Of all the excuses offered to doubt the Portland masseuse who has accused Al Gore of sexually assaulting her in 2006, this is the saddest: She kept the pants.

When news of the woman's year-old accusations broke Wednesday—she first approached police about the incident in 2006, declined to continue with the investigation, then returned to provide a detailed statement in 2009—some commenters chastised the masseuse for not saving the pants she wore on the night of the incident, pants she claimed revealed "suspicious stains" from Gore. "She did not keep the pants, nor submit them to the police for testing," one Gawker commenter provided as reason to discredit her story.

But once the media got wind of the fact that the woman did, in fact, retain the pants—she keeps them locked in a bank safety deposit box—some used her evidence collection as an even stronger reason to doubt her claims.

On Double X, Hanna Rosin wrote: "The latest detail is that the woman saved the pants she was wearing that day (four years ago!), which apparently have some suspicious stains. Why were there 'suspicious stains' if she escaped from the room? Do 'suspicious stains' make for good DNA evidence four years after the fact?" But in a later post, Rosin backed down from her initial doubts: "this very long and detailed statement paints a picture of Al Gore that is so disturbing and so completely at odds with everything we know about him that it's hard to know what to think," she wrote. In an e-mail, Rosin explained, "I hadn't read the police report when I wrote the first post, just the news stories. Then I read the police report, and it's so long and specific that, even though it's only her side, it forces you to take the allegations seriously."

Retaining evidence of an alleged assault is not, in fact, a valid reason to cast doubt on the accusation. But for Bonnie Russell, the accuser's vigilance provided a rare opportunity to make some sexual assault jokes at the accuser's expense. "Personally. . . I can't imagine saving a dirty pair of pants for four years for the simple reason there would come a time after ignoring laundry chores for so long . . . I'd wind up tossing them in the wash and be done with it," she wrote for Salon. "That said, maybe laundry is part of her trauma.  Maybe she's too traumatized to do laundry. That I understand.  Doing laundry always traumatizes me."

Russell's harrowing experiences with housekeeping aside, few tasks are more unnerving than a victim's efforts to retain the last physical remains of his or her own assault. Keeping the pants isn't evidence of an accuser's weird obsession—it's a troubling sign of police apathy. Also in 2006, a Howard University student attended a college party where she says she was drugged, led to an upstairs bedroom, and sexually assaulted by a classmate. For days following the incident, the woman pleaded for area hospitals and the D.C. police department to collect evidence from her body and begin investigating her case. They refused.

Now, the woman still retains the underwear and T-shirt she was wearing on the night of the assault. They're wrapped in a plastic bag in her sister's closet, sitting there on the off-chance that police will finally open her case and investigate her claims. “I didn’t want her to wash them," the woman's sister said in a deposition. "Because we weren’t being helped."

Photo by Darrow Montgomery

The battle for ideological dominance in our nation’s capital’s collegiate sex columns continues. Are our local campus columnists on the forefront of radical sex writing, or are they bringing back the good-old-days of referring to all former sex partners as  "trash"?

This week: How to "recycle" last week's "human trash," in the bedroom; how getting waaaaaasted will help you get into her pants; why you should never approach the person you're fucking in public.

GEORGETOWN UNIVERSITY:

Sex Tip: Georgetown Hoya relationship columnist Colleen Leahey goes green this week by applying the three R's to drunken GW hook-ups. In short: Your previous sex partners are "trash." Having sex with a casual hook-up twice means you're "recycling." "Human recycling is rather different from rocking your older sibling’s hand-me-downs," Leahey writes. "It typically involves alcohol, bad judgment and a late-night phone call. However, it happens on college campuses—all the time. So, is there some sort of benefit to this practice, or should an old hook-up be thrown in the trash, never to be touched again?"

Life Lesson: Sex makes everybody feel worthless. "Next time you see your random hook-up out, think about the repercussions of what you’re about to do," Leahey writes. "Weigh the pros and cons of your situation; if it seems worth it, then feel free to recycle one more time. But do remember, you could wake up the next morning feeling like a piece of trash yourself."

Progressive Meter: Even environmentalists are vulnerable to the conservative idea that having sex destroys every boy and girl's precious reserve of purity. ZERO.

—

THE UNIVERSITY OF MARYLAND:

Sex Tip: Seal the deal while she's drunk. UMD Diamondback advice columnist Esti Frischling returns from winter break to dole out advice on how to hook up with the girl you had your eye on last semester. Whatever you do, make sure she's not sober: "You didn’t man up and have your way with her when you had the chance, and now you’re just a loser with some number in your phone," Frischling writes. "The next time this happens, you have to capitalize on her tipsy advances."

