In an interview on AskMen.com, Tucker Max clung to his dwindling relevance by blaming the failure of the movie I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell on other people, comparing himself favorably to Dane Cook, and touting the film's successes in Tempe, Ariz. Of course that's the last bastion of Tucker Max supporters. Tucker Max was made for Tempe!

Max on his Tempe celebrity:

We had a $10,000 or $15,000 per screen average in New York City. It did great! Then, like, Tempe, $10,000. Then we open it up in a place like Carbondale, and I’m like: "Why are you guys opening in Carbondale? Oh, it’s Southern Illinois — they like you.” They just don’t know the f*cking movies! They don’t get first-run movies, so of course it has, like, a $500 per screen average there and it looks like… F*ck, dude, it was so frustrating on so many levels. [sighs] That’s something I would’ve done different.

So, either the folks of Carbondale, Ill. don't understand "fucking movies," or they don't understand the fucking movies of Tucker Max. How could they? Max's subdued humor is fine-tuned to the delicate aesthetics of Tempe, Ariz., a town that (in addition to being my hometown), hosts Arizona State University. ASU, for the uninitiated, is the state's most prestigious center of higher beer bongs, and the school the Daily Show crowned the "The Harvard of Date Rape."

Coincidence? I think not. That leaves us only to tidy up the film's apparent success in New York City: Here's my theory.

The ads, which are running on Glenn Beck's delightfully incomprehensible Web site, refrain from denigrating women, Mexicans, and the disabled in order to ridicule the religious right. Now that's a deliberately offensive marketing campaign that I can get behind (still not into the movie, though). The ads, which pair nicely with Becks' series of incoherent ramblings, are after the jump.

In a promotional blitz for his film, I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, Tucker Max has published a series of comedic "facts" to help publicize the IHTSBIH way of life. "Blind girls never see you coming," reads one insight; "The best thing about fat girls is heart disease," reads another. These "facts" have been deemed too offensive for ad space by at least one ad agency and the Chicago Transit Authority. But for every feminist spoilsport who finds Max's facts vile, there's a fan willing to defend the jokes as just plain hilarious.

I have one big problem with the "but it's just funny!" defense. If an appreciation for Max's "facts" requires only a sense of humor, and not latent misogyny, racism, or homophobia, why are his fans willing to listen to the exact same joke over and over and over again? It's the same fucking joke.

Today, I clicked refresh on Tucker Max's Web several dozen times in an effort to distill Max's comedy down to seven easy-to-learn formulas. Now, you too can become a brilliant college humorist with a true ear for real comedy! Just insert deaf-girl-joke here, aspiring Maxes!:

1. The "Disability / Body Type" joke (by far the most common).

* Formula: [ comment on a woman's disability / height / size] + [sexual pun / assault inference / expression of disgust (explicit)] x [expression of disgust (implied)].

Variation: "Blind"

#7 Blind girls never see you coming.

#13 Blind people hate electric cars.

#29 Bros Before Hos: Unless she’s blind.

Variation: "Deaf"

#6 Deaf girls never hear you coming.

#15 Deaf people hate the Verizon guy.

#25 Ever heard a deaf girl come? Neither has she.

Variation: "Midget"

# 1 Midgets have shallow vaginas.

#11 Midget jokes are beneath us.

#30 Bros Before Hos: Unless she’s a midget.

Variation: "Fat"

#3 Fat girls are not real people.

#19 The best thing about fat girls is heart disease.

—

2. The "Challenging Feminist Definitions" joke:

* Formula: [feminist trope] + [misogyny] + [denial].

#8 It’s not misogyny if you hate EVERYONE.

#22 Sexism isn’t the same as misogyny, you stupid bitch.

#27 Bitches are cunts.

—

3. The "Mexican" joke.

* Formula: ["Mexicans"] + [are / are not] + [something in Spanish].

#2 Drunk Mexicans are not your “amigos."

—

4. "Women are Sluts (Also, Homeless People)" jokes.

