spoke before the House Judiciary Committee the following day about statements she heard at a meeting of Dads Against Discrimination. “Numerous comments were made that were appalling, not the least of which were remarks by Mr. Ross which included the following; “If a guy can’t rape his wife…who’s he gonna rape?” and “There wouldn’t be an issue with domestic violence if women would learn to keep their mouths shut.”

—

2. Last year, Palin running-mate John McCain was forced to cancel a fund raising event with fellow rape-joker Clayton Williams after his own long-buried rape joke resurfaced. Oh, the tangled web rape joke-tellers weave! After floating this one in a 1986 National League of Cities and Towns address, McCain went on to enjoy a long political career—stopping just short of the presidency:

Did you hear the one about the woman who is attacked on the street by a gorilla, beaten senseless, raped repeatedly and left to die? When she finally regains consciousness and tries to speak, her doctor leans over to hear her sigh contently and to feebly ask, "Where is that marvelous ape?"

—

1. American politicians have got nothing on Japanese lawmakers Seichi Ota and Yasuo Fukuda, whose rape jokes aren't just deeply unsettling and inappropriate—they actually explicitly condone rape. And are told in the context of an actual rape cases:

"Gang rapists are somewhat better (than other men) because they have vigor."

Liberal Democratic Party lawmaker Seichi Ota made the remark in late June, in front of a large audience during a debate—as it so happened—on falling birthrates.

He was responding to the recent arrest and widespread media coverage of five male students from three elite private Tokyo universities who were at the time being charged by a 20-year-old woman for raping her in a bar after a social get-together for students. Ota went on to shrug off the case as a sign of "virility" on the part of the young men and to characterize their actions as being "almost normal."

Meanwhile, as the case was in the media limelight in late June, Chief Cabinet Secretary Yasuo Fukuda told the weekly Shukan Bunshun that given the provocative style of contemporary fashion, "there is room for leniency." The minister, in charge of a gender-equality panel run by the prime minister's office, was quoted as saying: "Some women really dress as if to say, 'Please do it,' don't they?"

When a journalist parried that women who dressed more modestly in old Japan were also raped, Fukuda is reported to have replied jokingly, that he "doesn't know about what really happened those days."

Photo by sonoazure

1. "Most of our nation wants our nation to succeed."

2. "Most people are ready to move on to the future, not live in the past."

3. "Most of the old school Republicans are scared shitless of that future."

But what does this all have to do with McCain being kind of a goth chick?

McCain then listed the many ways in which she is an enigma wrapped in a riddle trapped in a McCain body.

"I am concerned about the environment," she said. "I love to wear black. I think government is best when it stays out of people’s lives and business as much as possible. I love punk rock. I believe in a strong national defense. I have a tattoo. I believe government should always be efficient and accountable. I have lots of gay friends. And yes, I am a Republican."

It's great that McCain hasn't let her Republicanism impact her sense of style. But honestly, ushering gay rights into the Republican party is going to be a lot harder than desensitizing old white dudes to tramp stamps and goth pants, fashion choices that may seem rebellious to the John McCains of the world, but which all adults are nevertheless free to choose. The gay thing runs a little deeper, and the institutional barriers to full Republican acceptance of choices like gay marriage are a little more formidable—in most states, it's like, totally illegal.

I like McCain's vision of a Republican party that supports gay rights, but changing the party line is about more than being cool with having gay friends—it's about making these issues a priority within the party. The Log Cabin Republicans have survived as "Republicans" because they have been committed to upholding the party's identity despite its many gay rights failures. In order to be pro-Republican and pro-gay, you've got to work to incorporate gay rights into the traditional party rhetoric, so you can get the guys without the tattoos—and the gay friends—on board, too. With them, maybe best to emphasize the "government is best when it stays out of people’s lives" thing, and not just the "government is best when it's cool" thing.

In the Daily Beast this week, McCain calls gay rights "one of the [causes] closest to my heart," and insists that "if the Republican Party has any hope of gaining substantial support from a wider, younger base, we need to get past our anti-gay rhetoric." Later this week, McCain is slated to address the Log Cabin Republicans at their annual convention, and she works hard on the Beast to build up the the gay conservative group's inclusiveness as a part of its "core Republican values," while dissing the Democrats for being the party that's really anti-gay.