Life Lesson: COLLLLEEEEGGGGGE! "I wouldn’t go straight to the sober, daytime date just yet. That’s a serious recipe for disaster. . .  you might not be drunk at that time during the day, meaning you’ll be less confident and she’ll be less attractive," Frischling writes. "I think you should meet her where you’re both most comfortable: drunk at a bar. You also don’t want to be stuck alone with her when everything goes to shit, you realize you have nothing to talk about, and you’re both terrible dancers."

Progressive Meter: Buhh. DRUNK.

—

HOWARD UNIVERSITY:

Sex Tip: This time in the Howard University Hilltop's "He Said . . . She Said" column, the He and She team up to warn undergrads against becoming somebody's "boo." According to the Hilltop, "boo" really stands for "Boy Other Option" or "Broad Other Option," depending upon the gender of the "side jawn" in question. How to be a good boo: "Don’t spend all your money, don’t ask a bunch of questions, don’t expect to meet their friends, don’t go physically farther than your emotions will allow, and never try to come up to them when they’re with another person."

Life Lesson: Boos can graduate to boyfriends and girlfriends—if they know their role. "We’re young and many of us have lots of options to choose from when it comes to being in a relationship—especially the guys on campus—so I can’t blame them for testing the waters before jumping into commitment," they write. "But the key to being a good boyfriend/girlfriend is first being a good B.O.O. Play by the rules folks, and you will win."

Progressive Meter: Some aspects of boo behavior show a respect for your sex partner's autonomy—a willingness to allow some physical and emotional distance "before jumping into commitment." Other characteristics of the boo appear to be an entrée into an abusive relationship. Never try to come up to them when they're with another person! THREE.

Photo by Darrow Montgomery

Welcome back from Winter Break, sexually active college students (and old people wondering what those darned kids are up to these days)! The battle for ideological dominance in our nation’s capital’s collegiate sex columns continues. Are our local campus columnists on the forefront of radical sex writing, or are they bringing back the good old days of pretending that sexual orientation is just a "phase."

This week: When you're fucking a guy named "Dirty Jersey," and he doesn't want to wear a condom; how to stop being friends and start getting laid; is bisexuality the new black?

HOWARD UNIVERSITY:

Sex Tips: in "Is Bisexuality the New Black?", Aaron Randol surveys Howard University students about this crazy new "trend." "Is college a catalyst for bisexual behavior? And if so, does this mean bisexuality is nothing more than a trend, the new black?" Randol writes. "The notion that bisexuality in college is just a trend proves controversial for[one bisexual man]; as he, like many others, have had feelings towards both sexes before college."

Life Lessons: One of Randol's classmates describes the campus male bisexuality epidemic: "I am positive more guys at Howard than girls are trying bisexuality. Less than 5 percent of the girls that I know of here are trying or have tried it, but I’d say 50 percent of my guy friends have tried. I don’t know if it’s Howard or if it’s how people are leaning in general. But it seems like here, 1 in 3 guys are gay or bisexual. It’s not even weird to hear a guy is gay or bisexual at Howard any more.”

Progressive Meter: After setting up the trendy bisexual straw man argument, Randol is ready to smack down that particular theory. Let's hear it, Randol! "So is bisexuality the new black, nothing more than a trend, a staple on the public scene?" he concludes: "Maybe not." Bleh. ZERO.

GEORGETOWN UNIVERSITY:

Sex Tips: Georgetown Hoya dating columnist Colleen Leahey reflects on the Swiftian nature of her romantic life. Taylor Swiftian."The entire situation was straight out of a silly Taylor Swift song: I had a thing for my best guy friend. While he dated various girls, I put myself in the friend zone, giving him advice and being there when he needed to vent to someone," she writes. "Secretly, though, I was hoping he would realize that I was the one he truly liked."

Life Lessons: Refreshingly, Leahey combats this trademark Swiftian passivity by advising unrequited lovers how to step up and do something about it. "So, this new year, if you’re finally ready to admit to your inner desires, then do be more aggressive with your feelings," she writes. "Go with your impulse; if you think there’s a spark and it’s not one-sided, make a move. . . . Don’t overanalyze or freak your friend out, but you do have to make a slight effort if you want something to actually happen (unless you’re trying to be the next victim of the T. Swift syndrome)."

Progressive Meter: Slight effort! What can I say, I'm a sucker for refusing to fall victim to the T. Swift Syndrome. SEVEN.

