Today is the National Day to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, and right smack in the middle of National Offend a Feminist Week. I’m both offended and not teen pregnant. Coincidence?

I’ve always said that the best way to prevent teen pregnancy is to turn 20, am I right? But for those still stuck in their 13-to-19s, the campaign’s Web site offers a quick quiz to help you determine how likely you are to get teen pregnant.

If, like me, your teen years are mercifully behind you, take the quiz anyway. I used it to determine whether or not I can boast more emotional maturity than a 16-year-old.

And . . . I cannot! I took the quiz and scored as “Sort of a Sexpert.” (Sort of a Sexpert? Do you people have any idea who I am?) According to the campaign, that score means that “Most of the time [I] know what the right choice is, but [I] don’t always make it when it comes to sex.” Yeah, that actually sounds about right.

But hey, maybe I’m just too fucking old to know how to prevent teen pregnancy. There is, after all, a “sexting” question:

Laura and Amy are bored* one Saturday afternoon so they start taking goofy pictures of each other with Laura’s camera phone. At first its just funny faces and model poses, but then Amy lifts up her shirt and Laura snaps a picture of her. “I’m so sending this to Mike,” says Laura.

A. “Ha! Do it! He’s so hot. Maybe he’ll return the favor and send me a picture of his naked butt.”

B. “No, don’t! I don’t want him to get the wrong idea. I like him, but I’m not ready to hook up yet.”

C. “You have to delete that picture immediately. That was really dumb of me. I don’t want that pic to get
forwarded to everyone at school. Don’t you watch Gossip Girl?”

D. “Go ahead. Now he’ll see what he’s missing.”

I actually got that one right. But only because I watch Gossip Girl.

* oh, boredom.

* New Columbia Heights reports on a rash of violence that hit an underground Petworth brothel this month. According to an Examiner piece on one incident, wherein a robber lost his thumb to a machete-wielding victim after trying to lift cash from the bordello and gambling house. Earlier, two men were shot inside the brothel, located near the intersection of 14th St. and Quincy.

* Slate asks you to break off your long-distance relationship for the sake of the environment. Advises Barron YoungSmith:

You’re sitting in the airport terminal, rolling your copy of the Economist into a sweaty tube and waiting to see a significant other who lives far away. You’re excited. You’re aroused. But there’s something else, a nagging feeling that gurgles in your stomach and won’t go away. Is it pangs of guilt? It should be: The planet is about to suffer for your love.

* Listen up, cynical ladies: Roissy in D.C. finds sarcasm sooo unfeminine:

Sarcasm is a leading indicator of low self esteem in a woman. It is a masculine manifestation driven by the ego that cannot coexist with the inner feminine driven by the heart. A girl who leans on the crutch of sarcasm to thrash her way through a conversation is hiding insecurities behind a phony facade of gritty toughness.

Yep, and we all just secretly want a dick. Your dick.

* Feministing and Jezebel sound off on Chantilly’s new pro-life pharmacy.

* Via Daily Intel: Upcoming Gossip Girl guest star Nastia Lukin hints at (maybe) GG’s next plot twist: threesome, anyone?

Photo by PetroleumJelliffe

* Best Week Ever has the silliest of silly pet costumes (Cheerleader Dog, pictured). Personal favorite: Redneck Dog with fake foam beer belly.

* Julia Lapidos for Slate informs readers of how to follow Joe Biden’s advice to “gird your loins.” (Hint: This plan does not incorporate your genitals). Learn more in “Loin-Girding 101.”

* Via Funny or Die: Rashida Jones (of The Office) and Natalie Portman (of everything) have an answer to the financial crisis.

* Obama Girl is back. This time she’s hyping a fake video game president. Yawn.

* GWU student blog The Colonialist analyzes the lyrics to Britney Spears’ new single, “Womanizer,” which the CW’s Gossip Girl has adopted as the unofficial theme song of its resident ascot-wearing attempted rapist, Chuck Bass. All of which is by way of saying: I love Chuck Bass.