* Formula: [ women / homeless people] + [are] + [sluts].

#10 There’s at least one slut in every bachelorette party.

#16 Every woman has her price.

#12 Strippers will not tolerate disrespect (HAHA, just kidding!)

#21 Whores fuck for money, sluts fuck for free.

#23 Girls Night Out = Bathroom BJ.

#20 Bums will fuck anything.

—

5. The "Gay" joke:

* Formula: [Thing] + [is] + [gay]

#24 Weddings are gay.

—
6. The "Violence Against Women" joke:

* Formula: [Universally recognized bad thing] + [surprise reversal] x ["edge"] x ["shock value"] = [Family Guy]

#4 Scott Peterson killed his pregnant wife. But not in a funny way.

—

7. The "Science" Joke

* Formula: [dismissal] + [thing girls like] + [hopefully conscious reversal of underlying scientific fact] = [actually kinda funny!]

#9 If it has sugar in it, it’s not a real shot.

According to one employee from an ad network solicited by Tucker Max, everyone's favorite rape culture scholar has been shopping around some ads for "I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell" based on his fratty "fact" catchphrases. Sample Tucker Max "facts": "Sexism isn’t the same as misogyny, you stupid bitch," and "The best thing about fat girls is heart disease."

Apparently, some ad networks don't like "facts"! According to the employee, the firm rejected the above mock-up, deeming it too "offensive" and "ignorant" for general distribution. The employee says that each of Max's "facts" proved contrary to the network's terms of service, as the advertising firm dos not tolerate "garbage."

UPDATE: Max confirms that his "I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell" ads have been rejected by firms, and has this to say:

"Fuck them. I definitely had some agency pull some holier-than-thou trip a few weeks ago and I went elsewhere. I'm not paying them money so they can tell me what my ads are supposed to be like. Fuck them, and anyone who thinks they can tell me what to say or not say."

Tucker Max, professional sexist, swung through College Park, Md., and Washington, D.C., last month to help promote his new movie, "I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell." Tucker Max events, you may be surprised to learn, can actually prove helpful to us feminists. Max has the power to gather all the local sexist douchebags into one convenient location for an evening, and that makes those people a lot easier to identify (and mock). But if you didn't have the heart to trudge out and ridicule the hordes of Tucker Max fans in person, it's not too late to get in on the fun. Max has graciously provided anecdotal and recorded evidence of the tour's douchiest attendees for us! See if you can spot any douches from your workplace, biology class, or overpriced Georgetown lounge:

[youtube:v=LVdOO_PnL6s]

Here's Max's video of the "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell" premiere in College, Park, Md. It includes a douchebag who allows Max's video minion to shoot him in the face with a Nerf gun in the hopes of coming face-to-face with his douche idol. It also features a lady-douche who allows a gentleman-douche to spit his chewing tobacco into her mouth. She wins a beer bong. Over on the written side, Max informs us of one College Park douche who says he once had sex with a fat woman in order to finally seize the opportunity to tell a disposable sex partner to weave him a basket.

[youtube:v=i2y1oxAPQws]

Over at the Washington, D.C., premiere, Max's video minion ridicules both Vietnamese and African-American women, the former for being employed as a pedicurist, and the latter for having a name he finds funny. He also exposes several douchebags gathered outside the premier who can recite obscure details of Tucker Max's sexcapades, but are unable to name the second and third presidents of the United States. Max's douchey law-school buddies get in on the fun, but they ask Max not to repeat any of the shit they said, because they are douchey guys who went to law school. Also featured: An awkward night-vision shot of a theater full of douchebags writhing with glee when Tucker Max makes a joke about exterminating fat chicks, or whatever the fuck that guy does for a living.

UPDATE: Oh! Welcome, Tucker Max fans! While I'm not scraping the sand out of my vagina or feeding my cats, I'm composing more poorly-written articles about Tucker Max that you're sure to love. Clicky-clicky!