"President Obama, for instance, is also against gay marriage—a dirty little secret many of my gay friends were shocked to discover during the presidential campaign," McCain writes. "But you’d never know it because he always 'sounds' so inclusive."

Actually, Obama's position on gay marriage is a "dirty little secret" only to the most willfully ignorant of armchair political analysts. Actually, Barack Obama made clear his opposition to gay marriage throughout the campaign. Why? Because the only fucking reason Democrats still adopt that position is so they can stand a chance in the general election, where they're facing off against the Republicans—you know, the party that actually doesn't want gay people to get married.

The Washington Blade has more bullshit to call on McCain's new number one issue. Blade editor Kevin Naff calls the Log Cabin Republicans "a rudderless group right now, bereft of leadership following the resignation of its executive director . . . and the departure of other key staffers." But "there are other problems with Meghan’s take on gay issues and the role of Log Cabin in fighting for them," Naff writes. "Chief among her shortcomings is timing."

Here's a dirty little secret for you: Barack Obama is not the only major presidential candidate to have opposed gay marriage in the primary! The point is not lost on Naff, who is miffed that McCain decided to wait until her father lost the presidency to reveal her whole-hearted support for gay rights. "It’s easy to adopt these 'progressive' stances when the campaign is over and you’re looking for a provocative gimmick to get yourself booked on Larry King and 'The View,'" writes Naff. "But when Meghan’s pro-gay views might have mattered, she was silent."

Then, it gets personal. "In fact, the Blade reached out to Meghan several times during the campaign for comment. We sensed that she was a new kind of Republican, one who doesn’t subscribe to the Rush Limbaugh-enforced code that the GOP remain beholden to the most out-of-touch Christian conservatives on the far right," Naff writes. "She declined all interview requests, while her father supported Proposition 8 in California and a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage in Arizona."

Let the record show that I have also found my attempts to contact Meghan McCain rebuffed. Meghan, if you're listening: I don't care that you're late to the party. I know you'll be in D.C. this weekend. The offer to down shots in Adams Morgan still stands, girlfriend.

IF SHE DID RUN, HE WOULD CRUSH HER, a new poll finds [PDF]. "A new national [Public Policy Polling] poll finds that nominating Palin could be a death wish for the party, with Barack Obama leading Palin 55-35 in a hypothetical contest. The key reason Palin would lose to Obama by so much is that even though she might be the top choice for a certain segment of voters within her party, there's also a number of Republicans who say they would vote for Obama if their party nominated Palin." [via ThunderPig].

ALASKANS STILL LOVE HER: Palin enjoys a high approval rating in her state:

Very positive 40.5
Somewhat positive 20.8 percent
Somewhat negative 12.5 percent
Very negative 20.2 percent
Don't know/Didn't answer 6 percent

Her staff still sucks, though.

WHY IS GRETA V.S. SARAH PALIN'S OFFICIAL JOURNO? Greta Van Susteren has bombarded the populace with interviews with Palins big and small. The Washington Post’s Chris Cillizza knows why: Her husband, John Coale, is a friend of the governor:

Coale, a well-known Washington lawyer and the husband of Fox News Channel’s Greta Van Susteren, drew national media attention when he endorsed Sen. John McCain’s presidential bid in protest of the way in which Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, who he backed in the primary, was treated. Coale, in an interview with the Fix, described himself simply as a “friend” of the Alaska governor but acknowledged that he suggested she start a leadership PAC and helped her navigate through some of the questions surrounding her family that lingered after the campaign. Others familiar with Palin’s political team insist that Coale has far more power than he is letting on—essentially helping to run Sarah PAC. Coale demurred on that front, noting only that he talks to Palin regularly and that she is a “fascinating person” who is “definitely not what the right thinks or the left thinks.”

GRETA ON WHY SHE'S A NEUTRAL PALIN REPORTER:

[youtube:v=8PF17zpUBIM&]

[via ThinkProgress]

PALIN HEADLINE OF THE DAY, from Politico's Ben Smith: "Palin Clashes With Feds on Wolves"

MADONNA is to Hillary Clinton as Britney Spears is to Sarah Palin: “Britney is not Madonna,” writes  Spears tour reviewer Jed Gottlieb. “She just ain’t. Madonna is Hillary Clinton. She’s whip smart and survives, even thrives by adapting. And Lord knows she wants it more than anyone. Britney is Sarah Palin. Baby drama headlines. Podunk back story and a massive industry machine behind her. She’s a manufactured star aimed at the lowest common denominator.”