Don’t enough beautiful young people support Barack Obama? That’s like his thing, right? I do not know because I am too old to play a young person on national television. So don’t take my word for it—take it from real-life fake young people Blake Lively (20) and Penn Badgley (22), whom you I may recognize from Gossip Girl’s central on-again, off-again class-war couple Serena (beautiful, loaded) and Dan (sensitive, from Brooklyn). Recently, the duo filmed a “youth oriented” anti-McCain drug PSA spoof for MoveOn.org with a bunch of other young people whom I do not immediately recognize from a delightfully campy CW television program. Dan and Serena earn their community service hours on this one, but the highlight is the hallmark drug scare video echo on the line, “You’re not only risking your future, you’re risking mine.”

* Juicy Campus has hit George Washington University. How do G.W. gossips compare to Georgetown’s finest? So far, Juciy Campus’ G.W. page seems to have a lot more nonsense on it. That’s a good thing, writes Travis of G.W. student blog The Colonialist: “I spent the weekend surfing the site a lot, putting up things about myself and my roommates. I’d like to openly admit to writing all 10 of the comments calling The GW Patriot racist. I’d be willing to bet that 80% of the posts on the site are done with the same innocent prank attitude. It’s a playground.”

* The New Gay blogger inspired, depressed by gay couples. TNG’s Jon surveyed the scene at the annual HRC fundraiser on Saturday: “Men were holding hands, women were kissing, and partners were snuggling up and laughing together at their tables,” Jon laments. “This is all wonderful of course, but it served as an in-your-face reminder that I’m currently partner-less.”

* Sex blogger dude Roissy in D.C. says the recession will mean better sex:

If a protracted and deep recession leads to the average woman cutting costs at the supermarket and steering clear of the high calorie packaged foodstuffs, it could mean more slender women and, consequently, better sex. . . . Hard times bring “hard” times.

Hmm. Maybe it will also teach Roissy a lesson in economics.

* Local blogger Jimbo makes an appearance at Maryland Renaissance Festival, hears best catcall ever: “Oooh, gurl, he’s dressed up like an evil sex sorceror.”

* Before the presidential face-offs resume tonight, let’s remember just how far we’ve come since last Thursday’s veep debates. Thanks to The Guardian’s Michelle Goldberg for highlighting Palin’s most nonsensical non-answer:

Say it ain’t so, Joe, there you go again pointing backwards again. You preferenced [sic] your whole comment with the Bush administration. Now doggone it, let’s look ahead and tell Americans what we have to plan to do for them in the future. You mentioned education, and I’m glad you did. I know education you are passionate about with your wife being a teacher for 30 years, and god bless her. Her reward is in heaven, right? … My brother, who I think is the best schoolteacher in the year, and here’s a shout-out to all those third graders at Gladys Wood Elementary School, you get extra credit for watching the debate.

Shit, is it possible to just place a [sic] around an entire quote? Or to have one floating over her head every time she speaks? Get on it, magic Jesus.

Photo by dumbonyc, in mourning of last night’s re-run of Gossip Girl. –XOXO, The Sexist

Great jokers or greatest jokers?: Georgetown University students Sean Baumann and Tom Hutton play with Juicy Campus’ conventions.

Last week, Georgetown University student newspaper The Hoya slammed a new arrival on campus. “[A] dangerous and undesired element,” sniffed the editorial; “a cancer to our community.”

What was the offending newcomer? A discriminatory professor? A crackdown on underage drinking?

Actually, it’s a Web site. On Wednesday, Sept. 10, Georgetown became one of the 412 college campuses free to air its schoolyard gossip at JuicyCampus.com. Juicy Campus, by its own description, is “the place to spill the juice about all the crazy stuff going on at your campus.” But unlike whispered rumors or folded class notes, students can gossip freely on Juicy Campus without fear of retribution. The site claims to be “totally anonymous—no registration, login, or email verification required.”

On Sept. 19, The Hoya editorial board called for a student boycott of the site, and urged university administrators to ban the Web address from the Georgetown network. (Three days earlier, the newspaper had run a news story hailing the debut of Juicy Campus at Georgetown).

Andy Pino, Director of Media Relations at Georgetown, says it’s difficult to respond to a site that encourages anonymity. “This is a different animal,” says Pino. “I’d imagine there’s very little we can do about it, besides encouraging our students to be thoughtful about what they post online.”

