This Week in Sexist History:

Good Ol’ Day: July 7, 1900

Dateline: Boston, MA

Subject: Turn-of-the-century Cuban exchange students take Harvard by storm. The New York Times reports on Crimsons charmed by the girls' exotic beauty, helpless pleas of "no understand," and severely limited "powers of locomotion" (boys don't count).

Hey, looks like these Cuban girls are having a great time reveling in the relatively progressive social landscape of 1900 Boston. This cannot stand:

Thank goodness for American girls. If they don't take away the freedoms of their foreign-exchange sisters, who will?

I understand that these Cuban women have come to America to study English. But until they do, they will remain charmingly distraught, adorably helpless, and delectably worthy of mockery.

Take note, admirers—all it takes is a few American steps to render these exotic beauties utterly helpless.

Ha! I knew those Cuban girls weren't sneaking out of their dorm rooms to "walk alone with men" on innocent "evening strolls." These sexy señoritas can't even fucking walk. Also, one is a redhead, The End:

This Week in Sexist History:

Good Ol' Day: June 23, 1909

Dateline: New York, NY

Subject: Reporter at Yale-Harvard rivalry baseball game fluffs up his flowery play-by-play with a rhapsodic account of the glorious array of girls in attendance. Collect one in every ethnicity!

First, let us immerse ourself in the peculiar style of turn-of-the-century Ivy League baseball reporting:

The "real old Jamake," guy? Whatever—this man has clearly got column inches to fill. And then:

Who has a baseball game to report on when there are girls to scrupulously detail?

At this point, you might be thinking that this guy should get back to the game at hand instead of ranking the glorious blossoms of the rose garden that is female college baseball enthusiasts. No? Okay. What were they wearing?

That explains it: He fancies himself a novelist. Say what you will about this reporter's choice to obscure the whole ballgame with testimony on gowns "such as made Paris a memory" and excuses for his own lechery—it beats his baseball reporting:

Yeah, where are the girls again?