Photo by Kurisu

Recently, a study was released by the Harvard Business School showing that "culturally conservative states are America's biggest purchasers of Internet pornography." The revelation gave D.C.'s liberal bloggers an opportunity to descend on their Republican prey like ruthless, moral vultures. Observe:

First, Paul Fidalgo, the "DC Secularism Examiner," weighed in with his requisite gloating commentary, calling the news "delightful" and "hilarious," and informing readers that "it's okay to love every minute of this." What's so funny? "It turns out that the ultra-red Utah was #1 in online porn subscriptions," he writes, "and eight of the top ten porn-loving states voted for John McCain in 2008." He then cites his favorite "schadenfreude" moment in the report: "In states where more people agree that 'Even today miracles are performed by the power of God' and 'I never doubt the existence of God,' there are more subscriptions to this service," because, apparently, people who believe in God aren't allowed to watch porn or they're mean awful hypocrites.

Then, "DC Ethical Issues Examiner" Laura Harrison McBride chimes in and blows the secularist out of the water with her own gloating gloaty gloat. McBride, for her part, paints conservatives as Puritanical overlords who are districted from their mission of preventing Laura Harrison McBride from politely drinking her martinis only by the prospect of hypocritically jacking off in the privacy of their darkened home offices.

So, has this study proved once and for all that conservatives are horrible hypocrites worthy of a good smiting from the liberal bloggers of the world? Or perhaps something else can account for the amount of Internet pornography consumed in these great Republican centers?

a) People in Utah have to get their porn on the Internet because it's, like, kind of hard to buy it anywhere else, DUH.

b) Conservatives don't care about the war on porn anymore, they're on to more important things like shunning abortionists and preventing the gays from devaluing their marriages.

c) Actually, NOBODY CARES ABOUT THE WAR ON PORN ANYMORE, except for the "experts" who blog for the Examiner's peanuts and write long, ranting blog posts thoroughly shaming anyone who watches it, making them, actually, yes, the sole brave warriors left in the moral crusade against pornography.

d) People who actually buy porn on the Internet are total Internet n00bs: Of course they voted for John McCain. While these red staters are busy plunking credit card numbers into pay-for porn sites, tech-saavy Obama voters are downloading teh pron free of charge because they've been navigating this series of tubes long enough to know that you don't pay for this shit.

Photo by bella731.

Yep, still kicking.

If Bristol and Levi dress as Juno MacGuff and Paulie Bleeker for Halloween, I will vote for John McCain. Promise.

THREE! Sarah Palin appeared on Saturday Night Live last week to get back at Tina Fey for being so mean all the time. Palin proved she really knows how to act presidential use that Northern Idaho journalism degree. Let's go straight to the video (includes Mean Girls-style bitchy stare-off between Palin and Fey)!

TWO! Yesterday, the McCain/Palin camp announced the endorsement of Telemundo actress Katie Barberi, a Mexican-American. The announcement came on the same day some other minority came out in favor of the Obama campaign. "As a Hispanic-American, I understand how important this election is for Hispanics," said Barberi. A little birdie told me Barberi's endorsin' qualifications include an uncredited role as an economics student in a little something called Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

ONE! Michele Bachmann, a Republican Congresswoman from Minnesota, has the ghost of Joe McCarthy in her, and boy is Congress's face red! In an appearance on Hardball with Chris Matthews, Bahmann—whom I did not even know existed, much less existed solely to warn the American people against the creeping spectre of communism—made her stunning debut on the national stage. Bahmann accused Barack Obama—who is currently running for president of the United States of America—of being "anti-American."

"If we look at the collection of friends that Barack Obama has had in his life," Huffington Post reports Bahmann as saying, "it calls into question what Barack Obama's true beliefs and values and thoughts are. His attitudes, values, and beliefs with Jeremiah Wright on his view of the United States...is negative; Bill Ayers, his negative view of the United States. We have seen one friend after another call into question his judgment — but also, what it is that Barack Obama really believes?" Following her indictment of Obama, Bachmann called for an investigation into the American values of all members of Congress. "I wish the American media would take a great look at the views of the people in Congress and find out if they are pro-America or anti-America," she said. Believe us, Michelle—we're listening!

