* This 49-year-old local man would “love to have the pleasure of your company over weekend, Monday or Tuesday,” ladies. Rest assured that this blond-haired, blue-eyed man about town “knows the dining and club/bar scene, museums, galleries, monuments, etc. pretty well.” His “full-disclosure,” however, requires bullet points:

- I do not have tickets to the inauguration or the parade.
- Ditto for inaugural ball tickets.

* Hey, this 24-year-old woman doesn’t have tickets either. The difference? She’s a 24-year-old woman. And she says she’s hot!S: “oh and for those who worry that i might be some form of jabba the hut’s reincarnate or something like that – i’m a fit, petite? (5′5″ish) brunette. and i don’t have any slave girls.”

Read More “Inaugural Date Round-Up: Full Disclosure Edition” »

* Not linking to this one because you can search for it if you really want to see some very naughty photos—this poster seeks in inauguration week orgy. “I’m gathering HORNY + HOT men interested in meeting for a sexy get together at a Hotel in NOVA,” writes the poster. “Looking for 10-15+ guys, who are clean, D & D free, and have no qualms about getting naked and joining for a GAY group sex!” Here are the rules, if you can decipher them: “No drugs, Poppers are ok. Toys, and cock rings, Leather, jockstraps are okay too. Mandatory clothes check too. Let’s get naked guys!”

Read More “Inauguration Date Round-Up: Blunt Edition” »

Do you like luxury?

* This 22-year-old Midwestern woman [posting has been flagged for removal] enjoys the finer things in life—do you have them? “I’m a very outgoing intelligent, educated, attractive women who would enjoy a fun historic moment with someone,” she writes. “I would like to go to places where that are high end and classy (different than what I’m used to) so someone who is well of financially would be appropriate.” Those who can offer her a refined inaugural experience won’t be disappointed. “I’m not trying to brag but I’m sure you’ll find me very appealing,” she writes. But this Midwesterner isn’t looking for just any well-off, high-end, classy guy. “Note that it is extremely important that I’m attracted to you; otherwise there is not point,” she writes.

Read More “Inauguration Date Round-Up: Flagged For Removal Edition” »

Remember when presidential inaugurations inspired hatred, not desperation?

Who’s looking for inauguration week tail romance this week? A round-up!

* When “35 year old white married guy” arrives in D.C. for the historic inauguration, he hopes that the date marks a personal milestone, too. “I am completely inexperienced in this but have wanted to be in various stages of intimacy with a man for a very looooong time,” he writes. “My wife has no idea (obviously) and I just want to have a nice time with some nice guy.” The six-foot, 250-pound male-curious traveler insists that he “would really like NOT to spend [the inauguration] in my hotel room jerking off . . . alone, at least!” He adds that his “dream is to worship some nice muscles.”

Read More “Inauguration Date Round-Up: I’m Coming Out Edition” »

Not a photo of that man’s penis.

Who’s looking for inauguration week tail romance this week? A round-up!

* One 40-year-old visitor looking for a room to rent posted what looks like a perfectly reasonable ad, when viewed in your Google Reader: “Coming to the Inauguration. Looking for a room to rent close to the action. Must have nice clean condo, apartment or house. Please respond with your stats and rental rates. Would like to play a little! Let me know asap.” But click on the posting, and you will find a photo of this man’s penis, to which I will not link you! This is “men seeking men,” not “casual encounters,” good sir!

* That recently widowed “very nice man” from Old Town Alexandria is still looking for a dinner date—with the possibility of an inauguration ball follow-up. This time, the ticket-holder suggests “some wine pairing and delicious mezze/tapas” at Proof, followed by some museum-going. “Then—if you are feeling comfortable with me (which I will be attempting at all costs) perhaps we can take a quick stroll through the National Portrait Gallery across the street. It’s phenomenal!”

Read More “Inauguration Date Round-Up: Surprise Nudity Edition” »

Through the seething pile of humanity known as “Craigslist,” an attentive, refined Frisco journo who is “traveling to DC to cover the Inauguration in Jan” seeks a powerful, sassy, similarly refined lady to spend some time with. But there’s so much more, ladies. Here are the dude’s pertinent stats, in order of appearance:

FUNNY
witty
outgoing
engrossing
Jewish
Italian look
great Armani dresser
poignant
plenty of social gravitas
work in the media biz
divorced
stable
attractive
engaging
compelling
big-picture personality akin to NY/Wash./SF/LA renaissance

Whew! Doozy! Now, here are your stats, lucky refined lady:

Read More “Blind Item! San Francisco Journo Seeks Inauguration Date” »

G. Keith Harris, the Centreville, Va., man I profiled earlier this month, is getting closer to finding a woman worthy of his extra inauguration ticket. To recap: Harris, CEO of his own government consulting firm, scored two tickets to the inauguration and the official balls, and is looking for a lovely lady with whom to share the evening. His ideal date will have nice legs (Harris’ “Achilles heel”), be comfortable “in the company of celebrities,” and know how to attach a photograph to an e-mail (many women have failed this final task).

Out of the responses that have included photographic evidence, Harris says he’s narrowed his choice down to 10 possible dates. “[Four] of them are flying in to meet with me from out of the area,” he writes. “The 6 remaining happen to be within a radius of the DC metro area give a take of 100 miles.” One submission in particular, though, has caught Harris’ eye. “I must await the return of what I think is a special person to return from Italy on the 30th,” he writes. “An Italian TV station wants to document the whole thing.”

The Italian beauty notwithstanding, women in search of Harris’ spare ticket still have a chance to get on his dance card, but he reiterates they must include a photo of themselves. “some young ladies write a 2 and 3 page thesis on themselves,” writes Harris. “However, they forgot to attach a photo.”

1. Is This Man Your Ticket to the Inauguration?
2. Man Madness: Brookings Institution Vs. Georgetown University
3. The Morning After: Go G0y! Edition
4. The Manliest Workplace Competition
5. eHarmony Fail

Photo via trialsanderrors.

Kermit’s got a ticket to the night’s Smithsonian parties.

Haven’t heard back from Eleanor about your tickets to the inauguration? No personal promises that Barack will hook you up with a couple ball passes? Fret not! Last week, The Sexist suggested you compete for the affections of someone with a golden ticket. Today, I present Plan B: Work for it.

Read More “Your Ticket to the Inauguration: Server’s Entrance Edition” »

1. Is This Man Your Ticket to the Inauguration?
2. Advice on How Not to Advise Women Not to Get Raped
3. Man Madness: Brookings Institution vs. Georgetown University
4. Man Madness: Heritage Foundation Vs. Howard University
5. Sean Avery’s “Sloppy Seconds”: A Pansy’s Insult

Photo by trialsanderrors.