For four Georgetown students whose dirty laundry has been aired on the site—in the form of insult, flattery, satire, and neutral name-dropping—speaking out about how to deal with being juiced will have to be justice enough.

—

Insult: E.g., “Biggest failure at life,” “wanna be eurotrash,” and “stinkiest pinks: whose pussy smells the worst.” Many posts of this type delve into particularly degrading territory, often of a sexual nature. Take “Hairiest Cunts,” a thread which reads, “Okay, we’ve all seen that girl who doesn’t shave. Give names so we know who to avoid.” So far, the question has elicited four responses: three criticizing the thread, and one supplying a name.

When one Georgetown sophomore logged on to Juicy Campus last week, he found a one-line post insulting his appearance—and denigrating his significant other. In a Facebook message, the student condemned Juicy Campus: “[A]nonymously taking a shot at someone for their weight, sexuality, personality flaws, race, etc., is cowardly,” wrote the student, who wished to remain anonymous. “I’ve always lived by the ‘sticks and stones’ motto, but how can one be expected not to feel awful when an anonymous opinion is broadcasted to an entire student body.” Later, he adds, “I guess they should be proud for making people feel like shit. . . . Not only does the site need to go, the very people who ruined it need to go. They make the world a worse place to live.” After claiming that the derogatory comment written about him was “a joke” and “in good fun,” the student ends the message with a warning: “PLEASE KEEP ME ANONYMOUS. . . . or I’ll put you on juicy campus. . . . haha thanks.”

—

Flattery: E.g., “Cutest couple,” “Best Tits,” and “hot freshman chicks i want to bone.” Despite their ostensibly congratulatory nature, many posts of this type delve into particularly degrading territory, often of a sexual nature.

Georgetown senior Christina Capatides, 21, logged onto Juicy Campus when a friend informed her that her name had appeared on the site, in a post titled “Pussy Cat Doll.” The post reads, “whos the girl on campus that looks like the main singer from the Pussy Cat Dolls? has anyone hit that before?” In the comments, one respondent identifies Capatides by name: “you mean christina capatides?? too bad she’s taken slick.”

Capatides says she has no idea who posted her name, and that she’s never before been compared to the girl group’s frontwoman, Nicole Scherzinger. “I thought it was a little shocking at first that my name was on it,” says Capatides of the throwaway celebrity comparison. “While it was complimentary . . . there are a lot of things on there that are hurtful. This time around, it’s a positive thing; next time, who knows.”

Though other responses to the Pussycat Doll thread include “she’s got big bewbs” and “dang. I’d nut all over her face in a heartbeat,” Capatides says she’s not bothered by the lewd comments, which she says are “not directed” at her. “As somebody else responded, ‘No, I don’t think it’s Christina, but she is hot,” explains Capatides.

The incidental name drop, though, has Capatides hooked. “My friends check it religiously these days . . . I check it more, to see what’s been written about me,” she says. Though Capatides doesn’t condone the negative posts on the site, she says that Juicy Campus’ appeal is too strong to resist. “I think everybody sort of has those reservations, but it’s just too interesting to hear about people you know on there,” she says. “People think it’s fascinating. It’s like a real-life version of Gossip Girl.”

—

Satire: E.g., “Hottest Frenchman?” and “Premarital Handholding.” Some satirical posts mock the site’s conventions or campus culture; others, like “Bust nuts in ya curl,” lifted from a song by rapper E-40, are simply nonsense. One of the most pervasive forms of satire on the Georgetown site is a tactic called “Holtrolling.” Georgetown student blog Vox Populi describes the phenomenon:

Someone named Steve Holt (presumably not the real one) has been repeating that name all over the site. He/she tricks people into thinking they’re getting something “juicy”, then gives them the proverbial Holtroll. This makes reading Juicy Campus frustrating, as almost every thread is a Holtroll.

Georgetown senior Tom Hutton conceived his Juicy joke shortly after reading the Hoya coverage of Juicy Campus. “It was a spur-of-the-moment thing,” says Hutton. “It didn’t involve any sort of high-level thinking.” On Sept. 19, Hutton posted the thread, his first and only Juicy Campus contribution. It read: “Sean Baumann: Great Body or Greatest Body?”