AND THE BUZZER! Totally non-Republican (educated guess) lovely lady Amy Poehler matches your Palin and raises you a Fey with her Alaskan rap bit (SNL rap bits: Making me laugh since 2007):

So join us tonight for the Sexist's live-blog live blog, where we live-blog your live blogs for you! (Hear that, Google? We're live-blogging!) This evening, watch the debate with us as we rate the live blogs of your favorite Washington live-bloggers, from the sarcastic leftist live-bloggings of Wonkette (rumored to have carried on domestic terrorist affair with Bill Ayers) to the hard-hitting right-wing catchphrase recycled live-bloggers over at the Washington Times (once caught attempting to nail Jello to a wall). Bonus: The best and worst of the twitter pile (I'm looking at you, Fishbowl D.C.)!

Stay tuned to The Sexist around 9 p.m. EST for all your live-blog needs. Live blog.

My father, a Barack Obama supporter, compares the final presidential debate to the last quarter of a sports game: Now that his candidate appears on the verge of victory, all he can do is watch on as he horribly squanders it all at the last minute. So this final debate drinking game is for those Obama supporters knocking furiously on wood, crossing their fingers, and still wearing their unwashed "Barack Obama Is My Homeboy" T-shirt from last year. It's also for those John McCain supporters holding out for an improbable Cinderella story win, wherein McCain feigns a pitch to catch Obama stealing a base, then Palin comes in to sack Joe Biden while McCain fakes left and swishes the half-court shot at the buzzer for the T.K.O. Drink!

The game kicks off tonight at 9 p.m. EST at Hofstra University in Hempstead, NY. I'll be live-blogging the debate on the City Paper website starting then.

TAKE A DRINK FOR EVERY OBAMA AIRBALL:

- Obama says "that's not change, that's more of the same"
. . . adds in "yes we can" for good measure [x2]
- Obama says "John McCain is right . . ."
- Obama calls McCain by wrong name
. . . or calls Michelle by wrong name [x2]
- Obama appears to have recently received botox injection
. . . plus collagen [x2]
- Obama trips
- Obama unable to name Supreme Court case
- Obama swears [finish your drink]
- Obama admits he is, in fact, Muslim [finish two drinks]
- Obama admits he is, in fact, domestic terrorist [finish all drinks, everywhere]

TAKE A DRINK FOR EVERY MCCAIN HAIL MARY PASS:

- McCain refers to self as "maverick"
- McCain accuses Obama of lying
- McCain mentions Sarah Palin
- McCain mentions Bill Ayers
- McCain himself makes sports metaphor
. . . McCain makes any nonsensical metaphor [x2]
- McCain smiles without creeping you out
- McCain laughs without creeping you out [x2]
- McCain emerges as pro-choice [finish your drink]
- McCain appears to regard wife Cindy with love and mutual respect [finish two drinks]
- McCain removes mask to reveal he is, in fact, Barack Obama [drink all brain matter exploded onto television set]

Photo by Latente.

* Evil Slutopia finds this sweet Joe Biden cupcake, via my.barackobama.com.

* Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin have got nothin' on this lady: She advocated for sexual freedom, wore tons of booty ruffles, and ran for president back when most women couldn't even vote. Plus, she was clairvoyant! NPR's "All Things Considered" looks back at the first female to run for president, Victoria Woodhull.

* Esquire names Halle Berry the "Sexiest Woman Alive" (no quibbles), "re-enacts" famous Bill Clinton cover with Berry sitting in for Bubba (minor quibble: whither the pants, shirt of Clintonian era?)

* Beware the rogue knitted tree trunk. Outsapop names a new trend in the world of craft: Knitgraffiti.

* For some reason, infoplease wants to know which famous politician you'd want to adopt your children if you died: "Which of these political couples would you select as guardians for your child/children in the event something happened to you and your spouse or partner?"

