1. New Adams Morgan Bar Loves the Ladies; Dudes, Not So Much, an examination of gender discrimination targeted against douchebags!

2. Rick Warren Don't Make No Sense, a nonsensical tired against Rick Warren's nonsensical invocation!

3. The Great Inaugural After-Party, dudes talking about beer and sex, for the President!

4. Woman Offers Ovary for Inaugural Ball Ticket, still going strong!

5. How to Crash an Inaugural Ball: Lessons from the Kentucky Bluegrass Ball, which prompted one reader to huff that I am "opposed to waht we just heard in the President’s speech."

The media's short-shrifting of gay inaugural events didn't stop at Rev. Gene Robinson's untelevised prayer at Sunday's Lincoln Memorial concert, says AMERICAblog's John Aravosis.

"There seemed to be a dearth of coverage about the gay and lesbian side of the inaugural festivities. Our readers reported that a number of networks oddly cut away from the inaugural parade the moment the gay band showed up," he writes.* "And not much mention of the gay ball the Human Rights Campaign held Tuesday night."

Ben Finzel, who reviewed the HRC event for Gay.com, filed a similar gripe with what he refers to as the "so-called 'mainstream' press"; he called the coverage of the event a "seeming press blackout."

Washington City Paper, for one, did not attend the HRC's star-studded fete (Melissa Etheridge, Cyndi Lauper, and Rufus Wainwright performed)—not that we were invited. Stretched pretty thin during the four-day inaugural gauntlet, this paper's GLBT after-hours coverage amounted to a couple scenes from the People's Inaugural GLBT Gayla, held last Sunday night at the Historical Society.

But was the press biased in its lack of extensive coverage of Tuesday's HRC ball? I'm not sure how the HRC coverage stacks up against that of all the other mainstream balls, but when it comes down to it, I can't really care too much. After all, it was just a party on a night of a thousand parties, and one that President Obama was unlikely to be attending (his dance card was pretty full that night). Sure, I would have loved to hear Lauper serenade Barack and Michelle with "At Last," too. But arguing that your ball didn't get enough recognition on Tuesday sounds like sour grapes. It's a party. Just dress up, get a little drunk, listen to Melissa, then get up on Wednesday and get ready to fight real injustice.

* Not locally, it seems: Metro Weekly has footage of Fox 5's announcement of the Lesbian and Gay Band Association as they pass President Obama in the inaugural parade.

Photo by DDFic.

Bad news, reproductive organ seekers—the epic Craigslist ad offering up a 27-year-old ovary in exchange for a ticket to an inaugural ball has been flagged for removal. Ovary-offerer Lisa anticipated that this might happen. “I’m a little surprised the post hasn’t been flagged for removal, seeing as it’s illegal to sell your organs,” she divulged in an eerily prescient telephone interview yesterday.

She remains disappointed by the development. "They finally removed the original ad, which bothers me that fewer people found it funny than offensive," she informed me in an e-mail this afternoon.

The Washington City Paper has a long and storied history of reporting on local organ trafficking activities, both earnest and tongue-in-cheek. So while this ovary offer is no longer suitable for Craigslist, her suggested trade of an ovary for a ball will remain on The Sexist's site until it is dragged from our cold, dead Web archives.

An ovary for a ball: Fair trade, no? A 27-year-old Cleveland lawyer and Barack Obama enthusiast thinks so. On Tuesday, Lisa F. posted a Craigslist ad offering her ovary—and that of a friend—in exchange for two tickets to an inaugural ball. "We've exhausted all my legitimate means of finding a ticket by begging our campaign staffer friends, so we thought we would try this," says Lisa. "Also, neither of us are currently using an ovary."

The ovaries, which range in age from 26 to 27 years, come with no strings attached. "Today, you can get an ovary from two separate, progressively minded women who are willing to part with their internal organs for a chance to wear a party dress in the same room as President Elect Obama," Lisa wrote in a posting under Craigslist's "for sale" section. "These women . . . will not require an explanation of your purpose. Do you wish to procreate? Use them for science? Macabre hackey sack?"

Despite their flexibility, Lisa and her friend have yet to reign in a ticketholder willing to swap ball access for female reproductive organs (still producing ovum). Lisa has, however, found one ticket-holder interested in her other lady-parts. "The first reply I got, probably about a half-hour after posting, said, 'I’ve got two tickets if you want to sleep with me,'" says Lisa, who adds that she's willing to weather all possible dates, regardless of "gender, IQ, physical appearance, or social awkwardness," save one caveat: the invitation may not include "quid pro quo sexual harassment."

Lisa says the post has yielded a few other responses—one Michigan man looking to sell his tickets for money, and a couple Craigslisters who couldn't help Lisa, but wrote to tell her she was "funny." At this point, Lisa is just happy to keep the offer out there. "I'm a little surprised the post hasn't been flagged for removal, seeing as it’s illegal to sell your organs," she says.

Whether or not they find their way into a ball, Lisa say's they're intent on driving down to the District and standing on the sidelines of history, ovaries intact. "In the political realm, this is probably one of the most exciting things that’s happened to me in my entire life," says Lisa. The ovary offer, however, will still stand. "I’m prone to melodrama, so I might have said I'd give up my ovary for a couple other things, too—meeting Harrison Ford, for example."

