Obama: Probably not actually gay, in this day and age.

Just a Girl in Short Shorts Talking About Whatever celebrates “A Very Gay President’s Day” by reopening speculation on the sexual orientation of two 19th Century presidents–bad President James Buchanan and good President Abraham Lincoln. All this talk about Civil War era gay Presidents got me thinking: Would we ever see a closeted gay person in the modern White House?

Read More “Will We Live to See a Closeted Gay President?” »

Hey, blogger Sascha Elise Cohen! I’ve just read your satirical op-ed for the Huffington Post asking Arizona Governor Janet Napolitano to be your “Valentine.” My favorite part is where you do away with clever jokes crafted from legitimate criticisms to make fun of how you think she looks like a dyke. ha, ha, oh, you bright rising star of homophobic satire!

I, too, enjoy indiscriminately copying a phrase from a public figure’s Web site, arbitrarily deciding I disagree with it, and burying my nonsensical criticism in 400 words of jokes about the figure’s perceived sexual orientation. Upon further inspection, though, I think your little lesbian Mad Lib could be a bit more to the point, no? After the jump, I’ve edited your hilarious homophobic euphemisms to help you say what you really mean.

Read More “Step the Fuck Off the Napolitano” »

Jezebel has been collecting evidence lately of self-proclaimed “experts” (i.e., random dudes) who claim that women only cut their hair short to avoid sex. Let’s hear it from the dudes:

Dr. Aline Zoldbrod, sex therapist, says, “If you cut your hair you might be making a statement that says, ‘I don’t want to be seen as a sex object.’”

Matt Titus, published author ( . . . of a book titled “Why Hasn’t He Called?”) says, “Men love long hair; the touch and the smell stimulates our senses. . . . The three physical things that attract a man are a great body, beautiful long hair or great lips. So cutting off one third of your beacons of attraction doesn’t increase your chances of having Mr. Right approach you. It’s like sending a nonverbal message that you’re not interested in sex.”

So that’s why he hasn’t called. Short-haired Jezebel Maria respectfully disagrees, and offers up one pro for chopping it off: “One good part of having short hair? It weeds out the slimy creeps,” she writes.

Ha ha, no, unfortunately, there are slimy creeps for every hairstyle. Speaking as a fellow short-haired lady (some characterize it as the “Farrow“; I prefer the term “Napolitano“), shorter hair hasn’t lessened the number of weirdos propositioning me in poorly lit bars. For every Matt Tisus in the world, there is a stranger lurking just outside a short-haired woman’s field of vision, leering at the exposed flesh of her neck.

Also, I once found a boy I was dating searching for “short hair lesbian porn” on his dorm room computer. So, you know, some people are a little too into it.

Photo courtesy U.S. Department of Defense