Hutton, 22, explains the posting. “Sean’s a good friend of mine, and I just felt that by posting such a ludicrous thing—“does he have a great body, or the greatest body?”—he wouldn’t be offended by it. I thought that everyone would laugh at it because it’s funny, not because it was making fun of him,” says Hutton.

Hutton mediated the impact of the anonymous post by informing Baumann of the prank beforehand. “I joked about making the posting, and he said, ‘Yeah, go ahead. It will be funny,’” says Hutton.

Baumann, a 21-year-old Georgetown senior, voiced indifference to the post and its initial responses, which read, “Yeah, I agree. Greatest Body!” and “greatest-est.” Says Baumann, “I didn’t think anything of it, really. It’s just a joke. I don’t really care.” When informed of more recent comments on the post, one reading “i heard he’s gay” and another “tiniest penis . . . so small,” Baumann voiced concern at the site’s negative trends. “I really don’t like it because it gives us a bad rep,” says Baumann. “I think there are a lot of things that are being said that aren’t good for the community. I’ve heard some terrible things,” he says, adding, “Mine’s funny; I’m not taking that personally.”

Hutton predicts that, as time goes on, Juicy Campus pranksters like himself will tire of the medium. “It was cool for a week, and now it’s just a Facebook that’s full of trash talk and slander,” says Hutton. “It’s going to lose its luster after a few months. It’s only going to be a site for slander, and it’s not going to have any of those funny jokes on it, like mine.”

—

Neutral: In this Juicy Campus convention, the poster simply lists a student’s name and instructs respondents to “discuss.”

Last week, Juicy Campus visitors were asked to discuss Kaleta Blaffer, a 20-year-old sophomore; as of today, the post had 16 replies and had been viewed over 600 times. Most discussion of Blaffer concerned her hair. One commenter called Blaffer’s hairdo “full of secrets,” while others raised questions. “What’s with the blowout?” asked one. “Did she go to prom with that thing on her head?” queried another. In response, the thread experienced a surge of Blaffer defenders: “do you all really have nothing more interesting to discuss than kaleta’s hair?” one commenter wrote, adding: “also, it’s clear that none of you have seen her recently!”

Blaffer discovered the post when tipped off to the Web site by a friend. “I’m kind of relieved that mine was just about my hair. I got off lucky,” she says. Though Blaffer says her “personal policy” is to never post on the site, she says she’s returned to Juicy Campus regularly since discovering her very own thread. “I want to see what was being written about me,” says Blaffer, who indicates that the coiffure comments were not entirely out of line. “I have a lot of volume,” she says.

Photo by Darrow Montgomery.

I’m torn.

The press release, which made its way into my inbox earlier today, began on a high note. “Take a Stand Against Domestic Violence With Marshall’s,” read the e-mail, before taking a quick turn for the worse: “. . . IN THE SEASON’S HOTTEST SHOES.”

I want nothing more than to take a stand against domestic violence. But I’m not sure the best way to protest violence against women is to reinforce the perception of women as frivolous consumers whose activist passions are largely fueled by their enduring obsession with shoes. “It’s no secret that women love their shoes,”declares Marshall’s. “And now they can indulge in this season’s most fashion-forward shoe styles while taking a stand against domestic violence.”

The shoes don’t stop there.

On October 2, 2008, Marshall’s will co-sponsor an event to kick off “Domestic Violence Awareness Month.” The Union Square event will feature comments by “Gossip Girl” star Leighton Meester, live sculpture-building by New York artist Nancy Bowen, and participation from other “notable New Yorkers.” But will there be shoes?

Oh, yes. There will be shoes:

Don’t forget your old shoes—Marshalls is offering the first 100 participants who arrive at the event a new pair of shoes from their fall fashion collection in exchange for their gently-worn shoes.  After receiving their new shoes, guests will have the opportunity to take a stand against domestic violence and walk one of two runways, which will lead them to local artist, Nancy Bowen, who will work during the event to create an artistic shoe sculpture.  At the conclusion of the event, all shoes not used in the sculpture will be donated to Soles4Souls, a Nashville-based organization that facilitates the donations of shoes, which are used to aid the hurting worldwide.

Forget about the shoes. Did you say Leighton Meester of “Gossip Girl”? See you on the runway, Marshall’s.