GEORGE WASHINGTON UNIVERSITY

Sex Tips: Hatchet sex columnist Layla admits she's done it without a condom—with a guy she calls "Dirty Jersey." "Since [the first night we had sex], despite his protests, I insisted on a condom every time like I knew I should," Layla writes. But that didn't last: "Somewhere during the next five or six times we had sex, my resolve dissolved. I went from being adamant about using protection, to making Dirty Jersey pull out to get a condom, to finally staying quiet about it. Part of me hoped that he would catch on to my desire to use a condom, but he never did. To be perfectly honest, it felt amazing without it and it was just as much my fault as it was his."

Life Lessons: Fuck that guy! "I may be guilty of condom-use abuse in the past, but now, I am most definitely reformed," Layla writes. "It also helps that I'm not dating Dirty Jersey anymore."

Progressive Meter: What does strapping on a rubber say about your politics? According to Margaret Talbot's "Red Sex, Blue Sex," teen pregnancy is higher and condom use lower in this country's red states. So we'll count this prophylactic flip-flopper as a moderate. Feminist bonus: She ditched a guy who clearly didn't give a shit about what she wanted in the bedroom. Too bad she softens that with a healthy dose of self-blame.  FIVE.

photo via nerdcoregirl, Creative Commons Attribution License 2.0

The battle for ideological dominance in our nation’s capital’s collegiate sex columns continues. Are our local campus columnists on the forefront of radical sex writing, or are they bringing back the good old days of blaming girls for getting unexpected boners rubbed on their butts?

This week: How to get laid without anyone knowing you got laid; sympathy for Rihanna is running out; butt boners!

GEORGETOWN UNIVERSITY

Sex Tips: Georgetown Hoya sex columnist Colleen Leahey is officially the only person willing to admit that she appreciates the work of Chris Surette, the infamous Fairfield Mirror sex columnist who conceives of casual sex in these terms: "Not only is it a story for you and your boys, but others will soon realize what happened when they see your victim walking back to the dorms in her dress from last night, with a disgraceful look on her face as if she was robbed of her dignity."

Well, those words were such an influence on Leahey that they inspired her new column: "How to Survive the Dreaded Walk of Shame." (A servicey take on the matter!) "I’m sure [Surette] received countless emails ripping him apart for his chauvinistic comments," writes Leahey. "But the article was also a hoot because it is true."

Life Lesson: Remember: It's not the sex that's  shameful, it's people knowing that you had the sex. "If you truly desire to avoid the walk of shame, make him come home with you," writes Leahey. "Hooking up on your turf, rather than his, is optimal. You can avoid his teasing and snickering friends the next morning. You know your sheets have been cleaned in the past week; Lord knows the last time he threw his into the washing machine. And (sound the trumpet here), you avoid the walk of shame."

Progressive Meter: Hey, at least it's okay to hook up. But it's not a college dating column without some traditional gender roles thrown in for good measure. Boys are dirty! Four.

—

HOWARD UNIVERSITY

Sex Tips: The Howard University Hilltop doesn't publish a regular sex column, but its editorial staff regularly weighs in on "issues." This time around: "Yeah, He Was Wrong-–-But is Rihanna Trying to Play Us?," in which the Hilltop staff declares that Rihanna's recent 20/20 interview was "calculated and inauthentic." "Maybe it would have been different if she had used the situation and the publicity it received to do what she claimed she was doing with her '20/20' interview all along," they write—"before her album was set for release."

Life Lesson: Keep your private and professional lives separate, so that your history with domestic abuse is never misconstrued as an attempt to gain popularity points.

Progressive Meter: The story's lone commenter dismisses the opinion as "another femi-nazi editorial." Hmm. Really?

I, too, have expressed discomfort with the idea that Rihanna's "recovery" from her abusive relationship must arrive right on schedule—just as her new album drops. But I'm more interested in the public pressure that has required Rihanna's life as a pop star life and abuse victim to be perfectly in sync.

Rihanna's public image has been appropriated by so many fans, feminist commentators, and music executives since Chris Brown beat her up last February, I feel it's short-sighted to pin this awkward timing on Rihanna's own misstep. Instead, let's focus on the music industry's insistence upon exploiting her history of domestic violence to amp up her stardom—and the media's insistence upon exploiting Rihanna's stardom in order to discuss domestic violence. True feminazis know this is all about the structure. Good discussion, though! Seven.

—

UNIVERSITY OF MARYLAND

Sex Tips: Esti Frischling of the UMD Diamondback advises girls how to avoid getting unexpectedly rubbed by a man's genitals in College Park bar The Thirsty Turtle. This is what "The Turtle" feels like for a girl: "At real-people bars, it’s not socially acceptable to just go up to strange girls and start humping them from behind. At the Turtle there seems to be an unwritten rule that makes uninvited dry sex the new 'can I buy you a drink?' You don’t even get to see the guy’s face, but he gets to feel you up in public, and you get to feel his boner."