Because in the event of your death, Joe and Jill Biden, John and Cindy McCain, Barack and Michelle Obama, and First Dude and Sarah Palin will definitely not have anything better to do but raise a stranger's children. (Yeah, yeah, you can vote here). Current results:

Barack & Michelle Obama	36%
Todd & Sarah Palin	32%
Joe & Jill Biden	17%
John & Cindy McCain	16%
Total votes cast: 3047

* Early Tuesday morning, a 23-year-old Capitol Hill woman was stabbed 17 times by an intruder after she fought off his sexual assault. She is expected to survive.

* Eliminating tired, gender-specific table manners is bad business for some New York restaurants, reports the New York Times:

restaurant owners, managers and servers say that in ways that are often laughably clichéd, men and women—viewed as groups, not as individuals—don’t gravitate toward the same dishes, communicate the same priorities or seek the same emotional payoff from dinner out. All of that is taken into consideration when menus are written, rooms are painted and thermostats set. . . . “The truth . . . is that there is a difference. And in the service industry, it’s your job to acknowledge it, predict it.”

Aren't there any restaurants, though, that find bucking the staid gender trends actually pleases the customer? Surely, there must be some hipster vegan pho cafe-cum-nightclub that's benefiting from the switcheroo.

* This week, Tim Dickinson for Rolling Stone detailed John McCain's lifelong bone/hate relationship with the ladies. Earlier, Ana Marie Cox for Elle investigated why so many women helped run his campaign, anyway.

* Upcoming: WNYC tackles sperm.

* Chuck Klosterman predicts the remainder of the 21st century. It doesn't look good:

NOV. 6, 2012: Obama defeats the incumbent McCain in a landslide. However, the most curious aspect of the election is the candidacy of Digger True, a grassroots "blogucrat" who runs as an independent, solely using the Internet. True does not express any concrete views and does not participate in debates. Instead, he produces online supercuts of patriotic aphorisms, set to the music of Collective Soul. To the surprise of many in the mainstream media, True gets 3 percent of the popular vote. Blogucrat disciples begin petition drives advocating the elimination of copyright laws and the option of voting over the Web. [via Esquire]

* Finally, Belgian cock celebs [via Gawker].

Photo by Podknox.

Read the whole thing—there are almost as many horrific plane crashes as there are extramarital affairs!—or read on for The Sexist's highlights. Below, all the sham marriages, Chelsea Clinton jokes, and easy Rio flings you can shake a big stick at!

* Dickinson opens the story with the following exchange, between McCain and an old war acquaintance (as Dickinson reveals, few could reasonably be described as "friend"):

"I'm going to the Middle East," Dramesi says. "Turkey, Kuwait, Lebanon, Iran."

"Why are you going to the Middle East?" McCain asks, dismissively.

"It's a place we're probably going to have some problems," Dramesi says. "Why? Where are you going to, John?"

"Oh, I'm going to Rio."

"What the hell are you going to Rio for?"

McCain, a married father of three, shrugs.

"I got a better chance of getting laid."

* And so begins our private look into John McCain's storied bone/hate affair with the female sex. The contempt for women began early on, Dickinson reports. Take this anecdote from McCain's school days, where he earned, if nothing else, the nickname "McNasty":

McCain was not only a lousy student, he had his father's taste for drink and a darkly misogynistic streak. The summer after his sophomore year, cruising with a friend near Arlington, McCain tried to pick up a pair of young women. When they laughed at him, he cursed them so vilely that he was hauled into court on a profanity charge.

* As the Republican nominee aged, his innocent profanity charges blossomed into full-blown, alcohol-fueled misogyny tomcattery. "He continued to get sauced and treat girls badly," writes Dickinson. "Before meeting a girlfriend's parents for the first time, McCain got so shitfaced that he literally crashed through the screen door when he showed up in his white midshipman's uniform."

* McCain's "dating experience" in the Navy continued along the same lines. McCain "chased a lot of tail," Dickinson reports. "He picked up models when he could, screwed a stripper when he couldn't."

* And then, suddenly, came love:

In 1964, while still at the base, McCain began a serious romance with Carol Shepp, a vivacious former model who had just divorced one of his classmates from Annapolis. Commandeering a Navy plane, McCain spent most weekends flying from Meridian to Philadelphia for their dates. They married the following summer.