Photo by Darrow Montgomery.

Haven't heard back from Eleanor about your tickets to the inauguration? No personal promises that Barack will hook you up with a couple ball passes? Fret not! Last week, The Sexist suggested you compete for the affections of someone with a golden ticket. Today, I present Plan B: Work for it.

Back in 2005, I had the pleasure of attending a decadent Jan. 20 inauguration party held in the hallowed halls of the Smithsonian American History Museum. Martinis were shaken. Black ties were loosened. Mini-quiches were consumed.

Granted: It was the "Michigan State Society Ball," I was wearing a cheap tuxedo, and I was tasked with circulating a tray of to drunk fancy old people, none of whom I recognized. But O, the pleated pants I wore! The clip-on bow tie I clipped on! The entire tray of picked-over petite pastries hors d'oeuvres I consumed furiously behind a heavy velvet curtain, outside of the incessant gaze of my manager!

If you really want to get inside an inaugural ball, start calling local caterers (I used to work for Restaurant Associates, which is based outside of the Kennedy Center and regularly caters for the Smithsonian) and see if they're hiring for the new year. Or, wait until Jan. 20, stake out a ball location, put on a tux—bonus if you're a lady—with a plain, non-ruffled shirt and traction-heavy black shoes, and slip into a line of service penguins outside in the catering tent.

Photo by jrotunda85.

Typically, an ad like this would disappear into the Internet ether of m4w personals, several hundred of which are posted in the Washington, D.C., metro area each day. But Harris, CEO of Harris Consulting Group, an information technology government consulting firm, holds this year's personals trump card: He's got two tickets to the inauguration, and an all-access pass to the night's balls and off-shoot parties. Packages like that are being auctioned on eBay for upward of $7,000. A date with Harris is free—and hard to come by.

One week after posting the ad, Harris had received messages from 720 willing women. He's yet to find one worthy of a response. Interested parties may contact Harris at harrisgroup2009@aol.com. Below, how to draft an e-mail that might catch Harris' eye.

COVER THE BASICS. Interested inauguration dates must include a method of contact, be between the ages of 25 and 39, and be comfortable in ball gowns. Race is unimportant, but applicants must have "weight in proportion to height."

INCLUDE A PHOTO. Forty-five percent of respondents to Harris' ad haven't included a photo. "That's the first criteria," says Harris, who adds that the requirement is more than simple vanity. With all the high profile parties to attend on Inauguration Day, Harris' date "needs to be someone who doesn't mind being photographed," he says—"or being in the company of celebrities." An additional 40 percent of respondents committed a similar gaffe: stating they didn't even know how to attach a photograph to an e-mail. "Given the high volume of responses, I do not have time to teach someone how to do that, in this day and age," says Harris.

BE MORE THAN THAT PHOTO. "Naturally, we're all looking for someone that looks nice," admits Harris. "But I was raised in a manner where beauty is only skin deep." So while some with tickets to the Jan. 20 festivities are looking only for inaugural arm candy, Harris says he wants a date who will stay interesting "beyond the inauguration." That means presenting yourself as "honest, caring, respectful, intelligent, fashionable, and a good conversationalist." Harris also needs a woman who will be comfortable slipping out of that ball gown and donning "sweat socks and sweatshirt and jeans so we can just relax and cuddle around the fire." Having nice legs doesn't hurt, either. "Every man has one weakness," says Harris. "Legs are my Achilles heel."

PICK A TEAM NAME. ANY TEAM NAME. If you make it to the post-e-mail selection round—a cup of coffee—here are some tips to get the conversation rolling. Harris enjoys international travel, current events, and sports. All of them. "When it comes down to sitting down and watching them, I love all sports," says Harris. "I can't say I really have a favorite team," he says—though an old allegiance to the Giants may still hold some weight.

DON'T ASK FOR TOO MUCH. Of the 15 percent of respondents who passed the photo hurdle, Harris says he's heard from many suitable dates that meet his criteria. So far, those women don't live in the area—and are expecting Harris to pay for transport. He won't.

NO HATERS. Obama's will be the first inauguration to which Harris will have the chance to invite a date, but he says the tickets came to him by "being in the right place at the right time," not politics. Harris keeps his own views "close to the vest"—accordingly, potential dates need not have voted for the president-elect to get on Harris' ticket. "But naturally, I would not want to be with a person who is a 'hater' of the person we're celebrating," he adds. "That would prove to be very uncomfortable."

DROP SOME PORTUGUESE. Harris is currently studying the language to help maximize his annual trips to Brazil's Carnival. Harris says he holds a penthouse apartment on Copacabana beach, which he makes use of during the festivities each February. Harris says that willing inaugural dates may soon become Brazilian penthouse guests. "I'm going alone to Brazil," he says. "I would love to have this date, if the friendship matures to that level, accompany me on my travels."

BE SENSITIVE. Harris is mending a broken heart—his ex-girlfriend recently broke up with him, three weeks before Thanksgiving and two months before the inauguration. "I wish I could take a pill to make the pain go away," says Harris, who says the new flood of interested women is a big shift from his last missive with his ex. "She broke up with me via e-mail," he says.