Life Lesson: "Boner-to-butt" is an emergency indeed, and should be treated as such. "Your friends can also be a valuable asset in the repelling process. You guys should each agree beforehand to be in charge of rescuing the others in the event of a boner-to-butt emergency." But in the end, it's your fault for whoring it up at the Thirsty Turtle. "You and your friends can also act as a team by collectively dressing less like sluts. If you guys are the only girls in the Turtle who aren’t wearing hankies as shirts and belts as skirts, you’re likely to get a lot less unwanted attention."

Progressive Meter: I love that Frischling is tackling the modern problem of butt boners! I don't love the assumption that butt boners are only a problem for the sluttiest of hos, however—or that the problem should be solved by girls buttoning up. Three.

Photo by Claire L. Evans, Creative Commons Attribution License 2.0

The battle for ideological dominance in our nation's capital's collegiate sex columns continues. Are our local campus columnists on the forefront of radical sex writing, or are they bringing back the good old days of romance born out of  aggressive homophobia?

This week: pro-life gay man worries that if he could have children, his pro-choice boyfriend might kill them; how to talk to a girl without being a creep; your boyfriend is cheating on you to avoid rumors he's on the down low.

AMERICAN UNIVERSITY

Sex Tips: In this edition of the AU Eagle's triple-threat sex column, Buster Darkhole, Maxwell Hillcrest, and Amber Sparkles take on the issue of  . . . ideological rifts in on-campus relationships. How apropos!

The inspiration: A pro-life man writes in to ask if his crush on a pro-choice man is too immoral to pursue. "While he and I can’t have children, it’s more the idea that if we had children he would be OK with killing them," he writes. "Is this enough to kill a relationship?” I bet you weren't expecting Buster Darkhole's response: "let me just say that it is a relief to find another pro-life gay on this campus."

Life Lesson: The American University community contains at least two pro-life gay men.

Progressive Meter: Sorry, my brain just exploded attempting to accurately gauge the progressiveness of this situation. I think we'll split the odds and go for a 5.

—

UNIVERSITY OF MARYLAND

Sex Tips: The Diamondback's latest advice column schools undergrads on how to "start up a conversation without seeming creepy." Columnist Esti Frischling's suggestion: " The rule is this: Any guy can get any girl. . . .  If you approach this situation knowing without a doubt that you are going to get some serious ass, your actual chances improve drastically," she writes. "Seeing as you already know you’re going to get with this girl in the near future, you can certainly start to relax around her. Suddenly, imagining her naked in class changes from awkward and creepy to fun and clairvoyant. . . . Keep in mind: You are the man."

Life Lesson: She wants to fuck you.

Progressive Meter: Assuming that a strange woman wants to have sex with you whenever you like will inevitably lead to complications. As one commenter notes, it ain't the first time she's doled out this advice. So much for the "without seeming creepy" part. Zero.

—

HOWARD UNIVERSITY

Sex Tips: In this Howard University Hilltop opinion piece, Morgan Winbush attempts to get to the bottom of Howard's "dating double standard." She writes: "in a man’s world; you have to be on top of everything including your woman and your relationships. . . . Messing around with other women feed into the need for a man to feel as if he is needed. The more women who 'need' him the more he is solidified as a man possessing the qualities that are 'manly' and thusly proving himself to be the leader of the pack when it comes to female dependency. 'Is he gay?' 'Is he on the DL?' — the more female partners a man has the less likely these labels will be placed on him." But aggressively proving one's heterosexuality ain't just for men any more: "times have progressed and women want just as much ego rubbing as their counterparts."

Life Lesson: Your boyfriend is cheating on you so that nobody thinks he's gay. At least now you can get in on the homophobic fun, too.

Progressive Meter: Winbush makes a good-faith effort to encourage fellow students to embrace female promiscuity alongside the traditional male version. In the meantime, she raises the specter of the guy on the "down low" without even giving a positive shout-out to the campus LGBT contingent. Three.

Photo by Ollie Crafoord, Creative Commons Attribution License 2.0

Before D.C.-area colleges welcome back their undergraduates from summer vacation, let's give the schools a little test of our own. Campus Pride's LGBT-Friendly Campus Climate Index rates four-year colleges and universities around the country based on their "LGBT-Friendly policies, programs and practices." The index surveys schools on eight subject areas (click through for survey questions): LGBT "Policy Inclusion," "Support & Institutional Commitment," "Student Life," "Academic Life," "Housing," "Campus Safety," "Counseling & Health," and "Recruitment and Retention Efforts." Campus Pride also administers a "Sexual Orientation Score" and a "Gender Identity/Expression Score" to isolate schools that are friendly to LGB issues but not to T issues, or vice-versa.

