DUR: GOP needs to get smart, says The Young Turks.  "Obama won because he’s smart. . . . I enjoy having a beer with my brother in-law, but I wouldn’t want him running the country. He’s an idiot! Sure, people like a candidate they can relate to, but when it comes down to the crunch, Americans want smart leaders, not drinking buddies." Joe Six Pack, we hardly knew ye.

TROOPERGATE CONTINUES: Somebody doesn't like Kim Elton. And it's not Sarah Palin! Oh, it is just some blogger. "Surprise. Surprise.  President Barack Obama has done a nationwide search and appointed the Chairman of the Troopergate investigation as Director of Alaskan Affairs at the Interior Department.  Is this a case of political payback for a smear job well done on Governor Sarah Palin???  Yes!"

FIRST DUDE WINTER SPORTS CORNER: Todd Palin's legacy: ushering the contiguous U.S. into the awesome world of the Tesoro Iron Dog. "at 1,971 miles (3,172 km), it is the longest snowmobile race in the world. The 2008 event featured a record forty teams competing for a $100,000 purse, with $25,000 awarded to the winners and attracted worldwide attention when 4-time winner Todd Palin's wife, Sarah, campaigned for vice presidency of the United States.

THE TRIG-AIN'T-HER-BABY RUMORS CONTINUE. The Immortal Majority parses Lorenzo Benet's Trailblazer and suggests (as reported previously by rumermongering liberal bloggers): Trig ain't her baby. Could page 185 finally reveal the truth?

A few minutes before leaving work on March 5, Sarah held a press conference in her Juneau office and finally announced her pregnancy. She said. "Expect a new member of the first family," and then she headed out to a reception at the Baranof Hotel with her family to dine on king crab. reporters stood there in disbelief. In fact, Sarah had to announce the pregnancy in three different ways before anyone knew what she was talking about. "That the pregnancy is so advanced astonished all who heard the news," the Daily News reported, "The governor, a runner who's always trim, simply doesn't look pregnant." Not even her staff was aware until the same day, "I thought it was becoming obvious," Sarah said, "Clothes getting snugger and snugger." (Emphasis mine, pg. 185)

So, Bristol Palin pulled a Britney and got pregnant twice in a row? Does this make her more or less qualified to be a teen pregnancy spokesmom? Discuss.

STRIPPER BOOTS: YEA OR NAY? The Mormon Times, for some reason, speculates as to whether or not men actually like women who wear "stripper boots." Sarah Palin is involved, somehow.

Ann Cannon on her favorite boots: "They're soft and brown and dressy, and whenever I wear them I feel exactly like Posh Spice—that is if Posh Spice was a size-12 middle-age Mormon lady, who bought all her clothes at Target."

I love Ann Cannon and her stripper boots. But Cannon's teenage son does not like her stripper boots, which has totally thrown Cannon's Palin theory for a loop. Cannon writes" "I thought that was one of the reasons men liked Sarah Palin so much—because she always had those sexy stripper boots on whenever she and Todd got off the airplane."

My God, Cannon, you've cracked the code!

Photo by Bright Meadow

That Sarah Palin adult film that was searching for its star earlier this month has confirmed its nominee: Palin will be portrayed by Lisa Anne, a brunette porn actress who "has glasses." The film has already entered production, TMZ says. The paparazzi site describes the plot as "two drunk Russians are driving their tank when it runs out of gas in front of Paylin's home. You can take it from there."

A video on TMZ's Web site shows Lisa Anne rehearsing with the two "Russians," offering them drinks and offering up your standard porn double entendres. Also in the script is this favorite line of Lisa Anne's: "Joe Six Pack? Joe Lincoln? Your average hockey mom? That's what America's all about, coming together and saying, 'Gosh darnit. Slavery might be fine for some, but you know what, it's just not fine where I'm from.'"

What the fuck?

TMZ has the full script, which refers to a "Serra Paylin." Really, you ought to just click over to TMZ for everything you didn't want to know about the Sarah Palin porn.

Update: Huffington Post reports that the role of Hillary Clinton in the film (sigh) will be filled by Nina Hartley, 49.

Presidential candidates—remember them? Now that the dust has settled on the Palin/Biden debate, they're back to bore you again with their conservative man-suits and less-sassy cries of "maverick." In order to mix it up a bit for the viewer, tonight's debate, held at Nashville's Belmont University, will be in a "Town Hall" Q & A format. Tom Brokaw will moderate questions from citizens chosen by the Gallup organization. One Nashville resident, writing on Daily Kos, cries foul on the whole "town hall" idea: "This just takes place in our town," he writes, "making it is as much a part of our town as Guantanamo Bay is of Cuba."

Hmm. I'm betting your question wouldn't have been at the top of their list anyway, friend.

Citizens of America Town who chose to play along with the convention have already filed their burning questions through MySpace.com, but even those who missed the submission deadline can stay relevant by drinking the talking points away. In the grand tradition of The Sexist's Vice Presidential Debate Drinking Game, here's your guide to taking the edge off at Town Hall.

Enough about the Maverick and the Dreamer—this drinking game is about Joe Six-Pack. Viewers, please turn your attention to the folks asking the questions. Feel free to rely on sweeping assumptions based on appearance and/or accent.

DRINK IF THE CURIOUS AMERICAN CITIZEN APPEARS TO BE:

- Angry
- "Concerned"
- Dumb
- Hipster
. . . visibly disheveled [x2]
- Hot
- Mom
. . . with a child in the military [x2]
- Mulletted
- Nervous
- Older than John McCain
. . . hard of hearing [x 2]
. . . + unable to correctly use a microphone [finish your beer]
- Ponytailed
. . . dude [x 2]
- Self-righteous
- Southern
- Star-struck
. . . crush on Obama [x 2]
- Younger than Sarah Palin
. . . younger than you [x your age]
- Unemployed
- Union worker
- Veteran
- Wealthy

FINISH YOUR BEER IF YOUR FELLOW AMERICAN APPEARS TO BE:

- Someone you know
- Pregnant
- Insane

For those who'd prefer to read with their television: Starting at 9 p.m., I'll be live-blogging the debate over on CityDesk, a City Paper blog so frighteningly close to The Sexist I can almost see it from my own backyard.

Photo—The War of Wealth by C.T. [Charles Turner] Dazey—courtesy of trialsanderrors.