* And then, inevitably, came contempt:

If heroism is defined by physical suffering, Carol McCain is every bit her ex-husband's equal. Driving alone on Christmas Eve 1969, she skidded out on a patch of ice and crashed into a telephone pole. . . . The former model McCain bragged of to his buddies in the POW camp as his "long tall Sally" was now five inches shorter and walked with crutches. . . . By any standard, McCain treated her contemptibly. Whatever his dreams of getting laid in Rio, he got plenty of ass during his command post in Jacksonville. According to biographer Robert Timberg, McCain seduced his conquests on off-duty cross-country flights — even though adultery is a court-martial offense. He was also rumored to be romantically involved with a number of his subordinates.

* And then, McCain learned to love (and hastily divorce) again:

In the spring of 1979, while conducting official business for the Navy, the still-married McCain encountered Cindy Lou Hensley, a willowy former cheerleader for USC. Mutually smitten, the two lied to each other about their ages. The 24-year-old Hensley became 27; the 42-year-old McCain became 38. For nearly a year the two carried on a cross-country romance while McCain was still living with Carol: Court documents filed with their divorce proceeding indicate that they "cohabitated as husband and wife" for the first nine months of the affair.

* And then, finally, he learned to totally flip his shit:

During his 1992 campaign, at the end of a long day, McCain's wife, Cindy, mussed his receding hair and needled him playfully that he was "getting a little thin up there." McCain reportedly blew his top, cutting his wife down with the kind of language that had gotten him hauled into court as a high schooler: "At least I don't plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you cunt." Even though the incident was witnessed by three reporters, the McCain campaign denies it took place.

* But through it all, McCain came away with a Hail Mary GOP fund-raiser joke that managed to somehow demean both Chelsea Clinton and Janet Reno at the same time:

the senator told a joke about President Clinton's teenage daughter at a GOP fundraiser. "Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly?" McCain asked. "Because her father is Janet Reno!"

Earlier I live-blogged Thursday's Vice Presidential Debate. Yep, there was a drinking game for that one, too.

Presidential candidates—remember them? Now that the dust has settled on the Palin/Biden debate, they're back to bore you again with their conservative man-suits and less-sassy cries of "maverick." In order to mix it up a bit for the viewer, tonight's debate, held at Nashville's Belmont University, will be in a "Town Hall" Q & A format. Tom Brokaw will moderate questions from citizens chosen by the Gallup organization. One Nashville resident, writing on Daily Kos, cries foul on the whole "town hall" idea: "This just takes place in our town," he writes, "making it is as much a part of our town as Guantanamo Bay is of Cuba."

Hmm. I'm betting your question wouldn't have been at the top of their list anyway, friend.

Citizens of America Town who chose to play along with the convention have already filed their burning questions through MySpace.com, but even those who missed the submission deadline can stay relevant by drinking the talking points away. In the grand tradition of The Sexist's Vice Presidential Debate Drinking Game, here's your guide to taking the edge off at Town Hall.

Enough about the Maverick and the Dreamer—this drinking game is about Joe Six-Pack. Viewers, please turn your attention to the folks asking the questions. Feel free to rely on sweeping assumptions based on appearance and/or accent.

DRINK IF THE CURIOUS AMERICAN CITIZEN APPEARS TO BE:

- Angry
- "Concerned"
- Dumb
- Hipster
. . . visibly disheveled [x2]
- Hot
- Mom
. . . with a child in the military [x2]
- Mulletted
- Nervous
- Older than John McCain
. . . hard of hearing [x 2]
. . . + unable to correctly use a microphone [finish your beer]
- Ponytailed
. . . dude [x 2]
- Self-righteous
- Southern
- Star-struck
. . . crush on Obama [x 2]
- Younger than Sarah Palin
. . . younger than you [x your age]
- Unemployed
- Union worker
- Veteran
- Wealthy

FINISH YOUR BEER IF YOUR FELLOW AMERICAN APPEARS TO BE:

- Someone you know
- Pregnant
- Insane

For those who'd prefer to read with their television: Starting at 9 p.m., I'll be live-blogging the debate over on CityDesk, a City Paper blog so frighteningly close to The Sexist I can almost see it from my own backyard.

Photo—The War of Wealth by C.T. [Charles Turner] Dazey—courtesy of trialsanderrors.

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But when are we going to see the Roe v. Wade clip? Gotcha!