Since the index is based on a voluntary survey, not all local schools have submitted themselves for rating here—though 204 schools nationwide have. So keep in mind: even a low rating from Campus Pride shows more commitment to LGBT issues on campus than a school that's not rated at all. Local ratings (out of 5 possible points) are after the jump.

American University: 4.5
Sexual Orientation Score: 4.5
Gender Identity/Expression Score: 4.5

University of Maryland, College Park: 4.5
Sexual Orientation Score: 5
Gender Identity/Expression Score: 4

George Mason University: 4
Sexual Orientation Score: 5
Gender Identity/Expression Score: 4

George Washington University: 4
Sexual Orientation Score: 3.5
Gender Identity/Expression Score: 3.5

Virginia Tech: 3.5
Sexual Orientation Score: 4
Gender Identity/Expression Score: 2

University of Virginia: 3
Sexual Orientation Score: 4
Gender Identity/Expression Score: 2

Maryland Institute College Of Art (MICA): 2.5
Sexual Orientation Score: 4.5
Gender Identity/Expression Score: 2.5

Towson University: 2.5
Sexual Orientation Score: 2
Gender Identity/Expression Score: 1

Not rated: Georgetown University, Catholic University, and Howard University.

Photo by A Girl And Her Camera

Welcome back to the Manliest Workplace in D.C. tournament, wherein our nation's capital This week, it's time for the eggheads show off their puny man muscles as the District's think tanks face off against its universities (see the full 64-workplace bracket here). Class is in session!

THE HERITAGE FOUNDATION: This conservative think tank claims to be "committed to building an America where freedom, opportunity, prosperity and civil society flourish." But will the Ghost of Ronald Reagan be enough to prove this institution's commitment to manliness? To the org chart:

President Edwin J. Feulner (Male, 10 points)
Chairman David R. Brown (Male, 9 points)
Executive VP Phillip N. Truluck (Male, 8 points)
Vice Chairman Richard M. Scaife (Male, 7 points)
Secretary J. Frederic Rench (Male, 6 points)
VP Stuart M. Butler (Male, 5 points)
VP Becky Norton Dunlop (Female, ZERO
VP Michael Franc (Male, 3 points)
VP Rebecca Hagelin (Female, ZERO)
VP Kim Holmes (Female, ZERO Totally a dude, 1 point)

Impressive argument! (Note I have very little idea how people within think tanks might actually congratulate each other). With 48 points out of 55 possible manly points, the Heritage Foundation proves it is descended from the lineage of Man. Might any local university replicate the Foundation's feat? Let's find out:

HOWARD UNIVERSITY: Established by charter in 1867, the District's historically black university emerged from the ashes of the Civil War to play significant roles in the Harlem Renaissance and the Civil Rights Movement. But how many dudes work there?

President Sidney A. Ribeau (Male, 10 points)
Interim Provost Alvin Thornton, Ph.D. (Male, 9 points)
Senior VP Hassan Minor (Male, 8 points)
Senior VP Artis Hampshire-Cowan (Female, ZERO)
Senior VP Sidney H. Evans (Male, 6 points)
More Contacts...Senior VP Donald E. Wilson (Male, 5 points)
General Counsel Norma Leftwich (Female, ZERO)
VP Virgil Ecton (Male, 3 points)
Acting VP Florence Bonner (Female, ZERO)
VP Elizabeth Stroud (Female, ZERO)

Class dismissed! With 41 points on the manly index, Howard U. falls to the Heritage Foundation by a margin of 7 points. Tune in tomorrow, when libertarian stronghold the Cato Institute takes on rich kid mecca The George Washington University!

Photo by cliff1066.

As a law professor at Howard University, Dawn Martin was stalked by a delusional, homeless, serial stalker of African-American female professors. The stalker, Leonard Harrison, was searching for the physical embodiment of his "fantasy" wife — a fictional female character, Geneva Crenshaw, in a book, And We are not Saved, written by Prof. Derrick Bell.

Instead of following its own security procedures to ban the stalker from campus, Howard responded to her requests for protection by refusing to renew her teaching contract. Prof. Martin sued Howard,alleging sexual harassment/hostile work environment and retaliation for protesting sexual harassment.

The hearing is set for November 14. More on this story as it develops.